blue moon (2)

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

OOPS ©

“Duck”
“Where where where”
“No no not the quack kind you fucken idiot”.

“Fuck………..”

“Oh man”
“That`s a mess”.

“So ummmmmm…who dropped the SILs prized antique $8000 chandelier that used to belong to her now passed away father”?

“FREEZE Alex”.

“I didn’t want to move it
I told them leave it in the other room
It was up and hanging solid there”.

“She said don’t touch it until she gets here”.

“Really”?

“Yes”

“What now”?

“I have a sharp knife”.
“I’ll make it quick or you can wait until she gets home”.

“Can I have a beer first and a smoke”.

"Just one".

“It almost hit me in the head”, my father cried.
“Good thing it didn’t it would have been more damaged than it already is”.

It was right then the SIL walked through the front door with a big smile on her face and her eyes caught the carnage on the floor.
She didn’t say a word.
She just turned and left.
No one could find her for hours when my brother did he said she was crying uncontrollably.

As much as my SIL could be a bitch, I feel for her here.
This was something with sentimental value.

I walked back home.
It was quiet for all of two minutes when Alex showed up at my door.

“I need your help for a few minutes”.
“Yeah sure”.

I lock the door and follow him down the street to my brother’s place.
.
“OK, I am going to climb the ladder and you can pass me the chandelier so I can screw it to the ceiling”.
“What”……?
“Are you nuts”?

I look down at the chandelier and it looks like it was stuck in the middle of the London blitz.

“The fucken thing is shattered”.
“No it’s ok”.
“I threw away the smashed parts”.
“Now you can see the shiny brass better”.

“Are you freaking drunk or stupid”?
“Are you sure it didn’t hit you in the fucken head and you’re not telling us”?
“Look the top of the thing is sheared off”.
“It’ll be close to the ceiling and no one will notice”.
“What……”?

I walk home and call my brother to tell him the electrician’s plan and he went nuts.
Told me to go down there and get rid of him.

I was up there this morning as she was cleaning it up and assessing what she will need to do to get it fixed.
She was still pissed and rightly so but I told her it could have been worse.

That chandelier weighs seventy-five pounds almost and the only thing holding it up was a ¼ inch nut.
I had asked the electrician why hadn’t he put up a safety wire like most of us put on our fans and fixtures.
He said it didn’t need one.
Yeah well Ummmm, I think it did.
That fucken thing could have landed on my niece or someone else and killed them.

This is the sort of shit that happens when you rush into something before sitting down and planning it.
Who in their right mind would take on a task they didn’t know how to do properly.
Who…….
Hold on, someone’s at the door.

Oh for fucks sake.
My mother, she decided she wanted to clean her chandelier and when she tried to get it down it flipped upside down on her and now she wants me to go untangle it.
Why do people like these fucken things.

“Hey ma, how did you reach the chandelier”?
“I got on the chair and stood on the dinning room table”.
“What, you’re 83 years old”.
“Well if I let you stand on the table you’ll smash it”.
“What are you saying, I’m over weight”?
“ I didn’t say anything”.
“Hmmm”…

Have a nice day

"Hey, have you seen Alex"?
"You said get rid of him".......

Walker

4 comments:

Skye said...

Shame, I know someone who works in a chandelier shop and could probably fix it, but she's all the way over in England. Hope your SIL can find someone who knows what the heck they're doing.

Peter said...

Not fond of chandeliers Walker, and I guess I know some others who aren't too!!!!

BlazngScarlet said...

He wanted to try and hang it again AFTER it fell?
Wow ....
Are y'all sure the damn thing didn't hit him on the head?

He clearly has no idea how to hand lighting properly.
He's lucky she didn't slice him up with broken shards!

gab said...

well I like chandeliers in "other" peoples houses NOT MINE! But your guys are soooooo lucky that it didnt falland hurt or kill someone before that. We do have a sorta chandelier in our diningroom but reason for that? Well, Mr Gab and my dad did our addition, ok so far so good....Mr Gab tells my dad to cut hole for the dinning room light. and dad cuts out a spot right in the middle of the dining room problem was table has to be off to left of the dining room cause its more of a eat in kitchen spot rather than a real dining room. So we had to get something with a chain to go from where dad cut and put the electric box to where we actually will be sitting. Some days its better to hire some one who know what they are doing rather than family!