blue moon (2)

Monday, October 04, 2010

Milk This ©

You know, Somewhere some place life smacked it’s head against the wall and is a little fuzzy I think.
Now I don’t make a lot of money.
I could but I promised to be good and have………mostly.

With what little I do have I make it go far, really far but they are really testing me lately.
I went shopping the other day and needed some milk so I went to pick up a bag.
It’s been a while since I bought any.

I walked to the back where they keep it and I stand in front of the fridge looking at all the different types of milk and prices.
Prices?
Last time I bought milk it was $4.99 a bag.
I always buy bags because buying anything less would be fucken stupid.
A pint is $1.89 and a quart is $2.59 with a half gallon being $3.89 so for another buck and change you get more milk that you need.

Then you end up freezing a couple of bags until you do but when you do need it its funky colour yellow and you don’t feel like drinking piss coloured milk so you stick it back in the freezer and hope in another six months it will be white again.

So I look at the milk and prices and see what I normally buy is now $5.99, homogenized, skim, 1% or 2% it doesn’t matter.
What a minute.
The same company sells two other types but it’s more expensive, $6.99 and $7.99.
What the fucks the difference?
The expensive milk comes from celebrity cows or something or are they virgin cows in which case you aren’t milking a female buddy if you’re filling the bucket with a white creamy liquid.

They have 7 different types of milk.
The expensive one is called Purfilter.
WTF does that mean/
What, the milk I buy they strain through the hay or something.
Why don’t they just filter all of it the same way?
Is this legal?

Another one is called physical because it has good calcium.
What?
Whoa, whoat does that mean?
The, the calcium in the milk I buy is what, brittle?

Skim plus?
Lactose free I can understand and they have one with Omega 3 added but organic?
That one costs $11.99.
I bet when the expiry day passes on the organic milk they take the small bags out and put them in the regular milk bags and sell it to us.
May be why I am feeling a little brittle lately.

Who they hell pays $12 bucks for milk?
I mean……..what’s that?
A bag of chocolate milk is $3.99.
Fuck, I don’t care if the milk came from a white cow or a brown one as long as it has four nipples and not just one.

I don’t get some things.
Milk down in the states is under two bucks a gallon but up here it’s triple, if not more.
I should get myself one of those fainting goats for a pet and every tome she faints I’ll run out there with a bucket and pull her nipples for a glass or two.

“Dad”
Yeah”?
“The mac and cheese looks funny and it tastes like……chocolate”?
Shut up and eat your dinner”.



Have a nice day

Walker

11 comments:

Skye said...

I may be mistaken, but I think milk is cheaper in American, because it is highly subsidized.

I understand your consternation about all the different types of milk. Must make it a pain the neck for grocery stores to find room for them all.

Question: How the heck do they put a liquid in a bag? We only have it in either plastic bottles or cardboard box-like things.

BlazngScarlet said...

I remember when mil was that expensive here!
About 4 years ago ... over $4/gallon; crazy!

Buy a cow.
Or a goat.

Love the song by the way.
lol

Skye said...

I couldn't wait for you to answer my question, so I googled and found this video from a Canadian who decided to explain it to her American friends :)

Walker said...

Skye: Ah that's easy.
They wrap a comdon on each nipple before milking the cows.

Walker said...

BlazngScarlet: It's subsidised here to but it seems we must have a nipple lub tax to suck the rest of our money anyway

poet said...

yeah i had to explain this to some american friends too. some folks are just so sheltered (i said bag of milk to someone once, and they thought i was nuts). anyway...it is about $6.79 for a bag of skim (northumberland dairies). craziness. since we switched form coffee to tea our milk consumption has decreased by 1/3. :) love this post, walker, you always make me smile~

~Green Eyes~ said...

I don't know where milk is under 2 bucks a gallon in the states, cuz here it sure isn't, good thing I only need a gallon every two weeks.

Milk in a bag? That's a new one on me LOL

Peter said...

I only buy a Litre a week so it doesn't matter much what it costs.

Kathryn Magendie said...

:-D -that's my grinnin like a fool face because whenever I read your comments on my blog or come by here, I do that, grin like a fool or laugh me arse off! :-D

poet said...

happy thanksgiving w/end, blogger bud~

itisi said...

Happy Thanksgiving, Walker!

The only milk I know that comes in a bag, is the udder!
I was raised on pure cow milk right from the farm. My father would stop by a farm on his way home fromm work three times a week and get two gallons. Much cheaper and taste better than store bought!