Another Year Closer To The Bucket ©

OK everybody DEEEEEEEEP BREATH

That’s better.
Hanging out with me on my birthday is intoxicating as some people have found out, especially when they try to go drink for drink with me.
I am what is called, a binge drinker.
I could go months without a drink or even crave one but if I want to party, I’ve been known to drink myself to near death and still be coherent.
There are four people that found out the hard way the other night. I have to say that they were there from the begining, not like some of the others that came late.
The bar tab was around $400 for the 5 of us and the bar bought a couple of rounds.
So I wasn’t surprised yesterday when all of them didn’t show up for round 2 but I found replacements, that couldn’t come out today because they were sore from last night.
I went out alone tonight to the pub and John the manager was there almost alone but for 4 people.
I ask for this person and that person if they were around and he said one of them had been in but had to go home because he wasn’t feeling that hot from the night before.
I got to get friends that only drink once in awhile maybe LOL.
My friends go out every night and party.
Half don’t have kids and the others their kids have left home and started families of their own so now they just go out and have fun.
They could also afford it but they get drunk fast I found. Not to mention they drink during the day at home which I don’t.
But guess who they call when they are drunk?
Yup the only person who is sober enough to find the phone when it rings.
Like on Wednesday for instance.

RING!!!!!!!!
Hello
WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALKER Happy Birthday.
Is that you D?
Yes
Umm my birthday is on Sunday.
I kno…. but I might foget so I calling….. now
Have you been drinking?
Yes
How many have you had?
Two beers
Well that’s not bad.
And 6 double scotches.
OMG, did you eat.
That was the beer.
Where is your husband?
He went out some place, but he should be home soon so if I hang up without saying goodbye that means he is home.
I smoked a joint too.
WHAT, you don’t smoke drugs!
I know, this is fun he he he.
Where did you get it from?
J gave it to me for free, but the old man is going to be pissed off.
Because you smoked a joint?
No, silly because I’m horny now and I’ll be bugging him for sex.
Oh there are the car lights…..click

I have known D now for 5 years and she is a nice lady who is 18 years younger than her husband.
She likes having fun and her husband would rather watch master piece theater. He also tells her she is fat all the time and she isn’t.
She is about 130 pounds on a 5ft 6 frame.

RING!!!!!!!!
Hello
That wasn’t him it was a car driving by.
Am I bugging you because if I am I could hang up?
No no it’s ok I’m just sitting here fighting for the remote.
So how old are you going to be?
47
Wow, I remember when I was 47.
I hope so that was 2 years ago.
So what are you doing for your birthday?
Just going to the pub to meet up with you and the rest of the guys.
Someone’s at the door…….click

She is a ballsy lady at times though, usually after a bottle of scotch.
A couple of years ago she asked her husband if they should buy a house for each of their boys to help them along.
They have families each now and they had just finished school.
Her husband refused saying that no one helped him and they should go do it on their own. He was not putting up any money.
She told him not to worry.
A month later she found 2 houses side by side and asked the owner how much and she talked him down some and paid for both houses with a cheque from her personal account.
Then told her husband that they were her houses and she could do what she wanted with them.

RING!!!!!!!!
Hello
It was the wind.
Are you busy?
No, I’m just sitting here watching the phone.
Oh, what’s on the phone?
Nothing, it’s ok. When is he supposed to get back?
I don’t know he left 3 hours ago.
You’re not still drinking any more are you?
No I am lying in bed.
You getting tired I bet.
No, I’m naked.
HUH?
I am here naked waiting for him to get home.

BEEP

Hold on someone is calling.
OK

Hello
WALKER, how the hell are you, are we going out on Friday?

It’s DB a good friend and one of D’s best friends.

Yeah I am.
Cool have you talked to D yet.
I have her on the other line
REALLY how is she?
She is drunk, stoned, horny and laying naked on the bed waiting for you know who to come home and fuck her.
…….. OK that’s too much information ....click

DB is fun and funny but she can’t stand talking about certain subjects and sex is one of them

Hi, I’m back. That was DB on the phone. I told her you were a bad girl?
Really, did she say she was going to spank me?

If I would have said that to DB she would have had a stroke.

No she didn’t, but she said you should get some sleep (Walker’s a liar) and I think she is right. You can get up when he gets home and jump him then when you are rested.
So you think it’s a good idea,
Yes. I do.
OK then, see you Friday...... click

I have never had this happen before with her. I have seen her drunk and had to carry her home a few times. She doesn’t live that far away.
I met them through her son. He used to be part of our trivia team and then she started coming. Her husband only let her go because she went with her son.
He is very possessive and she is quiet and demure UNLESS SHE IS DRUNK!

RING!!!!!!!!
Hello
I found my vibrator.
Good grief, Isn’t he home yet?
Who?
Your husband
Oh him no, not yet, but I got my boyfriend.
I think you should wait. If you can’t I think you should hang up and relax or do what you want but I don’t want to listen. You should call DB, she’ll listen.
You don’t want to talk to me anymore. I got you mad at me.
No you didn’t.
Click.
Fuck.

I hate it when they think I am mad at them. They frustrate me at times but I don’t get mad and I didn’t want to hear what she was doing with the vibrator.

RING!!!!!!!!
Hello D
You still mad at me?
I’m not mad at you. I just don’t what you to play with your vibrator while I’m on the phone.
What vibrator?
OI, I think you should go to bed and we can talk tomorrow.
Ok, if you think it’s best. Goodnight.... Click

That was the last call from her.
The next day I called her up and she didn’t remember calling me.
She did say that she woke up naked holding her vibrator though.
What I put up with sometimes but I guess you have to take the good with the bad when you're dealing with friends.

This morning my doorbell was ringing off the wall.
I should add that when I say morning I mean 2pm.
I opened up and the girls were standing there calling me outside.
The four of them were standing there with smirks on their faces D, DB , V and M.
They gave me patches to help in quitting smoking. DB,V and I are quitting Friday so we plan to go to the pub with all our smokes and having a last big smoke fest and leave the rest there.
D says she is staying away from us for a couple of months for her own safety.
We sat outside for about an hour talking and D took off because she was over due and her husband told her an hour only.
The rest of us sat there awhile bad mouthing her husband and they left.
We'll hook up on Friday.
It's funny in a way.
Most of my best friends are women.
They have husbands and boy friends but I am accepted by them. Mind you I treat them with as much respect as the deserve and DB's husband is a close friend as is his brother.

That pretty much completes my weekend.

I hope all of you had a pleasant weekend.

Cheers

Walker