Bits n Tits ©

Monday was another crazy day.
Or was that Tuesday?
Hold on, what day is it today?
Fuck, I’m loosing my minds.
At least it’s almost Spring and Summer will be here just in time for Winter.

Yesterday I had to take D2 to the dentist.
Last time I took her to the dentist she was 4 and they had to call in the riot squad to save the doctors and staff from her.
This time she needed a root canal and she wasn’t very excited about going for it.
The whole trip to the dentist’s office I stressed the importance if keeping all her teeth for as long as possible.
I asked if she wanted to have false teeth like her mother and she said no.
So for the rest of the ride to the dentist’s office I mimicked the dentist’s drill.
HEY, I wash all the dishes and clean house, I get to torture my kid my way.
Ahhhhhhhhhh, paybacks a bitch but oh so sweet, sweet, sweet, it’s the only bill I like paying HA, HA, HA

An hour later D2 comes out of the dentist’s office looking like someone whacked her with a baseball bat.
Her hand was under her chin catching the drool running off of her hanging tongue frozen and flopping useless out of her mouth.
Where’s a camera when you need one?

With her finger in her mouth keeping her tongue in she slurped to me that the dentist couldn’t do the root canal.
Oh, oh that’s not good I’m thinking.
About thirty minutes later the dentist comes in the room and says D2 needs surgery to save the tooth but they can’t do it or find someone willing to do it so in the end the tooth might have to be removed.
If she had her way it would be gone already.
So they sent us home and said they will call us when they know if it could be done.
As we are walking out o f the dentist’s office, Droolly says, “I want cake”.
Yeah right, this is how we ended up at the dentist’s office.

All the way home she complained about the dentist and how it was the worse thing ever.
No, no it’s not.
Sitting next to the person whining about the worse thing ever is the worse thing ever.
We get home and I walk through the back to the front and stop at the door to the TV room and there is this half naked black woman spread out on my couch.

Holy Goldilocks and it’s not Christmas.
D2 walks past me and I say, ”Hey, there’s a woman on my couch”.
“Is it Inia?”
“No”.
“I’m telling Inia”.
“WHAT”?!!!!!!!
Fuck that, I’m telling her first.
She’s going to want pictures for proof to I bet, hmmmmm...

When the kids moved back home I clean house and even the darkest corners of the closet just so something like this doesn’t happen but I didn’t recognize her.
Then again……..there are large gaps in my memory but I don’t see myself forgetting a set of tits like that.

I walk back to the TV room and say “Hello”.
WTF am I supposed to say?
There’s a top-heavy young woman spread out on my couch like she owns it.
She smiled back at me.
She better be smiling she’s lying there so comfy and all.

I spent 35 years trying to bring women home with me and the whole time I was wasting my time getting drunk and spending hundreds of thousands of dollars trying when all I really had to do is leave the fucken door unlocked and one will grow out of the couch.

As I stepped into the room D1 popped up from behind me and said this was her friend from work.
Damn, there goes the magic couch theory.
I was going to turn it into a shrine with nightie and vibrators thrown around and sacrifice Inia on it every night but now…….. I’ll have to rethink the whole thing with the couch.

They lay around watching movies for about four hours while D2 whined from upstairs begging for cake.
My four year old niece showed up with he entourage which included a 2 ½ year old, 7 and 10 year old.

I remember when I had bikers roaring down the street, piling into my house with cases of beer.
Cops parked all around watching.
Now I’m making freaking lemonade for a bunch of girls and they are ALL FEMALE.

WTF…….how has all of this come around?
I’m buying tampons at the grocery store.
Sport, regular……
The Indian lady behind the cash is always smiling at me when I buy some.
Makes me wonder what she is thinking.
Like when I walk down the street and see those homeless people walking towards me.
I can read their minds and I can read hers too
I hear her voice in my head right now.
“Excuse me sir……can you spare a tampon”.
And my answer is just the same as to those homeless people bumming smokes.
“Sorry, it’s my last one”.

The women in my life drive me nuts.
Did I tell you about the vaginal douche?
I don’t remember much anymore with so much happening around me.
The craziness and insanity.
Sometimes I think it’s not them……it’s me because I haven’t become like them.
Maybe if I become crazy to they will look for another sane person to drive insane.

I’m telling you, I………I don’t know how they find me.
It’s my mother most of the time.
One of my aunts was constipated and she had asked her daughter to pick her up this thing to help her.
The daughter brought her home a enema kit that hooks up to a water bottle.
The parents were insulted and refused it.
Now you and I know that it’s the proper tool for the job but to these people its like sex.
If it’s longer than 4 inches, you’re getting fucked up the ass.

So my aunt calls my mother to complain about how stupid her daughter was and my mother said don worry I’ll get Walker to get you one.
Yeah sure, if it involves female pussy and ass, call Walker, he knows what to do.
So I head off to the pharmacy again to buy a vaginal syringe this time.
The fucken Indian lady at the cash had a HUGE smile on her face this time.
I want to know why she wasn’t working on some help desk in New Delhi.

I brought it back and give it to my mother who brought it to my aunt who called her daughter to tell her the good news who called me in turn to ask me what it was and when I told her she laughed so hard she almost came on the other end of the phone.
Yup, she was sticking that fat dildo up her butt and squeezing the ball until relief gushed out.
Greeks……..I hope she didn't use windex
I think if they used two balls on the vaginal syringe it would be more realistic.

“Dad, did you see a flash”?
“Flash, what flash…..”?

Have a nice day

Walker

The Saga Continues ©

Just when I thought things were going to quiet down a bit the, Windex opera picked up speed again.
I was sitting here, actually lying on the couch watching TV enjoying the quiet when the phone rang.
I tell you, the fucken phone is my enemy.
I answer the blasted thing and it’s my ex SIL who I hadn’t heard from since she gave me a call to ask if she could visit her pet rock that she gave me.
Don’t ask, just ….don’t ask.

She tells me she has to see me, something important about my EX and my oldest, D1.
Now what, I told her to come on over.
About thirty minutes later she is at the door and I let her in and offered her some dinner, as we were about to sit down and eat.
D2 took off upstairs to have her dinner; the fucken plate is still probably up there.

As I was sitting there with the ex SIL eating I asked her what the emergency was?
She said my EX called to tell her if she could go feed her dog because she wasn’t going back to her apartment and that D2 would be moving into it to take care of the dog as she was planning to move out of here.
I almost choked to death on the fucken rice.

Where the fuck did this come from now.
Well it seems the ex doesn’t want her dog anymore because she has a man in her life and he doesn’t want the dog.
So she wants my daughter to move out of the safely of family where she pays for nothing, NOTHING at all and to move into a basement dungeon room in some run down house in a neighborhood that boosts their own national crime wave statistics so she doesn’t have to deal with the dog anymore.

I was surprised to hear this but confused at the same time.
Just that morning D1 asked if I could give her the other bed in the spare room and I said yeah.
As luck would D1 called as we were talking to tell me she was leaving work and on her way home.
I told her I wanted to see her as soon as she got in.
I was going to get to the bottom of this one way or the other.
If D1 wants to move out, the door is open but she isn’t moving in that hellhole that her mother took out of desperation if I have anything to say about it.

I know those streets, I lived and died on those streets and they are not kind to anyone especially the weak and naïve.
I swore my kids would not end up there and I plan on making sure of that.
Their mother could rot in the hell she conjures up as far as I am concerned but she isn’t dragging the girls down with her.

I spotted D2 hiding off the side listening in and I called her over then asked her what she knew to which she said she knew nothing other than D1 was happy here with us.
Then recited the stories about the dogs they have owned.
It seems my EX loves puppies and when they grow into dogs she opens the door and dumps them on the side of the road somewhere.
WTF!!!!!!!!!!
Who the fuck is this person I thought to myself.

Ok I mean I was no model citizen but I wasn’t cruel to people or animals.
I have had various pets while I was with this woman over the seventeen years and never saw this kind of behavior from her.
Unless we count the two times when she stabbed me and the one time I was bludgeoned in my sleep when she ran out of booze, other than that, no sign of any cruelty to animals and people wonder why I have panic attacks.
They used to think it was because I was scared someone was going to shoot me when it was actually going home to sleep next to the old lady.

D1 walked through the door as the three of us were talking.
I asked if she wanted dinner.
Seems she already knew about the chicken teriyaki from D2 who called her cell phone to tell her to come eat at my place.
Bloody kids are worse than the CIA and KGB combined.

While she was eating I asked her when she was going to tell us she was moving.
She gave us all a weird look and asked if we were all on drugs.
I asked her aunt to tell her what her mother said.
She sat there listening to all of this and it was all news to her.
She said, “Mum’s nuts”.

After that the kids told us about some of the horror stories they lived through like when their mother met some guy and brought him home and in the morning he walked out with the microwave.
It’s a good thing that’s all he did or the time she met some guy one day and was going off into the deep woods for the weekend and took the kids with her.
The kids said they were terrified the whole time.

You know, the courts said I wasn’t a fit parent because of my violent past.
Even the shrink the court sent me to said the safest place for any kid to be was near me but the Ex.’s lawyer said I molested D1 and the courts gave my EX the kids.
True or not the courts just looked at you like you were a danger to your own kids.
I then spent the next year paying to see my kids and having her lawyer dealt with who BTW has been disbarred for falsely accusing men for molesting their kids.
By the time I cleared the way the EX had skipped town.

The missing pieces are now slowly being filled in and it make me even madder to hear a lot of this shit but I suppress my anger.
Twenty years ago head would have rolled and I’d be sitting in jail but I have too much more to loose today than I did back then and I can’t afford to sit in a cell for the next decade.
I’ll jut have to hope a tree falls on a few people.
Did I tell you guys about me new chain saw?

After a bit, almost midnight I threw everyone who doesn’t live here out and went to talk to Inia who I am sure was dieing to find out what NOW had happened.
I managed to relax a bit and by 3 am was off to bed for some needed sleep.

The phone rang; it was 5 am, WTF?!!!!
It was the Ex SIL; she was crying and sounded like she was out of breath.

“What’s wrong with you, it’s 5am”?
“I’m hiding at the park around my sister’s house”.
“Umm, why”?
“Because my sisters’ friend and upstairs neighbor called my cell phone and said that she called the humane society because the dog was barking for days and it’s not true I was there to walk and feed it”.
"So I got scared because if they take the dog and no one adopts it they will kill him so I ran down there to save the dog”
The Ex SIL is an animal lover and has a houseful of cats she has taken in and cared for.
“What happen next”?
“Well I called my sister on her BF’s phone and started running as fast as I could to her place and when I got there the lady was waiting for me and was trying to push past me to get into her apartment and take the dog but I didn’t let her”.
“I was scared, she is a big woman”.

The Ex SIL is 105 pound soaking wet and the upstairs neighbor is bigger than me.
6-2 220-pound German woman.

“The woman is HUGE compared to me and thought she was going to beat me up and when she went upstairs again I took the doggie and ran out of the house to the park to wait for me sister to tell me what to do”.
“When the phone rang I thought it was her but it was the humane society asking me where the dog was and I told them it was with me and I wasn’t giving him to them”.

So that was it, the phone died.
Maybe they got her.
Last I heard the EX SIL was on the run with a psycho Pomeranian wrapped around her leg humping her calf from the human society and a giant German woman while my EX is off somewhere having a grand ole time.

I miss the days when I was in jail, had no kids, no EXs, no Ex SILs........but then i would have had a Father's Day.........Damn

Oh well, I got to go fix the old man's thrown next door.
That's another story.

Have a nice Father Day to all the fathers uncles and single mothers who have to wear both hats but I just know you love strapping on the vibrator, wink.

Walker.

Escape From Walkerville ©

I had enough
They pushed me to far
Now it’s time to go
To run away
Down the street
To anywhere
Someplace far
Someplace away from here

I’m tired of the lies
Weary of the smiles
Scared to smile back
Fed up and that’s only the cat
The people drive me out of my mind
Make me insane
And now
Now I’m traveling down that street

Down the road I’ll go
Leaving the door wide open behind me
For them to watch
In shock and disbelief
As I walk
Past all the houses
Door by door
Still waiting for ring the bell to ring once more

Past childhood memories
Memories I can never forget
Faces that still haunt me
In dark corners
Places that constantly call my name
Laughter
Now a dieing echo in the shadows
In this place, from this street

Pack your bags, run away
With me
Down that road
To the next street
Walk; don’t run
Look at all the memories as you pass
Smell the times gone by
Feel young once more
As the seconds click off your heels

From this place I leave
To see what I haven’t seen
Touch something I haven’t touched
Feel something
I haven’t felt
Go, before I hold me breath and pass out
Go before I change my mind
Yet, it’s all so bittersweet because I’ll be back

The next few months it’s going to be really busy around here.
Busier than normal because as many of you know it’s creeping up my Bbq in August but before that I have planned an escape but before that, yeah there’s more.
I am doing a number of concerts with Inia and maybe Inia to in the bushes.
Bluesfest hits town next month and I bought tickets for the one weekend, which means I have 83 concerts at my disposal to pick and choose from.
Like concerts by like Joe Cocker, Loreena McKennitt, will see armed with a pack of joints and jug of margaritas and Inia.
I may see the concert.
Jackson Brown on a Friday.
Los Lonely Boys and many more.
KISS will be here to which has me wondering why they will be playing at a Bluesfest?
Blues, KISS, Blues, KISS, Blues, KISS
Maybe Gene’s tongue is shriveled up some and it’s to thick for his mouth now and he’s singin the blues.

Something’s wrong with that.

Probably scoot off for a bit to listen to some blue grass.
Smoke a little to I’m sure, a margarita and maybe a roll in the grass.
Then the gospel tent for a little religion…Ok, ok the large breasted women jumping around praising the lord too.
If the lord is anything like me he’s praising large breasted women.

Have you been watching the news?
They had elections in Iran the other day.
I made a unique observation that enlightened me in a way and I now I understand a little bit more about them.
See, I used to think they hated Americans because they put pork in their hotdogs and were left weinieless and that they hates Israel because their pussy was kosher but now I understand and see the error of my thinking.
These dumb fucks hate everyone even themselves.

The opposition is screaming fix and has its supporters marching down the street destroying and killing.
Sore losers.

The returning president, “Icant Afford Arazor”

said that they used brand new, used voting machine they bought from Florida at a good price and don’t make mistakes, just ask George Bush, they work just fine.
The cheater.

You know, I just found out about David Carradine.
I used to love his shows.
Kung Fu
The return of Kung Fu
The New Return of Kung Fu
The man was nuts.
They found him hanging by the neck in a closet in Thailand.
His balls were so distraught over his demise they hanged themselves also by attaching the other end of the rope to his wrist then nudging it off the inflatable doll breaking his balls.
The police don’t suspect murder but aren’t sure about his balls

OH OH OH, did you see what David Letterman did?
I love that asshole.
He apologized to Sarah Palin for his tasteless joke about Alex Rodriguez knocking up one of her teenage daughters or something along those lines.
Give me a break I don’t watch the show I just said he was an asshole.

The whole thing hit the roof when Sarah Palin found out.
She was PISSED.
Worse than pissed, her pussy was drippin mad.
She had spent half the night hiding in Alex Rodriguez hotel room waiting to surprise him and then found out of her kids might have beat her to him.

Batter up Alex, “Who’s in the closet for the Daily Double”.
But as a consolation while she hid in the washroom whom did she happen to bump into?
None other than:

Yes folks, Mr. Rodriguez is an international star but Sarah, being the diplomat she wishes she could be managed to bridge the gap without having to show her face.
But it does show on his a little.

So yeah, I’m thinking a bunch of concerts over a weekend in July followed with a week get away somewhere should perk me up some.
Inia says Bluesfest will look like Woodstock by the time we leave.
Hmmm, at least if there are mudslides, I’m already wearing a spare tire.

So that’s a little of what I have been busy planning over the last few weeks for the summer but I am sure I will be keeping you up to date on the events of the summer including the top secret invasion plan I have in the works with a crack team of Canadian Beavers.
Speaking of beavers, I think I will head of and shave one.

Have a nice day

Walker.

Stupidville ©

Ever have so much to say but don’t know what to say because there is just so much to say.
Life is so fucken insane lately, I don’t know what living is any more.
I’m mad
Frustrated
Down right fucken pissed off
Confused

Sometimes I feel like I am the only one with any common sense around here.
Have people stopped fucken thinking or is stupid the new tread?

Where to start?
HA!!
When’s the finish?

My head is so full of crap I don’t know what to grasp first.
I have a dozen people coming at me at once.
The Ex stopped by the other day to tell me about this great guy she met online and how she thinks this is the one.
I told her to take it easy and to make sure she knew lots about him before she committed herself to a relationship.

I must have been talking to my ass end because 4 days after meeting this guy on one of those free dating sites she was gone.
I came home Sunday from dim sum and find an IM saying he was there and they were off to see his mother at the hospital.
I answered but she was already gone.

That’s when the EX SIL called if I had heard from her sister and I told her about the IM left on my computer so she decided that since her sister was gone she would go over to the Ex’s place to feed her dog.
She had been given a key to do just that so off she went.
Me, I went on to deal with D2’s teeth at the dentist.

I get back home a couple of hours later and the Ex SIL was on my porch dancing around like she needed to pee waiting for me to show up.
She comes in and runs straight to the washroom while screaming something about having to tell me something.

A couple of minutes later she comes down with a funny look on her face,
“Walker, I have to tell you something”.
“I went over to feed the dog because you told me she had left with that guy”.
“I open the door and walk in and they were there and they were naked”.

Remember this is the woman who has sworn off sex.

“Really”.
“Yes, he was jumping on top of her like a monkey”.
“What happened when they saw you”?
“Well, she said they were naked but I could see that”.
“What did you say”?
“Hi, I’m her sister, I make candles”.
“WTF did you says that for”?
“ I didn’t know what else to say I just walked in on them fucking”.
“You sure they were fucking, you know you are getting older and the eyes are the first to go”.

“So what happened next”?
“Well I went out in the hallway so they could get dressed and I went back when she called me in”.
“He shook my hand and said his name”.
“I see, did you see him washing his hand because he probably had a couple of fingers in her pussy”.
“OMG”!!!!!!!!!

She ran off upstairs to wash her hands.
Twenty minutes later she was back on the couch telling me the rest of the story.
The Ex told her she would be gone for the day and would be back the on Tuesday.
That was two days ago and she is still not back.
Her sister called to tell me she went to her place and fed the dog whom had been left alone.

I hope she is ok but I told her and I have said it here on numerous posts that you got to know who you are dealing with when you meet someone online.
You have to take time to get to know someone before you let yourself run off with them.
There are people out there who feed off of desperate people like my Ex.

I told the Ex Sil to wait one more day and to go see the police.
The Ex had not given anyone his name or where she was going.
Not even a phone number where she could be reached.

Later that evening as I was watching TV the phone rang and it was the Ex Sil.
She said that she talked to her mother and told her she was going to call the police the next day if she hadn’t returned and her mother said it wasn’t her responsibility, that it was mine.

WTF is she talking about?
We broke up 17 fucken years ago.
She said that it was my responsibility because I was a man.

huh

Let’s see……. this is the woman who accused me of raping her
Called the police and said I broke in and tried to kill her and the kids
They came to get me; my saving grace was that I was at a charity function with the chief of police and half the police force at the bowling lanes
She set me up where I was almost killed in the middle of the street by the cops in front of 100 witnesses.

They want me to go down to the police station and report my Ex missing.
Guess who suspect #1 will be?
The Ex is lucky I let her come here in fact, a couple of weeks ago I told the Ex the only fucken reason she comes through my front door is because of the kids.

The whole week was stupid like this.
Friday someone told me a crazy story.
Someone who I was banging between the four posts of the bed ended up with one of my enemies.
It’s a small world.
Now I hadn’t been with her for at least six months prior to them hooking up and she got pregnant with his kid but he didn’t believe it.
He was so obsessed that it was mine he talked her into getting an abortion because it gave him pleasure in destroying something of mine.
Even though she pleaded with him that it was his she went through with it anyway because she loved him.

Fucken morons.
Hate blindly destroys innocence and yes even I know how to hate.
We got to learn to hate with our eyes open.
Fucken morons.

Last night as I was settling down I got an IM from of all people, the EX.
The first thing I did was give her shit for taking off without telling anyone where to or with who.
She bubbled something about finding Mr. Right.
I said I was happy for her but she was still a stupid bitch for jumping off a cliff like that.
As I was Iming her I called her sister on the phone to tell her that the EX was still alive.
She told me to ask her if she was going to be home tomorrow and the Ex said no and to tell the Ex Sil she didn’t have to go and feed her dog, which I immediately relayed.
After fifteen minutes I managed to get rid of the lot of them and settle down for the night.

This morning I woke up early to catch up some of what I didn’t finish yesterday and as I was in the kitchen the phone rang.
It was the Ex SIL.
“I thought you told me they were not going to be there”?
“That’s what she said, why”?
“Because I went there this morning to check on the dog and they were they’re jumping around like monkeys again”.
“You really got to learn to knock”.

So for those of you who have been looking for me or wondering where I have been, I haven’t been dodging you.
Just the shit flying around me.

Have a nice day

Walker

With Da Fishies ©

Pack my bags
Grab the cat
Run down the street
Screaming, shouting

Set me free
Let me go
Anywhere
Even someplace I don’t know

How long can I stay here?
How much can I take?
How much before I crack
Or maybe that’s what I need to bake

Roll a joint
Have a toke
Lay back and get lost in your mind
While the cat pukes on the floor to step in later

I’m drowning here.
It seems I can’t get anything finished before ten new jobs pile up for me to do and when I suggest I got to get a break I get more work.
I feel like Marlon Brando in the Godfather sometimes.
What’s wrong with people, can’t they fucken think for themselves?

D2 has been sick for a while now and not only the flu but teeth problems and she always has headaches so I am knocking off all those problems one at a time.
Her mother says she didn’t want to go to the dentist.
D2 says she was sending her alone and was scared.
The other day I wanted to take the vice grips and play dentist as she drove me nuts with her whining and whimpering that always seemed to disappeared when the boyfriend called.
.
Two friends stopped by needing advice.
One about money.
Seems because I don’t have any I know how to manage it.
The other about how he should lead his life now that he is out of jail.
Like I have one.

I suggested the one who just got out of jail rob the first one thus leaving the first friend without the worries about money and the second one to open a bicycle shop in China with the money he stole.

No sooner had I shown then the door a customer was waiting at the screen with his computer under his arm and a bag of programs he needed to install on his computer because the government was auditing him for the last six years.
Here’s what happened.
He has no kids just a nephew so he decided to give his two hundred grand cottage to his nephew because he wasn’t using it and he is his only heir.
That done the government turns around and tells him he owes them sixty grand because the cottage was worth more than when he bought it.
It didn’t matter that he gave it away; they still want their money.
Fucken government.
I agreed to do this for him and he left his computer here and left.

I close the door and turn to go back to the kitchen to do some cleaning up when the doorbell rang, its my ex SIL.
Seems she decided that buying a aquarium ornament from the pet shop was way to expensive so she went to the china town and bought a vase with two dragons on it for six bucks but wanted to cut a hole in the base so the fish could swim through.

For two days she was hole with this tiny dremel machine and a sanding bit that was almost as small ad a pencil tip trying to sand away a six-inch diameter base.
For the record the woman doesn’t do drugs, she’s naturally stoned.

She pulls the vase from the bag and passes it to me and after two days of sanding she had managed to make a hole still to small to stick my pinky through.
She asked if I could help her so I took it downstairs to my workshop with her trailing behind.

At my work bench I took out my cutting took and the second the blade touched the vase sparks shot out all over the place.
Ah yeah, stoneware.
This wasn’t going to be easy.
I put the grindstone to it.
Nothing
The drill bit broke.
The hacksaw blade broke
I put a coarse stone on the drill press to see if I could sand the base away but all I did was polish it.

She stood 2 feet behind me peeking at my failure to remove the base one time after another.
It was about this time I had had enough of this shit and turned to her and asked if she could get me the dustpan and brush from behind her.
When she turned I grabbed the hammer and gave it one good whack and it was all done.

By the time she turned wide eye the base of the vase was gone and I had a big grin on my face.
If all fails, get the fucken hammer out.

She thinks I’m a genius.
I was trying to smash the fucker.

Now all smiles we are at my front door and I am trying to push her out when the Ex showed up and both sisters start squealing with delight of seeing each other.
The Ex’s Pomeranian was squeaking to as he humped the Ex SIL’s ankle.
Back inside they come and three minutes later there were five more people.
Oh joy.

Two hours later I finally caved in and threw the lot of them.
The Ex Sil stopped at the door to thank my again for opening the bottom of her vase and her fishy will love me for it.
Yeah, yeah I smell the love already.
I told her to make sure she washed it in hot water to sterilize if first before putting it in the tank and shoved her out the door.

As I was pulling the door shut I spotting at Ziploc bag on top of the columns outside on the porch and went out to see what the hell it was.
I looked down on it and there were three round jawbreaker sized balls inside it.
Maybe the niece left her candies outside?
Just then the EX ran up the stairs and said, “Oops, I forgot the dog’s doo doo bag”.

Fuck………

I finally got some rest as I sat back on the couch after a blast on my new toy.
Lying there all fucked up and horny.
That’s when the phone rang.
Always and you know it isn’t a horny wench on the other side before you say hello it always someone with something stupid to tell you.

“Hello”?

It’s the Ex SIL, see, what did I tell you?
She is crying.
Her fish are all dead
Uh huh
Yeah
What?
Are you fucken nuts?
Well no wonder.

Seems she decided that instead of washing the vase like I told her she boiled in a pot on the stove then dropped it in while it was still hot into the tank and boiled the fish.
I hope she like fish soup.

Some people were born to drive me fucken nuts I think.

Have a nice day

Walker