blue moon (2)

Friday, February 09, 2007

Harsh Lessons 2 ©

When I was a kid my parents used to tell me family stuck together because if family wasn’t there for you who would be?
Having something like this pushed into your head at an early age never goes away.
As much as my brother and I don’t get along he is my brother and I pay the dues of being family by being there for him.

Growing up on the street in a poor neighbourhood your friends became family and you watched each other’s back because alone against the bikers, rapists, pedophiles and the other garbage that was out there, you would never have a chance.
As the decades passed I made new friends and my family grew, as it grew so did my responsibilities.
Some of you are saying “You don’t have to” and you’re wrong, I do as do you because if you don’t take responsibility to help when you can and turn a blind eye then who will help you when you need it.
That person you watch being abused could be you one day and that shadow watching instead of helping you might have been you yourself.
I’m not talking about selling your soul or house to give help to someone, I mean the little things in life that come free and are cheap to give.
Your time to listen to someone most times is enough, lending your thoughts and opinions may make someone’s life easier, easing someone worries, picking them up from some lonely pit they are wallowing in and holding them erect until you could let go so they could stand on their own when they are stronger.
Sometimes being a post to lean on strengthens someone enough to pull themselves erect once more to face what lies ahead.

But this sometimes comes with a price.
It’s like walking through a pasture smelling the fresh scent of the flowers and stepping in some cow’s shit.
Now the real question is, if you are a friend do you tell your friend behind you about the pile of shit or do you let them step in it and laugh at him after?
I have learned a lot in the last six years online and I am still learning.
When I was in the backgammon rooms I was there for one reason and that was to play backgammon and nothing else.
I didn’t talk to those in the lobby or my games I just played but eventually people bugged me enough so I started interacting and learned to care for many of them as time went on, they became family.
Then I got into blogging and I felt the same way about many of you and more so I think because many of us are open and share our lives here and through IMs.

I have argued with people about the people on line who say “well they aren’t really real they are just people on the other side of the computer but the people right here in the now and present are the ones that matter because they are real”.
That’s bullshit, let me tell you something, I’m on the other side of the screen your looking at writing this post and I am as fucken real as you can get and so are you and anyone who says different could go fuck themselves.

We all have everyday problems, feeling, and desires, opinions a life to talk about and share.
Issues that need to be brought forth and this has become the biggest and best form of therapy for many people and it’s free.
Some people reach out to others privately through emails for help or support of some sort and create friendships, bonds of TRUST.

Last year, actually it was Feb 16 2006 I got an email from someone telling me she liked my Valentines Day post.
I get a fair number of emails a month from people who comment by email, I guess they are shy and I answer them back.
Some people were shocked to hear from me, I don’t know why.
I think if someone can take the time to write me the least I could do is answer back, besides I have always said I was here for anyone if they want someone to listen to them.

This woman started a dialogue with me that went on for months.
There was never anything personal between us, we discussed what was happening in her life and we also talked about what was happening in mine, well it was splattered all over my blog and the talk of our little blogging community at the time.
Tempers were high and heated exchanges created a lot of tension and I vented to this person.
This is were I fucked up, I let my anger at the time get the better of me and shared things with someone I didn’t know that well.
I didn’t surrender any personal information but I did share my personal thoughts and she fuelled my temper with her negative comments in support.
Economist woman, that’s what she called herself because she was an Economics Professor, sent me 76 emails between Feb 16 and May 7th the last time I heard from her.

During this period, someone was driving me crazy with a email attack trying to keep me pissed off and it was working until some of my friends on here got a hold of me and kept me to busy to dwell on the attack but when they were all gone and in bed I would stay up until the dawn sometimes hunting, searching for the SOB.
I know I am going to be getting shit from a couple of bond girls who I told I was going to bed but stayed up instead.

I have had enough of that in the last year, you have issues with me bring it on, I’ll fight you or I’ll agree with you.
I am big enough to accept when I’m wrong and have been put in my place a couple of times when shown the truth.
We are all human we fuck up.
For four months this went on, they sent the emails, I hunted, looking for a break, a slip, just one fucken piece of the puzzle so I could tie it all up but no.
June brought peace because the assaults ended and things started looking brighter.
I enjoyed the summer and did a lot of writing and blog reading.
I was also looking at some of the new bloggers in our little circle to see if I would enjoy reading the.
There was one that popped up around this time on some of my friends’ blogs but she didn’t have a blog yet, just a URL and a profile just so that she could comment but there was something about her that bugged me.
I could say my Spidey sense kicked in but then I might have to change my profile picture and I don’t even want to think of me in tights.
I dismissed my curiosity and just kept on blogging, but every now and then L would read her comments on other blogs and felt funny about it.
I came to the conclusion it was her name that got me spooked all the time.
A couple of weeks ago I was reading the comments on a post I was about to comment on and saw her comment and math came up.
The word math triggered something in my head and I took off looking into my archives.
Way back I went looking for a comment Ewoman made on my post.
I found it on Feb 25th 2006 and copied the ISP down.
Then I matched it to another comment’s made by this new bloggers ISP and they matched.
WTF, I thought.
Now I was more than curious so I went hunting for what ever I can find out and everything started coming together.
This blogger turned out to be ……. Economic Professor OH SHOCK and the other parts of her life were bang on too.
The new blogger was Ewoman and she was reading and being friends with the same people she was criticizing in emails to me and she was armed with the shit I had shared with her.
This made my stomach turn, not only was I betrayed and used I also helped someone get close to the people in my life at that time.
I was mad, furious and a lot of it was aimed at myself for being so stupid this could be some psycho, had to be for her to go to these lengths to conceal herself and lie to everyone.
Oh she did lie, she denied knowing me at all but we’ll get to that later.
I had everything I needed but one thing and that was, why.
I have never asked anyone not to read someone.
When I had issues with my ex I encouraged many of you to keep reading her and that it was none of your business what was going on between us.
Many of my readers still read her, so this blogger starting a blog and reading some of my reads including my ex wouldn’t have bothered me in the least but why the deception?
After a week I cooled down a bit, you may have notice my absence, I was trying to figure out what to do with this.

I decided to do it privately; maybe there was a perfectly good explanation why she went to these great lengths to deceive me.
So I went to her blog and left an anonymous comment a couple of posts before her current one leaving a comment stating I knew who she was a piece of information that would tell her and only her it was me hoping she would email me and we could talk about this.
I went back and my comment was deleted.
You want to piss me off, delete my comment, if is offensive to you by all means delete it and tell me.
I had someone edit my comment because of my language, that’s cool, I totally understand I can get to emotional sometimes and my fingers speak their mind to fast.
So I left another comment, which was only the email address she used to use, used to because she cancelled it and my last emails came back to me.

When she disappeared back in May without a word I kept sending Ewoman emails because I was worried after not hearing from her for a while.
It’s something I do when I haven’t heard from any of my friends as some of you have found out when you haven’t posted in awhile.
What kind of a friend would I be if I didn’t?

I waited for four days and got no reply, I then went back and decided to confront her with my name and link, armed with the evidence for her to see she was pinched.
Before I did that I sent people that I had blabbed about my admission and what I had done with the emails she had sent me as proof.
I still have one more person to contact which I will do this weekend.

I still got no email so I went back to her blog and her post was about making her blog private to those she invites because she considered her life private.
I think she meant she got busted and needed to crawl back under the rock she came out from under and hide.
Now her blog is password protected.

Then came the ultimate insult.
I find out she said she didn’t know it was me.
She got my email off my blog and was reading others on my blogroll and making reference to them in emails to me.
I comment on some of the blogs she reads and some people have talked to her about me but at first she says she didn’t know me and now she says didn’t realize it was me, she sent 76 fucken emails to me.
Some people with a higher education must think some of us are stupid but hey, guess what?
I know math to and one plus one equals YOU!!!!!!!

I would have accepted “I started reading these people and got a different perspective of them and we created a friendship but I got in so deep I didn’t know what to say to you”.
Shit happens, she is reading some decent blogs; I don’t blame her in the least.
These people would make good friends, BUT YOU DIDN’T DO THAT, instead you insult me and then run away like a fucken criminal.
So what am I supposed to think when she does this and I catch her?
How do I know she is not some nut getting close to my friends?

Before I started writing this post I had to promise someone not to post her name so I won’t, I keep my word.
I know who you are, where you go and what you are that’s enough for me and you don’t deserve to have these people as friends.

This whole thing has left a bad taste in my mouth for many reasons.
It has effected how I will be dealing with people who reach out to me that I don’t know from now on.
I have lost the trust I held for some people and won’t be sharing as much of myself as I used to all because of one person’s stupidity, mine and one person’s betrayal.
I know you have been reading I see you come in, waiting for this post.
I don’t know if she is my tormentor but I am 110% sure she is not whom she says she is.

This post is for my readers, lurkers and friends so that you know there are skunks and liars out there and to watch out, you never know what’s slithering at your feet ready to take advantage of you when you are down.
I got fooled, some of you still are, good luck.

Have a nice weekend and safe blogging



Lora_3 said...

So I take it this person didn't send you a Christmas card! LOL

Damn when you clear a room you clear a room. Everyone is hiding looking at their google readers with their mouths open.

You can hit me with a snowball later for my smart mouth but hey.....

Be safe...

Dotm said...

Walker, it takes all kinds to make a world. We just have to try to ignore the rude ones and keep up with those nicer ones who truly care how we are doing. I concider the rude ones a waste of my time At my age, I can`t afford to waste my time on those impolite ones who do us no good. I know how much we like to understand why someone said or did what they did, but sometimes we didn`t do or say anything to set them off. Some just enjoy it -feeling it gives them power over others when they get a rise out of them. Thats why I seldon give them a second thought. A bunch of us once left a senior site and joined together in a new site because a few ladies, well they didn`t act like Ladies, they enjoyed finding fault and slamming other members. They really ruined what was once a nice site.
You are a good friend and well respected by so many in the blogs, don`t let the uncaring ones upset you. Life is too short to let them upset us. I feel the same way, Real friends are like family even if we never get to meet them in person. Have a nice week-end.

Walker said...

Lora_3: No but she did send me a post card from Hawaii on March 9th 2006, does that count :)

Walker said...

DotM: Thank you Dot :)
Yes it does but the way I saw this was that I may have done some one wrong with what I said and I had to point this person out to those since she was denying everything and ignoring me.

Peter said...

Hi there, I’ve been relying on using Bloglines to do my daily rounds of the blogroll for a while now, it’s a very time saving method but it feels a bit impersonal at times, so it’s a hot Saturday, I’m gonna sit here and visit with everyone, It won’t feel any different to you but know that I chose to visit today instead of just answering an electronic reminder.
Have a good day.
Hey Walker, that's a helluva story about an evil bitch, as a fairly new member of your circle of friends (I hope) let me say that I saw you around for quite a long time before I made contact, this was to be sure (well as sure as you can be) that this guy Walker was worth the effort, I hope that perhaps you did the same sort of thing and that we both are happy about our choice.
I've got your back Buddy, even if it is from a fucken long way away.

deni said...

She must be a really pathetic individual, for one, to hide behind a password, and to lie not only to you but to others.

One of the worst things a person can be is a backstabber to someone they call a friend.

Walker said...

Peter: Thanks Peter, actuaslly i had you on my favorites on my explorer for some time. Thats where i keep many of the blogs i read.
I like getting the feel of who I am reading. I think I saw you from Miss Cellania's blog who I didn't comment on either but read.

My post is more about having each others back that it is about the "bitch".
One day she will understand what it's like to have someone watching your back instead of turning her back to people.
When we all watch out for each other the chances of getting used or abused becomes less and less.

I wish it was hot here.
When I was in Australia in december last year it was bloody hot I know that lol

Walker said...

Deni: I don't understand why, something I may never know.
I don;t understand why she just didn't come here to me and tell me. I don't bite. ZI do but that's another story.
Watching her disappear and come back as a diffewrent blogger then becomingh friends with those that she critisized only makes her a hypocrite.
Do they have PHds for that?

Ms. Vickie said...

Seems like you might believe in....." Fuck with me and I'll screw you in a minute but I guarantee there will be no satisfaction for you." now my friend----I had to really think about what I wanted to say here because this is all about harsh lessons----and not get personal.

Sorry it is not going to happen you mess with my family or friends and ----then well you better be ready to pay the price----that is the way I was raised. I know you like to say you fight your own battles and you do and you do it well but let me tell you---your friends are right there fighting as well. Loyalty and honesty are two of the most important traits friends offer us----You are one of the best.

Economist woman is not only good at math but damn good at playing head games and fucking with people---the things she did to you are wicked, wrong, harmful----no matter how you look at it she was wrong---Yes the E woman seems fit.

You admitted you made a mistake, well we all do but you have taken the steps and went beyond to try and make restitution for what you did-----oh I know math and physics as well-----E Woman.

Walker = Good and Economist woman =Evil
Throw a few of Walker's friends in the mix+ E Woman's friends who claim to be Walker's friends and you have a glimpse of the real world here. In the real world there is always two sides to every story but this story has been told----a blog by invitation only is an admission of guilt.Now I wonder how can those who say they are your friends stand by her---that puzzles me.

By the way Walker I can see why the E woman got very busy training recently or I'll say blogging about it---maybe she felt the need to be in her best shape and ready to move in a hurry if need be.

Your post opened up some old wounds and reminded me I might build walls around myself but I always let people in along the way. We all just have to be careful of what we say and share because it can come back to bite us in the butt when we least expect it.

Bottom line you got took once again but you learned and you are teaching others that sweetie is what I luvs about are like the energized bunny you just keep on ticking.Oh and this will not be the last time because I know a little about you and you will keep on giving,being there for others---and one day another Evil Woman will appear but you are a little better prepared.

I hope with all this coming out you will soon feel better my friend.....and could you learn to lean on your friends a little...never mind I know and about that Fuck with me and I'll screw you in a minute but I guarantee there will be no satisfaction for you......I like satisfaction-----just saying :)

Walker said...

Ms. Vickie : I agree with everything you said I think BUT I want to andswer the friend part.
See I can admire the fact that they stand by her, its what friends are for.
As I stand by m6y friends and they stand by me even the ones thgat are her friends.
As a friend ZI made a promise to my friend and I kept it because thats what is right.
In turn she did it for the friendship she has with Ewoman evil or not you stand by your friends.
We all must admire loyalty misplaced of not other wise we would be a really fucked up world.
Look at the wors past and present.
Should we continue to shun the germans and Japanese because of their loyalty.
Actually we want people who have that kind of loyalty on our side.
This is not about them, they met them before all of this came out and I am sure they have their own thoughts about it.
No you can't punish someone for being loyal.

I care about all my friends and my friends friends when they call upon me for help.

gab said...

Its really sad when you start talking to someone and then they turn out false or they use crap against you. I always worry about people commenting on what I write for fear I will offend them but then I think WTF if they didnt want to be offened then they shouldnt read my blog. I speak my mind and I usually share all of my feelings good and bad. My family dont like me using their names so I use initials instead. I dont always spell words correctly and some times simple words get mispelled because I type to slow.(you thought Id say fast didnt you?)Im pretty much a 2 figer typer one on each ahnd. And yes I have to look at the keyboard most of the time so why do I still spell some words wrong? LOL I just made a small confession in my blog that I talk like a sailor(swear would be a better way to put it) and alot of people are shocked to know that I am that way. Im not the nice little next door girl some thought I was. But if you tell me something in confidance I would never ever tell anyone! Not even my hubby who doesnt blog! When some one shares a confidance with another person they are usually trusting that person to keep it safe. For a person who betrays another by spreading gossip or worse, & then to lie about it is just unbelievable. I hope they get theirs in the end. Sorry walker I didnt mean to take up a lot of your space but its how I feel and I have seen in your blog you and I share alot of feelings(beliefs)and I just kinda went off. I cant believe I dont even know this person who has done you wrong and it has made me so mad! Have a great weekend.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry you got burned, I remember reading something a while back on your blog, about nasty e-mails. I think I'm glad, I don't have lots off traffic. I know that my family in Europe read my blog, some friends, family here and a few bloggers I haven't met, but seem nice. I try not to write too many names, or where we live exactly, because you never know what kooks are out there! From what I've read on your blog, I believe you're genuine, loyal, moral( even with some colourful language :) I've been known to express myself strongly. It's sad, that some people are that spiteful, what a sorry life they must have. Keep your faith, there are many good people, and we're all imperfect.

nachtwache said...

oops that was me, nachtwache, don't know how it went to anonymous, sorry

Walker said...

Gab :It wasnt she said nasty things about me it was the deception of getting to know me and the other parts of who i am and then reinventing herself then lieing about it.
I have always maintained that I have one of the best blog rolls around and I still stand by that.
I know she is not on my blogroll and never will be.
I have already been asked by some to look and see if she was on theirs or in their comments and others know who she is now from some of the emails i recieved yesterday.
It only takes one wrong person to make blogging a bad experience for many.
I am a two finger typer, probably why it takes me so long to write a post lol

Weary Hag said...

Walker, sorry to see you got involved in an Internet betrayal. That's never fun but I think everyone I know has had a go-around with that type of thing at least once - well ... those who like to connect with people anyway. Those who remain very private and don't open up their lives don't usually get into those situations, but then too - they don't have any connections with people, they just enjoy the Internet all by themselves.

I guess anytime, anywhere, any way we get connected to people, we are taking a risk. Sometimes the betrayals are small and can be overlooked - sometimes they're huge and hurt us very deeply. It sounds like you had the second type.

I wish things could be better for you because I really think you're a kind hearted person who simply wants a nice circle of friends so you can feel connected to people on the Net. I really doubt you're ever out to hurt anyone. At least, that's my take on things.

Hoping things turn out more calm and peaceful for you in the future.

And thanks for remembering me and stopping by... that meant a lot.

Hugs... WH

Walker said...

nachtwache: Burned I don't mind, I could use th tan but tricked and put others in the line of fire is what scared me.
There will always be garbage on the internet but as long as we all know who we are then it will be safer.
Harse Lessons the first one I wrote a year ago tells how bad it could get and luckily it didnt get to that point but there are dangers and our kindness can get us into trouble some times.

Walker said...

Weary Hag: I hate when this happenes an I dont try to hurt people unless i have to such as now and I am only human and can make mistakes.
I tried to avoid this post but she never tried to contact me even though she was asked to so this ells me she has no interest or cares which says alot.

I am happy to see you back and was worried with your absence :)

patti_cake said...

People can be so...weird sometimes. I've had to deal with two stalkers IRL (not related to blogging) so I know the fears. Be well Walker, my friend.

Walker said...

Patti_Cake: Weird is the right word. I had a stalker in real life once two and it wasn't funny going out in the morning to let the dog out and having a woman in a car at 3 am waving at you.
She was everywhere I went and once went to my EX and sat with her and tried to become freinds.
I nipped that fasdt, I didnt want her that close to my kids.
Some people are just sick I guess

Monica said...

I respect your post, Walker, because I know this is something that bothered you. And I also know that hurt and betrayal are based on how we perceive them so if you felt this then for you it was true.

I also admire and respect you for not feeding the fodder by naming her. This was between the two of you and you handled it. The only time I called someone out on my blog like that was because she was consistently attacking me in my comments. And she's turned a new leaf since then. :)

I read the comments and I thought Gab and Weary Hag (who doesn't look like one based on her pic by the way) had really REALLY good comments. It really is sad to trust someone online and have it used against you. But then we spend our lives monitoring our kids online so we really should know better, right?

There are two women I'm friends with online that I trust implicitly. I respect and admire many others and have a more casual friendship with them but the trust factor is there with them as well.

I've learned in the last year and a half that not everyone is who they say they are online (I'm a 56 year old man and I rent these kids as needed) Seriously, I have been accused of making up a child in the military to impress a woman's husband because HE lied about being married to start with. Which is funny because my older one joined the Army long before I started talking to people online...I plan ahead, don't you know?) But that's their problem to deal with, not mine.

I wouldn't use something against someone online because I know what it feels like, having been on the receiving end of it with both a male and a female. But if I've learned anything, it's to keep my guard up and just be friendly and be able to back up whatever I say to anyone through face-to-face, email or IMs and I can honestly say I can do that.

Now, two things: call the freaking doctor NOW and um, about this dance?

Jac said...

I know how to skin with my bare hands because I was trained so I also know that it needs hate to skin a living creature.

I also learned that hate is a double edged sword which will come to you one day if you hate and loathe some one.
Mind you that I am not a very religious man

Walker! Can't you just pardon her?

Walker said...

Monica: it wasn't about feeding gossip it was about someone not being honest and goinbg covertly around someone elses back.
As i said before, hurt had nothing to do with it.
I know what some have said about you and they are idiots and some plain stupid for lack of a life.

Nag Nag

Walker said...

Jac: Forgivenss is for those whop seek it. I offered an open hand 3 times and it was slapped away each time.
The jackal only wants what the jackal wants so no pardon now or ever.

Monica said...

I know you just did not call me a nag?


Oh, yeah,happy Valentine's Day up there in Canada.

Walker said...

Happy Valentines day to you to :)
You a nag ummm looks down the hall lol

Kathy said...

You and I walk in very different circles, but every online community attracts nuts.

I am one of the moderators of the Pediatric Brain Tumors group.

You wouldn't expect such a group to attract the crazies, but we are by no means immune.

People lie. A 16-year old girl in high school claimed to be a woman in her late 20's with 2 daughters, one that had a deadly and usually fatal brain tumor.

Her story included financial woes, a hubby that beat her up and sent her to the ER, her daughter having a seizure and being life-flighted to a hospital, and her grandmother dying.

Other parents in the group, themselves the victims of tragedy, took pity on her and sent her a camcorder to film her "daughters" with, cash, and phone cards.

The grandma dying part was true. I found grandma's obituary on the web and called the preacher of the church where grandma's funeral was held. I sent him the link to the website where this girl perpetuated her lies.

The preacher let me in on what was going on. Some folks pursued legal action. I wrote a letter to the principal at her school.

Tempers flare. Two women I know got in a spat online.

The woman who felt she was wronged hacked into the other woman's AOL account, read all her personal email and sent out the nastiest, most foul-mouthed emails imaginable to everyone in her email address book. She emailed the teachers at the other woman's children's school. She read her financial statements and broadcasted them to everyone in the woman's address book.

The woman whose account was hacked had lost a daughter to a brain tumor a year before. The woman who broke into her account included the deceased daughter's neurosurgeons and oncologists in these nasty, foul-mouthed emails.

The woman who hacked her account set up new accounts in the name of the first woman's deceased daughter and sent out nasty emails to people while impersonating the deceased daughter.

There was much, much more. I collected the emails this woman sent out and was able to prove conclusively who had done it by tracking IP addresses.

We tried to get her prosecuted, but were unsuccessful, due to the complications of being in two different states and other things.

There are crazies everywhere. Most people are good folks, but not everyone, and when you write to someone online using an anonymous email account, you really should assume nothing about them, they could be any sex or any age.

My hubby is a wikipedia admin, although most folk are good people, the curse of wikipedia is that it is a magnet for every internet and newsgroup nutbar who has been looking for a forum in which to spew their ideas, and it is a fulltime and neverending job for the hundreds of admins.

I'm sorry you had this encounter. It sounds like you're pretty well informed, but I have successfully helped several people with stalker problems.

In the words of Neal Stephenson:

Arguing with anonymous strangers on the Internet is a sucker's game because they almost always turn out to be--or to be indistinguishable from--self-righteous sixteen-year-olds possessing infinite amounts of free time.

tammi said...

Hmmm...posting on an old post is prolly not cool...especially when I have tried picking this apart to figure out what is going on.
So here's the friggin deal.
All "I" know is....I like the hell out of you.So fuck any negative bullshit thrown at you,and fuck the peeps that have nothing better to do than talk smack about you and play silly games.
You got alot of people that think the world of you.Some dumbasses are gona be jealous of that.So "OH WELL" goes on.
I think your a doll.
big hugs my luv