blue moon (2)

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Sex Talk: The Nuclear Boob ©

Like I promised, a Sex Talk that is for everyone to read.

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Shhhh………. get down
I don’t want Archie to find me.
If he sees you he might find me.

One of my favourite things to do in life is to make people laugh and that’s usually with words.
Cracking jokes and I am pretty fast with the quips.
One thing I don’t do are practical jokes, they just take to much time and work and who likes work but the other day an opportunity presented itself to me so I took hold of it for some laughs.
I had walked up to spend some time with the boys; I just had to get out of the house before I went crazy.
For the last little while I have been getting restless and yearning to go back to the way it was years ago.

I was sitting there with four of the boys when one of them who I hadn’t seen in awhile asked me if I had a new old lady yet.
I told him no.
Archie being the smart ass that he is jumped in and said that I hadn’t found another cow yet, in reference to the fact that I only like women with large breasts, which isn’t entirely true but the fact that out of the last ten women I have been with only one that has been under a “D” cup, doesn’t help my side of the argument.

Archie went on taking shot after shot at me with little retaliation from me.
What the hell, I was laughing to.
Later on that night while sitting at the computer an email came in and when I opened it, my eyes went wide.
I get a lot of emails from people and a lot of picture to.

Over the next 24 hours I got the same email from eight more people, EVEN Leti sent it to me.
It only goes to show you how well my friends know me.
As I was looking at the pictures from the email, a plan was forming in my mind.
Payback’s a bitch.

Walker is very well equipped at home when it comes to computer equipment and with two office scanners and two inkjet color printers.
I put in some photo paper in the printer and printed out four nice glossies and put them aside to dry.
In my head I was setting up the plan, code name: Nuclear Boob.

By the end of this plan there was the distinct possibility that I would be the biggest boob of all.
I take the phone and call to see if Archie was home and when he answered I told him I was thinking of stopping by for a beer.
Archie is always happy for company so he said to come on over.
Oh yeah, I was coming on over all right.

I fish out an envelope from my drawer that I have received from another country and stick the pictures in then placed the envelope inside my coat pocket.

It was only a ten minute walk to Archie’s place and the beer was waiting infront of me chair when I stepped in.
We sat around passing the small talk around a bit, I was waiting for the right moment to present itself to launch my plan and it came when Archie asked me what was new.

I think I got a new girlfriend.

What, where did you find a girlfriend, you never leave the house.
It’s probably another one of those internet women you met in the computer that keep getting into trouble with.

Hey I never get into trouble, but yeah I met her online and not IN the computer.

Archie has no knowledge about computers and this makes my plan work even better.

So where Is this one from, Brazil or someplace like that?

No, actually the States, so I don’t have to get shots, just shot at.

That’s good, you’re used to that.
So what’s she look like.


Well she is smart as a whip and about my age maybe a little younger.

Yeah that’s nice but what does she look like.

Well here, let me show you.

The Nuclear Boob

I reach into my pocket and pull out the envelope then opened it up and pulling out the pictures.
I sat there looking at them and passed one to Archie Telling him that this was the future Mrs Walker.

He gave me this look over the rims of his glasses and took the picture to look at.
Me pushed the picture back a bit to focus and get an even better look then he looked at me and said.

What the fuck is this?

That's the future Mrs Walker.

Are you crazy, look at her.

Yeah ok, she's black

I am not talking about her being black, WTF are those.

What do you mean what are those.
Those are tits.
Has it been that long Arch?


Well kid, you really hit the mother lode this time didn’t you?
Your parents are going to go fucken crazy when you bring this one home for Christmas.
Can she fit through the door with those?
So what are those other pictures you have there, let me see those.


No, no I can’t, they, they are a little more personal.

What she sent you naked pictures to?
Come on, we have known each other a long time, let me see those too.

No, no I can’t do that.

Why, you don’t trust me to be quiet.

No, no Arch you know, your kinda getting old to see stuff like this.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, I AM GETTING TO FUCKEN OLD YOU LITTLE BASTARD NOW LET ME SEE THE FUCKEN PICTURES BEFORE A COME OVER THERE AND SMACK YOU AROUND!!!!!!!

Ok Arch just settle down, I was just thinking about you heart.

I pass the rest of them to Archie.
He could see all the stamps on the front of the envelope and then started looking through the pictures.

Walker get me the water out of the fridge.

I got him the jug of cold water and a glass.

Walker, open that closet door and bring me what’s there.

I walk to the closet and open it to find a bottle of Metaxa brandy; I got two shot glasses and filled his first them mine and his was empty by the time I filled mine.
I tapped the glass on the table indicating it needed to be full and looked at the next picture.
I filled his glass and he downed that one to.
I took a sip of mine.
When he was done looking at the pictures he looked at me and said I was insane and should be locked up for my own safety.

I poured out my fondest affections of her to Archie and he said I was a fool and to get another cat instead.
I played with him for another couple of beers and a joint before I decided it was time I went home and did some work.
When I went to take the pictures off of the table Archie snatched them up and said I couldn’t have them, besides I could always get more.

I told him that, that wasn’t acceptable; I couldn’t have him with half naked pictures of my future wife in his pocket running around the city showing them to every one.
I told him I shouldn’t have even shown them to him but since he was such a good friend I thought I would share MY good fortunes with him, my buddy and pal.

Then he asked me for just one.
Hmm, just one eh.
Ok you can have this one.













After giving him the picture I went home.

The Nuclear Boob Shockwave

Now that was fun and I must admit I did enjoy it.
Wait until I tell the other guys.
Yeah just wait…………….I didn’t have to.
Actually I was to late.

It’s like dropping a pebble into a still pond and watching the ripple pass over the whole of its universe like the word of my betrothed.
Yeah Archie was telling the world and had pictures or at least one to back up his story.
He even took it to the casino and showed everyone there to.

That was my downfall………the casino.
Someone there knew how to start a computer and told Archie about the email going around.

So now Archie is Pissed LOL!!!!!!!!!

Shhhhhh did you hear that?

I got to run…….. have a nice day……..

Walker

As a side note, I would like to say that lady in the picture has some pretty big stones besides tits to pose for the pictures I saw and I would be more than happy to massage her front back any time.
She must have one hell of a sore back.

12 comments:

having my cake said...

How on earth does that poor woman stay upright? LMAO

Walker said...

having my cake: I don't know how she does it. I dated someone who was almost as big and she was constantly complainingabout back pain and thinking about a reduction which in my opinion woul dhave been a good thing and a safety issure.
I had to break off with her over those same safety issues when one night while we were asleep, she rolled over and cuddled up to me and her massive boob fell over my face and I almost suffocated.

So now I don't date anyone bigger than a HHH.

Peter said...

Ah you're all heart with that massage Walker, all heart... but evil too.

Gypsy said...

I do believe I was one of the people who sent you that email. The second I saw it, it screamed WALKER....yes your reputation for liking the big puppies is legendary.....

Poor woman!

Anonymous Boxer said...

HHH?

I'm glad to know you have your, er, limitations?

:-)

Walker said...

Peter: Who me, Evil Naw, you think?

Walker said...

Gypsy: You were the first one to send me them and yes, you know me so well ;)

Walker said...

Anonymous Boxer: We have to set limits or we will only get hurt.
What is a strap breaks and I get pummeled?

poet said...

Thank you for the Valentine day wish, walker. hope you have a nice day! been busy looking for (and finding a new to me car) so i have not been online in blogland much. gotta get back into it though, miss reading all my friends. take care, poet.

Walker said...

poet: You're welcome :)

Wooo Hooo new wheels i got to pop in and see what it is.

nachtwache said...

Cowabunga, however that's spelled. Is that picture for real or photoshopped? That would be accidental death, by suffocation, not criminally liable. She could make a fortune on life insuring husbands....
Maybe just a tad much of a good thing.

Walker said...

nachtwache: Yes the picture is for real and I have four others I didnt post because she was naked and I didn;t want to scare any of my readers away but if you want to see them I would be more than happy to forward the email to you :)