blue moon (2)

Thursday, May 19, 2005

What's Up Doc!!!!!!! ©

Ok Carol here it is.
Thanks to Sara everyone knows I went to the doctor yesterday. Sorry mrhaney, but I have to say it. I go many times a year, but this was my annual physical, which was 6 months late.
It’s always a treat, because my doctor and I have a good time chatting. He knows everything about me, good and bad. I have never held anything back and can I find some whoppers, for questions to ask him.
For example:
Hey Louis,
Yes Walker?
Can you run out of semen? I seem to be running short lately.
You know, can I run out or is there an endless supply. Does the well run dry or not?
I don’t think so, unless there is blockage. How often do you have sex?
I don’t know, 2-3 times I guess.
Well 2-3 times a week is not much.
No Louis, 2-3 times a day.
The girl friend is catching up for being married to that gay guy for 10 years and speaking of that, I want blood tests for aids. She never knew he was gay and who knows what the fuck he was up too.
I had to get tested for seven years straight, for aids. The prick married my ex to have kids. She never knew he was gay. They had 2 within 20 months.
They had sex 5 times in the10 years that they were married. I was playing it safe, be it too late by the time I found out.

We go through an array of tests. I have broken most of the bones in my body, and he likes wiggling my knee. He likes the fact that he can pop it out when he wants, bastard.
Then he sits for a while checking out the back piece (tattoo) I have and asks me if I have any more. I’m sitting there almost naked but for my shorts and I know he sees nothing new. No I said, after 14 hour of pain that was enough for me.
He then tells me to lie down on my back and puts his hands down my shorts and holds my balls in his hand. I get this funny look on my face. Ok he is a doctor, but there is still a guy holding my balls in his hand. Now a woman would have made me feel better.
Ok now cough, he says. I cough and he says that’s fine. What the fuck is that all about. Scoops up my balls and ask me to cough. I just found out it’s to see if they are inside me. Well if they are sitting in the palm of his hand I guess they are not, and what’s with the cough. I think it’s just to see if we’re petrified that a guy is got us by the balls.
I got news for him the women got that cornered already.
Then he tells me to get on my side and get into the fetal position. I know what this means.
I remember the first time he told me that, I was forty and it was time for a prostate check. I was in for my bronchitis at the time. He said on the next visit for my physical, he was going to have to check my prostate.
So, I guess that means x rays, I asked.
No he replied, it’s not that drastic I just put my finger there and check for lumps.
Put your finger where?
I put my finger up your anus.
What do your mean x-rays are not that drastic? What the fuck is that your gonna do, a casual look see.
It’s nothing really; it will only take a second.
I want x-rays.
It’s not an option, once you turn 40 I have to check.
I’m 39, I was born in 1960.
I checked, he replied and you were born in 1959. So next week we check it.
SHIT!!! (Pardon the pun).
I sat home for a week trying to figure out where the prostate is exactly in the body and how far in he was going to go. I had my encyclopedia out and was looking at those transparent anatomy pages. It was hard to figure the distance from the books, but it looked far, almost a foot.
How long was his finger?
A week went by quick and I was contemplating calling in sick to the doctor’s office, but I didn’t think it would work.
I get into the office and he asks me to undress and does his tests. Then he tells me to lie down and get into the fetal position. I knew this was it. So I tell him to wait a sec and go to my jacket and toss him a tube of KY jelly.
You’re using that, I said, with a stern look on my face.
He laughed and said I have something better. Now lie down.
I lay down and he stuck his finger in me. The whole time I’m asking him if it was necessary to put the elbow in too.
When he was done, he told me to get dressed and that everything looked ok.
I said thanks.
So what time are you picking me up Louis?
What do you mean, what time am I picking you up.
Well, I replied, if your gonna get that personal with me, your buying dinner.

Well Louis said my ass is OK for another year and he still owns me dinner I figure.
Your doctor is your friend, it is embarrassing at times, but they keep us blogging.

Take Care


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