blue moon (2)

Thursday, January 06, 2011

Twitchy ©

So today after many years of constant phone calls I succumbed and accepted a date.
I know, I know, these one night stands lead to nothing more than being a pain in the ass but I just can’t take the fucken phone calls no more.
I mean the phoning and begging.
Why should I when I know that you just want to fuck me for money?

I don’t know why. I was bored I guess so I said, yeah okay just name the time and place and off I went today.
Well, first I showered and shaved, a little chocolate flavored antiperspirant.
There’s nothing sexier than a fifty-year-old Greek who smells like a Mars bar.

I look at my watch….oh yeah Inia got me this cool watch for Christmas.
It’s one of those ECO watches that runs on sunlight and movement.
None of us know how to use it of course so we just site there pushing buttons to see if we can make it move.
It tells time but it has been running out of juice because we never really let it charge up to capacity and when I looked at it again today it was stopped at 8pm so I took it off and all day was strapped to my bearded dragon and it basked under the UV light for eight hours and when it went out I wrapped it around Inia's vibrator for the night.
Should be fully charged by morning.

Anyway, I took off to my date getting there ten minutes early.
To early it seems because the door was still locked.
She said to be there at 1:15 and she wasn’t kidding.
That’s when she opened the door.
I slipped in and we walked across the room to large leather couch where she asked me to rest while she got me something to drink.

I sank back into the couch and as I sat there this tall black woman wearing a black dress walked up to me and smiled.
She had a big set of tits on her and a butt begging to be slapped and from the look on her face she was asking.
I smiled back and wondered where the other one was with my drink.

I know body language and the way her thighs were contracting under that tight dress to make her pussy twitch the way it was made me wish I hadn’t asked for only water when a drink was offered.

The other woman came in and told the black woman I wasn’t her client today.
She frowned at the news and walked away but not before giving me one last pussy twitch.
The first one asked me to follow her to the next room I told her I would be right with her giving me a few seconds more to relax my pants.

I carefully stood up and followed her to the next room where she introduced me to this young guy and she told me that he would be taking care of me today and left us alone to get acquainted.

He’s about thirty, looked like he was in decent shape.
I asked him how long he was doing this and he said he had been there for a year and liked it.
Paid the bills.

He asked me what I was interested in and I told him everything and anything that caught my eye.
Just then I looked out of the room to the adjacent one and there was that same black woman staring at me still twitching her.
No wonder she had a booty on her with all that twitching going on.
I don’t know if she was getting wet just looking ate me or was craving a Mars bar.

I pulled my eyes away from her and Fred; we’ll call the guy Fred.
Or Bill.
He looked like a Paul though.
We’ll call him Barney.
So Barney tells me he was going to take me to the media room to watch a movie first so off we went to the media room where there were already a half dozen other people along with another hostess.

We all sat in the front row.
There was only one row of chairs.
For forty-five minutes we watched a movie about the benefits of being there and how happy we will be by the time we leave.
The hostess after the movie asked if we had any questions.
No one did.
Almost all of us were stunned for one reason or another.

She talked to us for another thirty minutes before she led us back out to our escorts who were waiting just outside the door.
Barney just happened to be standing next to the Black woman; we’ll call her ummmm Thunder Thighs.
Barney waved me over; Thunder Thighs twitched in delight.

I shook my head and slowly walked over doing my best not to look in her direction.
He took me back to the room we were in and pulled out a stack of papers and laid them in front of me.
There was a lost of questions on them which he preceded to ask.

“So how did you hear about this place”?
“Ah well, for the last five years you have been calling and harassing me to come”.
.”So you didn’t see the commercial on TV”?
“Would it matter, this is by invite only”?
“Do you think you will become a member today”.
“I would like to think about it first”.
“You can’t, you have to decide now and if you decline you will never be asked to come back or will you be accepting, ever”
“ I don’t make rash decisions like that without thinking about them first unless someone has a gun pointed at my head and all you got is that pen in your hand and a Twitching Black woman outside that door and its not even the seventy dollar a year fee”.
“It’s not seventy a year. it’s seventy a month”.
“Say what”?!
“It’s seventy a month for the first three years and then it goes up to a hundred up to three hundred depending on what type of member you want to be”.
“Three hundred a month”!!!!!!
“Thunder Thighs better be able to spin like a helicopter for that”.
“And what do I get for paying that money”?
“The opportunity to do business with us and save lots of money”
“Save what money, I have to pay you just to be able to come here I am loosing already”.
“But when you shop you save money”.
“Well, say you want to buy a couch like this one here”.
“The price is $4000, we can get it for you from the same manufacturer for $2800 or these blinds that cost $5000, we can get them for you for $2200”.

I look around the room and let my mind soak this in.
$4000 for a couch, $5000 for blinds.
Who the fuck buys $5000 blinds?
A $4000 microfibre couch.

“You know Barney, I wouldn’t pay $2200 for that couch and the blinds, don’t let me get started on that”.

“You charge shipping for anything you buy and you pay a monthly membership fee”.
“The only way you can make this work is if you are constantly buying stuff because if I save $500 on a TV and the TV is the only thing I buy for the year with the membership fees I would actually be loosing money”.

Barney sat there looking at me with this look on his face you get when you get caught with your hand in the cookie jar.
They say you will save because the big box stores have an overhead they have to pay for and they don’t which isn’t true.
They have to pay Barney, the other staff and the twitchy woman.
This was a big building so this had to cost them.
Where does this all come from.
We pay for it.

They showed us some over inflated products and them compared their prices to it which I must say were a lot lower but BUT I could get a better deal if I shopped around and save the membership fees.

“Barney, I don’t think this is for me”.
“ I respect that”, he said.
“I’ll show you out the door but before you go you can scratch ticket you got for coming here and see if you won anything”.

Everyone before me had gotten a “sorry” so I wasn’t expecting anything and used a key to scratch the paint away to reveal a number which he took to the reception area and checked it against a list of prizes there.
He looked at my number them back to the list and back to me>
”You won $500”.
“Yeah, the odds of that happening are 30,000-1”.
“Cool,.... I’m still not joining”.
I took my certificate for $500 bucks and walked out the door to the car.
As I drove off I looked back and I swear I saw Thunder Thighs pressed up against the front door still twitching.

Have a nice day, I did



Anonymous said...

I'm surprised you didn't have more women following you around if you were smelling like chocolate. God, I was like in heaven when I drove down the streets of Hershey, Pennsylvania

I'm really kinda disappointed in you. Years ago, you would've really kept dragging that sales pitch out, making him think that maybe, just maybe, he was about to win you over, until 30 minutes later, he finally came to the conclusion you were having him on.

gab said...

They do let you come back....well ok I have to admit we had joined wayyyyyyyyy back when we were young and stupid. Then 20 yrs later we got an invite again. We went just to see how different it difference......we did buy a table wayyyyyyyy back at the beginning one that actually turned out to be a good investment. cant say it would be now a days though.....but anyways we went sat through all the spiel and then told our host (and NO HE WASNT HOT!) that we had been members once they looked us up and said for 3,500 we could bring our membership up to date then pay the same amount we paid before saving us the 2,000 extra the people who joined today would have to pay. which is a big saving but again hummmm I'd rather search the newspapers for sales and go buy that item with the money I'd have been spending monthly when I only buy once in awhile.
Choc antiperspirant? hummm sounds yummy lol...
Just one question... why does Inia need a vibrator with you around? Hummmmm?

Walker said...

Skye: Years ago I would have taken thunder thighs to the back and put an end to her twitching ways to but I am not 20 or 30 any more, besides I was there for three hours listening to the cult act and didn't want to stick around any longer so I cut it short.

Walker said...

gab: Yes, I picked up some chocolate AXE antiperspirant by mistake and when i use it i usually get weird looks.

She uses the vibrator to keeps it juicy until i get back from washroom from cleaning up before we start the next round.

Puss-in-Boots said...

Aah, a well told story with a good dose of the sexual teasing thrown in, Walker.

These telemarketers are aa pain in the proverbial, aren't they? least you won $500 for your trouble, well done!

Happy New Year to you, Walker, and I hope your Christmas wasn't too crazy!

BlazngScarlet said...

$500 and a twitchy woman staring after you?
Sounds like a good night to me! ;D

Megan said...

Well told, Walker!

I replied to your comment but the email came back undeliverable, dunno why.

new blog is here:

Still a work in progress...

Boxer said...


Peter said...

That's nothing.... I've won 17 million bucks in the last month and thats from only 25 emails!!!!!