blue moon (2)

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

The Olympians ©

So, how are all the lovebirds out there?
Y’all have a good Valentines Day or are you roasting turtle doves in the rotisserie for dinner tonight?

I know Inia and I have been lost into the Olympics since they started.
The opening ceremonies we somber to start.
I would like to say at this point that I grieve for the Kumaritashvili family who’s son Nodar Kumaritashvili, a Georgian athlete was killed when he was thrown off his luge and into posts along side the track.
They have said it was the athlete’s error.
Basically what they are saying is, it was the athletes fault for getting tossed off of his ride.

In sports there is rarely perfection and when you are pushing the limits there is bound to be some buckling at the seams.
Then shit happens.
Shit always happens and we know shit happens so we prepare for shit.

Like for instance at the bottom of the course on the last corner when you reach speeds of 150 kilometers an hour we should put a bunch of posts so if a luger does fly off and into the posts we could have a spectacular tragedy on live TV.
Well it’s the only reason I can see why they didn’t have nets or a protective wall there instead of a certain death situation.
Everyone including a newborn could see the danger coming out on the corner except officials at the site.
You see it’s more important to have the best and fastest so they have to cut back on some things like safety.

After acknowledging the loss of Nodar the rest of the athletes came in where there was a standing ovation for the Georgian team who decided to stay and dedicate these games to their fallen comrade.

These Olympics were not only hosted by the people of Vancouver but also the native peoples of British Columbia.
The four tribes were represented by the chiefs of these people along with the other dignitaries in the VIP section of the stage.
It was a spectacular show focusing on native culture past and present.
It’s good to see the young pick up and preserve their culture for future generations in these times of technology and change.

Then came the lighting of the thing a ma bob when four sports legends (Wayne Gretzky, basketball All-Star Steve Nash, skier Nancy Greene and speed skater Catriona LeMay Doan) came in each carrying a lit torch.
Four pillars were supposed to rise out of the ground for each of them to light but only three came out.
I was waiting for Wayne to walk over and give it a boot in the side to get it going again but all they did was stand there like a bunch of dummies instead for two minutes.
It was said that someone in those two idle minutes heard Gretzky whisper to Catriona LeMay Doan that, that was her pillar and to stay away from his.
She laughed and whispered back, that’s not what your wife said.
Maybe he’s not so great eh.

After the ceremonies were over we got into the actual games.
Luge, almost as bad as skeleton.
Skeleton you go down head first at 150 kmh Luge you go in balls first or tits up which ever gender you are.
You fall off of that magic carpet they ride down that chute on and you will be a skeleton at the bottom.

I have been watching a lot of curling.
With my eyes as they are, it’s about the only thing I can see without having hit slow play to see it because it went by so fast.
Have you seen those guys that do moguls?
I go for a beer and 23 seconds later Canada has its first gold medal ever on Canadian soil and I’m still looking for a bottle opener.
This is why I hate import beer.
No twist offs.
Apparently in some places the act of opening a twist off resembles the tearing off of the head of a man’s penis so they stick to the old fashion bottles BUT they did adapt to the long neck bottle as a compromise in response to the protests of the female population.

I watched a lot of figure skating too, some hockey OH and speed skating.
I tell you, I want to meet the people who designed some of the outfits these people wear.

As I was preparing to watch the speed skating start in Richmond on came the speed skaters.
All I can say is, move over Kansas City Bombers, here come the Japanese G-Strings and the Canadian Condoms.
Don’t get me wrong here.
All these athletes deserve all they win but the people who create their outfits……well….I’ll let you tell me.

This is the Japanese speed skater's uniform.
I think they are a nice gold and black color but a little transparent don't you think.
It's nice to see that Masako Hozumi has come prepared for the festivities after the race.
You can actually see a g-string under her uniform?
Now that's what I call a party girl and not only is she a party girl but also a team member too.

When she heard fellow teammate Yuya Oikawa had lost his luggage she shared some of her underwear with him.
That's what I call a buddy when you need one.

Not knowing what was going on, on the Japanese team the German team thought that there was a spacial theme for outfits at this years Olympics and quickly went out and modeled new uniforms to match the Japanese outfits not wanting to look out of place.

The Canadian team seeing all these g-strings flopping around started getting a little worried so they went out and opted for safety and wrapped theirs with a giant condom to protect the front and back from any accident that might occur after a few beers.

Fashion is big at the Olympics as I have watched the different events take place and one team that knocked me out of my seat was the Norwegian curling team.
With the passing of the great golfer Payne Stewart, his clothing sponsors were left without someone to model their line of clothes.

That is until the Mens Norwegian curling team came along.

I don't know.
Is the circus in town?

I love the Olympics and what they represent, I may go to hell for picking on some of these people but for fucks sake, who thought up these outfits?
They better get there before me.

Have a nice day



Peter said...

That covered the outfits pretty well Walker, there seems to have been a lot of controversy so far, hope its all over now.

Walker said...

Peter: If life were perfect there would be no controversy but life isn't perfect and mistakes will always keep us human.
All we can hope for is that we can feel for those who suffer from the mistakes of others

Shana said...

I was thinking the same thing about the outfits. I kind of like the Norwegians' pants, though.

As for speed skating (and anything else) I always wonder if, dispite the look of the outfit, if it really helps with the aerodynamics or not. Cause it would be cool if some athlete wore his Boxers over tights iwth his 'I am Canadian' t-shirt and still won the speedskating.

That is fun about skating on the canals. Here, they don't use the canal for anything in the winter. And the old canals are all crumbling or buried.

BlazngScarlet said...

Canadian Condom Queens and the Japanese G-string Divas!

God I love the Olympics!

craziequeen said...

I actually love the Norwegian outfits - how cool are they?

Sport is taken SOO weriously it is nice to see a sense of humour peeking out :-)


Boxer said...

I was watching the USA snowboarders and the first thing I said was;

What the fuck is up with those outfits?

Plaid shirts and jeans make them look like Jethro from the Beverly Hillbillies.

ganit@israel said...

as for me i just enjoy watching that russia is just on 11 place-they promissed so much and got that little, maybe it will teach them not just to buy expencive cars for goverment, but also invest some money in development of sport.

awareness said...

Great post! I've been meaning to write one too. I loved the opening ceremonies....! The best is yet to come with the outfits Walker, though I do applaud the Japanese Speed Skaters! The Russian Ice Dancers are going to be dressed as Australian Aboriginals and perform a completely politically incorrect dance.

BikerCandy said...

I have to agree with your comments Walker...who does think up this stuff and do they even look at the end product before dressing an entire team in them?

Joanna Cake said...

Well, it certainly makes for interesting watching :) Mind you most people dont quite seem to be in it for the sport. Our first individual gold medallist is on one of the social networking sites being lauded not for her speed and sporting achievement but 'cos she's a hottie' too!