blue moon (2)

Sunday, March 29, 2009

You Got Boobies On The Brain ©

I would like to thank everyone for the birthday wishes.
50 is and milestone and that’s all it is a number to mark a decade.
So, what did Walker do for his birthday?
As it happed it was parent teacher day at D2s school.
You know……I had never been to one of those before.

I was sitting here Monday and the phone rang about 8 pm informing me via an automated service that the school was having parent teacher meetings so I went up to ask D2 about it and she said, “Oh yeah, I forgot”.

How could she forget?
Can’t she realize I am locked up in this house with only Telus to abuse and I need fresh meat?

“What do you mean you forgot”?
What have you done that you don’t want me to go to see your teachers”?

“Nothing I just forgot”.
“See, I brought this sheet home for you”.

She bent over and went digging through a whole civilization of junk in her backpack to dig out this crumbled up piece of paper.
Fuck, if I had to go in there to look for something myself I’d have to hire a mining company to make room for my hand to get past the zipper.

I read the paper and it had all her teachers named there from the various courses she’s been taking.
Beside each name was a space for you to put in the time you would like to speak with the teacher.
It said each session was ten minutes long so I spaced them fifteen minutes apart giving me five minutes between each teacher.
After filling in the paper I handed it back to her and said I was all excited to meet her teachers and that was the last we said anything about it.

Thursday rolled around and I woke up to find D2 still in bed.
I wasn’t surprised as she had been sick the day before so I let her sleep until 10 am, 15 hours from the time she had gone to bed.

I asked her how she felt and she said much better.
That was good I told her because I wanted her to introduce me to her teacher that night.
She said it wasn’t Thursday it was Friday.

Now I know Walker is getting old and all, and he might have forgotten what he ate the day before but he doesn’t forget appointments.
I’m kinda paranoid that way.
So I told her she was mistaken and argued until she went back into Pandora’s box to get that paper again to show me and right there on top was Thursday.
I just smiled at her and walked out.

About an hour later we were sitting there and I asked her about how she was doing in her classes and about her teachers.
She said all her teachers loved her.
Yeah, where have I heard that before?
It started way back with leave it to beaver and I used it on my parents after that.

She said she sucked at history but I knew that.
She had said before she took the course she never taken it before and knew absolutely nothing about it.
The teacher was said to be hard but fair and she sounded like she did.
Then she said the teacher had this hate on for the use of the word “Like”.
It seems the kids use it so much she wanted to get them to stop so came down on them for using it.

Ok, so I store that piece of information in the back of my head, history teacher hates word “like”

She said her English teacher was zany and really liked her because of the way she writes her stories.
It seems D2 like to write and is very creative but needs some structure.
She has a very creative imagination.

Her chemistry teacher she didn’t know to well because she just transferred to the advanced chemistry.
Seems the other one was to boring.

The last one was her drama teacher who she said was weird.
She’s a drama teacher; they’re all fucken weird.

She said she was doing good in all those classes except history.
So how bad could it be?
I go down for an hour.
Get out of the house and see how she is really going in school.
Around 4:30pm we head off to her school.

Did I mention she’s a little gullible?
Plus she doesn’t know what to expect from me.
I had asked her how it went when her mother went to see her teachers and she said she was embarrassed because her mother was a little loopy and ask weird questions that didn’t pertain to her class.
I told her I would do my best not to embarrass her and she gave me a dirty look but I smiled it off.
Imagine, me embarrass her.
Pah, I can tone it down when I want too.
I don’t have to say fuck every second word.
I’m sure I can say it less like every fucken tenth word
HELL, I’m sure I could not say it for at least the twentieth fucken word.
Crap that was the 13th.
Yeah I can do it.
I think…….

As we were driving up I decided to loosen things up a bit and have some fun with D2.

“So D2, is your history teacher cute”.
“Your history teacher is she cute, is she good looking”.
“I don’t know”.
“What do you mean you don’t know, you see her everyday”?
“Is she good looking, tall, short, big boobs”.
“ I don’t look at her boobs”.
“I didn’t say you stare at them but they’re right there in front of you so you must know if they are big or small”.
“ I don’t know”.

“Fine, you young people aren’t as observant as we used to be”.
“ When I went to school, boy did I notice my teacher’s boobs”.

“So, what’s your drama teacher look like”?
“She’s weird”.
“Is she cute”?
“She’s weird”.
“Is she blonde, brunette…”?
“She’s weird”.
“Is she weird”?
“She’s fun”.
“Ah, she’s weird”.

“And what about your chemistry teacher”?
“She has small boobs”.
“Hold on there, how come you notice hers and not the history teacher’s”?
“You holding out on me or something”?

“What’s your English teacher like”?
“He’s fun”.
“Is he gay”?
“What do you mean EW, there are a lot of gay people around and there is nothing wrong with that”.
“ I don’t know if he is or not”.
“Oh, you should ask him”.

“You never know, you might be failing and you know”. wink, wink
“You’re my daughter I would do anything to help you get your grades up”.
“I got an 86% in English”!!!!
“Thank god for that”.

Now let’s talk about your history teacher again”
“How bad are you failing...”?

“Oh look, it’s your school”.

Fuck, I love messing with this kid's head HA HA HA!!!!!

To be continued...



Luka said...

Belated Birthday Wishes, Walker!

I remember those parent'e evenings and the appointments sheet - the time slots mean nothing!

Monogram Queen said...

You shouldn't do the poor girl like that! LOL

itisi said...

Better behave yourself at the P/T conference or they won't tell you when the next one is!! LOL
Don't embarras your daughter too badly!
Is your EX going too??

Peter said...

I... like D2, can hardly wait to hear the outcome of the PT meetings, I'm especially interested to hear about the History Teachers boobs!!!!!!!!

BikerCandy said...

OK, don't leave us hanging too long, we have to hear how it went!

Scarlet said...

Leaving us hanging like boobs, eh?!


D2 will get revenge on you, you know that right?

CHEF TROLL said...

We Troll Country Christian Junior High kids used to "streak" the building where Parent Teacher Conferences were held at the Junior High Gub'Mint Schools.

"Streak" means run by the window nekkid and yelling, for the benefit of your younger readers.

Some of the Gub'Mint School kids were "recognized" and punished too!


CHEF TROLL said...

We Troll Country Christian Junior High kids used to "streak" the building where Parent Teacher Conferences were held at the Junior High Gub'Mint Schools.

"Streak" means run by the window nekkid and yelling, for the benefit of your younger readers.

Some of the Gub'Mint School kids were "recognized" and punished too!


Suzanne said...

I'm on an important mission so will have to return later to read this. I'm attempting to rally the vote for the "girls" over at "Just Bob's." Please take a moment to vote and please don't let CSI sway you. You don't have much time, so sorta hurry!!!

Thanks in anticipation of your vote and I'm sending a big hug. ;)

Puss-in-Boots said...

Welcome to the world of parent teacher interviews, Walker. Thank the lord those days are past for me. My eldest daughter was a real rebel and the first I knew of parent teacher interviews was when someone would ask me why I wasn't there! The youngest daughter was a totally different kettle of fish...she was great at school, just rebelled when she left!

Anyway, don't mess with your kid's head too much. These things have a nasty way of turning around and biting you on the bum when you least expect it! Heheh...hope I've got you worried...

Puss-in-Boots said...

PS: BTW, the brain is a funny place to have boobs. All the women I know have them on their chests...

Tammi said...

You are friggin hilarious!
For some reason that I've NEVER been able to figure out,my kids would tell me that I embarrassed them too!lol...I mean,I put on my best manors darn it,and I could just see my daughters rolling their eyes when I asked their teachers questions about their school stuff.But I don't recall EVER asking my offspring if it looked like their teacher was hung like a horse!LOL
Your a really cool Dad dude! My Dad was always so dang serious when it came to school.In fact,my non religious Dad made us wear dresses and blouses up to our chin,and constantly preached about "those nasty lil boys"! I think he was referring to the kind of boys like YOU at that age!HA HA HA
Your a smash hit Walker!

Tammi said...

Almost forgot..
how do did you get that list on your sidebar? The one that says "I am reading".......that's too cool.
Just curious.
Have a great day funny guy!

Just telling it like it is said...

Happy belated Birthday! too bad I couldn't be there and pop out of a cake...with my boobs out of coarse...I think I have a crush on you I'm just saying...:0)

Dotm said...

Busy Birthday for sure. So, you got to spend it with your daughter, now that is a good father- putting his daughter ahead of his own celebrating his Birthday. You will just have to celebrate your birthday a little late. It can be just as much fun, right? 50, gee, my twins just celebrated their 54th Birthday April 2nd. I have a daughter your age, but she will turn 51 in July. See, I am old enough to be your mother. Bet you are glad I am not. LOL. Happy Late Birthday Walker!

Rainbow dreams said...

What a way to spend a birthday!! UNless part tow involves big boobs in history?
It's good to have fun with kids... they shouldn't expect anything less :)