Happy New Year ©

Well, it looks like another year has poured away into the annals of time.
Was it a special year?
Not particularly.
They are all starting to look the same one after other.
There is always war.
Always money problems.
Prices go up as does the cost of government.
We are still blamers instead of solvers in fact even more so now.

Of course the Americans are to blame for everything still and terrorists are the voice of Muslims just as Oral Roberts spoke to god and had his credit extended.
NUTS

Bin Laden finally got laid by an American and the Teflon dictator Gaddafi has finally shut the fuck, up.

North Korea lost their “Dear Leader” .
We saw the throngs of people lining the street waling when they heard their yearly income of $4.99 was being cut in half for the next fifty years to pay for the “Dear Leader's” funeral.

Steve Jobs passed away this year.
Brilliant man.
Real cock sucker I hear.

There was a nuclear meltdown in Japan causing sushi prices to soar higher than the big mac.
Coke offered to replace all the heavy water with Sprite.

The Middle East found freedom through revolution and Egypt found a pyramid of shit when the smoke cleared.

We hit 7 billion people none of which I can get blamed for.

Elizabeth Taylor left us as elegantly as she lived

Floods, famine and Charlie Sheen ravaged the world just as the survivors of disaster gave us hope.

The last shuttle took off
Did it come back?

The war in Iraq is over.
For now

The war in Afghanistan, well, it’s not really a war.
More like a pain in the ass.
That’s still going on
For now

Greece is still begging for free money
Spain has finally gone to the bulls or are they just full of bull?

Jesus, Allah, Buddha and God were playing 5 card stud.
Jesus looked at his hand and went all in.
Allah scratched his head for a bit then shoved his stack of chips into the fray.
Buddha picked little grains of rice out of his bowl shuttling each one to his mouth as he pondered the possibilities before he to called himself in.

God without any thought opened up his cards showing a pair of deuces then reached over and pulled all the chips to his side of the table.
The three wise men rose in protest.
Jesus showed a straight beating God’s deuces.
Allah laughed at both of them as he exposed a full house.
All Buddha had was two pair.
Tens, and tens but he was sure he beat someone.

God just looked at them and said, ”How many times have I told you, God helps those who helps themselves, so piss off, I’m God”.
You get to keep what you give yourself out of life.

And finally, Andy Rooney had his last say this year.
I will miss his commentaries as he spoke with a voice we understood

Tonight I won’t be where I want to be this New Years Eve but I will have a couple of friends here helping me kill a bottle of expensive scotch.
I hope 2011 was kind to all of you out there and that 2012 brings your dreams and wishes to life.

Happy New Year

CHEERS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Walker

Merry Christmas ©

Merry Chrismas to all of my blog friends throughtout the universe

Walker

Walker's Home Shopping Channel ©

Ti’s the season to be jolly fa la la la laaaaaaaaa la la laaa laaa “choke” “cough couch cough”
I really got to find a way to quit smoking.

Sooooo I am down in the frozen American tundra, New York and I am sitting here doing my thing at Inia’s place when the phone rings.
Everyone is out doing things and I am home along with the critters and the TV to keep me company until everyone gets back home

I answer the phone and it’s some dickhead selling cruises.
What the fuck, I am thinking these bastards must have a gps tracking device somewhere on me to be able to find me even when I am in another country.

“Good day sir, I have an offer today you can’t refuse”
“Wanna bet”.
“We have discounts on cruises to Caribbean for you and your family”
“It’s ok man I don’t live here”.
“Ah, well can I speak to someone ho lives there”.
“No one is here at the moment”?
“I see, well can you tell them I will call back later”?
“I don’t think I can, I’m only here doing some last minute Christmas shopping and got do get out before they get back home but I can leave a note on the T.V………. hmmm that’s a nice LED television, I’ll leave it on the fridge”.
“Merry Christmas, bye”.

4 hours later

“Ah Inia, if the police show up ummm I am not here”.

Have a nice day

Peter

Friggin Fridge ©

“Sigh”
Why does everything happen when the last thing you want is more fucken bullshit smacking you in the face?
I mean pull out a set of 44 DDs and whip my face black and blue but don’t kill my fridge just before Christmas.

Ghah

But wait

What’s that?

The sister in law has a relatively new side-by-side fridge with an ice and water dispenser she bought two years ago that doesn’t fit in her house with its custom kitchen.
How much?
$300 ……….SOLD!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok loosing 300 this time of year isn’t good but the fridge is a good deal and I do need one now.
So I run down and measure the fridge to see iof it will fit in my kitchen and as luck would have it no, it didn’t.
Half an inch to tall but that was ok; I was going to tear down the cupboards.
All I needed to do is make them an inch higher for the fridge to slide under.
SOLD, mine.

Hmmmm, this is weird.

“HEY”!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“How the fuck did you get the fridge into the basement”?
“Really, through that door over there”?
“I see……….what the hell have you been feeding the fridge because its bigger than the hallway and the door now”?

“Listen, I measured the fucken thing three times and with the damn doors off to and it’s still to wide for the hallway”?
“Listen SIL, I believe you that they brought it through there”.
“What I am saying is that it fucken grew in the last six months because its to big to go down that hallway now”.
“How the hell do I know how that is possible”.
“It either fucken grew or the house is shrinking around it because it’s not going down that hallway”.
“What do you mean my brother gutted the basement and rebuild it”?

You know…………. FUCK!!!!!!!!
“Who the fuck build walls without fucken measuring and creating a plan?
Oh yeah, my brother.
“I wanted to make the garage bigger”?
“DUHHHHH do you think it was that size for a reason like maybe so that you can get shit in and out of the basement”?
Guess what, that fridge just became pat of he house.

Oh well, I guess Santa will just have to stuff a new one down the chimney.
Hmmm, I better hurry and build a chimney before Christmas.

Have a nice weekend

Peter