blue moon (2)

Wednesday, January 08, 2014

What Season Is It Again? ©

So let’s do a recap of the weather of late.
A month ago we got snow by the yard.
Not inches and hell not centimetres, maybe meters.
I have seen lots of snow and pushed it off but this is the first time I had to dig my way out.
You know you are in trouble when you look where you have the snow blower chained at and you can’t see it.
It’s there, somewhere.

After hours of battle with the big white ugly we built a small mountain on the side of the road for my tax money to go to work, eventually.
Totally exhausted I remember coming in and passing out for a couple of hours or maybe a little more but when I woke up and looked out the window the small mountain wasn’t there any more.
It was buried under a fresh new pile of white shit.
This time the snow was a third of the way up the door.
It’s like the fucken beginning of October, winter is supposed to start in December.
What the fuck is this shit?

Where the hell are you supposed to put this crap when the street is already full?
I think we are all going about this snow removal business in the wrong way.
We got to get a little Eskimo on this shit.
Where’s Si from Duck Dynasty I need some back up here.
I love Duck Dynasty.
We have rednecks here to, we just call it frostbite.
Build Igloos with the damn stuff.
You know that mud room you always wanted to build in the front but couldn’t afford.
Here’s your chance, build it and in the spring it will just melt away watering your lawn for spring as it goes.
Maybe that garage you always wanted to put you car in during the winter.
Make some forms for blocks and start building, more fun than shovelling.

After the blizzard from hell passes, Hell freezes over.
-50?
Give me a break.
This isn’t Winnipeg.
Actually it’s colder there, so cold Winnie’s Poo would bounce and shatter when it hits the ground.
A solid week of frigid weather.
They are bitching in Atlanta Ga. that its –10.
Big deal, cover your peaches with a hanky it’s –50 up here for us.
You could get your tongue stuck licking a exposed nipple…… I guess that wouldn’t be so bad though.

Now, this coming Saturday it’s going to be 8 decrees.
8?
-50 last week and 8 this weekend.
What’s next, a meteor shower?
The weatherman said it will be like paradise and should rename the city Ottalulu.
Does this idiot even know what paradise is?
Probably got a blowjob while he slept and woke up happy.
It was the dog moron, probably looking for a drop of fluid because his water bowl was frozen.

Over in the UK they have 50-60 foot waves.
You can tell they never seen waves that big before and hoards of them run to the wharfs to watch these massive blankets of water come crashing down on them.
HELLO when there is a 50 foot wave bearing down on you, you don’t park under it, then feebly try to out run it as your car is washed out to sea.

For all those people who don’t believe in global warming you can kiss my frozen ass and for those who named it global warming, you have done way too much LSD.
Global FUBAR would be more appropriate.

Stay warm

Walker

6 comments:

Luka Sooxter said...

Hey Walker, those giant waves washed so many of us Brits out to sea that the environment agency had to post on Twitter asking the media to STOP asking people to send in their giant wave pics and instead ask them to stay away from the coastline. Darwin in action!

Walker said...

Luka Sooxter: Makes you wonder what people are thinking when they run to something like that or chase a tornado for a quick picture.
Oh and when they get hurt they are the victim.

itisi said...

hmmm....that must have been about the same time that Phoenix, AZ was the warmest spot in the States at 68 degrees!
It was -39 here and two days later it was 50 degrees. Go figure.







GAB said...

We went from -40 to about 40 in 7 days. It was so freaking weird! we really dont have a lot of snow. But we do have a lot of cold. And guess what? It's suppose to get cold here again this week! Sick yeah more than ever. Bronchitis and pnemonia ICK! Who in the hell cares about peaches getting cold what the hell about our asses!

Walker said...

itisi : The weather has become a major pain in the ass. Makes you wonder if someone has a weather machine and is fucking with us

Walker said...

GAB: Its scary to see for someone who has been around long enough to know that this is NOT normal weather but what is becoming normal is every year the weather is taking drastic changes