blue moon (2)

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Buns In The Oven ©

“Hey”
“Ah, you’re done work”.
D1 has been sick lately and was diagnosed with tonsillitis but she still goes to work, tough kid.
Whines about it but grudgingly goes just the same.

“The doctor gave me a prescription for antibiotics the other day and he told me I had to eat yogurt when after each pill”.
“Oh yeah”.

Lately when D1 has questions or something on her mind she comes to me to talk it over and I do my best to give her an unbiased opinion.

“Yeah but I didn’t have yogurt so I just took the pills anyway and last night while I was in bed I was reading up on the pills and in side effects it said I could get vaginitis”.
“Ah yes, a yeast infection”.
Her face showed surprised that I knew what it was.

“That’s why you’re supposed to eat the yogurt with the pill”.
“Yeah I know that now but I have been taking them for three days before I found that out”.
“I guess it sucks to be you then eh”?

“Don’t worry about, I have gotten a yeast infection three times over the years”.
“I thought only women get yeast infections”?
“I got it from a woman”.

She let that mull around in her head for a few seconds and they she realized what I meant and her eyes widened.

“So what did it look like”?
“I’m not telling you what it looked like, that’s just not right a father telling his daughter what his pecker looks like”.

“NOOOOOOOOO”!!!!!!!!!
“What the yeast infection looked like”?!

“Oh, well, first it looks like a rash, then it gets bumpy and pimply”.
“Then after a few months it starts looking like a small patch of mushrooms”.
I’m just pulling this shit out of the air so I can watch her face contort.
“Every time you piss it burns so much your asshole cries”.
“But that’s what it’s like for a man”.

“What’s it like for a woman”?
“It’s a little different for a woman because she is built differently”.
“It all starts off the same way with a rash but they don’t grow into a little mushroom patch but rather like tiny buns”.
“It must be because of the yeast”.
“Yes that’s it”.

I love it when they help you think.
“Because a woman’s body is built differently, more like an oven down there so the buns, they start growing and growing bigger and bigger”.

“What happens then”?
“Well, depending on how long they are down there, it’s conceivable that after about a month or maybe two, you would have a dozen hot cross buns in the oven”.

She just sat the staring at me blankly for about a minute.

“You’re joking right”?
“Maybe……”

Parenting, it has its moments

Have a nice day

Walker

10 comments:

Boxer said...

and this is why a simple GOOGLE search on her part would have been soooooo much better for her.

bwahahahahahahahah.

Monogram Queen said...

You are a goofball! LOL LOL
That was MEAN!
That being said I LOVE to pull one over on Maddie every chance I get. I don't expect that will ever change!

Just telling it like it is said...

Nope but vaginitist is not a sexually transmitted disease I assure you...

BlazngScarlet said...

Would that be a regular dozen or a bakers dozen?!
HA HA HA HA HA!

Priceless!
Your daughters will thank you for your candid and humorous approach.
Really.

BikerCandy said...

Ah Walker...you do have your moments and I agree with Scarlet, your daughters will definitely thank you one day for your candidness and more importantly your humor. Thanks for the smile today! I really needed one.

TROLL Y2K said...

Father-Of-The-Year 2009. Walker.

Just telling it like it is said...

flashing the boob here all you get is one nipple today

Peter said...

Those girls are sure getting a different fix on some things Walker, moch better than a text book or Google search I reckon.

Tom Bailey said...

I had to read that post twice to get what you were talking about.

I was slow at getting the joke in this.

Thanks for sharing.

Liane said...

LOL... it seems that every time i come to your posts, all i am left to say is: LOL.. you are such a goof ball... Right on though.. the world is serious enough out there... might as well laugh at your kids..lol