Harsh Lessons 2 ©

When I was a kid my parents used to tell me family stuck together because if family wasn’t there for you who would be?
Having something like this pushed into your head at an early age never goes away.
As much as my brother and I don’t get along he is my brother and I pay the dues of being family by being there for him.

Growing up on the street in a poor neighbourhood your friends became family and you watched each other’s back because alone against the bikers, rapists, pedophiles and the other garbage that was out there, you would never have a chance.
As the decades passed I made new friends and my family grew, as it grew so did my responsibilities.
Some of you are saying “You don’t have to” and you’re wrong, I do as do you because if you don’t take responsibility to help when you can and turn a blind eye then who will help you when you need it.
That person you watch being abused could be you one day and that shadow watching instead of helping you might have been you yourself.
I’m not talking about selling your soul or house to give help to someone, I mean the little things in life that come free and are cheap to give.
Your time to listen to someone most times is enough, lending your thoughts and opinions may make someone’s life easier, easing someone worries, picking them up from some lonely pit they are wallowing in and holding them erect until you could let go so they could stand on their own when they are stronger.
Sometimes being a post to lean on strengthens someone enough to pull themselves erect once more to face what lies ahead.

But this sometimes comes with a price.
It’s like walking through a pasture smelling the fresh scent of the flowers and stepping in some cow’s shit.
Now the real question is, if you are a friend do you tell your friend behind you about the pile of shit or do you let them step in it and laugh at him after?
I have learned a lot in the last six years online and I am still learning.
When I was in the backgammon rooms I was there for one reason and that was to play backgammon and nothing else.
I didn’t talk to those in the lobby or my games I just played but eventually people bugged me enough so I started interacting and learned to care for many of them as time went on, they became family.
Then I got into blogging and I felt the same way about many of you and more so I think because many of us are open and share our lives here and through IMs.

I have argued with people about the people on line who say “well they aren’t really real they are just people on the other side of the computer but the people right here in the now and present are the ones that matter because they are real”.
That’s bullshit, let me tell you something, I’m on the other side of the screen your looking at writing this post and I am as fucken real as you can get and so are you and anyone who says different could go fuck themselves.

We all have everyday problems, feeling, and desires, opinions a life to talk about and share.
Issues that need to be brought forth and this has become the biggest and best form of therapy for many people and it’s free.
Some people reach out to others privately through emails for help or support of some sort and create friendships, bonds of TRUST.

Last year, actually it was Feb 16 2006 I got an email from someone telling me she liked my Valentines Day post.
I get a fair number of emails a month from people who comment by email, I guess they are shy and I answer them back.
Some people were shocked to hear from me, I don’t know why.
I think if someone can take the time to write me the least I could do is answer back, besides I have always said I was here for anyone if they want someone to listen to them.

This woman started a dialogue with me that went on for months.
There was never anything personal between us, we discussed what was happening in her life and we also talked about what was happening in mine, well it was splattered all over my blog and the talk of our little blogging community at the time.
Tempers were high and heated exchanges created a lot of tension and I vented to this person.
This is were I fucked up, I let my anger at the time get the better of me and shared things with someone I didn’t know that well.
I didn’t surrender any personal information but I did share my personal thoughts and she fuelled my temper with her negative comments in support.
Economist woman, that’s what she called herself because she was an Economics Professor, sent me 76 emails between Feb 16 and May 7th the last time I heard from her.

During this period, someone was driving me crazy with a email attack trying to keep me pissed off and it was working until some of my friends on here got a hold of me and kept me to busy to dwell on the attack but when they were all gone and in bed I would stay up until the dawn sometimes hunting, searching for the SOB.
I know I am going to be getting shit from a couple of bond girls who I told I was going to bed but stayed up instead.

I HATE PEOPLE FUCKING WITH MY HEAD!!!!!!!!
I have had enough of that in the last year, you have issues with me bring it on, I’ll fight you or I’ll agree with you.
I am big enough to accept when I’m wrong and have been put in my place a couple of times when shown the truth.
We are all human we fuck up.
For four months this went on, they sent the emails, I hunted, looking for a break, a slip, just one fucken piece of the puzzle so I could tie it all up but no.
June brought peace because the assaults ended and things started looking brighter.
I enjoyed the summer and did a lot of writing and blog reading.
I was also looking at some of the new bloggers in our little circle to see if I would enjoy reading the.
There was one that popped up around this time on some of my friends’ blogs but she didn’t have a blog yet, just a URL and a profile just so that she could comment but there was something about her that bugged me.
I could say my Spidey sense kicked in but then I might have to change my profile picture and I don’t even want to think of me in tights.
I dismissed my curiosity and just kept on blogging, but every now and then L would read her comments on other blogs and felt funny about it.
I came to the conclusion it was her name that got me spooked all the time.
A couple of weeks ago I was reading the comments on a post I was about to comment on and saw her comment and math came up.
The word math triggered something in my head and I took off looking into my archives.
Way back I went looking for a comment Ewoman made on my post.
I found it on Feb 25th 2006 and copied the ISP down.
Then I matched it to another comment’s made by this new bloggers ISP and they matched.
WTF, I thought.
Now I was more than curious so I went hunting for what ever I can find out and everything started coming together.
This blogger turned out to be ……. Economic Professor OH SHOCK and the other parts of her life were bang on too.
The new blogger was Ewoman and she was reading and being friends with the same people she was criticizing in emails to me and she was armed with the shit I had shared with her.
This made my stomach turn, not only was I betrayed and used I also helped someone get close to the people in my life at that time.
I was mad, furious and a lot of it was aimed at myself for being so stupid this could be some psycho, had to be for her to go to these lengths to conceal herself and lie to everyone.
Oh she did lie, she denied knowing me at all but we’ll get to that later.
I had everything I needed but one thing and that was, why.
I have never asked anyone not to read someone.
When I had issues with my ex I encouraged many of you to keep reading her and that it was none of your business what was going on between us.
Many of my readers still read her, so this blogger starting a blog and reading some of my reads including my ex wouldn’t have bothered me in the least but why the deception?
After a week I cooled down a bit, you may have notice my absence, I was trying to figure out what to do with this.

I decided to do it privately; maybe there was a perfectly good explanation why she went to these great lengths to deceive me.
So I went to her blog and left an anonymous comment a couple of posts before her current one leaving a comment stating I knew who she was a piece of information that would tell her and only her it was me hoping she would email me and we could talk about this.
I went back and my comment was deleted.
You want to piss me off, delete my comment, if is offensive to you by all means delete it and tell me.
I had someone edit my comment because of my language, that’s cool, I totally understand I can get to emotional sometimes and my fingers speak their mind to fast.
So I left another comment, which was only the email address she used to use, used to because she cancelled it and my last emails came back to me.

When she disappeared back in May without a word I kept sending Ewoman emails because I was worried after not hearing from her for a while.
It’s something I do when I haven’t heard from any of my friends as some of you have found out when you haven’t posted in awhile.
What kind of a friend would I be if I didn’t?

I waited for four days and got no reply, I then went back and decided to confront her with my name and link, armed with the evidence for her to see she was pinched.
Before I did that I sent people that I had blabbed about my admission and what I had done with the emails she had sent me as proof.
I still have one more person to contact which I will do this weekend.

I still got no email so I went back to her blog and her post was about making her blog private to those she invites because she considered her life private.
HA HA HA.
I think she meant she got busted and needed to crawl back under the rock she came out from under and hide.
Now her blog is password protected.

Then came the ultimate insult.
I find out she said she didn’t know it was me.
LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
She got my email off my blog and was reading others on my blogroll and making reference to them in emails to me.
I comment on some of the blogs she reads and some people have talked to her about me but at first she says she didn’t know me and now she says didn’t realize it was me, she sent 76 fucken emails to me.
FUCK YOU
Some people with a higher education must think some of us are stupid but hey, guess what?
I know math to and one plus one equals YOU!!!!!!!

I would have accepted “I started reading these people and got a different perspective of them and we created a friendship but I got in so deep I didn’t know what to say to you”.
Shit happens, she is reading some decent blogs; I don’t blame her in the least.
These people would make good friends, BUT YOU DIDN’T DO THAT, instead you insult me and then run away like a fucken criminal.
So what am I supposed to think when she does this and I catch her?
How do I know she is not some nut getting close to my friends?

Before I started writing this post I had to promise someone not to post her name so I won’t, I keep my word.
I know who you are, where you go and what you are that’s enough for me and you don’t deserve to have these people as friends.

This whole thing has left a bad taste in my mouth for many reasons.
It has effected how I will be dealing with people who reach out to me that I don’t know from now on.
I have lost the trust I held for some people and won’t be sharing as much of myself as I used to all because of one person’s stupidity, mine and one person’s betrayal.
I know you have been reading I see you come in, waiting for this post.
I don’t know if she is my tormentor but I am 110% sure she is not whom she says she is.

This post is for my readers, lurkers and friends so that you know there are skunks and liars out there and to watch out, you never know what’s slithering at your feet ready to take advantage of you when you are down.
I got fooled, some of you still are, good luck.

Have a nice weekend and safe blogging

Walker