Catching Up Or Hell ©

I can’t believe people still come by here.

WHY?!!!

Actually, I cannot believe there are still as many bloggers as there are left.

Now, I haven’t defected to the dark side (Facebook)

Yes I have an account or three ….. what, someone has to keep an eye on those             fucken Russians.

No, I’m just tired.

The Grimm Reaper with his giant weed whacker has lay claim to 19 family members in the last two years and that takes a toll on one’s soul.

My mother lost both brothers leaving her the last one still kicking from her side of the family.

Aside from that, both my parents are still working hard around the house even though they are in their 90s which also means more work for me.

My father gardens and my mother bakes all the time so I spend a lot of time running back and forth from the various businesses to keep them running their endeavours.

They still drive me nuts.

For instance, the other day I stopped by my parents place in the morning and my father shoved this huge 5 pound container of “Coffeemate” I had just picked up for him towards me and said this is no good.

The previous evening my parents had a guest over so my father put on the coffee pot to make everyone a coffee.

When he had the coffee in the mugs he added a spoon of coffee mate in each and began to stir but instead of desolving it thickened up until it all looked like porridge.

I opened the container and looked at it and it looked ok but there was something familiar about it so I tasted it and looked at my father and asked him “what did you do with that 10 pound bag of pancake mix I bought you”?

I could see the dawning of realization filling his eyes.

Hmm he had used the old coffeemate container to store the pancake mix in and hadn’t marked it so when he added it to the coffee he was making coffee flavoured pancakes instead of cups of coffee.

I have somehow also inherited a bunch of other people that need to be taken here or there that have no one along with one of my best friends who was on his deathbed with no hope, suffering from kidney failure, heart and colon problems. They said he a day or two left.

I walked in and explained to him he owed me money and wasn’t allowed to check out until he paid me.

Some of the hospital staff thought it was funny and others thought it was insensitive but since that speech I gave him he has rebounded and his prognosis is long but hopefully.

Hey, 20 bucks is 20 bucks.

My kids are doing good.

One just got a great job with a future and the other is going to college to become a chef.

Me, I’m not aging gracefully but I refuse to stop being who I am and living my way.

I lost my favourite cat Salem do to a freak accident.

He ate a plant my mother asked me to hold inside for her over the winter and no sooner that I brought the stupid thing in he ran to it and chew some of the leaves and dropped dead from poisoning.

I will leave it at that because it got really ugly after that because I went to the place they sold these plants and ripped them a new one for selling dangerous plants without warning people of the dangers to pets and small children.

This years BBQ went on without a hitch.

Tons of food and booze with plenty of laughs.

We did take note of the ones not with us any more.

The priest did try to swipe my hat but he’s going to need a lot more help than his faith to get away with my lid while it’s still on my head.

So as you can see, little has changed in Walkers life.

How is this for catching up Sally?

Have a nice day

Walker

Enough Already ©

It’s been over a fucken year and this stupid election is still going on.

You people down south are nuts.

I mean, how much is this costing?

Trillions of dollars will be spent by the end of this and what will it accomplish, sweet nothings.

How many of you can’t afford health care?

Clinton’s going to win.

Trump is an idiot and is handing it over to her every time he opens his mouth.

The man has destroyed his own party.

I can’t find the words to describe the man.

Is he a commie, a fascist, racist, a psycho zealot with a dildo still stuck up his ass?

What is even more mind boggling is that the hard core republicans are not getting serious and going to war to save their party.

Instead they are either bailing ship or abstaining from it all.

Get the fuck out of here.

Where the hell is the pride of ones party?

The party is a family and if a member of your family goes astray in a extreme way; do you let it destroy your family or do you fight to save it?

If you are a republican and don’t like Trump, don’t vote for Clinton because you hate Trump. Vote for her if you believe in her platform if not vote Libertarian or Green.

In fact I don’t know why the disgruntled republican elite haven’t gathered an army of political power to back one of these other candidates that have some of their interests in mind.

Trump thinks that Canada was allowed to leave the United States…..

Actually he would be in favor of forcing us back.

I don’t know what to say.

I thought Sarah Palen was bad but Donald…

I guess if we wrote the short history version because Canada was part of the British Empire, the U.S.A. left Canada.

In fact in later years, 1812 to be exact we had another war where we burned down the White House.

Which you later burnt down ours in York, so we all broke even on that one.

This is grade 4 history for us in Canada Donald, did you get past kindergarten or are you still failing it?

I have said I like Trumps style of being blunt but I personally can’t agree with his views as a person living on this planet.

To the American people and to anybody in any country in the world, always vote and always vote with your conscience not you heart.

Politics makes me dizzy.

Society makes me crazy.

The world is going to hell

I can smell it in the air

See it in the news

If you don’t know what I am talking about then I can’t tell you

Me, I am waiting for that meteor with our name on it so I can climb the mountain with a bottle of scotch, a nice fat doobie and hope I get lucky and it lands at my feet.

Now that, would be a blast

Have a nice day

Walker

Blown Away ©

Remember that show, Kids say the darndest things hosted by the Ex nice guy Bill Cosby.

You know when your kids come up with shit when they are like 5 or 6 years old that leaves you dumbfounded just before you give yourself a hernia from laughing so hard.

Well, it doesn’t stop at that age, in fact from what I can tell it only gets more…. what’s the word I am looking for…… complicated.

I have an open relationship with my kids and or any kid if they have the guts so come and ask me the hard questions.

Now, I have a thicker skin than most but not by much so I have to suppress a lot of emotions that come naturally to a parent so that I can be in the loop for my kids when they really need me.

That said, my 24 year old stopped by the other day to tell me what happened around Valentines Day.

She now lives with her boyfriend so she decided to do something romantic for them on Valentines Day and maybe a little naughty.

Yes my kids talk to me about the sex issues not their mother.

“I went to the sex shop the other day”.

“WHAT”!!!!!!!!!!!!

“You went to Wicked Wanda’s without me”?

“You know how much I love that store”.

“Who was behind the counter, was it the tall blond with the big tits or the raven hair goddess with the round ass”?

“It was the the chubby one”.

“Ah yes, Raul”.

“No, it was the chubby girl”.

“Yeah Raul, he’s a transsexual”.

“You mean a girl pretending to be a guy”?

“No, a guy being a woman”.

“You mean the whole time I was asking questions to a guy”.

“Well, if you want to call Raul a guy, I guess, yeah”.

“So what did you buy”?

“Really he’s a guy”?
”Yeah, yeah, get over it and tell me what did you buy”.

“I bought coffee flavoured lubricant”.

“Ah, so you like flavour of coffee”?
”Not really but the boyfriend does”.

“I see, but usually the person using it gets the flavour they like”.

“Why”?

“Well if you’re going to put some in your mouth to lubricate his cock you would think you would like to taste a flavour that appeals to you”.

“WHAT”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?

“I just put it on my lips to kiss him”.

“Oh……..did you slide off his face”?

“EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, I just realized she told me she used it an loved how it tasted”?

“You mean Raul”?

“EWWWWWWWW………..”

The oldest called me the other day.

''Hi Dad''

"Hey, How’s it going"?

"The boyfriend wants to have kids".

"AH, I see".

"I don’t know what to do"?

"Well, you got to get naked first".

"NO, I know that part, I don’t want kids".

"Then don’t get naked……."

Kids, it never ends

Have a nice weekend

Walker

Still Kicking ©

Where do the years go?

It’s funny, only yesterday I was 16 and thinking how long it will be before I hit 40 and now I am 56.

We spent so much time chasing the seconds, the years slip away.

Every year I reflect on the year gone by before I stow it away

I assess what I started with and what I have left from the year before then weigh it against what is new.

What does it all add up to in the end?

The answer is simple.

You survived another year.

Have a nice day

Walker

Hospitalville ©

It’s 8 am and I’m sitting here stoned and looking at another 5 rolled joints.

Today I am taking a break from life.

The cats are joisting in the corner with the smallest one winning by the looks of it.

I feel like a general who has been winning all the battles but loosing the war

 On top of what responsibilities I had I have had to help a couple of friends in need, morally and physically being there for some tough news.

Last month as I was watching the TV around 10pm I get a call from a friend who is not feeling well.

I have been telling her for years she has to quit drinking.

She drinks no less than a litre of wine in a few hours, gets drunk and passes out.

She says her nose has been bleeding for hours and won’t stop and she doesn’t feel so good.

So I get up and drive over to her place.

Using the spare keys she left with me in case something ever happened I walk in and find her sprawled on the floor trying to get up.

Hauling her ass up she puts on her outer gear and we climb the stairs from her tomb apartment to the outside where she throws up and stream of blood across the white snow.

I’m thinking this can’t be a good thing.

I put her in the back seat and peeled off actually more like slid off to the hospital.

Pulling up to emergency I mostly carried her to reception where the nurse put her in a wheelchair and asked us to wait in the reception area.

In the reception area there were about 50 people already there waiting to see a doctor.

I hate this.

First I hate hospitals yet I find myself always in one for someone else.

Then there is the 6-8 hour wait in emergency.

Why do they even call it that I don’t know for a place for an emergency they should take a long time getting to you.

So we are sitting next to these people who she starts convulsing and projectile vomit flies out of her mouth all of which is red and black blood clots.

I mean., lots AND LOTS OF IT.

I freaked out but not as much as the rest of the people in the room as they watchthe growing lake of blood around us on the floor.

When I looked around the room people got so scared the ran out of emergency probably thinking there were in the presence of an Ebola carrier.

I the nurses ran over and rushed her off to the back where they started to undress her.

I sat on the other side of the curtain waiting.

After a few hours they determined, she was anaemic hence the nose bleeds and because she hadn’t pinched her nose properly the blood was running down her throat and pooling her stomach then she would puke it out.

That wasn’t her only problem,
She was going through alcohol with drawls and her body started shaking uncontrollably.

It took three of us to hold her down until they could strap her into the bed.

After some blood work they drugged her up and put her on a saline drip.

That’s when I turned and left the hospital only to find a forty-dollar ticket on the car.

In the morning 7 am to be exact the phone rings, it’s buddy and he needs to go to the hospital.

Are you fucken kidding me and he has to go to a hospital at the other end of town.

Pardon me while I have another joint.

Is 9 am to early for a beer?

Yeah, maybe, I’ll have a scotch instead…..

ARG!!!!!

Single malt scotch after Kellogg’s cornflakes don’t go so well.

Oh yeah much better now

LA LA LA

Oh, oh yeah, so here I am at 7am dragging my arse out of bed, fighting with two cats for my pants and one who likes untying my boot while I am tying up the other one.

Twenty minutes later I am in the hospital waiting room of yet another hospital.

I swear if he started puking blood……..

Eight hours later I drive him home.

As I was driving off I figured I would go to the other hospital to see how my other friend was doing.

I had called her son the night before to inform him his mother was at the hospital.

They don’t always get along and it’s mostly because of her drinking.

Parking the car in the lot this time I marched through emergency towards the restricted area where I gauged me steps to someone walking towards the door from the other side so that when they opened the door and walked through a step passed them and into the back without the hassle of being told I wasn’t on her family list.

Walking past rows of full beds I find hers.

Curtain wide open she is sitting on the side of the bed, topless and in a jumbo diaper.

At that moment all I could think of was Homer Simpson.

Hello, a little common decency would be fucken nice.

I walked into the cubical and asked how she was.

No answer.

I looked into her eyes and she was totally out of it.

I was jealous.

Turning I took a hospital robe from a cart and covered her tits then pushed her back onto the bed and covered the bottom of her body.

Inside I was pissed and wanted to rip someone apart for how I had found her but I just sat there and waited for someone to show up which they did.

After I got the report from the doctor I put in my ten cents of what I found and how people should be treated.

He wasn’t amused with what I told him I found but I don’t expect him to care much either.

That evening my mother called screaming my father was dieing.

I am out the door and next door in a blink

My father was grasping the counter trying to stay up with my mother crying and freaking out next to him.

He has had the flu and I took him to the doctor just that day and he was told he had the flu and bronchitis.

He was prescribed medication and was told it would take a few days for them to kick in.

My parents being well into their 80’s any small incident to them is dieing.

My father is worse.

All the way back from the doctors he is telling me, “ I am dieing”

We all are I tell him but he says he is dieing now.

At home that day I laid out his medications and told them what to take and when.

Easy peazy for the average person but Greek immigrants are not average.

Antibiotics for the bronchitis once a day

Benadryl for his throat and the chest congestion 3 times a day

3 puffs from the inhaler 2 times a day

Pepto for his stomach

Tylenol 3 times a day.

Easy right?

My mother gives him 1 Tylenol for the whole day

Syrup once for the whole day

3 puffs from the wrong inhaler

Instead of pepto for his upset stomach she gives him Galveston, which does the opposite and traps all the gas in my father who is now bloating like the Pillsbury doughboy.

I call for an ambulance because he really thinks he is cashing in his chips.

I also called my brother to tell him the old man is in trouble but he said he was busy watching the Leafs game at the bar and would call my SIL to come down, no, I didn’t call her, he is his father.

Now I am pretty stressed out.

I haven’t really slept in days and all this hospital shit is getting to me.

The Paramedics got there quick and had set up shop next to my father in under ten minutes of my call,

It helps living 2 blocks away.

By the time my SIL showed up with my niece they had determined he OK to stay home and if things seemed worse they would rush right over.

That’s when she walked in and heard them say that.

She started saying our doctor was no good and they should take him to the hospital.

She went on to say her mother is a doctor and she took nursing classes and she believed my father should go to the hospital.

That’s about when I lost it.

First off, her mother is a psychiatrist or something like it.

Secondly, thinking about being a nurse isn’t the same as being one.

Thirdly my doctor through her out because she used to go to see him with 100 different ailments she found on the internet and had already decided what the doctor should do before he even looked at her.

Oh yeah, I went ballistic.

“Get the FUCK out of this house now you stupid BITCH”.

She went to say something.

‘Shut your fucken trap and get out”.

This is where the ambulance attendant, a young guy in his 20s though his balls had fully grown decided to step in.

He tells me to watch my language in front of my niece.

At that moment, language wasn’t an issue, my niece hears worse at home from her mother’s mouth and this was about my father not this bitch.

Walking towards her I pointed to the door and said in no muffed voice.”GET THE FUCK OUT RIGHT NOW”.

What does the attendant do?

He says “Shut up”.

I stopped half way down the hall and turn around.

“What”?         

I walked right back to him and in a calm voice said “Say it again”.

“Tell me to shut up in my house again”.

The female attendant knew he fucked up the first time.

Everything up until my SIL showed up was cordial but I guess he was mesmerized by her fake tits and didn’t see the real danger infront of him.

He walked away and the SIL beat it out the door leaving my niece behind.

She later told the male attendant her mother talks to much.

He came an apologized to me for stepping out of line before he left.

My SIL has yet to speak to me, WHOOOO HOOOO

My female friend got out of the hospital but two days later fell and fractured her knee after getting drunk when she found out she had cancer in her girly bits.

This is just a tiny bit of my life.

A 24 hour period to be exact.

Sigh, I need better pot

Have a nice weekend

Walker

The Walker News ©

I’ll just pretend I haven’t been gone for I don’t know how long.

I have so much to blog about I have stopped blogging.

Weird

The world is gone to hell and back.

They are talking about marriage licenses that will have to be renewed every five years thus avoiding divorces, you just don't renew.

I wonder if you would have to go for an emissions test every two years as well.

Better stop eating tex-mex food if you do.

The United States still has a Black president.

To be honest with you I thought he would have been shot by Dick Cheney in a golfing accident by now.

I like Obama.

You know who else I like, John McCain

I bet if Party lines were abolished the world would be a lot better place.

Just like I believe if we nuked the Middle East all our problems would be over and just think how many condos they could build there in 500 years when its safe from radiation.

Germany won the world cup and Brazil is still suffering from poverty.

They are planning on sending astronauts to Mars.

Apparently they will have to sleep for three years.

Now, not to sound prejudice or racist in any way but just going by the stereotypical representation portrayed by Hollywood over the last hundred years, isn't this just another job suited for illegal Mexicans?

I’m just saying.

There is a major Ebola outbreak in Africa, U.N. workers have evacuated the area but say even though the best authority to the disease died from it we are told there is nothing to worry about.

In other news, displaced U.N. workers have volunteered for the mission to Mars

Toyota stock holders celebrated another GM recall.

Putin denies giving ground to air missiles to Ukrainian separatists and its true.

He gave them to the Russian soldiers before they became Ukrainian separatists

Jay Leno is gone, Letterman is still here and Conan has made Purgatory his home.

This is just a bit what has been going on in the world which in some way still effects you and me.

T’ill next time, whenever the fuck that will be, chow and good health, wealth to everyone.

Have a nice weekend

Walker

Calling Ground Control ©

Fuck the Bermuda triangle, stay away from the South China Sea.

Fight MH370 leaves Malaysia for Beijing then poof, gone.

Six days and not a spec of debris.

Nothing.

Forty ships and forty planes from an international force are searching the area for any possible sign for the missing plane with its over 200 passengers.

Families of said passengers desperately waiting for some word about their loved ones fate.

Six days now and nothing.

Are they looking in the right place?

They have brought in satellites to help in the search but the only thing they found with them were two sperm whales getting in on.

Billions of dollars in technology and the best they can do is whale sex.

Is there a you tube post I can watch?

Maybe it’s on facebook.

Now they are saying for four hours after the plane disappeared from radar it’s Rolls Royse engines were still communicating with the mother plant.

Huh, I don’t know what’s stranger, the fact that the engines knew the plane was still flying around for four hours after it disappeared and the airport didn’t or that the engines can communicate with the plant they were made in via satellite and I can’t get a cell tower for a signal on my phone.

I have been listening to the different possibilities but have yet to hear one mention Aliens or some kind of time dimensional shift sending those poor bastards to a different realm of time or space.

Yeah, yeah it sounds nuts until you wake up one day and you’re being probed by some ugly fuck and it isn’t Saturday morning.

Then we have to beg Will Smith and Jeff Goldbloom to save us.

You know, I don’t feel bad any more about loosing my cell phone in the house, these fucks lost a giant airplane worth millions.

You would think for all that money someone would have thought to put in find plane features like we have for the phone.

Have a nice weekend

Walker

Pussy Footing Around ©

So I am laying on the couch watching the news about the happenings going on in the Ukraine.

Now I have an opinion on the situation but this post isn’t about my opinion but more about the posturing the world and the parties involved are performing.

Let’s face it, it’s already a done deal but for the dancing.

As I am watching the TV, two of my four cats come bouncing in like two seasoned fighters, circling each other trying not to expose a vulnerable target for the other to attack.

Like two black panthers, mother, daughter slowly closed the gap between them coiled up like two heavy duty springs ready to explode in a cascade of claws and fur.

Looking away from the TV and Putin’s “I don’t give a fuck about anyone” look, Alice sprung at her mother, wrapping herself around her neck clawing and biting as hard and as fast as she could.

Just as Obama came on the news babbling about something I didn’t hear but I could hear him telepathically speaking to Putin,

“ What the fuck are you doing bitch|?

“Couldn’t you have done all this quietly or waited until I was gone from office”?

“Can’t you see I got my hands full with heath care, immigration and that fucken cry baby Biden constantly whining about Hillary running for president but no, you have to go out there stomping your little feet in those big shoes pissing everyone off and blaming me again for not doing something”.

That’s when Elvira rolled over Alice and tore into her belly.

Screaming with pain Alice tried to escape but she was done and knew it so she went limp giving up.

This is where the point I am trying to make come to light.

When Elvira was sure she had won, she starts licking the others ass and this isn’t the first time I have seen this.

Every time the battle is over the winner licks the other ones ass.

Do these animals know something that we don’t or did they find my stash and are getting high.

But you know, as I am sitting here thinking about this, we do it too.

Think about it.

WWII, The bad guys, Italy, Germany, Japan.

They were responsible for destroying most of the world and the architects behind the annihilation of millions of souls.

We, the allies kicked their butts and won.

We beat them so bad they had to bend over for us to lick their butts after the war so they could become better off than we are today.

Same thing isn’t it?.

The victor gets to suck ass and watch their economy go down the drain while the vanquished rise out of the ashes better than they started and with our tax money to boot.

Maybe we need to loose once in a while to get our asses licked?

I wonder who has the longer tongue, Putin or Obama?

The only thing we know for sure is as politicians they will be forked tongues.

As Elvira licked away, out of the corner of my eye I spot Salem, the 30 pound tomcat walk by down the hall with a medium pizza box clenched in his mouth eagerly being followed by his son Ozzy.

I see more ass licking down the road.

Have a nice day

Walker

Cell Me ©

Bloody technology is making me crazy and I am supposed to understand this shit better than the average person but no.

I’m a stump on some things like cell phones.

Over the last two decades I have had a dozen or so cell phones.

In the last 4 years though I have gone through no less than 6 cell phones (with a price tag of $2300), four of which were in the last four months.

First one was a Motorola flip phone which worked great until I flipped it one day and it flew away from the bottom part of the phone.

Next I got a slider phone which I must say I loved to text with but so did my daughter who took that and gave me a brand new …….. fucken flip phone.

Granted it was a Samsung but I was done with flip phone.

The thing would cut off when I needed it the most.

“Hi Mike, it’s Walker, yeah, I got off the 401 and turned left on service road 39 about 40 minutes ago and I still haven’t come to country road 22 yet”.

These people must have run out of names.

“What, what do you mean I was supposed to turn left on country road 22 first ?”

“There was no Country road 22…….the second left…. But your email said just first left?”

My gas gauge said I was at a half quarter tank.

What it didn’t say was, I was lost in the boonies.

“So what is the best way back to your place?”

“Yeah, keep going until I hit a stop sign, yeah then I turn……hello…Mike?”

Damn blue tooth must be dead.

Pull over and grab at the phone but there is no one at the other end because there are no more bars on the phone.

I figure go to the stop sign and try calling again from there.

About 5 kilometres down the road I come to a four way stop.

I pull over and try the phone again.

It rang about 4 times when Mike picked it up, right before the battery died.

You know, I don’t have a charger in the car.
You know because most of us don;t until this shit happens then we get one.

In front of me I have three choices, straight, right or left.

Lighting up a cigarette I get logical on it and came to the conclusion that left was the one because straight would be going farther, right would likely take me away and left felt like it would swing back.

Sounds logical to me.

Blowing a mouthful of smoke out the window I noticed a scarecrow in the field next to me.
It was a scary one, it had its pants down around its ankles like a rapper.

I went left and at first is swung east for the longest time then went a little southwest for a bit then east again and about half an hour later I came up to a side road that looked like it went north.

What to do, gas gauge didn’t look good.

I turn north and drove for about twenty minutes when I came to another another four way stop.

Now what?

I look at the phone to see if maybe the phone fairy charged it for me but it was still dead.

I pulled out another smoke to think on it and as I sat there I noticed another scarecrow across the intersection.

People around here like ugly scarecrows.

Logically if I turn right I would be going east according to my inner compass so I turn right and must have drove for half an hour in the middle of nowhere before I came a a road turning right.

This time I decided to keep going straight and twenty minutes or so later came to another damn four way stop and another one of those damn scarecrows.

I sat there staring in every direction and each time my eyes ended up on the scarecrow.

It’s the same scarecrow but I saw it from different sides each time.

This whole fucken area is a huge cul de or kiss my sac.

What idiots make these roads.

So I looked at the whole thing from the beginning and I did what I should have done from the start.

Turn around and go back the way I came in the first place.

I found a gas station as soon as I got to the 401 and from there I went home.

To hell with Mike, my damn phone and my inner compass..

So I got a blackberry.

Never had one of those.

It looked small and compact with a keyboard for the texting I never do.

It didn’t work out.

My fat finger wasn’t made for poking a little button to make things work.

Works great for poking a fat juicy clit but not a blackberry.

One month it lasted before I replaced it with a Iphone 4.

Piece of shit that turned out to be.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great looking phone but it has a flaw.

When its sitting flat on the table I get 3-4 bar but when you pick it up it looses service.

You have to hold it with two fingers like you would hold a stinky diaper to get it to at least one bar maybe two.

One week.

Now I have a Samsung S4, I love it.

I does shit that I don’t even need.

It knows when I'm looking it and when I look away it closes but when I look back it comes on.

It thinks I don’t know but I know, Phone Police “wink”.

When I wave a hand over it is senses it and turns on and when I pull it away it goes off.

It’s cool.

Saves energy that way but it did fuck me up the other day when I brought it upstairs with me and left it on the night stand.

It kept going on and off continuously.

Off, on, off, on , off, on…. But when I leaned up to look at it there was nothing wrong until I put it down and lay back in bed.

This went on a couple of times before I came to me.

I turned the phone off and lay back in bed.

Never jerk off with your cell phone on.

Have a nice day

Oh the iphone 4 makes a great Itouch for music

Walker

What Season Is It Again? ©

So let’s do a recap of the weather of late.

A month ago we got snow by the yard.

Not inches and hell not centimetres, maybe meters.

I have seen lots of snow and pushed it off but this is the first time I had to dig my way out.

You know you are in trouble when you look where you have the snow blower chained at and you can’t see it.

It’s there, somewhere.

After hours of battle with the big white ugly we built a small mountain on the side of the road for my tax money to go to work, eventually.

Totally exhausted I remember coming in and passing out for a couple of hours or maybe a little more but when I woke up and looked out the window the small mountain wasn’t there any more.

It was buried under a fresh new pile of white shit.

This time the snow was a third of the way up the door.

It’s like the fucken beginning of October, winter is supposed to start in December.

What the fuck is this shit?

Where the hell are you supposed to put this crap when the street is already full?

I think we are all going about this snow removal business in the wrong way.

We got to get a little Eskimo on this shit.

Where’s Si from Duck Dynasty I need some back up here.

I love Duck Dynasty.

We have rednecks here to, we just call it frostbite.

Build Igloos with the damn stuff.

You know that mud room you always wanted to build in the front but couldn’t afford.

Here’s your chance, build it and in the spring it will just melt away watering your lawn for spring as it goes.

Maybe that garage you always wanted to put you car in during the winter.

Make some forms for blocks and start building, more fun than shovelling.

After the blizzard from hell passes, Hell freezes over.

-50?

Give me a break.

This isn’t Winnipeg.

Actually it’s colder there, so cold Winnie’s Poo would bounce and shatter when it hits the ground.

A solid week of frigid weather.

They are bitching in Atlanta Ga. that its –10.

Big deal, cover your peaches with a hanky it’s –50 up here for us.

You could get your tongue stuck licking a exposed nipple…… I guess that wouldn’t be so bad though.

Now, this coming Saturday it’s going to be 8 decrees.

8?

-50 last week and 8 this weekend.

What’s next, a meteor shower?

The weatherman said it will be like paradise and should rename the city Ottalulu.

Does this idiot even know what paradise is?

Probably got a blowjob while he slept and woke up happy.

It was the dog moron, probably looking for a drop of fluid because his water bowl was frozen.

Over in the UK they have 50-60 foot waves.

You can tell they never seen waves that big before and hoards of them run to the wharfs to watch these massive blankets of water come crashing down on them.

HELLO when there is a 50 foot wave bearing down on you, you don’t park under it, then feebly try to out run it as your car is washed out to sea.

For all those people who don’t believe in global warming you can kiss my frozen ass and for those who named it global warming, you have done way too much LSD.

Global FUBAR would be more appropriate.

Stay warm

Walker

Merry Christmas ©

 It was the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring except the dog, four cats, eight lizards, a spider and a snake; who ate the mouse.

The stocking were hung but the kittens, well they had some fun

I know I have become a shadow of a blogger these days but I know I still have a few who pass by from time to time.

For this and to anyone who accidentally passes through these pages I would like to wish a Merry Christmas and Happy holidays to those who celebrate their own.

Have a good one

Walker

Ah damn I feel like I am cheating by just doing a hIt and run.

Here is a little tit bit from a couple of weeks ago.

I woke up early one morning and went outside to see the damage done by the snow we got the night before.

As I was surveying the fresh white blanket that lay all around, a group of kids, 15-20, and two adult stopped at this little area in front of the arena across the street from me that the city has turned into a small oasis for hookers to give head in privacy.

The two adults are waving their arms around and the group of about ten year olds scatter about then fall back into the six inches of snow and start waving their arms around.

Seeing this I make my way across the street and stop next to a woman in her twenties.

I say “hi” and she looks at me with a big bright smile and says “Hello”

I ask her if she has been here before to which she says no they just wanted to go out and play in the snow and this little area looked perfect.

Yes this is a nice little area to frolic around in and every day I watch it happen from my window.

Yup, every day I look out my front window a see a gazillion dog piss and shit in this area and less than half poop scoop.

That kid over there in the blue jacket flapping so hard he might take off soon is laying on one that’s still steaming.

Her eyes almost popped out of her head as she ran for the kid in the blue jacket, who looked like he had actually rising an inch off of the ground.

Merry Christmas

Calling Ground Control ©

Today I got dragged out of bed early in the morning to drive my father to the lab for some bloodwork to be done and to get a ECG done.

This is one of my new jobs now that my father daosen’t drive anymore.

We get to the lab at 9am which is the time I always like to go because it’s when they allow parking after the morning rush.

As we walk in I grabbed a number and handed it to my father before we found seats on opposite ends of the room as there were no other seats available.

I sat there half asleep, half awake not even the exposed thighs of the woman across from me perked up any more energy to move my head a bit to get a better view.

What her thighs did do is make me wonder how the fuck anyone could go out in this cold wearing a short skirt.

I was dressed for winter and was cold.

I know women can generate some serious heat between those thighs without even trying.

Actually I am surprised I haven’t seen a woman wearing a skirt walking down the streeet in the winter with a cloud of steam pouring out from beneath their skirt.

I don’t need heat in the bedroom with Inia under the sheets.

The woman is like a nuclear reactor core.

She would propell herself down the sidewalk in a skirt during the winter.

Now that would fuck up everyones brains ha ha ha.

So I am slowly looking around the room, up from thighs to cleavage before resting at face level where I stopped going higher, just scanned the rest of the faces and all of them were pointed down at their hands.

There were 13 other people in that room ages ranging from mid twenties to their sixties and they were all lost into their little hand held devices.

Not a single person other than my father and I in that waiting room didn’t have one.

For some reason I felt naked.

Maybe that’s why I was cold, I didn’t have a hand held device in my hand.

Well I did have one but it was to cold to pull out not that anyone would have noticed.

The nurse called out number eleven and I had to get up to nudge my father because the man is deaf but refuses to admit it.

Once I got him set for his tests I went outside to sit in the car.

As I sat there I looked around as I always do, liking to take in my surrounding before I settle in.

Everywhere I looked I saw people with little devices in ther hand, at the bus stop, walking down the street.

The bus pulled in across from me and I could see the people inside talking to their devices while other where tapping it like giant woodpeckers.

Don’t get me wrong I am not bashing these devices, I have a tablet a Crackberry as Inia calls it, a laptop and my Itouch that are all or in some part always with me when I travel around.

I am just wondering what we’ve given up for these devices.

People say we are more social because of all the apps and devices.

If that were the case why aren’t the people sitting next to each other on the bus talking to each other instead of pecking at their devices.

New internet laws are being passed here.

New powers to the police to be able take your device away without a warrant.

New laws that would pit husband against wife if the court wished it.

Our new devices have created new problem and the government believes that stripping more of our rights is the solution to the problem.

The devices are NOT the problem.

Society is the problem.

Maybe we should be rebooting society not making more rules.

The tools we develop are not the problems it’s how we think.

How we live.

We have gone from food gatherers to hoarders.

Man fought for land to help feed his own kind.

Now we fight for money to shop with.

This is how we are evolving.

When you really think about it there are only two occupations from the ancient times that still exist, farming and prostitution and even they have their devices.

My father walked out of the building and we went home.

As I walked in from the back door and into the kitchen my 86 year old mother was sitting at the table pecking at her Iphone.

Times are a changing

Have a nice day

Peter

Come Back Little Sheba Walker ©

Come back, I haven’t left Gab, I’m still here.

I’m not as motivated as I used to be I guess.

Maybe I’ve lost my Mojo.

Hmmm, so this is how Curly must have felt without Mo and Jo.

Just a lone stooge without his MoJo.

Yes there is Larry but he’s just a balding clown.

What have I been up too?

Well, alot actually but mostly taking care of my parents………..let me rephrase that.

I'm busy being tortured by my parents.

Don’t get me wrong I love my parents to death which doesn't really say mush as they are still alive.

My father is loosing his license in 32 days.

He got into an accident with a bicycle and this pretty much spelled the end of his driving.

It’s funny how the system works though.

You are not fit to drive but they let you keep your license for 60 more days

It’s like a farewell tour for your drivers license where you can kill a couple of pedestrians and not worry about loosing points on your license with the added bonus that your insurance company, who has been sucking the money out of your for 50 years has to pay for it.

Just crank up Radar Love on the squawk box and tear up the Walmart parking lot as you zigzag around the shopping carts hitting shopper after shopper pushing them.

Last week my father went shopping with my mother's brother who is 87.

He lost "his" license 3 years ago when he stopped at a red light and fell asleep.

He did have his seat belt on though.

So my father and uncle are at the mall shopping then proceed to head out to the car but have a little trouble finding it when out of the corner of his eye my father spots it not to far away.

They head to it and my father gets in first and opens the door for my uncle.

As my uncle goes to put his stuff in the back with the other things they had earlier picked up he finds that all his things are gone.

My father looks back and yup, their stuff was stolen.

Looking around the car my father noticed some of his personal stuff was missing as well and to add insult to injury the thieves had stuffed a box of tampons in the middle console.

Sitting back in the car seat my father looked around the car some more and it dawned on him that this, wasn't his car.

My uncle said you never seen two old men move so fast.

They were scared they were going to be arrest for grand theft auto.

Not far off my father found his car with my uncle’s belongings still in the back.

My 85 year old mother sprained her hip so now she is having to use a cane.

She uses it to walk but mostly she uses it to knock things down she can’t reach up high in the cupboard.

According to her if she had known this little tit bit before she would have sprained her ass years ago.

I got two kittens a while back.

Salem and Vagina.

Inia made me change Vagina’s name because she didn't want to have to explain to her eight year old's teachers how he got his arms scratched up while playing with vagina over the weekend.

So now we call her Elvira.

This is just a bit of what I have been up too.

I know I don’t post here as much as I used to and I will try too but I am still around and always will even if i didn't have any readers.
Sitting here procrastinating until I do write something.

Have a nice day

Walker

Up In Smoke ©

So I am standing in the corner thinking no one’s around to see me so I spark one up and immediately start coughing and spewing whatever has been clinging to my lungs for the last five decades.

Just then from behind a curtain, a contingent of what looked like well dress Klu Klux Klan members emerged and passed through the thick cloud of smoke I had just puked out.

A couple of them staggered back against the wall.

I don’t know if it was from the smoke or that they thought they had just taken their last breaths because they were all that ancient.

As they recovered and proceeded to go down the hallway I began getting a little paranoid as some people do who are swimming in an ocean of THC.

I was thinking one of them might tell the local cops about the funny smelling incense.

I looked around and found a door that looked like the shutter of a window so I opened it to let the smoke out before I got pinched by the spear chucking jesters.

No sooner had I opened the shutter, a loud roar rose from outside and I could hear running footsteps coming towards me.

That was it, I knew I was busted.

Banned from another country.

The poster boy for Interpol.

Probably to be thrown in some deep underground prison cell with only the shroud of Turin to keep me warm.

Grabbing some clothes from a nearby closet to help disguise my escape, I stepped out only to be mobbed and carried off by those same well dressed Klu Klux Klan members.

I thought my ass was fucked for sure

It was worse.

Long story short.

Have a nice weekend

Pope Cheech AKA Walker

Tagged Again ©

Devilish Angel recently tagged with something I have already done at least twice before but I am still going to do it because I have noticed that as the years pass what I like changes as does life and mostly my aching body.

10 facts about me

1. I am “the quiet man” so don’t wake me up

2. I say things as they are

3. I have a “you get what you see attitude”

4. I hate technology, it makes me crazy

5. I am a computer tech

6. I became a father 20 years after my kids were born

7. I regret not becoming a politician

8. I studied to be an architect

9. Loved being a trucker

10. I love smell of car exhaust in the morning  

Questions for the nominated bloggers

1.Whats is your favorite sports?

My favorite sports, is that to to play or watch?

At my age with this battered body, the only sports I can play have to involve the bed or couch and within arm reach of the phone to be able to call 911 if something else was to arise than the normal culprits.

Sports I like to watch is football, grid iron that is and women’s figure skating.

2.How you face critical problems?

Hmmm, it depends on the problem.

My readers, when I had some would tell you I have a spotted past, and I don’t mean the measles but I have had those too.

Lets see, an example.

First I am rational

Three seconds later I become irrational.

This is where I call in a couple of friends and head off to the daycare where I have them throw someone out the basement window.

3.One thing about which you are proud about yourself

I went back to school in my late 30s to finish the education I had abandoned 20 years earlier

4.Most happiest moment in your life

When I finally got my foreskin unzipped from my pant’s zipper.

That and when my kids were born.

I guess they go hand and hand or is that zipper and skin, had to get free to make kids

5.The word which you hate to use

“Hate” but I do and I mean it.

6.What is your dream location that you want to visit?

I have a lot of dream locations.

Machu Picchu, Egypt, New Orleans, Antarctica, Fiji, Las Vegas but most of all, the Moon.

So I can look down on our beautiful planet, drop my pants and tell all the bastards fucking it up to kiss my ass.

7.How can you describe yourself?

Timid

8.Your favourite subject in school.

Recess and gym, it’s a tie

9.Tell about your first crush.

I was 8 she was 14 and had big boobs after I kissed her I walked into oncoming traffic which led me to a body cast and 12 months of learning how to walk.

My friend married her down the road and he’s still miserable.

10.Tell about one of your childhood adventure.

Wow, growing up on the street I didn’t really have a childhood, life was the adventure.

Tell you what, Here is something from an earlier post that might help out for this question.

Wasted Youth Revisited

11.Ambition in your life.

To be all I can be in what comes my way.

I guess that’s it.

I don’t normally tag people but it anyone feels like trying this by all means knock yourselves out.

Have a nice day

Walker

Unisex ©

It’s funny how time changes people.

The other day I am at the mall with a friend going to the electronics store to buy something we don’t need but will fill in some of the boredom.

Now for me, if it wasn’t for my aching bones I wouldn’t think I was older than 25. 

I don’t have a recent image of me in my brain, probably because I don’t spend as much time in front of the mirror as I did when I was twenty five so that’s who I see when I think of myself.

It might sound weird to some of you but hey, I never said I wasn’t.

I walk down the halls and have to keep telling myself that I am 53, but damn it’s hard when a chick walks by with big tits and clothes so tight she probably wore them when she was in grade six.

And buddy he’s no better he’s like “ I’d like to run that down and tear her apart”.

I think for a second then look at him. “Tear what apart, the other day you lost a fight with your zipper and shit your pants in Best Buy”.

“She shows you her tits and you’ll be coming from both ends just before you die of a heart attack or an aneurysm if not both at the same time”.

He looks at me then says he has to go to the washroom to fart.

How the fuck did we get from hot chicks to farting in the same breath and I am in shock.

He wants to go to the washroom to fart.

How freakin polite is that?

Who are you?

“Since when did you start caring about other people that you are going to go to the washroom to sneeze your ass”?

“Just go over in the corner and crack the marble floor or even better go into that bra store and see how many you can choke out of there topless”.

“No it’s not that he”.

“Getting older has done weird shit to me”.

“When I need to go for a dump all I do is fart but when I need to fart I end up crapping my pants so now when I need to fart I go for a crap instead”.

‘Wow, how old are you, two years older than me eh”.

Wow do I have lots to look forward too.

Eventually we ended up in the food court.

The place was warming with people.

Young, old, middle aged but mostly people in their twenties.

We sat there chopping down on our quarter pound of scorched flesh, washing it down with a glass of gold suds while everyone else around us ate salads yogurts stir fried vegetables.

I told buddy maybe we should be eating more vegetables and he said they would only make him fart more.

After eating we got into a heated discussion over a couple at one of the tables.

I said they were lesbians.

He insisted that one of them was a guy with girlish looks.

I told him no he was a she.

This went on for about ten minutes and got to the point where I was about to punch him in the head.

I had to settle this so I got up and went to their table and politely lied that my watch had stopped and was wondering if they had the time.

This way I could get a better look and hear their voices.

Thirty seconds later I walked back to the table and sat down.

“Well” buddy asked?

.”The guy you think is a guy with girlish looks, Is a girl so you are wrong and I am right”.

“How do I know you are not lying”.

“I’m not done”.

“The other one is not a girl like we both thought, it’s a guy”.

“FUCK OFF”.

Yup, times have changed.

Going to mall isn’t what it used to be.

Maybe I should spend more time looking into the mirror……or going to the mall more HA HA HA

Walker

Assault On The Garden Of Eden ©

In the wake of recent events in Newtown Connecticut I sit lost in thought.

The tragedy of it leaves me numb.

This is becoming such of a regular occurrence it’s scary to think of it as becoming a normal occurrence.

Am I wrong to think this way?

Is this a trend we have to accept or is there a cure for this insanity?

As a parent I am worried.

Yes I have children still in schools but it’s not only that, this can happen at a mall as it did in Oregon.

It doesn’t matter that I am in Canada, this could happen anywhere, it just been happening more in the United States lately and it’s more than gun control.

It only takes one nut with a weapon of any kind to commit such a heinous crime.

Personally I don’t see the need of assault weapons being sold to the general public or the need of having clips that hold more than ten rounds.

A string of firecrackers will give you the same bang for less if it’s the noise you like but like I said I don’t think this is more about gun control than it is about society.

We can limit the tools but if we can’t cure the problem we’ve done nothing but limit the damage in the future with gun control.

It doesn’t mean our kids are not in danger or you for that matter.

It doesn’t matter how much security we put up to stop this because the evil that exists always walks among us.

It’s your neighbor.

A family member.

It could be the paperboy you never tipped.

Every day millions of parents send off their most precious possessions to the care of someone else thinking they are safe and not knowing that it could be the last time they see their little angels.

Two people cuddled up together in the darkness of night deciding what would be for dinner the next day and who is driving to soccer practice …….there will be no more dinners together, no more soccer practice

That lump in your throat is your fear.

The heaviness in your chest is your soul bleeding

The look on your face is lost

Your brain numb

Until, you realize you’re left alone in a parking lot

No one else is coming

There is no one left to come

They’re gone

Why?

No it’s a mistake

No No No

No…

Only tears fill your palms

I write that to well because it’s one of my fears.

It became one when I let my kids out from under my protection.

It’s a fear many of us have and more so now with all of this crap.

Is this the evolution of our society?

If this is the direction its is going then gun control may not be the answer, we may need to strap on some heavy metal to gun down the paper boy before the lawn boy and him team up.

The wife’s got the postman covered.

There are people out there right now who are walking time bombs waiting to snap.

You know them.

You see them everyday

You just don’t know who they really are.

What’s the solution?

I don’t know.

Is this a trend we have to accept?

I hope not.

Will we all have to start wearing Kevlar clothes?

Do they make Kevlar diapers?

How will this effect our future and that of our offspring?

How far are we going to let this go?

200 years from now will we be sending off our sperm and eggs to a fertility clinic to conceive and raise so we can keep them safe.

There has to be a way to filter out these people who feel they need to attack innocence to be noticed.

There has to be a way to keep our children and loved ones safe without imprisoning ourselves.

There has to be a way to avoid the pain we all have to suffer especially the young ones who witness this and have to carry it around for the rest of their lives.

For parents whose lives will never be totally fulfilled with the void they will always carry within them when they lost the smiles that lit the sparkle in their eye.

With a heavy heart I sit in my dark corner embracing these parents in my thoughts and soul.

With my deepest sympathies

Walker

The Odyssey ©

Let’s see, it’s been a while since I posted on this blog.

Not that anything has really changed.

Everything here is still the same, more drama than any soap opera could handle in one episode.

So many things going on around here I don’t know which to pick to relive.

I don’t know if I want to relive any of it.

Oh I know, my latest Odyssey.

What, you think your name has to be Jason or Ulysses to have an Odyssey.

I’m Greek; we have them while sitting on the toilet going for a dump.

Especially after Mexican, oh mammasita.

My father has been without a driver’s license now for about six months.

Here in Ontario, I don’t know if it’s the same in every province but when you turn 80 you have to be retested to make sure you can still drive.

Now, I don’t see anything wrong with that knowing how stubborn these old cocksuckers can be and never admitting they have seeing, hearing or staying AWAKE issues.

I have an uncle who used to pass out at traffic lights.

I have another uncle who thinks that the “Yield” sign means you are supposed to yell loud at oncoming traffic announcing that you are cutting them off into the adjacent ravine.

My aunt drove her car through the garage and into her kitchen.

Complained to my uncle that it was the transition.

The next day she drove his car through the 7/11 front windows.

Damn if his tranny wasn’t fucked up to.

Don’t get me wrong, my father is not that bad, yet but sometimes I wonder.

“We just went through that stop sign”.

“What stop sign”?

“The one you have been stopping at for the last 50 years”.

So yes, people should be tested when they get to a certain age but do they have to make it that hard.

The first thing we had to do is the eye test.

So he looks into the visor and she is asking him what letters he sees and he got half of them wrong.

So they try again and it’s the same thing.

He fails.

How the fuck can he fail the eye exam, he just had his eyes fixed and doesn’t need glasses but he fails the test.

Not only does he fail it he now has to go to the hospital for a specific eye test before he can go for his license.

Later that day I tell him that I couldn’t believe he failed his eye exam.

I know he is 83 but his eyes are great for his age.

Me, I’m fucken blind, even with my glasses on.

He says to me it wasn’t his eyes, he didn’t know what letter of the alphabet they were and was to embarrassed to say anything.

Great, now we have to go get his eyes checked because he didn’t want to admit he doesn’t know the alphabet.

I make an appointment with his eye doctor and a week later his gets a thumbs up on the eyes to go along with a $68 bill.

How are those ABCs now kids?

Armed with the certificate from the doctor we head down to the department of motor vehicles to wait in line for hours.

There are 14 booths, 10 of which are occupied but doing nothing.

The receptionist has a line up of about 50 people.

What genius thought that system up deserves a smack in the head.

We went from one window to the seat to wait for our number to be called.

The booths are empty and no numbers are being called.

An hour later his number is called and we went to book his written test.

My father is illiterate in any language and his English is only passable if no one is listening.

He can’t even order a pizza; he walks to the place to order it.

So I had to find a translator because family members might cheat and give him the answers.

Now I find that a bit insulting, just a very tiny bit but the problem is where do you find a translator here.

So he decides to do the Greek translation of the written test, they have one in every language they said.

Two hour later I am kind of worried.

It’s be a little to long so I go in and find the person in charge and asked her what was going on.

She said he was having a hard time of it.

I could see him in the corner with a distorted look of pain on his face.

I felt sorry for him; I know his pain because I know the man.

Walking past the guard I told him to pack it in.

He got up and gave the papers to the lady who looked at them and said they were all wrong.

Leaning over I looked at the questions and found it hard to understand them myself and I read and write Greek.

She said I could book a verbal exam if I wanted and he said he wanted so off we went to the window again.

The verbal exam was a month away so we all took turns reading from the driver’s manual to him so he would be ready for the test.

The day of the test we went in and he failed.

Seems he couldn’t understand what she was saying and she is not allowed to explain any further of what the questions says.

It’s something new they have now.

We were both frustrated now.

He wanted his license and I wanted to get a break from being a chauffeur all the time

That weekend I get a call from one of my cousins saying she knows someone who is a licensed Greek translator and gives me her phone number.

I call up and we make arraignments for her to show up at the drive test place so she can help with the written test.

You know what happened next don’t you?

We had to go down there to book a date for him to go for his written test again, almost 3 hours later we had a date.

When the day arrives we meet the translator at the drive test place and I take her aside for a little chat.

I explained the situation and how much we all wanted him to get his license.

She said she understood and went in with my father to do the test.

30 minutes later they come out both smiling.

She says goodbye to my father and I walked her to her car.

We went back in to book his drivers test now.

We hadn’t said a word about the written test until we got into the car and started on our way home.

“Mafia” he said.

“What”?

“You know what, she gave me all the answers”.

“I guess she thought you were cute”.

“I’ll give you cute” he threw back at me.

A month went by before the day of the drivers test day came.

I was outside when the instructor came out and said hello.

It was hard understanding him through his heavy Jamaican accent and wondered how my father would do.

I watched him in the back where they first took people.

He botched the 3 point turn and turned left onto the street from the inside right lane then stopped traffic during rush hour so he could get to the other side.

He went 30 in a 50 and forgot to signal 3 times.

He failed.

This was the first time he ever failed a drivers test and it didn’t well with him.

He is a good driver but like all of us we have slacked off on how we drive and may not exactly drive like the law says.

I went inside and we booked another exam for a month away then told him I would be showing him what he was doing wrong and what he needed to do to pass his next test.

The day came and we went down to the center so he could do his test.

He passed, the Odyssey is over for another two years.

Today he got into an accident with a bicycle.

No one was seriously hurt.

He says it wasn’t his fault she hit him

The new Odyssey begins, sigh………..

See  all’s still the same

Have a nice day

Walker