Gone South ©

A week ago I did what I have been trying to do for years.
No, not suck Selma Hayek’s toes, still working on that.
I crossed into the United States of America.
Yeah, that was an experience to write about and one day I may.
I mean, I heard stories and coupled with my seedy past…well, I expected to have some problems at the border but I was ready.
I did everything I needed to do to get me past the border and into the United States.
Let’s just say was an adventure.

“Passport please”
“Here you go”, big smile on my face

He looks at it, then at my waiver allowing me to enter the USA.
Then he goes to his computer and scans my passport.
Without hesitation he turns, “Some guards will be on their way to escort you to the station”.

Yeah, yeah, big surprise.
Two border guards show up and escort the five year old and most dangerous member in the car to the black building with us following from behind.

In the building we were seated on familiar park benches they had the last time I tried to cross the border.

“Mr. Walker can I see you at the counter please”.
I walk up to the counter and then he asks Inia to step to the counter as well.
The five year old following close behind.

“Ms. Skirt, where do you live”?
“In the United States, like it says right there on my passport”.

“Mr. Walker, where do you live”?
“In Canada”.

“How did you two meet”.

“I need to go for a pee”

“On the internet”

“How long have you known each other”?


“Why is he taking so long”.

“Five years”.

“Mommy look, I got a big penis. I need to pee”.

The guard looks over to one of two guarding us and tells him to go with Inia and the boy to the washroom.

“Where will you be staying while in the United States”
“At Inia’s house”.
“Where does she live”?
“I have no idea”.

Inia came back from the washroom.

“I went for a pee”.
The border guard looked at him, "that’s good”.
"MOOOOOOOOOM, I want to go to Mc Donald’s”.
“Soon, when we are done”
He looks at the guard, ”Why are you slow”?

“Well, your passport is in order as is your waiver, all I need now is your electric bill”.
“What”? “What”?
"I need to see a bill with your address on it”.
“Say what”?
“Why”?
“To show us that you intend to go back, that you have ties”.
“My bill is $313, that’s a good reason NOT to go back”.
"And I don’t have my hydro bill or any bill”
Who the fuck goes on bloody vacation with their bills?
That’s what we’re running from.

“We need to see that you have some ties to Canada”.
“Here is my business card”.
"Your address is not on it”.
“No, my phone number is”.
“Why not your address”?
“Because I don’t want someone to kick in my back door and steal thousands of dollars worth of computers that belong to my customers”.

“I’m hungry, are we done yet”.

Guard looks at the kid then at me and says that next time to bring something to prove I have ties to Canada and will not stay there.
I told him I will bring him all my bills if he bloody wants.
He could pay them too.

I pay for a six-month visa and they handed us back our papers and out the door we went.
As we crossed the space between the two sets of doors the five year old looked at me and grinned.
“I farted”.

Have a nice day

Walker

Guess Where Walker Is? ©

I am on vacation collecting blog material.
I hope you are all having a great summer.

Have a nice day

Walker

Psychodelicious ©

“Groan”.
I’m sore all over.
Going to these concerts is taxing.
Parking is a nightmare when you have on average fifty thousand people looking for a spot.
Everyone has to compete with the residents for street parking and the longer you wait, the longer your walk is, that’s us.
We can’t go earlier because of the kids and when we do head out we drive in circles looking for a spot and usually find one half way between my house and the festival grounds.
Now I don’t mind walking and in fact I LOVE walking but there is this fucken hill that’s great to walk down but after the concert when your beat you have to walk back up and I tell you, that’s a bitch to do when it’s on a forty degree angle and about three blocks long.

Inia and I have tried many different routes to avoid this hill even stomping through a field then through a forest, up the side of a small hill, over a two foot railing and across a bridge, then dodge traffic while crossing the highway, while hauling four chairs and a four year old wants to stop everyone to say hi too.

That was the best route to avoid the hill and lots of others fell in behind us.
So many in fact that the police put up large spotlights and set up manned crossing points for people safety the next day because it was becoming more and more popular.

It was something to see after the concert though.
At midnight 2000 people emerge out of a dark forest then walk across a pitch-black muddy field falling some crawling to the street.
One onlooker who was at the bus stop who happened to look back remarked that it look like a scene from Return Of the Living Dead and to be honest, after the Santana concert he was probably right.



There were about 80,000 people jammed up to a stage with temps at 110f in the middle of the crowd but it didn’t matter, especially not to me.
I have been trying to see him for thirty years and now I can say that I have.

Before the concert Inia and I along those sitting around us, whom we didn’t know passed the time by joking around.
We all got there three hours before the show and set up our chairs to wait.
Everyone had food and beer was sold on the grounds so we partied while listening to Steve Winwood who was playing behind us.

It was all-good with some mishaps with people who tried to push us out because they had arrived late and wanted to get closer.
One skinny woman in her late forties flung herself at some tall young guy checking him back few feet.
She must have been menopausal because that look in her eyes said “Fuck with me and your going down with me sitting on your face”.
The guy took off so fast I’m sure he call him momma when he got out of there.

I don’t get it; if you know you want to see someone and want to be close you should show up early like we did to get our places.
At 9:15 Santana took the stage and we all folded our chairs and moved up to the stage.
We were roughly thirty feet from the front and the music was just rocking us where we stood with the lightshow in the back lighting up the night sky.

They showed an anthology of Santana as he played some of our favorites and when he got to Woodstock and the 60’s, the psychedelic fractal display going on in the background had you stoned even if you didn’t get high before the concert.
Not that you had to with everyone around you puffing away on joints.
You got high for free.

For what I went to see, and that was Santana, the man, the guitarist, I left feeling satisfied.
Was the show perfect?
No, but it was great just the same.

Kevin Costner and his band tonight followed by Keith Urban.
Weezer tomorrow and next that’s that for two weeks of concerts.
Next week I …..well that’s a secret for now “Wink”

Here are a couple of pictures for now.
I have to many to put up and I don’t want to muck up your computers.

Until next time, Have a nice day, every day

Walker

Melting ©

Melting, melting I tell you
I’m fucken melting.
The gates of hell have opened up and I’m melting.

Last month I was freezing and this month melting.
What the fuck is up with the weather?
People say just get A/C.
No, I don’t want A/C, I want to know why it’s so fucken hot.
What, I get an A/C and the problem will be solved?
I don’t think so.
What happens when the A/C is not enough, what then?
Bigger A/C?
Fuck that, I want to know why it’s so fucken hot and while they are at it, I want to know why it’s colder in the winters too.
Pretty soon there is only going to be two seasons, Cold and Hot.

Even though the heat is on Inia and I have been hitting the concerts during Blues Fest.
Tuesday we saw Iron Maiden.
I tell ya, some people don’t look in the mirror when they leave the house.
Like the 70-year-old lady in a string bikini and the rest of her body painted green.
Don’t get me wrong.
There were some people dressed for the band that look cool but some….Man
Some people need glasses.
Some people need to face reality.
I mean, you’re fifty and wearing Daisy Duke shorts with your bleach blond hair in pigtails isn’t going to make you twenty again, so standing by the metal fence with all the real twenty year old groupies isn’t going to get you any luckier.

You see a lot of weird shit at these concerts.
Well weird to me like a gay couple.
What?
You say that’s not weird.
Ah I see.
Well what if I told you the gay couple was a gay man and a lesbian woman.

I mean, if you are going to be monogamous umm and opposite sexes doesn’t that make you heterosexual?
I could be wrong and I have been in the past so if anyone wants to correct me I won’t take offence but if you want to be gay and live as heterosexuals its fine but weird to me.

Wednesday we sat back to the Gypsy Kings smooth mellow tunes as the crowd swayed with them.
Half the time I couldn’t see anything because of one woman who liked turning around and pointing her tits at me as she checked her cell phone and when she wasn’t flashing me cleavage her friend would bend over to wiggle her ass 12 inches from my face.
Me and Inia just nodded our heads in disbelief then she went on to watch the stage while I stared at the ass in the red dress as it dangerously threatened my nose.
I was thinking, maybe if I shoved the Gatorade bottle up her NEW red dress (as she kept telling everyone she saw) and squeeze as hard as I can if she would get the idea to move but with my luck she might stick around for another splash (considering the heat), so I stuck my legs out instead to try and trip her on her gay friend who was scoffing down over priced festival food.
$7.50 for a plain burger.
A dollar extra for cheese and six more for fries.

The next night we started with the Moody Blues and as Nights in White Satin finished by gently taking us back into our seats the B 52’s charged out to bring us up on our toes once more.
We had a ball that night as our creaking, cracking and snapping bones jumped up and down along with the ageing performers on stage.

It’s funny watching all the young people bouncing up and down to what many of them think is brand new music.
I guess to them it is but not to us.
They wonder why so many old people are there but they don’t get it.
This is ours.
Our time and our history they are enjoying as we did before us when we listen to that generation’s music.

Last night we started by going to see Hole.
I most definitely am not a fan and by the time it was over I wished Courtney Love would shut her fucken hole and let the band play instead.
I don’t know what she sounds like on CD but in person, she sounded a lot like when you start your car in the winter and there is a cat sleeping on the engine…

Luckily we were rescued from rock hell by Joan Jett who came on the main stage with her Black Hearts and rose everyone’s spirits to the right volume and had the 30,000 people around us clapping and cheering every song she belted out from way back when she was with The Runaways to her most recent tunes.

Tomorrow we finish the first week of our concert series with RUSH and next week it’s Santana along with a lot of others like Steve Winwood, Weezer, Keith Urban, and lots, lots more.
Hell Kevin Bacon was on with his brother the other day and next week it’s Kevin Costner with his band.
I hope they dance better without wolves.

Did I mention there are more women to men at these concerts?
About ten to one and it’s been really hot.
Too hot to wear lots of clothes.
Yeah, I have a smirk on my face

HA, HA, HA!!!!!!!!!

I hope all of you out there are coping well in this heat and are having fun in the sun.

Have a nice weekend.

Walker

Canada Day 2010 ©

July 1

Canada Day

Today we all stand proud together.
Not that we usually don’t but today being Canada’s birthday we all stand proud together at the same time as one.

Today, here in the Nation’s Capital throngs of Canadians, young and old are marching up towards the hill.
Parliament Hill.


In other cities and towns across this great nation other Canadians are migrating to points of celebration in their respected regions until all Canadians are standing together in a sea of red and white.

Beers in hand, decked out in our colors we wait to yell out to the world that even in these times of fear and hardship, we are still Proud Canadians and we stand side by side.
We have our differences and fight for them passionately but we know our strengths and we fight for those even harder.

We stand in front of the symbols of our freedom, monuments, the buildings democracy helped build or just at home standing by our TVs united in our joy or grief.
Together we fill the streets when our champions bring home the gold.
Together we kneel and shed tears for those who will never stand to celebrate with us any more.
Those we keep deep in our hearts and salute the flag they fought under for our freedom and those oppressed by villainous regimes far from home.

Today we celebrate Canada, the nation and the people, my brothers and sisters who call ourselves Canadians.

Have a great day

Walker

HAPPY CANADA DAY