blue moon (2)

Monday, March 03, 2014

Cell Me ©

Bloody technology is making me crazy and I am supposed to understand this shit better than the average person but no.
I’m a stump on some things like cell phones.
Over the last two decades I have had a dozen or so cell phones.
In the last 4 years though I have gone through no less than 6 cell phones (with a price tag of $2300), four of which were in the last four months.
First one was a Motorola flip phone which worked great until I flipped it one day and it flew away from the bottom part of the phone.
Next I got a slider phone which I must say I loved to text with but so did my daughter who took that and gave me a brand new …….. fucken flip phone.
Granted it was a Samsung but I was done with flip phone.
The thing would cut off when I needed it the most.

“Hi Mike, it’s Walker, yeah, I got off the 401 and turned left on service road 39 about 40 minutes ago and I still haven’t come to country road 22 yet”.
These people must have run out of names.
“What, what do you mean I was supposed to turn left on country road 22 first ?”
“There was no Country road 22…….the second left…. But your email said just first left?”
My gas gauge said I was at a half quarter tank.
What it didn’t say was, I was lost in the boonies.

“So what is the best way back to your place?”
“Yeah, keep going until I hit a stop sign, yeah then I turn……hello…Mike?”
Damn blue tooth must be dead.
Pull over and grab at the phone but there is no one at the other end because there are no more bars on the phone.

I figure go to the stop sign and try calling again from there.
About 5 kilometres down the road I come to a four way stop.
I pull over and try the phone again.
It rang about 4 times when Mike picked it up, right before the battery died.
You know, I don’t have a charger in the car.
You know because most of us don;t until this shit happens then we get one.

In front of me I have three choices, straight, right or left.
Lighting up a cigarette I get logical on it and came to the conclusion that left was the one because straight would be going farther, right would likely take me away and left felt like it would swing back.
Sounds logical to me.
Blowing a mouthful of smoke out the window I noticed a scarecrow in the field next to me.
It was a scary one, it had its pants down around its ankles like a rapper.

I went left and at first is swung east for the longest time then went a little southwest for a bit then east again and about half an hour later I came up to a side road that looked like it went north.
What to do, gas gauge didn’t look good.
I turn north and drove for about twenty minutes when I came to another another four way stop.
Now what?
I look at the phone to see if maybe the phone fairy charged it for me but it was still dead.
I pulled out another smoke to think on it and as I sat there I noticed another scarecrow across the intersection.
People around here like ugly scarecrows.

Logically if I turn right I would be going east according to my inner compass so I turn right and must have drove for half an hour in the middle of nowhere before I came a a road turning right.
This time I decided to keep going straight and twenty minutes or so later came to another damn four way stop and another one of those damn scarecrows.
I sat there staring in every direction and each time my eyes ended up on the scarecrow.
It’s the same scarecrow but I saw it from different sides each time.
This whole fucken area is a huge cul de or kiss my sac.
What idiots make these roads.
So I looked at the whole thing from the beginning and I did what I should have done from the start.
Turn around and go back the way I came in the first place.
I found a gas station as soon as I got to the 401 and from there I went home.
To hell with Mike, my damn phone and my inner compass..

So I got a blackberry.
Never had one of those.
It looked small and compact with a keyboard for the texting I never do.
It didn’t work out.
My fat finger wasn’t made for poking a little button to make things work.
Works great for poking a fat juicy clit but not a blackberry.

One month it lasted before I replaced it with a Iphone 4.
Piece of shit that turned out to be.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s a great looking phone but it has a flaw.
When its sitting flat on the table I get 3-4 bar but when you pick it up it looses service.
You have to hold it with two fingers like you would hold a stinky diaper to get it to at least one bar maybe two.
One week.

Now I have a Samsung S4, I love it.
I does shit that I don’t even need.
It knows when I'm looking it and when I look away it closes but when I look back it comes on.
It thinks I don’t know but I know, Phone Police “wink”.

When I wave a hand over it is senses it and turns on and when I pull it away it goes off.
It’s cool.
Saves energy that way but it did fuck me up the other day when I brought it upstairs with me and left it on the night stand.
It kept going on and off continuously.
Off, on, off, on , off, on…. But when I leaned up to look at it there was nothing wrong until I put it down and lay back in bed.
This went on a couple of times before I came to me.
I turned the phone off and lay back in bed.
Never jerk off with your cell phone on.

Have a nice day

Oh the iphone 4 makes a great Itouch for music



itisi said...

You, only you, can make me laugh out loud like this!

Walker said...

itisi: Well i am happy i can still make someone laugh

GAB said...

OMG I was laughing so hard my grandson thought I needed to be taken away......well I do but thats besides the point. I had a blackberry flip so did Mr Gab we loved them! but as phones go they only last so long (we use ours way too much) and needed new ones. I went on and got a Samsung S3 LOVE IT! Of course the day after I got my S3 the S4 came out! But I was stuck with the S3. Mr Gab? he went back to the most basic flip phone you can get. It is so basic they dont make them any more and guess what? It doesnt work as good as it should either half the time I can't hear him and we loose each other ALL THE TIME! there is so much static on his phone. but he's happy....why because then NO ONE WILL CALL HIM! he's not big on texting unless its me. ME I'd rather text than call. So all the lucky fools who have my number can text me all they want but hey dont call cause I might be doing.............................................................................................................................