blue moon (2)

Friday, September 18, 2009

In My Face ©

It must be Friday, no, it’s Wednesday, well technically Thursday.
Isn’t it a rule that weird shit only happens on Fridays?
I thought it was, hmmm, well it should be but by the time I put up this post it will probably be Friday.
What can I say, I’m busy.
I mean people just don’t leave me the fuck alone.
Arch and I got into a nice one the other day.
I was making dinner for the kids and he called me up nice and pleasant like then said he wanted me to go over and fix his TV.
I told him I was busy making dinner for the kids.
That’s when he erupted in a flurry of BS, temper tantrum and all.
I told him to grow up then to fuck off then hung up.
My hands are full with a teenager; and I don’t have the time for a sixty-year-old infant

I sat down the other day I noticed that my health card expired.
Actually they sent me a notice telling me it was going to expire in March last November but I never got around to it.
I’ve been busy what can I say.
I know I’m repeating myself but fuck it’s bloody true and I’m not fucken used to this.
So off to the ministry of health I go the next day.

It was a nice brisk two-mile walk.
I love walking.
I get to see what is happening around and do some people watching, mostly the women of course.
I’m not one of those people who stares like a drooling fool waiting to stumble over his tongue as soon as a woman walks by.
I just take in the sights and enjoy the scenery and let nature walk by for me to enjoy.
Sometime a fruit drops in my lap.
Most times she’s a fruitcake but what’s life without a few nuts mixed up in the bowl.

It was a nice sunny day, which made it nice to walk; I get to the building and charge through the revolving doors.
The doors on these old buildings weigh a ton and you have to be a body builder to get through them sometimes.
There was this little old lady trapped in one once.
Yeah, she walked in while it was still spinning after someone had passed threw and it stopped half way and she was trapped like a ball on a roulette wheel.
I hit the door with what I thought was adequate force but found resistance.
This is a really old building.
So I throw all my weight behind it and the doors started swinging out and I popped into the building.
I looked over my shoulder to the door and past it.
There is this guy laying out on the sidewalk with a squeegee in one hand and a spray bottle on the other.
I quickly ran out and helped him up.
I apologized, picked up his bottle for him
Fuck, I said it was sunny, I couldn’t see him through the glass doors.
It’s his fault for cleaning them so good.

I found the office on the first floor and at the reception desk they gave me a number then shown to a room with 100 other people.
WTF, I was going to be here all day.
I look down at my number C64.
Looking around the room I see this LED screen and it says C63.
Fuck, I lucked out.
Feeling relieved that I wasn’t going to be spending the afternoon in this room watching that guy dresses like a clown version of Iggy Pop chasing a toddler across the floor.
Just then I hear a loud BEEP and I look up at the screen, it’s flashing A122
What about C64
Wtf is going on?

I sit there for a bit reading my paper until I hear another BEEP.
I look up and it says B112
I’m fucked.
So I’m sitting there reading my paper when the guy next to my must had enough so he got up and left the room leaving his ticket on his chair.
I look over to it and its A123
I had C64 so I pick it up and figure either way I am one away one both.
It was about another twenty minutes before the BEEP went off again and it was A123.
“HA, sucker”.
I get up and leave my old ticket on the chair then head off to the counter.
I hand the lady the ticket and my papers.
She looks at them and says she only does new registrations and I have to see someone else for renewals but she could help me with that then punched out something and a ticket came out and she passed it to me, C67.
Screw that noise I thought then turned around to go back to my seat and my old ticket but there was someone else now sitting in my old seat and my ticket under his butt.
Thirty minutes later and I am finally at counter getting my new card renewed.

After getting my heath card renewed I was off to city hall and the courthouse to get a printout of how many fines I still had outstanding to pay.
I knew what the ballpark figure would be but I wanted to know so I could make arraignments to pay them.
I knew at one time it was well over $18,000 but I swapped 18 days in jail, which by the way was heaven compared to living with my EX, for $12,000 and paid another chunk of that so I figured between $1800-$2000.

I find a secluded bench off the path and have a seat then spark up the other half of the joint I started before I left the house.
As I sat there this small sports car pulled along the curb and up onto the sidewalk.
The passenger door open and this skinny chick stepped out and the driver, a guy who was even skinnier then the anorexic chick walked around to the front.
He was about 20 and she maybe 18 if that.
He looked down at the wheel, just brushed if off then headed into the City Hall building.
I just finished the rest of my joint and followed their tracks into the building and walked into the court clerk’s office where I found the two stick people talking with the clerk.

So I walked to the row of chairs screwed to the floor and sat down to listen to the most stupid conversation I have ever heard in a long time.
If this is how smart today’s young are, we’re fucked.
The world is HISTORY.
Done I tell you.

If it weren’t for the fact that I spent that half hour looking at the chick’s ass I would have thrown them out personally.
My seat was only three feet from then and I was leaning forward.
She conveniently bent over with her elbows on the low counter
Every time her boyfriend’s questions put me to sleep her shifting butt woke me up.
How can anyone blame me, she wore skintight black pants, violet underwear with frills around the fringes.
Sandals on her feet, white blouse and a bra that wasn’t really necessary, not much to hold up.

The boyfriend asks why they suspended his license.
The clerk told him because he didn’t pay a ticket.
The moron says, “What ticket”?
The clerk said one he got at the college.
Moron says, “I have to pay those”?
No stupid, you only pay parking tickets if you fucken feel like it.

After more of the same with the clerk he decides to pay the $200 ticket.
When the clerk verified the ticket was paid and gave him the receipt he told him it would take a week before his license was reinstated.
The guy freaked and said why so long and the clerk told him that’s how long it took and if he got caught driving with a suspended license he would get a $6000 fine for the first offense and up to $12,000 for each subsequent offense.
I thought the guy was going to faint.

The guy had his car parked outside on the lawn.
Then, I don’t know if this moron has any brains, then he is telling the clerk that he had some trouble with his insurance company and stopped paying them and was looking for another insurance company.
Basically he just told the clerk he didn’t have insurance.
That’s a $12,000 fine.
The kids selling his soul to the devil before he even gets out of the starting blocks.

In between his conversation with the clerk he is speaking to little miss tighty ass in Lebanese and then back to the clerk.
After a little while they both up and left the clerks office.
He called me over and asked what he could do for him
I stepped up my eyes still on then as they stepped out of the door then looked to the clerk and said the kid probably drove there.
The clerk said he did because he was telling his girl friend he hoped he didn’t get caught driving away.
The clerk was half Lebanese.
We had a nice laugh with that.
You never know who the person you are talking to is or what they understand and should always guard what you say.

So I gave the clerk my name and told him I wanted a printout of all my tickets.
The printer started churning and churning sheet after sheet and then it stopped.
I thought good thing to because there were a lot of tickets coming out.
The clerk excused himself then walked over then added more paper to the printer and it started spitting out more sheets.
After about ten minutes he came over with a sheaf of papers and said here you go.
Here I go?
Get the fuck out of here.
I look over the tickets and at the bottom of the page it said $4500….
UH, uh I don’t think so.
I pointed out to the one’s that dated to 1993 and said they couldn’t possibly be mine because I didn’t have a car back then.

He looks closely and asked me if I was born in 1974.
Ummmm no but If I pay those tickets will I be 36 again?
He laughed and said no.
So he went through all the tickets and removed all my cousin’s tickets.
Fuck that, he had a $80,000 wedding so he can pay his tickets if he has that kind of coin and maybe he should pay mine to for that matter.

When he was done he told me I should go to the next building to see if there were any there in my name.
I thanked him and left to go to the main courthouse.
When I got to the reception desk there was a lady sitting with her back to the window.
I said excuse me and the woman turned around and wow, she had a huge rack on her so big when she turned they jammed against the counter and she took off rolling back across the marble floor to the other side of the room.
I was thinking I just fond the breadbasket of the world and its attached to this woman’s chest.
One of my EXs was a JJJ and this woman’s boobs blew those away
I told her what I was there for, carefully picking and choosing my words as to not blurt out something like, “I came to check out your tits instead of I came to see if I have any fines”.

As luck would have it I didn’t have any fines which great news.
Bad news is I had to leave and wasn’t allowed to stay longer to stare.
Can’t have everything I guess.
I left the courthouse and started walking home and as I turned around the corner leading towards home I saw a cruiser with a car pulled over and I swear, it looked a lot like that kid’s from the courthouse.

That’s it for me today and next week, I’ll tell you about the mugging in Brazil and the attempted kidnapping in Venezuela the week before, like I didn’t have enough trouble to deal with but, until then have a nice weekend.



Michael Manning said...

Walker! Dropped by to see what you were up to. Plenty! :)

Peter said...

Lucky the rack at the courthouse wasn't fines you had racked up.

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hahahaha! Trust you Walker, ask if you have fines and find boobs instead. Well done. Don't get too frazzled with your busy life, will you?

Monogram Queen said...

LMAO at Puss-In-Boots, your life is always entertaining to me Walker. I don't even have to read a book, just your blog *wink*

Teresa said...

With a title like that; I had no idea what kind of post I would read and that is the best part about your blog.
Hope you are doing ok!

BlazngScarlet said...

Hmmm ..... not the post I had in mind after reading the title AND hearing the song you've got with it!
My mind was WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY in the gutter! (shocker, eh?!)

Mugging in Brazil and kidnapping in Venezuela eh?
You HAVE been busy!

Just telling it like it is said...

Well I expect nothing less...I mean really who doesn't like racks!!!

BikerCandy said...

Ha Ha Ha...I just love the part about the clerk being half Lebanese. And, JJJ's...Holy Shit Batman, those are some mighty big ta-tas. I don't think I would like those one little bit. I'll take my 38 D's any day.

Kathryn Magendie said...

I had to laugh - after your comment about my panties, and how I woke up in the recovery room without panties -- GMR gave me my panties later - and they were tucked away in a bio-hazard bag *LAUGHING ASS OFF*!!!

Nan said...

Hey, just stopping bye.

Boxer said...

you need to write a book someday.