blue moon (2)

Friday, April 10, 2015

Blown Away ©

Remember that show, Kids say the darndest things hosted by the Ex nice guy Bill Cosby.
You know when your kids come up with shit when they are like 5 or 6 years old that leaves you dumbfounded just before you give yourself a hernia from laughing so hard.
Well, it doesn’t stop at that age, in fact from what I can tell it only gets more…. what’s the word I am looking for…… complicated.

I have an open relationship with my kids and or any kid if they have the guts so come and ask me the hard questions.
Now, I have a thicker skin than most but not by much so I have to suppress a lot of emotions that come naturally to a parent so that I can be in the loop for my kids when they really need me.

That said, my 24 year old stopped by the other day to tell me what happened around Valentines Day.
She now lives with her boyfriend so she decided to do something romantic for them on Valentines Day and maybe a little naughty.
Yes my kids talk to me about the sex issues not their mother.

“I went to the sex shop the other day”.
“You went to Wicked Wanda’s without me”?
“You know how much I love that store”.
“Who was behind the counter, was it the tall blond with the big tits or the raven hair goddess with the round ass”?
“It was the the chubby one”.
“Ah yes, Raul”.
“No, it was the chubby girl”.
“Yeah Raul, he’s a transsexual”.
“You mean a girl pretending to be a guy”?
“No, a guy being a woman”.
You mean the whole time I was asking questions to a guy”.
“Well, if you want to call Raul a guy, I guess, yeah”.

“So what did you buy”?
“Really he’s a guy”?
”Yeah, yeah, get over it and tell me what did you buy”.
I bought coffee flavoured lubricant”.
“Ah, so you like flavour of coffee”?
”Not really but the boyfriend does”.
“I see, but usually the person using it gets the flavour they like”.
“Well if you’re going to put some in your mouth to lubricate his cock you would think you would like to taste a flavour that appeals to you”.
“I just put it on my lips to kiss him”.
“Oh……..did you slide off his face”?
“EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW, I just realized she told me she used it an loved how it tasted”?
“You mean Raul”?

The oldest called me the other day.

''Hi Dad''
"Hey, How’s it going"?
"The boyfriend wants to have kids".
"AH, I see".
"I don’t know what to do"?
"Well, you got to get naked first".
"NO, I know that part, I don’t want kids".
"Then don’t get naked……."

Kids, it never ends

Have a nice weekend



GAB said...

Ah yes kids. They get soooo Upset when Mr Gab and I start talking about sex. I guess they don't want to think that we have it. And the grand kids OMG they run screaming. We laugh our asses off, cause we love to embarrass them. And sometimes we will start talking about it just to get to them! We have always been open with them all kids as well as grand kids but I still guess hearing your parents talk about it isn't what they wanna hear.There are days I wish one or more of my kids said they didn't want kids. (Yeah right) I have 8 beautiful grand kids and I love them all even if I have to raise some of them.

Peter said...

Maybe instead of "Don't get naked" you could have offered some advice on contraception... or the joy that kids can bring to your life... or some shit like that??? As for poor misunderstood Raul... What can I say that hasn't already been said!!!

Tamara said...

WOW!!! I thought 4SURE I could come here and see a recent update??? awwww bummer....miss ur posts!!