blue moon (2)

Friday, March 31, 2006

In A Blink Of An Eye ©

I wonder if anyone noticed I haven’t been around.
I have been predisposed for the last couple of days (actually weeks but I put it off to long. I know a couple of ladies who are saying, I told you so, right about now) with some personal issues but the doctors did a right fine job and they say I may live to blog another day.
For a short time it was a toss up when I hit a temp of 103 one night and soaked the bed. Since that night the doctors have found the cause and loaded me up with antibiotics and here I am, still among the living dead.
I say living dead because I am not 100% yet but improving.
If a doctor ever tells you to take these 4 little pills all at once and a gallon of water, stick close to the toilet.
Lying in bed I have created my next bunch of posts in my head and as soon as I am fit, I will be putting them up and causing a ruckus with some and have you answering questions in others.
For now here is the post I was working on before my date with the grim reaper who incidentally LOST AGAIN.
Walker 3 Reaper 0
Did I mention pain killers rock!!!

A year has come and gone since I started this blog and it seems to have flown by quickly.
Although not my first blog, in fact this is the third blog of five that I started.
The one before this one was called Groundhog Day but there were a lot of bitter posts on it and eventually I deleted the posts.
It’s now my testing blog.
LHAB on the other hand is the blog I wanted it to be.
The title basically means that I am constantly blind to what the future has in store for me because I am lost in the here and now.
I have led a confusing life, particularly in the last five years.
There were times when I wanted someone to talk to but didn’t have that option.
I wanted to give my opinion on certain issues, I wanted to stand on street corner and yell my thoughts but I wouldn’t be here today, instead white would have become my main color in my new home if I did bellow from a street corner.
So I decided to bellow across cyberspace instead, as loud as I could and as plainly as possible, just for me to hear and get stuff out of my head and soul that I have been keeping inside there all my life.
I guess others heard too, I can be loud.
If anything, there was a hope that there was someone out there going through what I was and maybe I wouldn’t feel alone in this world, someone who would understand how I felt about the issues in my life.
It also allowed me a better understanding of what I was going through by looking at it all from the outside on other people blogs.

What I learned early was that I was not alone.

My first post was: Not the begining not the end
That title pretty much says it all.

The first paragraph in that post was:

I want to welcome you into my wild and crazy insane Life . Its enough that you know that I am Canadian, so crazy is the norm , but couple that with the fact that I am also of Greek parents ( yes My Big Fat Greek Wedding was as accurate as you saw it ) then you can understand why I’m going nuts . Throw in an internet girlfriend from New Zealand and voila mon ami fucked up.

I hope I haven’t disapointed you based on that first paragraph.

I have writen over 300 posts to date, ranging from funny and stupid to sad and happy. I‘ve pissed some people off and made others happy.
This I know by the emails I get, more than the comments I’ve received, but I wouldn’t have done it any other way.
I love diversity and I try to provide it.
I know that many of you hate some posts and like others.
You’re supposed too, we are different in many ways and the same in others.
Maybe this is a learning process for all of us to understand how people are in different parts of the country we live in and how people are in other countries.
We can’t all be the same.
We must act differently and speak differently.
There has to be somethings we share that we could all appreciate and there must be somethings that discust us just as much.
I believe in speaking my mind as simple as I can, the same way as I speak in real life.
Why should I try on confuse you.
Fuck, I’m already confused why sould all of us be confused.

I did learn that some people take what I say seriously when I wrote about Tipping #1 #2 #3 and got my first death threat, how cool is that.
I’ve had heaps since then but the first one is the one which is special, you remember it forever.

You have seen me at my best and worse.
To be honest with you, I have not been totally comfortable with laying my personal life here before you to be judged.
As honest as I could be with my posts, it’s always a task to hit that publish button.
I have always struggled with the thought of what the people who will read it will think.
I guess it’s a by product of being a public diary and having commenters.
5% of the time I do hit delete rather than publish and I have taken risks posting some of the posts that I have writen.
I have not told all BTW.
No one knows everything about me and no one ever will.
I can’t believe some of the stuff I have done so why should you.

As time went on and people started reading me, I learned to refine what I posted.
I didn’t want to insult people with my blunt writing style, so I toned it down a bit.
Just a bit, because any more and it wouldn’t have been me.
The content always stayed the same and my opinions were always my own.
I have always been willing to hear the other side of an issue and swayed a little on what I believed at times.
BUT just a little.
I live as I write, because it is my life I write about mostly and what happens in it. I think some people have forgotten that part when they read our blogs.
I write on pure emotion by channeling how I feel through the keyboard to you.
I pour my feelings into a post, be it with anger, love or humor.
It must be a Meditoranian thing.

The benefits of writing things down here on my blog are, I get to see bits and pieces of my past and as sad as some of those moments were, they are times I would never want to forget.
Reliving them while telling you has ……… made me feel good in some ways, cry at times.
I have expressed my anger in some, remembered friends I will no longer see on this earth in others.
I remember people that strolled through my life but for a brief momment but touched me in some way that changed the course of my very existance.
I see their faces as I write about them right now.
It was here that I first told everyone how life really was growing up for me, in Evolution.
That post reminded me how rough it was when I was a kid compared to what I have now. It also reminded me that there is a price for everything and you always have to pay the dues.
I was willing to pay then and still willing to pay again.
I would never change my past as it would only change who I am today and take away the people I have met.
Evolution gave me the push to write a little more seriously about myself.
MrH, you have said to me on several occations that I learned by my mistakes, but none of them were mistakes, they were steps through life that brought me to here.
I don’t regret them.

My attempts to write seriously ended up with The Doll , The Dinner it looked more like a comedy so I decided to write funny and I ended up with: Go Home, Tuesday which were serious posts.
So next time I make you laugh just remember.
I would prefer to only put up funny posts but life is not always a laugh, no matter how hard I try to twist it into a laugh.
Reality is what it is and people who try to hide the truth are only fooling themselves or lieing to themselves trying to make it be right when in fact they are wrong.
I have make wrong choices in my life and I admit that.

I have exploited my family in every which way I could on here. If anything, to get even with them for what they do to me here everyday, like this post: O Brother, I Know Where You Art.
Then there were the posts that left tears in my eyes: The Red Boots and Mad Dog.
I have always hated loosing some of my friends.
I have writen posts about how horny I was, or how much I loved to make love, in : It's Not A Dream, Just Fuck Me.

I have written posts that were sad times for me like: Our Loyal Friends, Scary Thoughts and as I have been sadder, these are memories I can’t forget.
There a many many posts here that say a lot of what I see and how I feel.
Some posts have torn me apart and some have held me together.
Others made me laugh and still do when I stumble across them.
I guess if you can’t make yourself laugh and cry then how do you expect someone else to feel what you felt.
I told you how I really felt about you in I don’t care . It got some people confused but I think the message was finally understood in the end.

Then there are the posts I write for myself.
You never see those.
No one does, they are for me and only me… My personal thoughts, my pain.

I have had a lot of fun bloging as well.
MrH cracks me up so much sometimes I play games with him on purpose just so he would make me laugh.
I write posts just to see what he would say.
Remember the picture of the drunk dog and cat in Still Partying MrH?
I put that up to see what you would say and you didn’t disapoint me.
Since this post I think MrH became one of my best blog friends.
Pssssssssst I still put posts up just to get you going LOL.

Then there is you.
Who the fuck are you people and why do I care what you think?
You don’t pay my bills, cook dinner for me and you definitly DON’T EMPTY THE FUCKEN LITTER BOX.
But I care what you think for some unknown reason.
Why do you come here, are you bored or just here to listen to the rantings of a MADMAN?

I remember my first commenter:

Thanks for the comment on my blog! I love it when people read're my SECOND - wait, no THIRD - international fan! Despite contrary beliefs about Americans, not all of us hate or blame Canada. In fact, a lot of us want to move there because the man at the helm of our current Administration can't pronounce the word "nuclear". The other strike against the man at the helm is that he's from Texas, or "Taxes," as it's sometimes called. Don't get me wrong. I'm not a native New Yorker. I, unfortunately, am from the land of "Taxes", the only state in the Union (do we still call it that?) to have a State Constitution that says the state can become its own country at ANY time. There was a strong succesionist movement in 2000 or something...or maybe earlier. I can't remember. But I'm not THAT kind of Texan. I'm the one who wanted to escape...and I did.Anyway, this was supposed to be a short comment. I had the pleasure of reading your blog. No. YOU make ME laugh. Make sure you keep me updated on new posts.Sincerely,Kirsten

After this I was hooked.
Someone read me.
I wish she would start blogging again, but if she doesn’t, she will always be on my sidebar because she was the first.
Then, June stopped by followed by Magpie, Denny, Jo (Was the first person I linked when I learned how), Carol (Weary Hag), Fizzy …….. The list has grown since then but the same people still come by sometimes and I go over to see how their day goes.
I have met many great writers on here and made some good friends in the last year as well MrH, Monica (a way cool lady), Brian, Vickie (Has the biggest heart in the world), Dot, Dotty, Susan, Shannon, Kathryn(sister), Elvira (sister in arms), The Peanut Queen, That Girl, Maria (The Legend), MrG, ItisI, Chosha (keeps wacking me in the knees with a stick) and Jac.
I know there will be many more I will be meeting and call friends too, like some of the new people that stop by like Bennu, Aims, PBS, Heather, Fred, Kassi, Skye (I wonder if I’m still on her sidebar), Mart (aka Ocean bug), GEL, Rainy Pete, Restless Angel (who I finally got to swear on my blog. Working on MrH now), Deni, Life Cruiser, Maria, Poet, Patti Cake and there are others and lastly Sara aka Lisa, who introduced me to blogging.

As much as I like to write, I love to read and there is some great reading to be done on people’s blogs.
I slowly made my way around to your sites or some of you came to find out who the nut was who commented on someone else’s blog that you read and we have slowing populated each others sidebars.
I have bared myself and my soul on these pages against all my beliefs on privacy. Trust me it wasn’t an easy task given the upbringing I’ve had.
Living in a world of secrecy and then spilling the beans all over the pages of my blog was …….. Invasive to what I believed in but yet, in the end, spill the beans I did.
The last couple of months have been hard blogging and I have had to force posts out to put here but I felt compelled to do so just the same.
At one stage I contemplated stopping, just for some peace of mind.
But I’m still here.
I could leave blogging I think, but I can’t leave all of you.
You’re like my extended family now.
Going around your blogs is like sitting down for dinner with the family and hearing about your day.
Weird Eh

Another by product I have encountered here is people emailing me asking for advice or just someone to tell about their problems.
I have had worried parents needing to know about drugs and what they should do. Women confused about the men in their life.
I guess men are nit the only ones confused.
I love helping people and find it impossible to say no.
Why anyone would want my advice is beyond me but if it makes people feel better by unloading on me then give me a call.
I can’t get my shit together but maybe we could help you.

I would also like to thank all the Lurkers who are to shy to comment on my posts but send me emails instead.
I think you know I’m talking about you.
So for what it’s worth, I’m still here for as long as I can; to the dismay of some and maybe for the pleasure of others.

Thank you all for listening to this Mad Man.

Have a nice day, and good morning Skye


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