blue moon (2)

Friday, June 16, 2006

Sex Talk: M-Z For Susan ©

Friday again?
Hold on is it me or are these Fridays coming way to fast.
It’s 3:50 am and I am still here working of a post that has taken me 10 HOURS!!!!!!! because I have lovely friends who love me that like to TALK.
I swear this is a conspiracy.
Probably a meeting of the Bond Girls at MrH’s house while he kept me busy on yahoo.
Was it a mistake MrH or was it a fiendish plot to keep me busy while my Sex Dictionary was snatched?

Today’s first post was not written by me but by someone on my blog roll.
That’s all I am allowed to say.
I have opened my Friday Sex Talk to anyone who wants to post something they don’t feel comfortable posting on their site because of family or young kids reading.
Which is understandable.
So if anyone wants to post on a Friday’s Sex Talk anonymously you are more than welcome to email me.

A Teasing Pleasure

Mmm, you lay there, smelling so good assaulting my senses.
I felt weak, and as I stared at you, I felt my longing, my desire grow.
I wanted to taste you; I wanted to feel your flesh against my tongue, against my lips.

I felt compelled to approach you.
You were ready for me.
I sat in front of you and slowly ever so slowly reached out my hand, then bent to receive what you offered.

I slowly put you against my lips, my tongue flicking out to taste you, then you were sliding past my lips into my mouth.
I closed my eyes to taste you better, to feel the texture of you inside my mouth, savoring the warmth.
Then my mouth was empty; I wanted more, oh how bad I wanted.
I watched as my hand moved rhythmically, meeting my mouth as you pushed against my lips repeatedly.

And then the taste was bursting in my mouth, coating my tongue and lips with your essence.
I was satisfied and yet longed for more.

I slowly wiped my mouth then stood.
I walked to the kitchen counter and cut another piece of the homemade hot apple pie that beckoned to me.

So what did you think I was talking about?



Just for Susan M-Z.

M: Triple Double Chocolate Sundae

HERSHEY'S Hot Fudge Topping, warmed
3 scoops chocolate ice cream, divided
1. Spoon hot fudge topping in bottom of large glass mug; layer with scoop of chocolate ice cream. 2. Remove wrappers from chocolates; chop. Sprinkle over ice cream; layer with second scoop of chocolate ice cream.
3. Top with hot fudge topping and third scoop of chocolate ice cream.
4. Add chocolate syrup over ice cream; garnish with miniature chocolate bar.
Serve immediately.
1 sundae.

N: Nocturnal emission, now according to their definition it means this:
When a man has an erotic dream and ejaculates in his sleep.
A wet dream
Which end do they think this ejaculating is going to happen from?
Emissions come from the butt end and if you have a wet dream from that side, someone is NOT going to be happy if they are in the same bed as you.

O: I had an O face because I was Onanisming while thinking of oral sex just before having an Orgasm.
Or jerking off for short
Yeah yeah, Monica thinks I should toss the sex dictionary in the fire or mail it to her.

P: is for Petit mort - n.French for the "little death"; an ORGASM.
I don’t know, I think the French have it backwards.
I don’t think I could have sex with a woman that started screaming “OMG I’m dieing” at the top of her lungs.
Can you imagine the window being open and the neighbors hearing all this shit going down?
Before you get to blow each other into the next universe....... there is a S.W.A.T. team around the bed with guns pointed at your head with CNN reports live on the scene because some French woman is having a Petit Mort.
I’ll stick to the English-speaking women with the comings and leave the goings to the French.

Q: Is for Quiet, something I wish I could get at times but living here next to family it’s not likely to happen.
It’s a war zone and I am the DMZ.
You know like a peacekeeper, the one everyone shoots at.
Did I tell you how my SIL sat on my lap at the baptism all drunk and was grinding her ass into my crotch to see if she could get me hard?
It’s been five days and it's still thawing out.

R: Rainbows.
I love rainbows.
I love walking in the rain so I get to see a lot of rainbows afterwards.
I get to see the doctor a lot because I walk in the rain also.
Have you noticed if you look at a rainbow and raise your hands that you could see how close it was by how wide it is.
So if your hands were 2 feet apart then it would be closer than if they were a foot and apart.
I know Monica’s lost already because this is math and she doesn't like math.
The biggest rainbow I have seen had my arms almost 4 feet apart.
I stared at it for hours in awe.
The colors were brilliantly vibrant almost like fresh colored paint splashed across the sky.
Dripping in front of me.
It was right up close to my face.
Right there on my wall.
Teach me for leaving Amanda alone with crayola markers.

S: Where do I begin and will there be an end to this letter.
SEX, is the subtle curves of a pear, the rich flesh of a cherry in your mouth while rolling the pit with your tongue and lips.
Can you tie a knot with the stem?
The cool refreshing juice of a fat strawberry running down the back of your mouth after you sink your teeth into it then down your throat where your body absorbs it, recharging your energy cells.
Can you follow the cool fluid through your chest as it travels through your body perking up your senses?
Your taste buds screaming for that next bite,
Your tongue probing the open wound trying to draw more nectar to satisfy a craving.
Sex is your senses being woken up and set ablaze by any means, sending an unstoppable serge through your loins.
Sex surrogate - n.A counselor who helps people with their sexual problems by engaging in sexual activity with them.
I always thought it was the neighbor’s wife.
Goes to show what I know.

T: For The Little Engine that Could.
A Train, remember that story?
I do, I remember reading it when I was small and I remember reading it to my kids.
I used to love Trains as a kid.
I guess most boys had a train phase.
I remember my first one, but not as well as I remember getting my second one.
Yeah I used to send them down the track in opposite directions like Gomez did on The Adams Family.
All pleasant thoughts with just one word, Train.
Well all that went out the window reading this dictionary.

Train - n.A line of men having sex, where each man anally penetrates the man in front of him, connecting together like the cars of a train.

You know who is getting the short end of the stick here.
It’s the guy in the front.

U: Unbelievable, that’s what this dictionary is.
Who comes up with this stuff?
Unload - v. To ejaculate.
It goes with the train one old and new.
You should always know the new slang terms
If you walk into the wrong place and say something that has a double meaning you could be in a lot of trouble just by asking for the Train Station.

V: Vasectomy - n.Surgery, performed on a man's vas deferens inside the scrotum, which renders him infertile.


That was easy enough and I was worried Ha!
Wax - v. To give a HAND JOB.


You mean in all those old gangster movies when someone went to WAX someone, they were jerking them off?
I’m surprised everyone didn’t want to get Waxed.
I would and here to think all this time I thought they were being killed.
Makes all those mob guys look a bit like…….WANKERS.

X: Is for X-ray.
I should get my head X-rayed for even thinking of doing this.
X-rated, that covers about most of my thoughts.

Y: Yes Yes Yes one more letter or what I say when I get offered sex,
It has to be in triplicate to make sure she gets my answer.

Z: Before I end this post I would like to point out that the Greek alphabet has only 24 letters NOT 26.
Do we really need “J”.
I know you would loose the word jerk but wanker sounds better.
And why do we need the letter “c” when “k” and “s” do such a great job now.
Just a thought for the powers that be.


Have a nice weekend.


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