blue moon (2)

Monday, July 28, 2008

aNimAL hOuSe ©

I’m sore and tired thanks to my sister in law and I dread helping my ex sister in law moving her daughter because I know it’s going to be worse from what I had been doing all night long.
Last Tuesday my brother was at the door with Biggie asking me if I could watch him for three days.
I had plans for the weekend which involved moving out most of the stuff in my kitchen and washing down the walls and the ceiling.
I used to love having a high ceiling.
I hate it now.

The kitchen was the only place left to paint so I picked up some pain the other day for this weekend but I had to wait for the dog to go because most of my time is spent protecting him from the cat.
It sounds funny having to protect a dog from a cat but my cat's mean and territorial in fact, the first night I slept on the couch with the dog sleeping between my legs and the cat sitting in the hallway waiting to kill him as soon as he got off of the couch.

The dog is dumb as a doornail.
The cat knows how to draw him out. He waits for when Biggie is looking at him then prances around then runs up the stairs.
The dog being like any other dog chases anything that runs instinctively and the runs after the cat upstairs.
As soon as the cat gets upstairs she hides until he gets up there and starts looking for her.
Once in the depths of hell Frick comes out and blocks the stairs and the only way back down to safety.
It’s here that I start hearing the yelping from upstairs and I have to go rescue the stupid dog.

Frick has been with me for almost nineteen years now and knows the rules of the house.
You puke or crap on my floor; you get hosed down.
Biggie who is not really house broken because my SIL doesn’t bother.
She rather take him out to do his business when she feels like it.
It’s not like she has a lot to do because she doesn’t. The house is a mess and completely cluttered with junk and she barely cleans.
The kid is in daycare so she has the time but she would rather go out shopping instead.
The last time I was there I saw dog turds behind the TV and I was determined not to find any in my place so I took the dog out every three hours for a walk and each time I told him why we were going out so he could associate going out with going for a shit.
All this was going well except on the FOURTH day.
That’s right the fourth day, one day longer than three days.

By this time the cat and dog were pretty clean from being hosed down with my water bottle to separate them but they did get to the point wher3e they could both sleep on the couch with me as long as one was at my feet and the other by my head.
When I play with Biggie, Frick thought Biggie was attacking me so he ran up and bashed him in the head a couple of times too.

One day while I was watching TV, the dog was sleeping at my feet and Frick was walking on the top of the couch.
Frick walked to the end where the dog was sleeping and bent down for a closer look at the sleeping dog.
Once he was sure the dog was asleep, he dove down on him almost giving the dog a heart attack and start smacking him before the dog could get all his senses back.

By the fifth day I was pissed.
I have no problems with Biggie and in fact he was supposed to be my dog when the SIL decided she didn’t want him only to change her mind.
I don’t know why she has a pet.
The dog spent two weeks at her sister’s place and then she dumped him at my place when she went out of town.
I don’t think she has had the dog for a full month since she got the dog a year ago.

The problem with getting him back and forth like this is that the cat and the dog never really get used to each other and I find myself wasting my days watching t hem but by the fifth day things had begun to calm down and I didn’t have to watch as much as on the first day.
In fact Frick would walk right past Biggie’s nose and everything was ok by then, they even ran to the door together top see who was talking outside.
It was on this day that Biggie and I had to run for our lives.

We were coming back from another trip to the park and as we were crossing the street we could see a motorcycle coming down towards us but I could see it was turning and it was slowing down to make the turn.

Halfway across the street and my eyes glued to the motorcycle I saw the rider cut the corner to tight and the front wheel hit the sidewalk jerking the handle bar to the left and down went the bike.
Biggie and I froze in the middle of the street watching it all go down, but it didn’t end there.
The bike had enough momentum and was now on it’s side sliding towards the dog and me.
Both of us were like deer caught in the headlights of a car and stood there like idiots as the bike got closer and closer.
When we did come to our senses I ran for the sidewalk we were crossing to and Biggie decided he was going to run to the other one we had just come from.
Basically we were both still standing in the street tied together by a leash.

With the bike just about ten feet away I pulled and swung the dog like a kite past me as I ran.
He landed in the neighbor’s bush just as the bike and its rider slid by us.
Pulling the dog out of the bush I followed the path of the bike and ran to help the lady that was on it.
She was pinned under the Harley and couldn’t get her leg out as gas was spilling all over he and the street from the tank, which had somehow lost it cap.
I tied Biggie off to the handle bar and grabbed the side of the bike and started lifting.
Those of you who have never had the pleasure or raising a Harley that has been dropped must know the fucken thing weighs over 600 pounds.
That’s why you NEVER drop you bike.

I told her to pull her leg out when I lifted it which she did and I managed to get it upright and got the kickstand out so I could leave it standing.
She had a cut on her head from her glasses where her face smashed the ground but other than that and being shaken up she was fine.
The bike would need a little work though, the light was toast and the chrome was scrapped.
I could tell this was a new bike and I bet she hasn’t had it for long.

I asked if she needed an ambulance and she said no.
We both looked at the bike and we both saw Biggie pee on the front wheel.
I apologized for the dog but she said it was ok, that she felt like peeing on the wheel to.
While she sat on the sidewalk I went and found her glasses which were knocked off of her face and had to look for one of the lens that had popped out and I found it back where she initially fell.
After making a phone call a guy came running around the corner a little while later and pushed the bike home for her.

Day six came and I decided I couldn’t wait any longer so I went into the kitchen to at least move some of the stuff now that I didn’t have to worry about the dog and cat as much as I did in the beginning.
I have to get rid of more stuff I think in the kitchen.
It wasn’t until 9pm on Sunday when the SIL came to get the dog.
3 days = 6 days

It was 10 pm before I started painting and about 4 am when the second coat was finally on.
I didn’t do the corners or edging, I figured I was to tired to start climbing on top of a ladder and pretend I was Spiderman so I went to bed dead tired and woke up this morning feeling like someone had ripped my arms out of their sockets.

I’m sore but almost done.
The quest to have my house ready by this winter is on track.
Don’t worry those of you who are itching for pictures you will get them when the house is good and done.
In September I am going to buy a new washer, dryer and a brand new dishwasher.
I may need a new bed to, mine kinda got destroyed last week and not by the rain HA HA HA

Have a nice day

Walker

31 comments:

Anonymous Boxer said...

When your SIL said 3 days, maybe that was in dog years?

Congrats on getting closer to having your house "finished" - I spent yesterday fixing the krap paint job that was done on my house two years ago and it felt good.... it felt even better to hit the couch last night too.

Luka said...

I salute your industriousness in the face of such (comical - for us, anyway) adversity!

BikerCandy said...

Well you know I had to cringe with the motorcycle story don't you? You know why they call them HD's? Because every single piece of chrome that you see is a Hundred Dollars...thus HD! I would imagine that little tumble the poor lady took was at least a $600 mistake. It was really nice of you to stop and lend a hand. I do have to say the 2 times I have dropped my bike the adrenaline was so high I whipped that puppy up in no time! It was only afterwards that I stared at it and was amazed that I just lifted that thing up! You are very right...they are HEAVY!

Bud said...

You're like SAINT Walker, man. If ever there was a SIL who needs a kick in the ass! Your cat is brilliant. He's 19 and still taking on the doggies! He's an inspiration.

Teresa said...

Go, Frick, Go!!

Walker said...

Anonymous Boxer: It wouldn't have bothered me much if they told me the truth, I would have not waited and found a way to do my work and deal with the dog somehow.
Maybe locked Frick in the basement but I am not that fond of doing that.

I can't wait until its all done. Means I get to be lazy for the next 7 years LOL

Walker said...

Luka: You gotta do what you gotta do.
It's not like I have much of a choice either lol

Walker said...

BikerCandy: I knew you would jump on that part of it being an lover of Harleys.
Yes they are expensive.
My friend bought one for 25 thousand dollars with the chrome package.

I am just glad she didn't get hurt worse than she was.
The chrome could be polished but that nice butt of hers can't be replaced .

Walker said...

Bud: Who me, Saint, no no no.
Madman with momentary lapses of sanity maybe LOL

Many people in my life test me.
Most times I roll with it but sometimes I tend to bite back.
Not often enough according to many but I figure if I can I will.
If I can't I will still try.
If I really can't, well then fuck it just give me a beer LOL

Walker said...

Teresa : Stop encouraging him.
You are ready for the football season now aren't you LOL

Just telling it like it is said...

I can't get past the dog poo behind the TV...I tried to read the rest of the blog but I was grossed out...and you know I have been pooped on by a patient of mine and still...the dog poo in the house made me vomit a little in my mouth...I of coarse spit it out...ewwww...what is wrong with her???

Anonymous Boxer said...

tagged you.........

Puss-in-Boots said...

Walker, how have you managed to retain what sanity you seem to have? What with random motorcyclists trying to kill you, the cat trying to kill the dog and your SIL not being able to count...I'm surprised you're able to tell us all about it so calmly. I guess that's why you smoke wacky baccy...I would too!

JY said...

You know...we get petite JP guys all the time riding those harley's and those with the "hi rise" handles! LOL... it looks kinda weird and i wonder what happens when they do DROP them.. and you're a busy guy! just passing through!

Walker said...

Just telling it like it is" She's lazy and likes to spend her days talking to people on the phone, street or taking off shopping.
It's her thing and man can she talk but the only thing she talks about is the various deases she has that will eventually kill her in the next 40 years.
That's if I don;t do her in first LOL

Walker said...

Anonymous Boxer: Tagged , what do you mean tagged. Like you smacked me with a right hook or you grabbed my butt?
Butt grabbing sounds like more fun than being smacked LOL
Ok I'm coming over.

Walker said...

Puss-in-Boots: Lots and lots of gardening inside and out keeps me sane.
It's not as bad as it all sounds. If you really think about it this is just one small thing that I focus on for a post the rest of the time it's quiet as a traffic jam :)

Walker said...

JY: Hmmm just passing through eh , must be a hitchhiker LOL
IU know what you are talking about, choppers.
When they drop those it becomes the Japanese game show called "the Harley Javelin toss for distance" :D

Scarlet said...

Can I write your memoir?

Walker said...

Scarlet: Only if you sit on my lap for dictation

Just telling it like it is said...

smile;) you crack me up..

Scarlet said...

But of course .... I'm the QUEEN of 'dick'tation! ;D

Walker said...

Just telling it like it is: I do my best ;)

Walker said...

Scarlet: I can see a complete chapter just on the Queen :D

Monogram Queen said...

Just remember there is SIL time and there is regular time. Keep it straight k? *wink*
Poor Biggie, Reilly has the same problem. Our cats are bigger than him and Spooky TERRORIZES him.
Yikes on the bike spill. I don't like motorcycles though.

Suzanne said...

I usually read all comments, but don't have time tonight. Fuck your SIL and adopt the dog. He deserves a better life. You deliver. She sucks. You remind me of Cece and her brother in law. He brought the dog without food, medicine, flea control, etc. He was a matted mess. And then informed Cece and his brother he didn't want the dog back. Asshole. I always say to Rob "I don't want to live near assholes, but he informs me assholes are everywhere." Ugh. Cece has also enlightened me! Yey!!! Not funny! The dog is better off with you. Please think about it. You know how much I love animals and how much I detest idiots. No animals deserves to be abused.

Love you darlin'. Great post. Love it!!!

XO

Walker said...

Monogram Queen: I think after a bit when they both know who is the boss, in this case Frick then they get along. I guess everyone needs to be put in their place LOL

Walker said...

Suzanne: I would take Biggie no problem but its her dog and realistically the dog gets its shots and he was shaved at the begining of the summer because he was matted.
She buys him the best food.
The only thing lacking is the love.
Small dogs have become a fasion statement thanks to the likes of Paris Hilton and I think that's why she got the dog in the beginning.
She doesn' take him for the walks I do and I play with him alot which he lacks at home but other thn that he is taken care of.
Not all marriages are happy ones just enough to be content.

Peter said...

Sounds like Frick @ 19 would still be more than a match for most dogs.

Walker said...

Peter: Frick is the boss in this house next to me and rules with an Iron Claw LOL

nachtwache said...

What a picture, you running one way, Biggie the other. Good thing he's a little thing and being a kite, in the emergency, is doable. No wonder he peed on the bike.
What sort of a home did your SIL grow up in? Usually we learn things, like house keeping, at home. I hope your niece won't pick up her mom's habits!
Did your dad need more wood for shelves? :) I read something on a newer post :) Why else would your bed be destroyed? I guess, lonely you're not.