With Da Fishies ©

Pack my bags
Grab the cat
Run down the street
Screaming, shouting

Set me free
Let me go
Anywhere
Even someplace I don’t know

How long can I stay here?
How much can I take?
How much before I crack
Or maybe that’s what I need to bake

Roll a joint
Have a toke
Lay back and get lost in your mind
While the cat pukes on the floor to step in later

I’m drowning here.
It seems I can’t get anything finished before ten new jobs pile up for me to do and when I suggest I got to get a break I get more work.
I feel like Marlon Brando in the Godfather sometimes.
What’s wrong with people, can’t they fucken think for themselves?

D2 has been sick for a while now and not only the flu but teeth problems and she always has headaches so I am knocking off all those problems one at a time.
Her mother says she didn’t want to go to the dentist.
D2 says she was sending her alone and was scared.
The other day I wanted to take the vice grips and play dentist as she drove me nuts with her whining and whimpering that always seemed to disappeared when the boyfriend called.
.
Two friends stopped by needing advice.
One about money.
Seems because I don’t have any I know how to manage it.
The other about how he should lead his life now that he is out of jail.
Like I have one.

I suggested the one who just got out of jail rob the first one thus leaving the first friend without the worries about money and the second one to open a bicycle shop in China with the money he stole.

No sooner had I shown then the door a customer was waiting at the screen with his computer under his arm and a bag of programs he needed to install on his computer because the government was auditing him for the last six years.
Here’s what happened.
He has no kids just a nephew so he decided to give his two hundred grand cottage to his nephew because he wasn’t using it and he is his only heir.
That done the government turns around and tells him he owes them sixty grand because the cottage was worth more than when he bought it.
It didn’t matter that he gave it away; they still want their money.
Fucken government.
I agreed to do this for him and he left his computer here and left.

I close the door and turn to go back to the kitchen to do some cleaning up when the doorbell rang, its my ex SIL.
Seems she decided that buying a aquarium ornament from the pet shop was way to expensive so she went to the china town and bought a vase with two dragons on it for six bucks but wanted to cut a hole in the base so the fish could swim through.

For two days she was hole with this tiny dremel machine and a sanding bit that was almost as small ad a pencil tip trying to sand away a six-inch diameter base.
For the record the woman doesn’t do drugs, she’s naturally stoned.

She pulls the vase from the bag and passes it to me and after two days of sanding she had managed to make a hole still to small to stick my pinky through.
She asked if I could help her so I took it downstairs to my workshop with her trailing behind.

At my work bench I took out my cutting took and the second the blade touched the vase sparks shot out all over the place.
Ah yeah, stoneware.
This wasn’t going to be easy.
I put the grindstone to it.
Nothing
The drill bit broke.
The hacksaw blade broke
I put a coarse stone on the drill press to see if I could sand the base away but all I did was polish it.

She stood 2 feet behind me peeking at my failure to remove the base one time after another.
It was about this time I had had enough of this shit and turned to her and asked if she could get me the dustpan and brush from behind her.
When she turned I grabbed the hammer and gave it one good whack and it was all done.

By the time she turned wide eye the base of the vase was gone and I had a big grin on my face.
If all fails, get the fucken hammer out.

She thinks I’m a genius.
I was trying to smash the fucker.

Now all smiles we are at my front door and I am trying to push her out when the Ex showed up and both sisters start squealing with delight of seeing each other.
The Ex’s Pomeranian was squeaking to as he humped the Ex SIL’s ankle.
Back inside they come and three minutes later there were five more people.
Oh joy.

Two hours later I finally caved in and threw the lot of them.
The Ex Sil stopped at the door to thank my again for opening the bottom of her vase and her fishy will love me for it.
Yeah, yeah I smell the love already.
I told her to make sure she washed it in hot water to sterilize if first before putting it in the tank and shoved her out the door.

As I was pulling the door shut I spotting at Ziploc bag on top of the columns outside on the porch and went out to see what the hell it was.
I looked down on it and there were three round jawbreaker sized balls inside it.
Maybe the niece left her candies outside?
Just then the EX ran up the stairs and said, “Oops, I forgot the dog’s doo doo bag”.

Fuck………

I finally got some rest as I sat back on the couch after a blast on my new toy.
Lying there all fucked up and horny.
That’s when the phone rang.
Always and you know it isn’t a horny wench on the other side before you say hello it always someone with something stupid to tell you.

“Hello”?

It’s the Ex SIL, see, what did I tell you?
She is crying.
Her fish are all dead
Uh huh
Yeah
What?
Are you fucken nuts?
Well no wonder.

Seems she decided that instead of washing the vase like I told her she boiled in a pot on the stove then dropped it in while it was still hot into the tank and boiled the fish.
I hope she like fish soup.

Some people were born to drive me fucken nuts I think.

Have a nice day

Walker