blue moon (2)

Saturday, April 09, 2005

The Dinner ©

Oh man I’m stuffed. Sister in-law called over today and said she is having a dinner and is inviting me over for turkey too. Turkey again. How many does she have? It seems she cooks one every week. Is it the only thing she knows how to cook? She cooks it for 16 hrs in the oven. She puts it in frozen and it’s already stuffed. Apparently it’s moist that way, more like still frozen. I feel like starting a turkey revolt. All Turkeys Rise and Fight back but it won’t work, they have no fingers to reach the door handles to the pens.
There are going to be other people there also, in particular her sister is gonna be coming. Fuck just shoot me now and get it over with.
My sister in law and her family are nice people but strange and eccentric in a lot of ways. Let me take that back and say every way. Yeah that’s better. Last year she was pregnant (sister in-law) and we were having dinner at her place. I don’t have to tell you what we had. Here are some of the conversations that were going around. Now at the table were, my brother, sister in-law, her mother, her mothers boyfriend, and her sister, without her husband and me. Her sister is married but the husband couldn’t make it.
I wish this was a murder mystery dinner.
I’d be the only one left.
Sister in-laws mother starts with, so I hear your father bought you a set of boobs for Christmas. So much for pass the salt please.
Yes she replies, and thrusts out her chest. What do you think?
You call those tits pffffffffffft, she lifts up her 2 big boulders and drops them on the table and says THESE are tits and they’re real.
Umm can you pass the peas please?
What do you think Walker asks the mother, I say yes the turkey IS tender and moist.
Brother freaks and says get your tits off the table when we’re eating, gezzz so much for the elbows. Shut up she yells back and looks at her daughter and goes you choose the wrong brother.
Yes I know replies the sister in-law.
I don’t think so thinks me.
Now the sister kicks in and goes I’m so happy you’re having a baby. So am I, was the reply and a chorus of giggles breaks out.
I wish I could have one, I want one so bad but the hubby got fixed after his divorce and doesn’t want any more.
The mother comes back with, he’s and idiot anyway and looks at me. Walker she says your single now are you not? I fill my mouth with food and say nothing, hoping it may look like I don’t want to talk with a mouth full. Sister in law says yes he is.
Well there you go dear, Walker will get you pregnant and that’s that. Cough, food spews all over the place. I blame a pea for going down the wrong side.
So for the rest of the night they were planning how I was gonna fuck this woman and knock her up. Don’t get me wrong the sister is a knock out but she’s a nut to and married which I pointed out.
I smile and Walker is off the hook now.
No big deal I’ll divorce him. Ack screwed still.
Well Walker is a smoker, not for long but I was then and I am now.
I got to go out for a smoke says I and out I went and went and went ……..
Brother showed up at the bar 2 hours later sits down and orders a beer. They’re still looking for you he says. I look at him and smile.
Last month I was at my niece’s baptism, and they were all there including the husband. The sister spent the whole night between me and my date (or should I say someone I went with so we would not go alone). She sat there showing me her cleavage the whole night. I felt like going over to her husband and kicking him in the balls and unclipping what he had clipped.
I went out for a smoke.
Why am I quitting?
Well off I go to my turkey dinner tonight, and face the sister in-law and her sister. I get there and she tells me that her sister couldn’t find a dog sitter and won’t be coming.
The turkey was GREAT and I was home within an hour and on Yahoo making my girl friend moan, groan and roll around screaming my name .That’s 2 days in a row Babe. See you tomorrow we’ll shoot for 3 (new stereo headset’s GREAT). Now that’s the only person Walkers going to be knocking up if anyone again.
Sister in-laws mother BTW is a psychiatrist and the sister is an executive director for a large corporation.
See there are nuts everywhere.


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