blue moon (2)

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Somethings Never Do ©

As the years go by things change but not all things, my ex mother-in-law for example.
She used to call me and still does, the devil.
She has a love hate relationship with me, she loves to hate me and I give her enough fuel to do it without really trying hard.
She’s one of these old world Russians from way back when the Czar was around and has a stanch way of thinking.

I still see one of my ex SILs, she’s like the scapegoat of the family and likes coming here to say hi, vent or to ask me something.
So we were sitting on the couch the other day.
I was stoned, she doesn’t do almost anything.
Clean as a whistle.
Maybe a drink on a special occasion.

So she asks me…….”Do you think my mother liked sex”?
“Do you think my mother liked sex”?
“How the fuck should I know and WHY do you want to know”.
“You got a weird fetish or something”.
“You just know everything”
“No I don’t know everything and I sure as hell don’t know that”.
“It’s just that she always calls me a whore and I haven’t had sex in over 20 years”.
“Tell her that”.
“I did and she said I was a whore because I married a black guy”.
“I see, tell her he was a black Russian”.
“She won’t believe that”.
“She’s 87, she’ll believe anything and what does this have to do with your mother liking sex”.
“When I asked her if she liked sex she told me she didn’t like sex and in fact hated it”
“Well she must have liked it a little because she had 5 kids and you just don’t get pregnant with each time you do it”.
“That's right she did”.
“ I mean she must have had sex ten times for each kid”.
“Wow that is a lot”.
“ Huh, I do that in a month”.
“Well yeah, didn’t you when you were married”?
“No, we did it maybe ten times then I threw him out”.
“Maybe you should have kept him a little longer then”.
“Fuck that I am happier without it and him besides i found out he had another family in another city he used to go to on those long business trips”.
“To each their own I guess”.

We did a little more small talk before she up and left.
I don’t mind her coming by and we get along considering most of her family would like to see me dead.

A couple of hours later she shows up here again unrepentantly
“Oh my mother is mad at you and thinks you are the son of Satan”.
“Huh, what the hell are you talking about”?
“Why would she think that now”?
I haven't spoken to the woman for twenty years.

“Well, when I got home I picked up the phone and called her to tell her that she is a liar and she liked sex”.
“And I told her that I asked you and you said that she must have had a lot of sex to have had five kids over the years”.
“You didn’t have to tell her I told you”.
“Well I wanted to know because what you said made sense”.
"If she didn't like sex then why did she have so many kids"?
“What else did she say”.
“She said you were a perverted sinner”.
“So she didn’t say anything bad, whew that’s a relief”.

She stuck around for a while and said she had to go to her mother's to help wash her back because she was to old to reach.
As she said that, a memory popped in my head.

“Yeah, she likes taking sponge baths I remember”.
“That’s right, how did you know”.
“Remember when she used to come to town when I was still with your sister”.
“Well, she used to stay with us and one day I went to the washroom for a piss and there she was at the sink with a huge tit in her hand , washing it with the other”.
“OMG, what did she say”.
“Oh she didn’t see me, I quickly stepped back out the door and ran for my eye drops”.
“It’s obvious you didn’t take from your mother side of the family”.
“That’s fine by me”.
“I have enough problems with what I have without having to drag around another twenty pounds strapped to my chest”.

Soon after she was up and out again.
This is what a typical day is like around here.
Everyone one knows the kids are at school or work and they stop in all the time during the day.
Sometimes twice like the exSIL.
The doorbell ran and I opened it up.
Make that three times.

“I am going to start charging you rent if you come this often”.
“I’m sorry but I thought I should tell you”.
“Tell me what”?
“That my mother is real mad at you”.
“For what now”?
“For lying about seeing her boobs”.
“Why the fuck did you tell her I saw her boobs for and I wasn't lying, how else would I know she takes sponge baths”?
“Because I wanted to know the truth”.
“What truth, she didn’t see me see her”.
“You just wanted to stick it to her for calling you a whore for all those years”.
“Maybe, but it doesn’t matter any more”
“She said she doesn’t want me to come by any more because I am a whore for hanging around with a bastard like you”.
“Gezz, what next”?

The phone rang and I answered it.
It was my ex.

“Uh huh”
“Yeah, yeah”.
“Yeah she’s here”
“It’s for you”.
“Is that true”?
“She said she went to my mother’s after I left and she gave my sister all the pictures of your kids and told her they were the spawn of the devil and didn’t want pictures of the bastards in her house”.
“You’re kidding”?
“No, she did”.
“What can I say……want some peach schnapps”?
“………..Yeah sure, why not”.

Some things never change

Have a nice day



Kay said...

not everyone can succumb to conformity, here's to the devil! :)

Heff said...

WHORE !, Lol !

Just telling it like it is said...

Yeah some things never change...Boob flash

Walker said...

Kay: Some people refuse to change and instead of becoming the person they see in the mirror they try to remain the person in the picture

Walker said...

Heff: No no no, I do it for free.
I'm a Slut

Walker said...

Just telling it like it is: Hmmm, is this your bra on the floor?