blue moon (2)

Sunday, April 03, 2011

BD 2011 Part 2 ©

D2 was sitting in the kitchen drawing a picture of a three-tear cake for her boss when one of my brother’s friends wives staggered over and looked at what she was doing.
“What are you doing” she asked.
D2 told her that her boss wanted everyone to submit a cake design that they could make for a display.
Her drawing was a three-tier cake with four section all connected with ladders gong up to the next section from either direction until they all reach the top.
I guess it depicts the union of two families.
It looks more like the Viking storming the castle.

Then the drunk woman tells us about the wedding cake at her wedding.
She said she went to buy one at the pastry shop and they wanted $1500 but a friend that had gone with her said she could do it for about $200.
Liking the sound of that she decided to let her friend bake the cake instead of ordering one from the pastry shop.

Leaving the cake in her friend’s capable hands if left her to do other things to prepare for the wedding.
Her friend, a true friend, one who steps up to help a friend in need had only baked a cake once and that was an out of the box cake but from what she remembered it was easy peazy.
All she had to do was buy more than one box and she did.
She bought 20 boxes of Betty Crocker cake mix and 30 cans of icing.
That was the easy part.
The hard part came later when all she had was 2 pans, one 4-quart mixer and one electric stove to work with.

To make sure she would have it finished on time she started baking the cakes 5 days beforehand and after twelve hours of mixing and baking on the first day she had 10 round cakes and ten square cakes.
Pleased with herself she turned and realized, she had no place to put the cakes now that they were baked, her fridge was too small

After thinking on it for a bit she decided there wouldn’t be a problem leaving them out until the wedding.
After all, they leave those cup cakes out for longer period of time at the corner store and they last for weeks but she did manage to stuff the ten round cakes in the fridge.

She had gone out and bought a book on making cakes and was slowly piling cakes one on top of the other and carving out the wedding cake into her vision which was four tiers; three round tiers and a large square sheet cake on the bottom.
Using a recipe she found online she made a cream to fill between the five layers of cake then spread the Betty Crocker icing all over it.
When she was done she started decorating it with some different colored sugar roses she had bought from the dollar store.

On the third day she stepped back and saw her vision in front of her and she was proud of her work.
That night she called the bride and told her her cake was done.
The bride said she would be over after work the day before the wedding to have a look at it

The next day the bride showed up to see the cake, she was carrying in a bottle of wine to share with her friend.
When she saw the cake she was shocked so see all the work.
She had doubts that her friend would be able to pull it off but looking at her cake she quickly pushed all those thoughts out of her mind.
She walked around the table in aw of it’s size.
She was more than happy and it only cost $240 in the end.

The ladies sat back for some wine and talked about the wedding that was happening the next day.
After a couple of glasses of wine the bride got up and walked over to the cake again and stared at it again when something caught her eyes and she bent down for a look.
It was a small green speck.
She told her friend who came over to have a look.
Odd she thought then went to the kitchen and returned with a knife.
She scraped at the green dot but it only got bigger as more icing was removed.
They looked at each other, mold.
There are no preservatives in the cake mix she used to make the cake.
The wedding was the next day and there was no time to make another cake.

As crazy as this drove the bride it wasn’t going to fuck up her wedding they would just have too deal with it.
More icing.
Her friend went and grabbed a couple of the spare cans of icing that were left over and they both started spreading fresh icing over the spot where they had seen the mold.

Satisfied they had fixed the cake they each had another drink before the bride went back home to rest for the next day.
Her friend took another look at the cake to make sure it was still good before she went up to bed.

In the morning she woke up to the scent of fresh brewed coffee.
She loved her automatic coffee maker.
Walking downstairs her body fell into its usual routine grabbing a cup from the cupboard then strolling across to the kitchen floor to the coffee machine to fill her cup.
She then turned for the fridge and the French vanilla crème on the inside of the door.
As she pulled at the handle her head rotated a little more and looted at the cake.
The fridge door swung open and slammed against the stove.

Leaving the fridge wide open she walked towards the dinning room table where the wedding dress sat.
A third of the sheet cake was now turning green from the outside corners and creeping towards the center.

What to do, what to do she thought?
She grabbed the phone and called the bride in a panic.
The bride told her to do what she can; she had no time to help her.
She hung up the phone and thought about it for an hour then she went to work.

After the church ceremony the bride and groom made their way to the reception hall.
The bride was nervous about the wedding cake.
When they got to the Hall her friend was waiting at the door for them smiling.
The bride felt a little relieved by the smile on her face.
“Congratulations to the both of your” she told them.
“Thank you”, the bride returned to her friend.
In a low voice the bride asked about the cake.
“I fixed it” she said.

The bride and groom walked in and at the front table was the cake.
Three tall round tiers.
The round cakes had been in the fridge for a couple of days before she pulled them out and were in better shape that the square sheet cake that had been out the longest.
Better than nothing thought the bride and the rest of the night went off without a hitch.
Well beside the bride and groom getting hitched that is but in the morning she said when they got up the top of the cake which she brought home after the wedding to save in the freezer had completely turned green.
D2 sat there listening with the rest of us to this story laughing and gagging at the same time.

It was here my sister in law came back with the death of her aunt.
My SIL needs to be the focus of a room and usually does it with the used of bad tidings.
She gave us the long winded version of her aunt (Father’s sister) passing away a few days earlier and how she had no one/so she, the SIL was going to take care of everything and pay for it.
One of the ladies asked her how she could afford it and she said it wasn’t much just cremation and then she will keep her on the mantle with the rest.
Yes, my SIL collects dead relatives, hers to be exact.

When her uncle died she had him cremated and put on the mantle and when her father passed away a couple of years ago she had the same thing done to him and now the aunt is destined to join her brothers.
I told my brother his house was becoming a mausoleum.

As grave as the situation was with 3 totally pissed women choking on their grief I found myself in a different frame of mine.
“I am sorry for you loss” I said to the SIL.
“Thank you, I think she would be happy on the mantle with her brother’s”.
“I don’t see how she has much of a choice but on the bright side, family reunions will be easy, just go into the dinning room and half of you will already be there”.
The boss’s wife snickered and quickly turned around so the SIL would see her laugh.

“But you got to be careful when you’re dusting because one bad swipe and all three will be broken and spilled all over the floor”.
“Then you won’t know who’s dust is whose and end up mixing them all up together”>
“That would be incest, you know”.

Just then a loud choking gargle comes from the boss’s wife.
Rum and coke started shooting out of her mouth and nose as she couldn’t contain herself anymore and started laughing out loud before running off to the living room to escape.
I could here her in the other room talking to her husband, I can’t believe he said that”.

Pahleeeeezee, what is she freaking about, I am the guy who put his mother in the back seat of my car with a dead man.
She flipped out at first but I eased her fears when I showed her he had his seat belt on.

So that’s how I spend my birthday this year.

Have a nice weekend





Ozkatt said...

Hahahaha! I'd just love to be at one of your birthdays/family gatherings/Christmas/whatever, Peter. I reckon I'd be doubled over laughing so much, my abdominal muscles would get the best work out they've ever had.

Oh, by the way, belated Happy Birthday.



Shana said...

Your family gatherings are intense!! and funny!

BlazngScarlet said...


And that cake?
For soooooo many reasons!

Boxer said...

Oh.Dear.God. That's the best wedding cake disaster story I've ever heard. $1500.00 is too much for a cake, BUT there's a reason they do cost something.... because professionals have the space to keep cakes FRESHY!

Have a great weekend.

~Green Eyes~ said...

LOL, working in a bakery, I would never attempt to make a cake like that. But man, ewwwwwww, a green cake? LMAO.

Hope you had a great birthday besides!