blue moon (2)

Monday, June 20, 2005

My Week ©

What a week.
You may need some popcorn and coffee, because this is a long one.
To avoid running another 2 parter and getting more flak, I posted all of it.
Part of this started awhile ago, when I went for my ass poke.
I’m sure you remember that?
I used to be a notorious drinker. Drinks of choice, what ever took the paint off of anything? Primarily, single malt Scotch, Tequila, Crown Royal Whisky (I kept Seagram’s in business by myself) and Jack Daniels.
I was good for a couple of bottles a day when I was younger. Throw in a couple of beers (12-24) and that was the day, everyday for years. The thing was I never got slopping drunk, so kept drinking and partying.
About 8 years ago I went to the doc and he said you’re fucked. Your liver is shot and you have a couple of months left.
Hold on, outside of a hang over I didn’t feel so bad.
I never told the doctor my drinking habits, so I decided to come clean. So I told him basically what I told you and he sat there with his mouth open.He asked me did you drink the day before the test.
I told him yes, like usual.
Then he put me on the wagon for a month.
I wasn’t an alcoholic in the sense that if I didn’t have a drink I’d go nuts. So I went on the wagon for a month and went for more tests after that and the doc had a smile on his face when I went to see him a week after.
But he told me to stop binge drinking.
Have a beer or 2 were fine, NO MORE cases of beer and bottles of scotch. The no scotch hurt. There is something about drinking scotch that tastes like swamp water when you’re bored.
I stopped drinking hard and had beer only with a rare scotch in the last 8 years.
Anyway after my recent check he said I was in trouble again, Oh Oh.
So he sent me for an ultra sound to check my Liver.
While I was waiting for the results I started wondering why it was so bad I don’t drink that much anymore.
Let’s see, Hmmmm there was the baptism March 19, 10 beers 20 dbl whiskeys.
Then there was my friend who stayed over for 21 days, 2 bottles of single malt scotch, 1 bottle of Kaluha, 1 bottle of Baileys, 1 bottle of tequila, 1 bottle of butterscotch ripple, 1 bottle of Goldshlagger and about 40 beers. Fuck that’s a bit. Then I went to the doctor for my physical
I did the math and called the doctor. I have been worried about it ever since I got the blood tests back. Now I had to wait for these results, which came in last Thursday and he called to tell me the verdict.

Then I had this BBQ which I have been saddled with to go shopping for and I had to hit 5 different stores to get most of what I need. I said most because some of the stuff I need I have to pick up a day or 2 before. I am making spanakopites and teropites, which are ordurves.
Sara knows what they are; she had a few of them (dozens).
So I got the meat and have made 60 souflaki and frozen them until the day of the BBQ. A souflaki is a shish kabob. I make pork and chicken (I only use chicken breasts). Tomorrow or the day after I’ll go buy the rest of the stuff I need and have it ready. I will have to get propane for the BBQ because I am the only one that gets it, or should I say I’m the only one that pays for it, but not the one that uses it.
I bought the BBQ too.
Apparently the time bomb of a Bbq that we had was fine. The periodic exploding cloud while you were cooking is normal for my father, not to mention the hose catching fire once and burning down to the propane tank like a fuse, only to be patched up by my father with duct tape.
After that, I was promoted to the Bbq cook.
I went to Sears to get a new one, my Father telling me I was an idiot for wasting my money when we had a perfectly good working one.
I asked the guy to show me some Bbqs.
The first one he showed me I knew there was no way I was going to buy this.
After his spiel, I ask him how much?
He says it’s on sale for $2999.99.
I asked him if I get a whole cow with it for that price.
I told him I didn’t want to spend that much, so he showed me one for $1999.99.
I’m thinking that a blast suit like the bomb squad uses would be cheaper and I could use the old Bbq.
I tell him I want the cheapest fucken Bbq that he has. So he shows me one that has a nice big surface and it doesn’t need lava rocks because it has some kind of porcelain thing does the same shit.
Now I have to ask the question again, How Much?
$1099.99 he says. Man I could take everyone out for a Bbq for that price.
I ask him why so much?
So he points out this and that and bread warmer, side burner and chicken rotisserie.
Does it give blow jobs too, for fuck sakes?
All I want is a plain Bbq; I don’t need all that bull shit.
Then he says something that almost put me in jail for murder.
1 Hour I was there talking to this twit.
1 hour of me telling him, I didn’t want to spend a fortune on a Bbq.
1 whole fucken hour where, I could have been someplace else getting stuff.
AN HOUR, of my life.
He says you don’t have to take that stuff; you can just take the Bbq for $499.99.
I pay for the thing and bring it home.
My father laughed at me for wasting my money and went outside to look at the new Bbq. When he was gone, I gave my mother my father’s Sears card back. Ha Ha Ha.

Then on Friday last week my mothers stove broke and they went and bought a new stove. They told my parents that it will take a week for it to arrive. It had to be ordered. They do a lot of cooking so I wondered how they would cope.
They coped pretty well; I’ve been cooking all week for them at my place.
Oh did I mention my father refused to pay the $75 delivery fee. Yup he said no way, I’ll pay $1100 for a stove and I won’t pay for it to be shipped.
I guess they can keep it there forever and enjoy it I told him.
He flipped out on me because he had no way of getting the stove home, like it’s my fault,
I told him that I knew someone for 40 bucks that will do it. He screeched at that too.
Offer him 10 he said.
Yeah right, the van will burn that just starting.
I got a cousin to do it for free.
We brought the stove in and I was sitting there thinking that I wouldn’t have to cook and carry food over anymore.
I plug in the stove and turn the knob and the lights went out.
I go down stairs and turn the breaker on and run upstairs and turn the knob again and the lights go off.
You need and electrician I tell my father.
He tells me he can’t afford one.
You can fix it he says.
What, but I don’t want too, I tell him I could get my butt really zapped with this one.
You’ll be careful.
So the next day I am there ripping everything apart. While I am at it I add a couple of breakers and separate the lights from everything else and then I go upstairs.
Ok this should work now.
I turn the stove on and the clock works. Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
I turn the oven on and I hear a clik and the breaker blew.
After awhile I figured out the stove was defective.
I called Sears and they said no problem and they will replace the stove.
Great, when will it be here?
In a week.
So that was my week in a nut shell, me being the nut.

Oh and I got the test results back, liver is fine.


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