Family Values ©

Over my life I have watched people closely and tried to understand why they do things that they do.
In many cases I understand why even when what they do is pure evil and senseless I can find a reason.
It’s some of these reasons that make me shudder at times because of their callous and the selfishness of the people who come up with them.

A few months ago I attended a wedding where I referred to the bride as being as big as a whale.
Beautiful lady, as is a killer whale with about the same disposition I might add when she’s pissed.
The wedding was a smash that cost probably as much as the stimulus package down in the States and I am sure it got a lot of cocks hard and pussies wet from getting a little bit of that action but sooner or later things go limp and you fall face first into a big puddle with a string still stuck between your teeth.

Two years earlier when the whale was but a calf and the groom was a slug braiding the armpit hairs of some old sow to collect what flakes of dandruff he could spend.
The bride and groom met in some swanky bar where dandruff merchants collect to find bigger webs to weave and as life would have it, because she’s a cheeky little bitch, love blossomed, real love that is and not the dandruff kind and they became a couple.
Years pass and we found our selves at an expensive affair with so much food I’m still waiting for the rest of it to come out within the next five years.

A month passed the big day and the boat landed on shore once more when we got the call that another youngin was to be expected.
Great said everyone, I thought it could have been seasickness with all the waves at sea and in the bedroom but no, they were pregnant.

One day in January the bride’s mother called the grooms mother and said that they were going to be grandparents in July.
The groom’s mother said no, it February.
An argument ensured and the bride’s mother hung up to call her daughter to report on the ludicrous thinking of the groom’s mother that she was going to give birth just six months after the wedding.

Ha Ha Ha
Ah yeah, but the joke was on her as the bride was already sitting heavy before the nuptials.
Explains why she looked like she was about to bust out of that wedding dress.

The bride’s mother didn’t take the new news so well as didn’t the rest of her family, so much so that they won’t speak to them now.
In fact she gave birth recently and her parents and other siblings refuse to go see the child or the mother.

The groom’s parents are happy as hell and celebrating the new member of the family and don’t care if she was pregnant before they got married or not.
The way they see it is that they were married t the time of the birth and either way they didn’t get married for that reason as it had been planned a year before she started shake “n” baking.

Personally I don’t see a problem here, I mean ………..big fucken deal, love is love.
These two people were on the road to togetherness before this happened so what does it matter if she was pregnant at the time of the wedding?

Well it seems for this well to do family with OLD FASHION family VALUES it did matter.
I guess only sub millionaire people get knocked up before they get married and rich people don’t but if the do, they take care of it before they walk down the aisle, discreetly because otherwise it would embarrass the family to be seen as regular people I guess.

Her parents said what she should have done was get it taken care of as in abortion and after the honeymoon, then have kids thus preserve the integrity of the family.
Integrity of the family my ass; someone should take that sour faced bitch that calls herself the bride’s mother and tie her to a log for some donkey to fuck up the ass, DRY.

I’ve heard some cold fucken shit in my life and this is high up on the assholes list of what people think of.
As I have stated before in the past, I am pro-choice and refuse to vote for any government control over anybody’s body, unless a person is mentally unable to make that choice for themselves.

Abortion is NOT a contraceptive

Look how far some people would go to save face.
To destroy one of your own for the sake of……….what, a daughter’s virtue?
Pretending they were fucken virgins when they are not.
If that’s the way these people want to think then I think the groom should fuck the bride right then and there on the main table before dinner starts so we can see if the white table cloth turns red or the brides mother’s face.

That’s one of the big differences I have seen between North American countries and those western European countries.
Over here, if y our cock is going in the wrong hole without permission, you end up with a tornado on your lap slapping the begeezes out of you and tearing your balls off.
Over there; their assholes are so fucken wide because they stick their butts up in the air to get tagged while they save their pussies for their wedding night.
Old fashion my ass………..I mean their ass.
Family value, PAH.
Most families start in bed I thought, some on the back seat of the car.

Not all the old ways are bad and in fact I think some are good to always have but some are just to fucken ridiculous.
Do I believe in premarital sex?
I believe what I feel and it’s my choice.
If you don’t want to have kids then do your best to prevent it.
If it happens, take responsibility for it as many of us have.

What really fucks my brain the most about all of this is that I believe one day they will patch the fences and this bitch who will be this kid’s grandmother will smile and play with it but I will know that one day she wanted to kill it so that she wouldn’t be embarrassed.
Fucken hypocrites.

Where has people’s common sense gone?
How callous and vain can we be?
Is this what we are becoming or is it something we are growing out of?

With freedom comes responsibility and we are all responsible to take care of ourselves at all times.
We should teach our kids what to expect if the schools don’t.
They need to know that what they do can affect others.
I don’t want my daughters to come home pregnant before their time and when I mean their time, I mean planned ahead.
If they want to go swimming in the pool then I want them to take precautions not for it to happen.
But if it does, then it does.
They won’t hear me suggest abortion and I won’t stand in their way if that’s what they decide and I will go with them but they will hear about it from me after for a long time and I will preach about it.
Abortion is not a contraceptive, responsibility is and there is nothing to be ashamed of as far as having a grand kid is concerned.
Family values start home and are about family not what other people think.

Have a nice day

Walker.

Tender Cuts ©

Hmmmmmm…… and what idiot told you that?
Actually, are you stupid enough to believe it?
What the fuck do you mean it makes sense are you fucken stupid?
I don’t care what side cows sleep on.
No no no
Fuck you; I don’t want to know.

BECAUSE IT MAKEES NO FUCKEN DIFFERENCE!!!!!!

No I won’t ask people, they will think I’m fucken nuts like you.

Imagine that
What idiot told you that bullshit?
What do you mean you don’t want to tell me?
Why, because no one did and you came up with it on your own.
Yeah right, only you would be stupid to come up with a DUMB fucken thing like that to say

Don’t give me that crap; just admit it?
Who?
Well no fucken wonder, he’s a bigger idiot than you.
I don’t care.
No, going to high school for twelve years does not make him smart.
Yes I know he was the oldest graduate in his class and yes I know he married the janitor’s wife but that doesn’t make him smart.
Makes the janitor smart.
Ok I got to go pick up some stuff in dairy and I will meet you at the meat department.

I don’t believe what some people believe.
Ok, I am at the meat department so where is he?
Fuck, I don’t have much time here
WTF

What the hell were you doing back in the meat locker with the butcher?
You what?
Are you fucken nuts?
Listen, I am sorry about my friend, he did too much acid in his youth.
What do you mean he might have a point?
Are you fucken crackers too?

I don’t give a fuck what side s cow sleeps on; the meat won’t be fucken tenderer on that side.
Well I could say the side that was exposed to the sun is more aged you dumb fucks or maybe the ass end is tenderer because a 2000-pound bull pounds it.
What?
Steers are male.
I’m sorry.

POUNDED BY A 2000 POUND GAY BULL!!!!!!

Give me a cut of that rump roast and lets get the fuck out of here before I kill the both of you.
I don’t believe you went and told the butcher you only want meat from the right side of the cow because that’s the side it sleeps on therefore it’s more tender than t he left side.
You are NOT coming shopping with me again.
I don’t give a fuck what the butcher thinks either.
No you can’t smoke a joint, you’re already fried.

NO I don’t know if the rump is tenderer because it gets pounded by a 2000 bull.
I know I said it.
It was a fucken example
NOOOOOOOOOO
For fucks sake, just shut up.

No
Get out
I mean it; get out.
We are friends, even though you’re an idiot.
I’m not throwing you out of the car to walk home.
No, I am not
I SAID NO!!!!!!!!!
Because you’re home your twit now get out.

Yeah yeah, I’ll see you later
Fuck, some people believe anything.

I think l'll google it to be sure.

Have a nice day

Walker

Tell Us ©

Hello
May I speak to Walker?
Sorry he went for a walk
Click

Hello
May I speak to Walker?
Speaking
Can I confirm you’re address please?
I don’t give information over the phone.
Click

Hello
May I speak to Walker?
How big are your tits?
What?
Your tits, how big are they?
I mean are they nice big melons or just little lemons
May I speak to Walker please?
Yeah, yeah later, tits first
Click

Hello
May I speak to Walker?
Fuckoff !!
Oh wait
Yeah, fuckoff !!
Click

Hello
May I speak to Walker?
Hello
May I speak to Walker?
HELLO
MAAAAAAY IIIIII SPEEEEAK TO WAAAAAKER?
Who’s a whore?
NO, may I speak to Walker?
Hello
Is Walker there?
Hold on as second……..CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW!!!!!!!!!!
Yes I can, may I speak to Walker please?
Hello
Click

Hello
May I speak to Walker?
Speaking
I would like to confirm your address
I don’t give information over the phone
How about confirm your postal code?
You stupid or just look stupid
How do you know what I look like?
I can tell from your breath.
And I suppose you can smell my breath over the phone.
I don’t need too; your mouth is full of shit so I know your stupid
Click

Hello
May I speak to Walker?
Hey you sound new.
Are you new?
Yes today was my first day.
Really, so how do you like it so far?
It’s pretty busy but it’s ok.
Well that’s great, anyway I got to go so why don’t you have a nice day
Click
“Ring”
Hello
Hi it’s me again, may I speak to Walker?
Fuck you
Click

Telus is still trying bust my balls over this phone crap.
They have no idea who they are dealing with.
Their collecting people must think I am stupid.
I told them I am ready for court but they don’t want anything to do with it because I’m right.
I don’t know if they screwed up or are just plain trying to rip people off but I’m one nut that won’t buckle under any ones threats and they have been threatening me with all sorts of shit like ruin my credit.
HA, the ex did that already.
Put lean on my house.
No big deal, they still have to go to courts for that and that’s what I want.

I am one of those people who won’t try and rip you off.
All my bills are paid so why would I mind seven bucks a month for a cell phone with no strings attached and there wasn’t until the first bill came in and there was a rope attached to it to the tune of 150 bucks and 49 a month.

I called and the said they had no idea what I was talking about.
Uh huh, well I do
Fuck, we didn’t even do this shit to people when I was on the other side of the line and they thought we, were bad HA HA HA.

The war continues and we are both relentless in our efforts to beat the other into submission but as of late it seems I have struck a few nerves and their attacks have increased causing me extreme amounts of pleasure.
You see, I went out and found other disgruntled Telus victims who fell prey to the same scam and after some thought and an idea that came to me after a nice joint.
It was to; it had this sweet taste.
Or it could have been the mango flavored rolling paper, but anyway.
Now when the hounds of Telus call them they say,
Walker said to say, “Go fuck yourself” and they have HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!

I really love life sometimes

Have a nice day

Walker

Chicken Salad ©

Welcome to Walker’s house of international cuisine where we do what we can to feed your every gastronomic desire.
Here you could get Asian, Greek, Italian, Mexican, Spanish, Middle-Eastern and any other food you may desire including junk if that’s what makes your mouth water.
So why is it with such choices, making dinner lunch and even breakfast for my kids it’s a pain in the fucken ass.

I mean they could have anything and when they say they don’t know I make what I think they may like only to hear I really wanted this and not what you make me.
Well, where the fucker was your mouth when I asked what you wanted to eat instead of this steak.

Ah I see. You don’t like steak because its like chewing rubber.
You don’t like roast beef because you think it tastes like a drowned cow but ground up and scorched on a searing pan is good but only if it has processed cheese which you don’t like between two slices of bread and melted because…………ah yes, it doesn’t have scorched meat in there too.
I get it now.

What?
Yeah I’m making you your lunch, why?
So if its turkey you want only mayo but if it’s chicken you want mustard and lettuce unless I am making eggs salad sandwiches and then you want dill and a little mayo with no onions.
Ok gotcha.

What’s that?
Well I was thinking of making chicken sandwiches why.
Yeah I know, lettuce and mustard, no mayo.
I don’t know how Papou makes it only how I do.
What do you mean you want me to go next door so he could tell me?
Why don’t you just shut up and go do your homework.

Fucken amazing, she wants me to go to see my father to tell me how to make a chicken sandwich.
Kid is so finicky I’m going nuts trying to just feed her.

So what am I supposed to do?
I go next door and drop a bowl filled with freshly roasted chicken breasts then tell my father his granddaughter has requested HIS chicken sandwiches because they must be special.
Probably scratches his butt before he plays with the meat.

I sat there and talked to D1 as my father made chicken salad sandwiches with chopped up celery and parsley then chopped up the chicken and through it in a bowl with some mayo and mustard.
That’s the way I make chicken salad to but I don’t like chicken salad I usually just slice up the meat while its hot and soak it in a lemon garlic oregano mixture until it cools then put some fresh lettuce on a thick slice bread add the chicken with some salt and pepper with mustard on the other piece of bread, simple but if this is what the kid wants what can I say.

The next day she came home and I forgot to ask her about lunch before she ran next door to have an early dinner but when she came back I did ask her about her lunch and she said she didn’t want to talk about it and went to her room.
I didn’t think much about it until an hour later when D1 came over and started laughing.

When D2 came home from school she was starving because she threw her sandwich away because ”It was gross”.
She sat at the table and was gobbling down her food like a starved beast

“D2 why you eat like that”?
“You hungry, you father no give you food”.
“Yes Papou he did but it was horrible so I threw it away”
“I told him to make it like you do”?

D1 was across the room waving her hands at her trying to get her attention.

“It was terrible”.
“ I told him to slice it up like you do but he didn’t and put mayo in it to”.

D1 was asking her a question to get her to stop talking.

“You no like chicken salad sandwich”?
“No papou, Dad didn’t make it like you”.

D1 kicking her under the table.

“But I make chicken salad”.
“Huh”?
“Yes, last might you father bring here and I make”?
“Really……….”.

Ah yes, life is sweet
Oh and I was the one who made that sandwich she liked not my father but hey, what do I know.

Have a nice day

Walker

Chewing The Fat ©

Ah yes, another holiday gone by.
A feast of ever lasting love and adoration for each other.
Valentines Day.
The day you are supposed to show your love and affection for you other half.
I would have said your better half but lets get real, who the fuck wants to concede the other person as better than you so lets just say your equal instead with a little cough at the end there.

As I look at Valentines Day and absorb the hype all over the place I begin to see the truth of it all.
Don’t get me wrong, I believe in love and think it’s something you should always show unless of course she is a Leafs fan and my team is playing them then she’s a bitch until the end of the game.

The way I see it is like this.
Valentines Day has become like the renewal of the lease of love for one more year and like the cost of living, the cost of LOVE goes up too.
Which means that someone might have to bend over to take the carrot up the ass to get that extra karat of BLING on her ears, fingers or maybe, her clit.

We have managed to commercialize everything from our beliefs to our love and put a cost on everything from our love to our feelings.
Everywhere I went to, it was red all the way up to the day and then everything turned green for saint Patty’s day.
No wonder the Irish are getting so fucked up.
They’re going from seeing red to green so fast they think they’re Newfies.

If you love someone then they know it, you know it.
For one thing your cock is still there in the morning and not swirling around in the toilet.
I for one believe that every day is Valentines Day and if you see something you think that special person in your life would like then get it.
Maybe bend over for nothing other than he'll like it, hell you might even like it.
If leave it all for one day of the year then that's sad and an empty feeling to live with all year.

At any rate, I hope you all had a great time and it was what you wished for.
Me, I had me a piece of ass to chew on and it was tender.
Baby was it tender and hot.
When I pinched the inner thigh the juices were running down the leg glistening as it dripped off onto the floor.
I had been planning it for a week and the kids knew.
I told them the old man needed a fix so I would be going out to have a little something of what I like.
My mouth was watering at the thought of Saturday evening.

I went over to Mike’s to have some roast lamb a few pints and catch up on what I have been missing with the rest of the boys since my parental incarceration.

You know, just to get out of the fucken house,
The boys haven’t been stopping by because of the kids and work so I decided to go out and break a couple of minor laws.
So I went over for a couple of beers, a few joints and some lamb.
The joints and beer had to be early so I could sober up because at 9 pm I had to pick up D1 from work and I don’t care to drive around stoned thinking I’m in the shuttle hanging ten on the edge of the moon.
I may not agree with the marijuana laws but I’m not ready to crash on the moon.
I wonder if CAA goes that far?

The food was great and the beers nice and cold.
Mike was showing me the pants I had given him and how good they were doing.
I have been giving everyone I know plants from the cutting of my plants.
Mike was complaining her was going to have to buy a bigger place because they were taking over.

He brought me up to speed on the antics of the boys over the last couple of weeks and I have to say I was sitting there dieing on the couch.
I’ll be sharing that with you a little later in the week.
From the depths of the Amazon to here and home the boys were being their usual rowdy selves.
Just think, most of them are less than five years from old age security and they still can cause hell wherever they go.

When it was 8:45pm I told Mike it was time to hang up the black leather once more and be the parent again.
I have no complaints and I am enjoying it for some insane reason.
As I drive down the highway I’m thinking about twenty-five years earlier and how the boys and me were a lot younger, full of piss and Jack Daniels willing to go to war with society to be free and we did.
It was expensive.

We partied hard and took uncalculated risks.
Left our blood on three continents.
At home, on the sidewalks.
On washroom floors with a lonely syringe laying dead along side them.
Shot to bits in the Himalayan Mountains.
Alone in a ditch a mile from home
A dozen that have never been found and a dozen more who are lost forever in their minds.

Those that are left will always remember their youthful energy and zest for life even if it meant their death, our mistress.
These are the boys.
I knew most of them from the time they were in diapers.
They will always be the boys and will be remembered by those of us left to tell their children and everyone else the stories of how they wanted to live free without boundaries and the price they were willing to pay to that end and theirs.

Those of us who are left are the caged beasts to our responsibilities, by choice but who knows, maybe one day we’ll once more get the opportunity to risk it all for the thrill of being without boundaries once more but for now I got kids to pick up.

I got to D1’s work a little early so I sat there with the windows down and the radio blaring out “What It’s Like” by Everlast.

She walked out of the building, got in the car and switched the channel to some of her I want to puke music.
I asked her how work was between the squeals coming from the radio and she said it was busy.
She talks to me more and more every time we are together and asks a lot of questions about the past and present.
I think she’s looking for answer to the future.
I try to be as honest as I could be with her even if the answers are hard for her to take.
She has dreams but not the patience.
She came here to be D2’s mother and protector as she had been at home but she found a totally different world than she had been taught to believe by her mother’s family.

I figure right now she doesn’t know what to believe.
Her mother did what she accused us of doing and had to find refuge with the people she was raised to believe that were evil.
I have been doing my best to keep her from hating their mother.
You can hate what she did but not hate who she is in my book.
To many people confuse the two.
You can’t understand why people do what they do but you don’t have to like it or agree with it.
I don’t know why she spent all her money at the casino.
Was she trying to win a lot of money to secure hers and the kids financial future and left themselves practically on the street and starving?
Who knows but I do know she fucked up.

I pulled into the back yard and she went home while I walked through the back door into very dark kitchen.
As I walked through the dark I could hear a noise coming from the TV room but it was dark too.
Just then Frick shot out of nowhere then ran between my legs and into the back of the pitch-black kitchen.

I made my way to the TV room and there was a video playing but no one in sight.
I went through the room and into the living room and out to the hallways then stood at the foot of the step and yelled up.
There was the sound of shuffling of feet from upstairs when a 2 1/2 foot alien walked to the top of the stairs and looked down on me.

Who the fuck are you I thought?
Then my niece stepped out from behind him and stood by his sid3e looking down on me too.
It was like a scene from the movie “Children of the damned”, I was just waiting for their eyes to start glowing.

I look up ay my niece, “Is that your boyfriend”?
Her head went from the little boy and back to me and said “NO".
“Are you sure”?
“Yes I am”.

I look at the little boy who was standing there not knowing if he should stand before this stranger or make a run for it somewhere to escape.
“Are you a boy or a girl pretending to be a boy”?
“I’m a boy”.
“I see”, I look at my niece who BTW is 5, “Is he your friend”.

“Yes”.
“But he’s a boy so that must make him your boyfriend”.
“He’s not my boyfriend”.
“Well if he’s not your boyfriend he must be your girlfriend”.

“I’m not a girl, I’m a boy”.
“Is she your friend”?
“Yes”.
“Is she a girl”?
“Yes”
“So she is your girlfriend”?
He looked at her then me all confused and said, “Yes”

“NO I AM NOT”!!!!!!

D2 walked out of the side where she was standing and laughing at the antics in the hallway.
My brother had brought my niece and a co-workers kid over for her to watch while they went out to dinner.
I turned and went back into the TV room and turned of Nemo then called my mother to get the whole story.
She told me they had just called saying they would be home in an hour.

About an hour later the SIL called to tell me they were on their way and I went upstairs to get the kids ready and as I walked into the room both of them were snug under the blanket together.

“WHAT’S THIS”?!!!!!!!!!!!
“The two of you in bed together, UNDER THE BLANKETS”!!!!!!!!
Their eyes almost popped out of their heads.
“We were just laying here”, said the little boy.

“Didn't they tell you when you just lay in bed with a girl you are supposed to have one foot on the ground”?
The little boy look next to him at the wall, D2 likes her bed pressed up against the wall to have more space in the room

“Both of you, out of that bed right now”.
They frantically crawled out and stood at attention in front of me with my daughter running for the washroom laughing
“You know what this means don’t you”?
They looked back and forth from each other.

“You have to get married now”

That’s when it happened.
The little boy fainted on the spot.

Man, I hate to be him when the real day happens.

Have a nice day

Walker

Final Move ©

Yes yes I know I have been absent but I have been busy with a lot of things like I finally finished moving the rest of the kid’s stuff home here once and for all.
I even brought the aquarium which I might ad was a fucken environmental disaster.
It had never been fucken clean in a year and there was freaking moss growing from the inside out like a fucken plague.
I have no damn idea where there was a fish still alive in it.
The worse part was having to empty it first then clean the inside before I brought it home.

I have not had to deal with aquariums in many years, twenty to be exact when it was a hobby that consisted of fifteen tanks and an array of fish, some of which could easily kill you if you got to close.
It wasn’t a big tank, about thirty gallons.
The easiest way to empty it was to use a hose and create a vacuum for the water to go out then into awaiting buckets but this required sucking on one end.
As I said before, the fucken water in the tank looked like it came from a toxic sewer.
Reluctantly D1 held t he hose inside the tank with an outstretched hand just in case some acid spilled on her and burned a hole through her body.

I lowered my lips to the hose and quickly drew on it releasing it immediately as to not get a mouthful of that putrid fish shit.
Nothing came out.
I guess I got to suck harder on the hose.
So I try again.
Still nothing.
Yeah, I was fucken scared.
You didn’t see that fucken water and if it’s not bad enough I’m sitting there give a hose a blowjob the fucken Ex.’s dog was busy trying to hump my ankle at the same time while she sat at her computer looking for flippin eggs.

Putting my fear aside I took the hose and really hauled on it this time and I took off for the washroom to spit out the water I managed to suck up.
D1 though it was funny until I came back and splashed her then dumped the fucken Pomeranian in the tank for a swim while it slowly drained.
I had never seen a dogfish before.

After the tank was empty I asked the EX if she had something to scrub the tank with and she brought me this soft sponge.
I needed a jack hammer to get the scum off of the sides of the tank not cotton batten.
She said it was the only thing she had.
I tried using the sponge but I was polishing it to a shiny finish rather than getting it off.

Leaving D1 to play with the dog and the EX to play with her game I went top the kitchen to look for something but she was right.
She had nothing so I wandered to the bathroom and in the shower there was one of those plastic sponges that’s rough like sandpaper you use to scrub the skin off of your body.
I though, “That would work” so I took it and went back to the bedroom to try it out.

I filled a bucket with hot water and dump the blue thingy in it then tried it on the green scum that was so thick you couldn’t see inside the tank from the outside.
It was amazing how it cut through it and filling all the tiny holes with the green crap.
I had to dunk it all the time to keep it clean but within fifteen minutes I had the shit off of the glass.
I repeated it two more times, each time with fresh water until the tank looked as good as the day it was bought.

I went back to the washroom and cleaned the blue thingy as best as I could and stuck it back in the shower then went to the bedroom once more where the EX walked in and looked at the tank.
She was surprised to see it so clean and I passed her back the soft sponge.
So it did work she said.
Ummmmmm, yeah.

I loaded the last of the things in the car for the last time and came home where the tank was washed again as was all the pretty blue stones.
The tank now sits in my living room ready to be filled with fish and plants as soon as the water is ready.

Later that day I took D1 to China town.
She had expressed the need to eat Chinese food and had asked me to take her to this take out joint near her old place but I told her that that food was crap and would take her to a place I know run by a family that make home made Chinese food and she said she wanted to try it.
She also said she wanted to buy chopsticks.
Nice ones.
Black.

I told her I knew a lot of the places in China Town as I have spent the better part of forty years living next to it and know where everything is.
My kids are into the whole Asian thing from the comics to the food but have never been to China Town because their mother never brought them downtown.
Probably because I live right there and would find out she was back in town.

I took her into my favorite store for all things Chinese and unique and that was it.
I lost her.
She was in heaven.
You name it and its there.
From posters to pots
Chopsticks?
HA, a million types colors and designs.
They had cheap ones, expensive ones.
Wooden, marble, stainless steal chopsticks and if you want formal, silver chopsticks.

The had swords, vases, Buddhas, tables, boxes.
The have Godzilla, Picachew or anything else you want to chew.

She wandered around the store leaving fingerprints on every single item in the place but after thirty minutes she showed up at the cash with two pairs of the cheapest fucken plastic chopstick in the place.
Ummmmmm Hello?
She said she wasn’t ready to decide on what set she wanted so she would use these for now until she found what she really liked.
One thing I could never understand about woman, she needs time to choose chopsticks but can buy shoes blindfolded and love them then build the outfit around the shoes.

After the store she wanted to know if there was someplace she could buy Chinese food so I took her to the Chinese market and she went NUTS.
The sold all those things she saw advertised in her comics and started loading up on all of them like a starving kid.
I told her we only lived three blocks away and she didn’t need to buy the store so she slowed down.
I guess she doesn’t realize where we live yet.

From the market we went to the restaurant to get some take out for her and her sister who was home sick.
I had a run in with her that evening and had to put my foot down.
Its her time of the month and she was crabby about going to school and gave me some excuse about other people talking bothered her and she wanted to stay home.
That shit might have worked with her mother but she is saying it to the wrong person.
There are three billion women in the world who bleed like a stuck pig and curse the heavens for it but they go one with their lives so she could go to school and bitch about it later.
She wasn’t pleased but at 7a,m I heard her walk out of the house for the bus in the morning.
Life’s a bitch and I’m a bastard but it’s my house and my rules.

The average woman will have her period 1000 times in her life and if each one wanted three days off for it I’m sure her boss might protest that fact even though I know most of you would vote for it.

We came home and my niece was at my parents place waiting for my daughters to come home.
She’s become the family mascot.
She loves my daughters and they like having her around but my niece tries to be like them.
She had just eaten two burgers at my parents place and when she saw D1 with food she wanted some to.
The kid was trying to force it down and I was laughing.
D1 was amazed at the food and how fresh it tasted.
D2 didn’t like it because it tasted like, real food.
My niece, she said she was full.

After watching a movie with them they finally left me alone to get some rest and look at some blogs when the phone rang, it was Mike.
I looked up at the clock and it was late for any of the boys to be calling unless it was trouble so I answered it.

Have a nice Valentines Day weekend
Who knows, I may find something else to post tomorrow ;)

Love those who love you
Love those who hate you
Love those who love life
Love those who don’t understand love
Just love and you will be loved and don’t forget
Walker loves you too

Walker

Scrambled Eggs ©

So, what did I do this weekend that could be considered exciting?
I vacuumed, you know, they can make a riding lawn mower you would think they could make a riding vacuum.
Why not, they have a toilet that hoses you asshole off when you’re done crapping so why not a riding vacuum and while they are at I think they should have a martini glass holder and a ball scratcher in the seat, pussy scratcher for you ladies out there and if they could get an agitator in a washing machine I don’t see why they could add one of them on.
For all the single ladies that is, the married ones…well, you married one.

Can someone tell me how the fuck so many dishes can accumulate in two fucken days?
I mean I have been washing and washing but more keep appearing.
It’s like I’m breeding dirty dishes in the kitchen.
The gestation period for an adult dish in this house must be five fucken minutes and BOOM there’s litter all over the counter.
I feel like getting my hammer and neutering all the bastards once and for all.
Don’t get me started on glasses.

When the kids first showed up they used to hold the glasses up to see if there were any spots on them and they didn’t do that only here.
I don’t know, I think that’s rude especially to do in front of the person who just washed your 20 used glasses.
So, I decided to have the worse one for it wash the glasses instead and when she was done I let them dry and had a look and there were some ugly fucken streaks there.
I said nothing for the time and waited for her to come down at dinner time and when she did I said lets put the dishes away first and took one glass out and looked through it and said, ”Nope can’t put this one away” then passed it to her to see it was dirty.
She looked at it and before she could say even BOO I was passing over the next one and the next after that until all the glasses were on the counter.
I told her this is what its like to have someone do this to you and told her to wash the glasses again.
Hey I’m not perfect but I won’t have it shoved in my face either.

I think my EX is either going nuts or she is going through menopause.
The other day we went there and she looked like a zombie from one of those movies and was mumbling something about having to find eggs.
WTF!!!!!!
I figured she had to high on something and hallucinating.
We followed her into the computer room where she sat in front of the computer playing some game where you have to find different eggs so they could hatch then you feed your double eggs to the hatchlings.
She was telling us how it was important to find more eggs and fell in its trance once more and forgot we were even there.
When she did talk to us she was like she was a thirteen year old again.
My oldest stood behind her mother making circles with her finger at the side of her head indicating her mother had lost it.
I don’t know what she lost be she was looking to replace it with eggs.

She then tried to sell me on the game by telling me how fun it was.
All she was doing was clicking of fucken bushes looking for different types of damn eggs she could collect or feed to her young, if you want to call them that.

I looked the D1 and told her to hurry up because we had to go pick up D2.
The EX looked over and said we should go get her and bring her back to look for eggs to.
Damn, the woman has lost her Egg Noodle I think.
I told her no but I will tell D2 she can come back anytime to look for her eggs.
D1 was giving me a look.
I asked the EX how she was and she said the doctor gave her stronger painkillers for her arm and she was taking them regularly now not like before when she took them when it hurt.

Ah yeah, she’s stoned AND going through menopause.

As D1 was dragging some boxes from the closet the EX got an instant message from someone asking is she had a certain egg.
WTF?
There’s more of them.
I asked what was that and she told me that there are thousands of people out there hunting eggs like mindless Zombies.
Her niece sent her an email asking if she found a cat could she give it to her.
Cat?
What cat?
It seems there are animals to so it’s not just eggs.
I look over at D1 and nodded my head towards the door so we could make a run for it before the Brain Snatchers got us too.
I told the EX we were ready to go and wished her luck with the egg hunt and ran for the elevator with the two carts going as fast as they could.
In the car D1 said, “Mums gone nuts”.

We picked up D2 at school and on the drive home D1 told D2 bout the eggs and how their mother was obsessed with finding them.
Later that night we each got an email from the EX, their mother with an invitation to the game and some eggs to start………………….INVASION OF THE EGGS!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!

I deleted the email, as did both girls.

The next day the youngest was talking to her on the phone and her mother said that if she hadn’t left they would be searching for eggs together.
D2 told he she didn’t leave that she threw her out but her mother insisted that she left of her own as did her sister and now she was all by herself to look for the eggs.
I swear to you, this wasn’t the woman I spent almost twenty years with.
She wasn’t the brightest light in the box but she didn’t give a shit about eggs back then like she does now.

Up the street they have been having the battle of the NITS aka, head lice.
They are NOT coming here that’s for sure until they figure that mess up first.

It all started about two weeks ago when I went to see my brother up t he street and when I walked in my niece was there crying while my SIL stood above her wearing rubber gloves and a plastic hair bag or whatever the hell they call it.
The dog was cowering under the dining room table probably having flea bath flashbacks.

I asked why she was dressed up like a psycho surgeon and she told me about the head lice and how she must have gotten them at school and she didn’t want to catch them on her head.
My niece was crying because firstly she doesn’t like bugs and when she found out there was a village living in her head she went nuts.
I’m sure it didn’t help having her mother dressed up like a mad scientist next to her.

Like I said, that was two weeks ago and the problem still persists.
Two days ago I saw my niece and she had bags under eyes that should only see on a corpse.
I asked the SIL WFT was going on and she said they were having major lice problems still and my niece had been treated six times already.
Six times?!
That sounds a little excessive to me and I asked her why so many times and she said because the lice keep coming back.

Lice don’t come back when you do it right.
I asked her if they all took it and she said no.
Everyone did but my brother who insists he doesn’t have any.
It seems he is to good to have lice and besides he has short hair.
Anyway a battle erupted and to satisfy everyone he sat still long enough to have his hair combed with one of those lice combs.

You should have seen it.
There were clumps falling out of his head onto a piece of paper below.
When they were pointed out to him he said it was nothing and brushed them aside onto the floor.
What a fucken idiot.
How arrogant can a person get to not notice there is a problem and it should be fixed.
Not to mention the fact that what he had on his head was a little more than just a few.
I thought about it later, he crawls through people’s homes and attics installing lines, who’s to say the kid didn’t originally catch it from him and not from school.

From what I have heard in the last couple of days they have all now been treated again and the sheets washed.
Even the beds were tossed and new ones bought.
I think the dog was treated too.
Hopefully they are all gone now for my niece’s sake if anything else.

Winterlude started here this week.
This is when we play in the snow for two weeks.
What do you think we do with all that fucken snow we shovel; we play in it after we smoke the leaves we raked up in the fall.

Have a nice day

Walker

Beattheoven ©

Yeah, yeah, I know, two posts back to back but I figure I owe you at least a laugh for the weekend, so let me give it a try.

I am sitting here listening to opera.
No not the skinny fat talk show host.
The music fat people sing to get skinny.
Someone call 911 for me before I buy a CD

Oh gezzzzz, to hit that note she must have got it deep up the ass……oh, it’s a guy.
Man I just know there’s a proctologist in the audience with tears of joy in his eyes from that note.

What the hell is this now?
Tchaikovski from the Ball Breaker or is that "Nutcracker", same thing.
Fucken Christmas music.
Any more of this stuff and I’ll go nuts.
I just know I am going to have dreams of dancing down the street like Gene Kelly did in “Singing in the rain” but in a Tutu.
There’s got to be a way to get this off of my IPOD!!!!!!

Now it’s Santana playing Amazing Grace.
I love that song.
I wonder, is that a sign?
Will Baby Blue be mine once more or will I smash the fucker to bits to regain my sanity.

Amazing Grace
Where have you gone
It’s been, such a long long, time
Since I seen, you last
But I’ll remember, that tiny, little thong

It seems, like it was only, yesterday
That we met, you and I
It was
But I’ve known, you like, forever now
So maybe, in the morning, you won’t be gone

I’ll wake up and you’ll still, be there
As will my wallet
I'll call you Honey, you'll say "Where's my money"
I’ll say, one more time
And we’ll meet again, until tomorrow, at the bank

Well it’s acoustic and I can’t remember the words

OMG!!!!!!!!!
It’s Gary Glitter.
Is he still alive?
Why?

911 PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!!

Gary Glitter singing "Another Rock and Roll Christmas".
Fuck 911, someone shoot me.

HA HA HA!!!!!!!!
Black Sabbath singing "I am Going Insane".
So fucken appropriate but to late.

Hmmmmm ok I can dig this, Pet Shop Boys, “West End Girls and East End Boys”.
Personally I just went north to Quebec.
Your chances were better of getting laid.
A case of Labbats 50 and you could probably get the mother and daughter while the old man drank the beer.

Oh my, it’s a double header with the Pet Shop Boys and “It’s A Sin”.
I got news for them.
After that “Amazing Grace” rendition I’m screwed baby.

Oh yeah, Donna Summer singing “ I feel love”.
Right now I’d forgo love to feel a nice pair of tits.
You know she sings this, like she’s actually getting fucked.
Every time I heard the damn song I wanted to get laid.
Hail to the Queen!!!!
To bad she had small tits.

No one had tits like Aretha Franklin though.
That woman opened her mouth and when she exhaled her ass seemed to disappear into her body and double the size of her tits before she let loose that crisp voice which could shatter glass but when she inhales, she could suck in a whole fucken roast pig from thirty paces away; cherries, pineapples and toothpicks.

Alright already Donna, enough with the feeling love and finish.
She never had short songs did she?

Now it’s a Greek song.
It’s just like dueling banjos but they couldn’t find any banjos, just a bouzouki and a piano.

CCR “Long cool woman” (in a black dress)
You’d think they would sing about a hot woman with no dress on but hey, I’m just saying.

Foreigner, “URGENT” and yes it is because man do I got to go to do the “Twist” in the washroom.

Have a nice weekend

Walker

I'm Beat ©

Man o man can I use a break.
Most of the time I’m either exhausted or just plain tired.
The bus strike is over and hopefully there could be some kind of normal next week.
They say that it will take six weeks for full service to be back up like before which leaves me to wonder why?
Did they forget how to drive?
They never really kne2 how to drive to begin with so how much harder will it be for them to go back to work and be the menace they were before the strike.

Daughter number 2 (D2) managed to pull off her semester by getting the credits she said she would and as a bonus got the one she was going to loose by spending the weekend doing all the assignments she missed and scoring a 98 on her exam for the credit.
I’m I proud of her.
Damn right I am and that’s why I’m not complaining about having her here and the extra cost.
It seems the system would only help her if she dropped out of school because of her past history thanks to her mother.
There’s a piece of work people.

She used the system to the point where there is nothing left to help her with because in the end she abused it in my daughter’s name and when the kid couldn’t go to school she was cut off.
I was talking to the Ex the other day and told her I wasn’t getting anything for her and I was broke from paying for her school supplies, food and clothes.

You know what she said to me?
She said. “I told you she was a financial burden”.

That pissed me off right there.
The things I mentioned were the basic needs of a kid so that they could go to school and stay healthy.
Further more, she was getting $600 a month per kid to do that but she didn’t but instead enjoyed her trips to the casino by taxi while the kid stayed home because she didn’t have bus tickets to go to school or have a lunch to take with her.
Dinner was a lottery win.

I really wanted to tear into the bitch but I am not ready too.
I’m a tactician in everything I do.
I still have to get more things for the kids and I don’t want to piss off that brain dead sack of crap I call my Ex until I get all this done.
The only reason it’s cost me so much is because of the bus strike and the fact I have to play catch up on what her mother failed to do.
.
The way I see parenting is like this.
My job is make sure my kids can leave the house and they will leave the house because I am not going to be raising them until they collect social security so the can fend for themselves.
It’s my place to point out the dangers in life and how to avoid them and if they are unavoidable how to deal with them.

It’s my place to teach them that from t he time you are born to the day you die the most important thing in life is yourself.
To always protect yourself so that you can better protect those who you have welcomed into your heart.
Not to rely on others to survive because if you do you will only be someone else’s prisoner.
Trust no one, not even yourself but accept what you are willing to live with.
Life is simple when you don’t complicate it so that it’s so confusing is difficult to live that way.

My kids were like zoo animals who spent their days at school or at home.
D2 was locked in the dark closet for hours at times when her mother was to bothered by her.
What do I say to that?
I grit my teeth and control my temper.
Like I said, I’m a tactician.
I say little and go about my life as I always have and let them live it my way.

“Fuck” is a word I use being timid is not in my personality so when D2 asked if she could stay to watch the basketball game with her friend as school I said no because I couldn’t drive back to get her later.
Her friend, this rather peaceful looking child that could have been an angel said “Tell your dad.too suck my cock”.

Her “DAD” was three feet away and not totally deaf.
WTF!!!!!!

Dad to D2, “Scrap the mayo off your sandwich and give to her to put on her cock so she knows how good it feels after.
You should have seen the look on both their faces.
I’ll be damned if I am going to let some punk 16 year old kid treat me like.
Drag her back home and stick her back up her mother’s arse.

I grew up in a tough neighborhood with some mean and dangerous people but we all respected each other’s parents.
WTF is this crap.
D2 said she wasn’t really a friend but a classmate and she didn’t really want to go to the game.

I don’t know if that’s true or not and I would have let her go if she had told my earlier if I had not gone to pick her up but seeing as who she would have gone with, HA, I’m glad she didn’t.
I have been encouraging her to make friends and she has made some she went to the movies with and she is going on a trip with the key club she seems to be excited about.

D1 reluctantly told me about an art show that was on last night and had been asked personally by the artist to attend.
She has no friends either.
The artist is someone she works with and has been asked twice before but hadn’t gone because she is shy.
I told her she should go and have a little fun.
Learning to socialize is not a bad thing.

She hummed and haed and toyed with the idea.
I asked her what time it was and she said 8pm.
Fuck it as 7:50pm now.
Just then I told her to get her coat and I was taking her and it was final.
She got up and took off for next door and came back dressed and with the address of the place.
I looked at the name and then back at her.

This place was a grunge bar in the Market area next to a strip club frequented by bikers.
Gezz I thought, I wanted her to go out more but I didn’t expect her first time would be
There and she was going alone.
I’m thinking maybe I should have kept my mouth shut but it was to late now.

The look on her face was worth a million words when we got closer and she saw hell getting closer.
Drug dealers and hookers on the street pacing back and forth.
Big burly bikers and drunks sleeping here there and anywhere.
I could hear her mumbling something and ask what she said and she said nothing.

We pulled up to the door and the strip club and bar had side by side doors. She started getting worried she may go through the wrong door and end up in the strip club.
I told her not to worry, that I would walk her past the dogs smoking in front and show her the right door.
She said what would happen if I went through the wrong door and I told her that wasn’t possible.

We got out of the car and started through the small crowd when this big blond hair man walked up and said, ”Walker”?
I looked at him and said, “Rob”.
“Wow man we thought you were dead Walker”
“Hey man, no, I’m not that lucky yet but you’re still ugly as ever”.

He looked at D1, “That you’re new old lady”
D1’s eyes almost popped out of her head.
I looked at her then back at Rob, “Naw she’s to scrawny, no meat on her ass not like her mother”.
“Hey man is that your kid”.
“Yeah”.
“Good thing she looks like her mother”.
“ I don’t care as long as she doesn’t look like your ugly mug”.

I told him I would be back for a chat when I had the kid inside the bar then came to do a little catching up while sharing a spliff.
He gave me the low down on what has happened in the last ten years since I saw him and I filled him in on the rest of the boys.
In 88 we all scattered into different groups and didn’t see each other as much.
The only information was through the news or the grapevine.

When I got back home D2 asked me how it went and I told her about the strip club door and how she was scared to go into the wrong place and we both started laughing.
Then she asked me if I told her to bring me one back for me and I told her I forgot but I will remember for next time.

I spent the next two hours at home waiting for her to call so I could go get her.
She only said an hour but I figured she might have been having a good time and was sticking around.
NOT that I wasn’t a little nervous.
When I left Rob said he would keep an eye out for the kid but I still have to worry and before long I found out I didn’t have to because she called.
I broke the land speed record for getting there too and when I pulled up in front she was behind a glass wall looking through the menacing crowd in front for me to pull up.

She got in the car and I asked her how it went and she said it was ok.
Weird art but she said she saw two that looked like something she might like.
There were a number of artists showing their stuff and she said her friend was happy with the turnout and to see her there.
She sat with her and her husband and later some more people joined them.

All in all she got out and had some fun.
It was both our first times and we were both a but nervous.
When we got home D2 ran downstairs and asked if she saw any strippers.
Kids…………


So are the kids a burden?
Only if you make them one.
My Ex will get hers in time, by her own hand and because of her own selfishness.
We are the architects of our lives, she is digging a hole.
But I’m keeping the kids no matter how much it costs me.
We go underwear shopping next week “Wooooo Hoooooo”.

On a personal note, I am doing my best to get around as many of your blogs as I can but I am so busy I have little time but I’m working on it.
Hopefully when the kids start taking the bus the old man can find himself some time to blog like before and maybe a stripper, who knows.

Have a nice day

Walker

Fried ©

So what should I bitch about today?
I got lots to pick and choose from like my SIL giving me a deep fryer she bought and said that she only used it twice then decided she didn’t like it and put it away in the basement for the last three years.

I thought that was real nice of her considering she paid $180 for it.
I brought it home and was trying to figure out how to open the thing; I’m not that stupid and could usually figure something out really quick but this fryer had me baffled.
I mean I found what appeared to be the handle and it had a red button on it that I figured must have been the release for something but when I pressed the button then pulled the handle, nothing happened.
I kept turning the thing around trying to find another way in but there was only something that looked like a hinge on the backside so I had to have been right in the beginning so I went back to the handle with the red button.

Once more I grabbed the handle and pushed down on the button and this time a really pulled on it but still nothing.
I was scared to that I might be wrong and break it so to be safe I called the SIL to see how the fucker opened.
The phone rang and there was no answer.
At the window I could see the van was still parked outside though.
Maybe she was in the washroom or admiring her boobs in the mirror.

I went back to the kitchen and started to think while staring at the fryer for weighs to break into it.
I mean I’ve hacked my way past all sort of security and all this was, was a Moulinex deep fryer.

I open the kitchen drawer and pull out the steal knife from the KEG that I stole from Pizza Hut then tried to push it through the top and bottom.
At least I think that’s what it was.
It took some doing but I managed to get it in and wiggle it around a bit but it was really tight and barely got it out again.

I had had about enough by now and decided I would stick the damn thing under the hot running water in the sick and see it that would loosen something up and as I was about to lower it in the sink I see on the top of the lip it says, “Do not immerse in water”.
Well isn’t that fucken dandy?
Back to the counter I go with a renewed sense of hope and I don’t give a fuck attitude towards the whole thing right about now.
I grab the fucken handle.
Push the damn button down and give it my all this time and just kept at it until I saw a little give in the handle.
I didn’t know if I was about to snap it off of the lip or it was actually opening but I didn’t give in on it and put my back into it when I heard this horrible sucking sound coming from the deep fryer.
I was tempted to let it go but I gave it one more heave and it opened up.
Inside was three inches of oil and one the bottom of that it was black.
If I knew what I know now I would have closed the lid once more and pretended I never saw the thing, EVER.

I drained the oil in a container and when it was all gone all that remained was that black shit at the bottom of the container.
Taking a spoon out of the sink poked the sludge and kept going down until the whole fucken spoon and my fingers went in to that crap.
WTF is she talking about she only used it a couple of times?
I don’t think they get this much shit in a day at the pub where I drink and their deep fryer is the most used piece of equipment in the place.
No fucken wonder she wasn’t answering the phone.

Who the fuck stores a deep fryer filled with oil next to the furnace for three years?
My SIL.
I don’t know if it’s laziness or stupidity, maybe a little of both
Now the question was, what do I do?
The thing was covered in grease and oil.
It looked like someone had deep-fried the deep fryer.

I look around the room and I remember there was an empty can in the garbage from the tomatoes I used to make a sauce with so I plucked it out of the garbage and used my big spoon
To scoop out the gross black blob from the fryer and with every scoop full I debated why I was doing it until the can was filled and got out the yogurt container and filled that to the rim too.

There wasn’t much left after those two were filled so I decided to stick it under the hot water and fuck what the lid said.
In fact I took the lid off and didn’t immerse THAT.
I pour boiling hot water in to, it was that bad.
I used degreaser, CLR and anything that said poison on the front of the bottle, even peanut butter.

I went down to my workshop on the basement and got out my wire brush and went at it with that and after about half an hour of scrubbing it looked almost clean so I turned it u[side down to drain the dirty soapy water and the whole inside of the container fell out splashing not only me with that crap water but all over my clean fucken dishes too.

FUCK, I HATE WASHNG DISHES!!!!!!!!!!

I look at the thing in the sink, then look inside the fryer and it blacker that it ever was

WTF!?!

The think in the sink turned out to be the screen you pull out to screen the bits and pieces or food leaving only the clean oil behind but since NO ONE ever bother to do it three inches un oily sludge build up of the few MILLION time she must have used it before she hide it in the basement for three years to either blow up or to give it to me.
Me and the wire brush went at it for another half hour until the reservoir was as clean as I could possibly get it then dropped it in the sink to soak some more with the insert.

It was about this time my mother called and told me my father wanted to see me in the yard.
I hoped he didn’t want me to do any more fucken shoveling because I have done more shoveling so far than I did all of last year.
I dried my hands and got dressed for the outdoors and went out to see what the old man wanted.
I go outside and he waves me over to the back of the yard just in front of his car and points with his glove towards the snow and tell me someone has been pissing in the yard.
WTF, he dragged me out to see piss in the fucken snow.

I look at the snow bank and think to myself that who ever pissed that had to be at least ten feet tall.
I walk over to the snow and what my father called piss in the snow, it was eye level with me and when I got close enough to look at it, all I could do is nod my head and start walking back to the house but not before telling my father I was calling the eye doctor for him.
He yelled at me as I walked away something about he’s not blind and I told him to go look at it closer.
I stopped at the door long enough to see him use the shovel to pull the yellow tissue from the snow.
Piss, twit.
He is so going to the eye doctor.

I came back in the house and looked at the mess in the sink and spread all over the counter and thought to myself why the fuck I was even bothering to clean the fucken fryer.
Oh yeah.
In Greece they used to call me “Patata”
I can never get enough French fries.
“Sigh” back to the sink for me.
What I do for poutine.

Have a nice day

Walker