Smoke Free Or Free Smokes ©

SLAP!!!!!!!!!!
Hey that hurt.
WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SLAP ME FOR?!!!!!!!!!
That’s for not telling me you were sick.

SLAP!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Why did you slap me for?
Because aunt DB slapped you, besides both cheeks match now.
What would you have done if she fucked me?
SLAP!!!!!!!!! That.
BITCH!!!!!

I never told anyone that I was sick.
Not even my family.
It’s not my style.
I would rather face what health problems I have alone.
I told everyone after of course and I got shit on by everyone but frankly I don’t care.
I’ll do it again if it arises.

It was quit smoking Friday this past Friday and I was dragged off to the pub.
They didn’t need to pull to hard I’m getting stir crazy at home and these pain killers are now sending me to the twilight zone.
I was lying in bed and these purple creatures were flying out of the ceiling fan and flying right through me.
I was already catatonic from the buzz and these things only made me jump.
I think cats see people’s illusions to because every time I jumped, he jumped, or he could have been avoiding his flying owner from landing on him.
I have four left and I am saving them for Friday, gonna party.
Four pills four beers and a hammer.
They are pain killers after all and I don’t want to take medication for nothing hence the hammer.
My guest is leaving on Wednesday and I will have the house to myself for the first time since I got back from New Zealand.
Back to Friday though, we were supposed to meet at the bar and smoke until we dropped then unload our spare cigarettes.
I got there at 7 pm with my guest in tow.
DB was there but leaving to go to dinner, but said she would return and V was running home to get changed.
I sat down at the bar and the guys called over from across the room to say hi.
The guys haven’t seen me with a woman in a long time so they just stared at my company.
We sat there having a beer, talking until she had to go meet her brother, so we went out for a smoke when she left.
While outside my friend Candy whom I haven’t seen in a long while was walking by and gave me a hug. I asked her in for a beer and she said sure.
I said goodbye to my guest and went in with Candy.
Now the guys saw me walk in with a blonde and then go out for a smoke and come in with a brunette.
We sat around catching up and she pulled out the pictures of her new grandson and she told me how the girls were and what they were up to.
After an hour she said that her husband was at home waiting and needed to go.
We went out for a smoke and V showed up dressed to kill.
She was meeting someone and maybe going dancing.
I said goodbye to Candy and walked in with V.
Now the guys were really staring hard and had these weird looks on their faces.
In two hours I had come and changed three women.
V got a call and left to meet her date and said she would be back later.
I got up to go out for a smoke and all the guys at once got up and ran outside to see who I would be coming in with and where the fuck I was finding them.
W was curious and we talked for awhile.
She asked me about my time in NZ.
We talked a bit and just as I was finishing my smoke DB showed up and I had to light up another.
She was wired for sound and eager to quit smoking.
You know those people that walk around bumming money or smokes?
Well that was DB on Friday but instead of asking people for smokes she was running around outside the street chasing homeless people and giving them smokes.
This must have scared the shit out of these people, someone actually chasing after them and willingly giving them smokes. LOL
She even gave non smokers cigarettes and asked them to start smoking so they could quit with us and some did.
We went through 11 packs of smokes that night between chain smoking and handing out.
We went table to table and filled smoker’s packs.
Then the heavy drinking started. (No one tell my doctor, I’m still on antibiotics).
The booze flowed like the Mississippi river on a stormy night.
Beers, shooters by the dozen and some crap I have never heard of.
DB’s husband suggested they go home and she hugged him and put him in the car. I told him I would send her safely home.
As he was pulling around the building we all ran out and lined up at the sidewalk, DB barked out the orders and we all snapped to attention and saluted DB’s husband as he drove by.
Then we all lit up another smoke and just laughed.
V showed up with her date.
Little nerdy kind of guy and he was going out with Bitchzilla.
He’s dead.
We were plastered by 11 pm and we left the bar at 4 am.
They lock the doors for us at 2am and let us drink until we have our fill.
DB looked at me and said “You should go out with my niece V”
Nope
Why not you're a nice guy and she is alone with no one here.
She’s not my type and I am not ready.
What’s wrong with her?
Well, let’s see.
1. She is your niece
2. She has small tits
3. She is 28
And 4……….
“WHERE THE FUCK IS MY FUCKEN BEER”?!
4. And there is that.
Besides you're just trying to dump her on me so that I could break her of habits and try to knock off that BIG chip on her shoulder.
I see your point she does have an attitude, another beer?
Sure, Sambucca shooters?
Sounds good to me.
We stumbled off to the bar hugging and singing with the music.
We later went out for a smoke and DB started saying lets walk to D’s house and get her up.
I looked at my watch and it was 1 am.
I told her we shouldn’t and she said she didn’t care what time it was.
Then I reminded her about the phone call from the other day and she may be in bed with her vibrator.
That was enough to get her off that subject lol
I didn’t mention it to D the next day and said we should have. Her husband sleeps anyway and it would have been fun for a change.
More people we know dropped in from the other bars that closed.
You need to know the secret password and signal to get in after hours.
I’ll tell you what it is because you’re my friends.
After hours you have to go to the main window………..
And slap it profusely while on your knees begging the bartender to let you in.
That’s usually my friend GTP.
Peter came in and bought a couple of rounds followed by 3-4 by the bar.
They put out ashtrays for us to smoke inside by now so that the cops don’t see us doing out and in.
They might come to investigate and catch the bar still serving.
V was off in the corner with some guy she came in with reading him the riot act. I asked Db who he was, and she said some poor bastard from work who is letting V crash at his place tonight.
I told her if he thinks he is getting anything other than a beating from her tonight he is stupider than he looks.
We both broke out laughing at once.
V was standing next to this guy pissed drunk and looking down on this poor bugger pointing her finger at him and talking to him as if she was drill sergeant talking to a raw recruit.
They then walked over and sweet as she could be she said good night and left the building.
We sat around slamming back new shooters.
We would say.
Get us a round of 374’s
That would be a mixture of the third bottle on the first row from the right, the seventh bottle on the second row and the forth bottle on the third row.
I tell yeah we drank some gross shit but then again our taste buds were shot by then.
By 4am we were falling all over each other laughing,
We needed seat belts to keep us in the stools.
The night went like this until I carried DB to a cab, put her in the back seat, Took the cabbies number down and gave him a 20 for a 10 dollar fare.
I walked in and hugged and kissed my goodnights and staggered home.

That was Friday night March 31 2006

Day 3 and haven't had a smoke.
I haven't killed, assaulted or run over anyone either.
YET
I am a little figitty though.

Walker.