blue moon (2)

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Another Weekend And Another Wedding ©

Another weekend and another fucken wedding, doesn’t anyone shack up any more?
This was the first one Inia had gone to with me.
She, as all of you, have heard about some of the weddings I had been to and Saturday she got to put the faces to some of the names from those stories.

She had it all planned out.
She had two dresses.
One for the service at the church because she wanted to be conservative and not have her big tits hanging out.
Me, I don’t care.

Then she had this other dress for the dinner, which had the girls out to party as she says.
Me, I don’t care.

So we are in the bedroom getting ready and she is looking at me, as I got dressed and says. “Um, you’re wearing a black suit, black shirt and a black tie”?
“Yeah, I always do, always have”?
Maybe it’s why my kids think I’m a gangster.
HA, HA, HA, me a gangster….

I get what she’s saying but this is a Greek wedding and I am Greek and we wear black.
It’s the colour we mountain folks wear.
This way we can sneak around in the dark without anyone seeing you not like those others who wear florescent orange and wonder why they can’t sneak up on the sheep like a Greek.

So I decided to change a bit and went with a charcoal grey shirt and dark grey tie.
Granted it wasn’t my black shirt with the silk Bugs Bunny tie with the saying “Ride my fat carrot” on the front but it looked nice too.

We managed to get ready without screwing which is always hard when the both of us are alone in a room.
All dressed and ready we headed off for the church.
We get to the church, which is next door to the Greek Community centre, and there’s cop car there and a guard at the entrance.
I’m thinking, my cousin isn’t that important.
I pull up to the guard and she says, I quote.
“The Jews have rented the parking lot”.

Now, I kind of took offence to that.
I’m not a Jew, I was raised Christian but I wouldn’t want to go someplace and being referred to as the Christian.
If people rented the hall and the parking lot then people rented the facility.
“The parking lot has been rented”
That would have sufficed, not “The Jews rented it”.
I don’t give a fuck who rented it as long as the fucken church makes money and doesn’t bug us for more.
But what also pissed me off is that the church should have a section reserved for the church’s business and not have its congregation, the same people who worked for pennies an hour to donate to the church to be what it is today park on the street.

I dropped the ladies right there and turned around to go park on the side of the church on the street where my father later parked as well.
When I got back to the girls Inia looked at me and commented that almost everyone was completely dressed in black including the women who we as conservatively dressed as a hooker on a street corner.
Yup, the flesh was flowing.
Me, I didn’t care.

I remember as a kid a woman couldn’t go to church with he dress higher than 12 inches off the floor and some of the dresses that day in church barely had 12 inches of material.
Not that I’m complaining

I love the way a woman puts herself together.
Tall short skinny or round, it’s all about how you put yourself together that, gets our juices flowing.

After the service we went outside of the church for pictures where Inia became camera shy and was always trying to hide behind me from it.
I don’t know what’s wrong; she’s not that camera shy in the bedroom
So when they develop the film, Walker will be standing there with two woman’s legs sticking out the back of my ass.

When the bride and groom took off to get pictures taken we went home to wait and bit because the reception didn’t start until 5:30pm and it was only four and the reception was close to where we live so we went back home for a bit and Inia was inching to get into that other dress.
Me I don’t care.
I get to watch, can’t do anything, not enough time.

Actually, when I went downstairs I noticed D1 was gone.
She had come to town for the wedding.
I asked D2 where D1 had gone.

“She left”.
“What, why”?
”When she saw the two of you go upstairs to get changed she said you would be up there screwing for a while”.
“We only have thirty minutes before we have to leave”.
“I told her that, I told her you guys need hours”.

Inia walked down from the bedroom.
Asked what was going on so I told her.
“What, we only got thirty minutes…”!

D1 finally came back and headed off to the reception.
The ride there was interesting.
My brother wanted to drive his sports car and his wife drove the SUV with the kids.
Those two drive me nuts and they drive like nuts to.
My father fallowed behind me with D2 in the car.
So we had a small convoy as we made our way to the hotel.

Parking was an issue again so we dropped the girls at the hotel and my father followed me into the market where he has no idea how to get around.
Going through a small lot I see this lady getting ready to leave so I block her from pulling out and waited for my father to pull up behind me so he could take that spot when I move out then went to find myself one.
I know it sounds a little bullish but it was the easiest way to get my father parking.
He would have lost the car in some dark alley.

We walked to the hotel where the others were waiting for us and we made our way up to the reception.
D2 is a month away from being legal to drink and when they carded her she was refused.
Ah, that’s the law.
But then again I am the gangster so I got her a couple of drinks.
I was driving and her parent so if they wanted to argue with me they can.

I think with a parent, some minors, should be allowed to drink and taught moderation.
Might teach some parents something too.
I don’t mean giving kids booze at 10 but a little wine with a meal when they are 14 isn’t going to turn them into alcoholics.
Or you could let them find out about this shit behind your back.

There were waitresses walking around with trays of food I was having fun with.
Some were nice and tasty as was they food.
I was naming the different weird h’ordourves.
One was a “super mini Mac” because that’s what it looked like and a rolled up one that had alfalfa sprouts I called a “roll in the hay” and after a while they were calling them that too.
One of my cousins said the waitress asked her if she wanted a roll in the hay.

After about an hour and a plate full of tummy fillers we headed into the reception room to find out seats.
Dinner was amazing even though many of us ended up with food poisoning.

It started off with Lobster Bisque.
Tasted like lobster bathwater.
I don’t trust seafood when I come to these things
Then we had some anti pasta with smoked salmon and proscuitto
It was nice but there’s that fucken seafood again
The whole time we’re scoffing down buns with butter, damn things are addictive.
When we had finished with the anti-pasta they came in with the cannelloni
I was starting to regret those buns.
Inia was slowing working on hers while my kids looked like they were getting full.
While we were eating there were people making speeches.
What they were saying I have no idea because with the noise of 200 people eating and talking I couldn’t hear shit falling on the floor.

No sooner were we done with that the4 salad showed up which meant the main course was close by and it was right after a delicious brood orange gelato smothered in sambucca.
MMMMMMM MMMMM MMMMMMM baby was that good.
I stole my brother’s who was sitting next to m when he went for a smoke.

Then the main course arrived.
WOOOOOOOOO where’s the bull whip?
My kids almost dropped at their seat.
Inia being the meat eater that she is looked at it and saliva was running down her legs and mouth.
Me, me I am wondering where the fuck I was going to put a sixteen ounce filet minion steak covered in a heavy rich gravy.
It was perfectly rare.

I started cutting it into thin slices and eating it as slow as I could.
Inia was looking at hers then mine.
I didn’t know if she was shocked at the size or wanted mine because it was bigger.

D1 AKA “pastra” (Greek for garbage disposal) looked at hers and didn’t know where to start.
D2 doesn’t like red meat so she was eating the veggies only.
My father stuck in with the fork then said his was still alive.
My sister in law had a fork in one hand and a wine glass in the other and was washing each bite down with red wine and washing the red wine down with wipe wine this way she could piss out a rose in the morning.
Her daughter didn’t touch her meat and just sat there talking on her cell phone.

My uncle had told my father the meal cost $400 per person.
$400, fuck.
Where’s the smoked pussy?
$400, for that, we all should have gotten rolled in the hay for that.
Wait until Inia here how much it cost HA HA HA!!!!!!
Wasn’t worth it but we had to eat the fucken steak.
I kept slicing and chewing away until the last piece was packed away and my plate was empty.

Inia was still wrestling with hers when I got a second one dumped in my plate from my daughter.
My SIL thought it was funny until her daughter dumper hers on her mother’s plate.
Take that.
I had a plan.
I gave half to Inia who gave a dirty look.
I don’t know if it was because I gave her more steak of only half.
Boy am I going to get it for this post HA HA HA!!!

None the less it took us another half hour but it was gone.
I looked over at my SIL and she was stuffing hers in her purse.
Her purse was small so she had to jam in in with the back of a knife.

D1 was face down on the table as my father slumped in his chair wishing he was home in his lazy boy and that’s when it happened.
The music came on so loud that we were almost knocked out of our chairs.
The music and bass was so loud we couldn’t sit there any more.
I play my music loud, so loud I never hear the phone or doorbell but they had the bass so cranked up my fillings were dancing in my mouth.

This was the beginning of the end for us because we weren’t feeling so well.
I was sweating and D1 wasn’t look so hot.
We sat in the foyer for a half an hour when my father came over and said it was time to split.
The SIL had already taken off with the kids and the centrepiece off of the table.
My brother was still there getting drunk on Grande Marnier and trying to talk me into driving his little sports car home but I wanted nothing to do with it.
I was driving Inia’s car and he could leave his car there and pick it up in the morning.

We all loaded up on pastries to go as is custom and made a beeline for the cars.
That was another story.
MY father got lost and drove up two one way streets before D2 got him going down the right street in the right direction.

I, I got a $45 parking ticket.
Oh well, I hope they have a happy life together.
We got home where D1 went to sleep in her old room at my parents and we all went straight to bed.
D2 past out right away.
Five Amaretto and orange juices will do that to you.
Us, we got there eventually.

By morning three of us here had food poisoning.
Fucken seafood.

Have a nice day



Opaque said...

This could easily become a script for yet another British movies based on wedding dramas...

Puss-in-Boots said...

Sounds like that could have turned into Four Funerals and a Wedding...complete with the opening scene and the nine F words...

Hope you all feel better now, Walker

Shana said...

Interesting take on weddings, that is for sure.

Thanks so much for you comment. I get so saddened when I hear about teenage guys (or anyone) acting like that. I agree with you, especially about my own justice, not the police's!!

Just telling it like it is said...

I'm allergic to weddings

Boxer said...

I never trust mass produced seafood either! Sorry for the bad food, but I'm glad Inia had a chance to experience one of your famous Greek family weddings.

$400? For reals??

Wow. I clearly got married a very long time ago.

Teresa said...

You will never have to worry about attending a wedding for me. Won't happen. Hope you are better. XO

Walker said...

Opaque: Weddings these days are dramas filled with bridezillas and parents selling their souls to make their princess` happy

Walker said...

Puss-in-Boots: Poison has been extricated but not before tearing my guts out.
Scary thing is I have another wedding in two weeks

Walker said...

Shana: THis is`t my take this was basically a step by step of most of the day.
Weddings today are full blown productions

Walker said...

Just telling it like it is: UH huh, so am I

Walker said...

Boxer: Yes for reals.
People have gotten insane.
I did leave and envelope with 300 in it and i am sure there were some that had thousands in them.
It has become a lottery of sorts.

Yes, Inia was on the front lines with me for this one.

Walker said...

Teresa: You never know and if you ever do Invite me and I will show up.

BlazngScarlet said...

Geez, you'd think the food wouldn't make you SICK at $400/plate!
I'd demand a refund!