blue moon (2)

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Exposed Jugs ©

So this is what it’s like to spring a leak with one of those old silicon implants.
No wonder Pamela Anderson went for a breast reduction.
Actually……how can you call it a breast reduction if you were the one who had them inflated to begin with?
Shouldn’t be called something like…. a brain fart?

Has anyone ever tried to get silicone off of anything?
The first stupid thing I did was what most idiots do.
I touched it.
Wait, I’m wrong, the first stupid thing I did was get out of bed, this was probably the tenth stupid thing I did up to then.
Yeah I know, I’m stupid a lot BUT sometimes I’m smart, like not being in the stock market.
It pays to be broke sometimes “wink”
This guy came to my father a couple of years ago and told him that he should sell the land we own and invest in the stock market.
My father told him that he liked being able to look at and roll around on his money.
That guy sold it all and invested it before the market crash.
The rest is history.
You would think that was the stupidest thing he could have done but we would have been wrong.
He hung himself after.
I guess once you start beings stupid it only escalates then you find yourself dangling off the end of the chandelier and the last thing you remember before you blow your last load is the phone ringing.
I wonder if he knows now that it was his son calling to tell him he won the lottery?

I invested once.
I bought a couple of pounds of great pot to sell.
Talk about watching your money go up in smoke and laughing about it.
That’s what these people should have done.
Just invested in some good weed and they still be laughing about it.

I poked my finger at it and it came out all gooey so I grabbed some toilet paper to wipe off the finger but instead it got stuck to my finger.
Thinking that I hadn’t enough ass wipe in the first place I grab a bigger wad of it and threw it into the mix to try wiping the crap off of my hand.
Within five minutes I had paper-mâchéd my hands together.

Now what?
I’m sitting there on the toilet staring at the tub and figure, well… I could use hot water to wash it off.
So I leaned over and using my forearm I turn the tub faucet on and wait for the water to heat up.
When I figured it was hot enough I stuck my hands under the running water rubbing them together but all that was happening was that it was spreading all over my hands, wrists and partially up my forearms.
WTF!
I grab the shower gel and pour some of that on my hands and start washing them again to no avail.
I shut the water off and sat back on the toilet looking at the mess; which was my hands.
This was when D2 walked out of her room and into the washroom and stood at the washroom door staring at my arms that were now glistening and dotted with little round bits of toilet paper.
She just didn’t say anything; just turned and walked back to her room.
Man I hope she doesn’t have a blog.

I look at the whole mess in the washroom.
My tub had no silicon now because it was all on me.
I start thinking of what to do and that’s a bad thing for me because I’ll do anything I figure out.
After a few minutes of desperate thinking I did what any desperate idiot who doesn’t buy a back up tube of silicone would do.
I start spreading it by hand.
Finger painting with quick dry silicone, that’s something everyone should try once in a while.
After thirty minutes of massaging silicon by hand around the tub I am proud to say that the tub is now sealed six inches above and below of the seem.
So is everything else I touched.
My hands, well I decided the smartest thing to do was too let it dry and peel it off then.

After picking up most of the mess in the washroom I went downstairs and carefully sat on the couch then layback to watch TV while the silicon dried.
I didn’t want to do any more today and was thinking of an early night because I had to be somewhere early in the morning and it was a quiet night, well until about 9pm when D2 started screaming down the stairs.
She was taking a shower and the tub was filling up fast according to her so I went up to check see what she was talking about and found the drain sealed shut by a blob of silicone.
Hmmm, I wonder what moron would do something like that?

I woke up at 7 am the next day and waited for D2 to finished hogging the bathroom for an hour.
You know, I figure if you are in the washroom for an hour you better be jerking off in there otherwise you’re wasting good fucken bathroom time.
She ran off to catch the bus and her sister burst out from my parent’s place chasing her, late as usual.

I showered and shaved, getting ready for my rendezvous
It’s a nice drive to get there so I wanted to get done as fast as possible.
By 9am I was on the highway peeling out of down and heading due east.
I don’t get out of town much, that and town is growing so fast that out of town is getting farther and farther to escape from.
On of the things I loved the most about working for the ice company was that my runs took me to all the outlying towns and hamlets in two provinces.
I drove through forests and over large lakes during the day and at night when the truck was empty it was usually about midnight.
I would park on the side of the road in the middle of no where and climb to the box of the ten ton truck I drove and sat up there smoking a joint and staring off at the stars on a clear night.
There is nothing like a night sky in the country without the city lights fucking it all up.

I drove for about thirty miles before I entered this small hamlet dotted with huge houses.
The people who live here came to build massive houses for a fraction of the cost.
One of these houses down where I live would start at about a million bucks but because they are here they probably cost about five hundred grand.

I had never been here before so I carefully snaked my way through the maze of small streets until I found the address I was looking for then parked the car.
I walked up to this door that must have been twelve feet tall and I rang the doorbell.
I didn’t have to wait long before the front door opened and standing there was a slim blond with deep blue eyes smiling back at me.

She invited me in and I walked past the door and into the foyer and looked up at the thirty foot ceiling that hag a chandelier hanging down from it that must have been bigger than my car.
She asked me to follow her and I followed her tiny little ass that was displayed like a beacon thanks to the four inch heels she was wearing and the skin mini dress wrapped around it.
She led the way up the hallway where she opened a door then walked into another room.
I followed in and she turned to face me exposing two beautiful jugs for me to drool over.

I my mind immediately went back in time to three months earlier when I showed up at this house not far from my place and when I rang the doorbell this beautiful woman answered the door.
She was what an Amazon would look like.
About six three, jet black hair with green eyes that made you stop and get lost.
She had these massive jugs to that I needed to have and by the time I left my hands were all over them.
I have to admit; I have been really lucky lately when it comes to getting my hands on some really nice big ones.
Even last week I scored around the corner from Wal-Mart.
Got to love when that happens.

She looked at me and said it was ok to touch them if I wanted so I went over and grabbed one with my right hand and it was heavy so reached out and grabbed it with both hands and felt its smooth firm sides.

I walked around letting my hand pass over it while my fingers searched for any blemishes.
I could see that she was pleased by the pleasure being displayed on my face.
Stepping in close I wrapped my arms around and went to lift when I was stopped.
I couldn’t do it.
Well not with the strength I used, so I put my back to the task this time and managed to but almost finish off my back in the process.
This wasn’t going to be easy.

So I walked around the room a bit before I went back over and went at it again but this time with a little bit of thought and apprehension because I knew what to expect.
I wrapped my arms around the one jug and heaved while she giggled.
I managed to get it up and she help a bit, so she says but at least I had it under control, kid off until her husband showed up and started laughing at his wife.
I didn’t know what to do so I just held onto the jug and pretended nothing was happening.

The wife looked at him and asked him what he was laughing at.
He and his friend together couldn’t do what I did so he should shut up.
Me, I was trying to get to the door and out but I couldn’t get top far because she was kind off attached to the jug and I wasn’t letting go.

After about ten minutes of snotty quibbling he left and her and I made our way to my car.
I opened the passenger door and she smiled then pressed her jug up against me
She asked if I needed a hand and I could feel her fingers on my leg as she reached down.
I said no, I was capable of taking care of it from here and reached down and lifted with everything I had then spread it across the passenger chair and set the seatbelt in place.

I could see her husband staring out the front window but what the fuck can he do about it now I thought and walked around to the driver’s side and drove off but not before waving goodbye.

This started a few months ago when I decided the house needed some changes so I went online and started shopping around.
I like big jugs so I searched high and low and I managed to find a few so I took advantage of the situation and managed to collect a few nice pieces.

It started with these three.

I found them surfing looking for some plant stands.
I called and she said she would let me have them for $150 for the lot.
She said all she wanted was to get the money back for the glass tops she had custom made for them
The vases (Jugs) she inherited them but didn't want them any more.
Before i called her I priced them at $600 each without the stand and tops she had made for them.
I also found out when I picked them up that they were thirty years old and in immaculate condition.
Then I went to pick them up I was toying with the idea of haggling but when i saw them I felt it would be prudent to shut the fuck up and run for the door with them.



This one I lucked out with.
Ten bucks got me this one from japan which was fired before the second world war.
It to was in the same condition it was in the first day it was when it was created.

This one I lucked out with.
Ten bucks got me this one from japan which was fired before the second world war.
It to was in the same condition it was in the first day it was when it was created.

I saw it in an ad and thought there must be a mistake or something like that because she wanted only $60 bucks for it.
I figured it must be cracked or something but I called anyway.
I asked the lady if it was for still for sale because at that price someone would scoop it up I figure but she said yes it was still for sale and I told her that I would buy it and would show up in the morning to get it.
She then asked me if I was bringing a friend.
I told her no why?
She then asked if I was a body builder.
Now I was beginning to get nervous.

I told her that I’m not exactly a little person at 250 pounds and have been known to move some heavy shit but my back and leg were acting up.
I asked how heavy it was and she said that she could barely move it on her own.
Sitting there for a few seconds looking at the picture of it and I could see it was about five feet tall but how heavy could it be?

I told her it was sold and I would be there in the morning anyway.
For that price I would find a way to get it in the car, if it fit in the car.
I spent the rest of the night wondering what she might look like.
I was hoping she wasn’t 300 pounds and six feet table because she said she could barely move it on her own.

All the way to her house the next morning all I could think about was how heavy it might be and when we met all I said to her was, “I am so happy you’re a skinny little broad.
She just looked at me blankly and I explained how she had me freaked out with what she had said the day before and she laughed with me.

She then took me to the garage where she had all sorts of things for sale.
There were a couple of massive 5 foot wide chandeliers and some really expensive furniture in there she has for sale for practically nothing compared to what they must have cost when they bought them.
The vase was standing there all alone looking kind of light when I first looked at it and I told her it didn’t look that heavy.
She said it took her husband and a friend to get it in the garage and with great effort.
That’s when hubby showed up sporting a big round marshmallow belly.
Well there you go, they guy probably has problems lifting his gut no wonder he couldn’t pick up the thing.
His friend was probably a whimp too.
She grabbed it by its long neck and moved the top part effortlessly while the base was on the ground.
Fuck how heavy could it be if a wee little skinny as chick like her can do that so I walked up to the vase and grabbed it by the neck then lifted.

FUCK, no fucken way did the thing even move a centimeter off of the ground.
See, I told you she said.
I wanted to tell her to get on her knees and blow me because I wasn’t done with this fucker yet.
I have had to deal with some big mother fucken bikers in my time and I was NOT going to loose to this vase.
Hubby was at the garage door laughing.
Fucken Marshmallow Boy

This time I bent my knees and grabbed it from the bottom and picked the fucker off the ground.
It had to be around 150 pounds at least.
Blonde said she would help me and grabbed it by the neck and wobbled her ass along while wearing those four-inch heels towards the car.
Each step I swear the fucken thing was getting heavier until I reached the car and saw that she was practically riding the vase’s neck instead of carrying it.
At the side of the car we put it down so I could open the door and see how I was going to put it in.

Once I decided I would put the passenger seat down and strap it in like a passenger I bent down to pick it up and in her hurry to help she ended up with a handful of Walkers balls and I almost dropped the vase.
She said it was an accident, uh huh.
I told her I could do the rest on my own and placed it in the car.
Then I took out the money and handed it to her.
She just stared at it for a few seconds until I said it was for the vase and that seemed to snap her out of what she was thinking.

Before I left she said she might have I few other things I might like and she would save me email and phone number for the future.
Well if she has something like I just bought I wouldn’t mind but is she is referring to the jugs she was born with…….
Well let’s just say I believe more than a mouthful only means the hands are happy to and she couldn’t fill my mouth.

It took me almost an hour to get the thing home but it’s here now and looks great among my other things.
The boys come over for a few pints and to see who could pick up the torpedo by the neck.
I had all five appraised for a total of $4600.
Not bad for $220 and a pain in the back.

So, I showed you my jugs now you can show me yours HA HA HA!!!!!!

Have a nice day

Walker

34 comments:

nachtwache said...

Well, you got lucky on those jugs. Not bad! These you can admire and touch as much as you like. :) I don't have any such huge ones. :P

itisi said...

I cracked up when your daughter discovered you had sealed the drain with silicone! :)

Your jugs are beautiful Walker, what can I say? :)

Teresa said...

When you have a post title like that you have to read it. :) The jugs are nice.

Just telling it like it is said...

I've showed you mine I think I get package privileges by now right?

Walker said...

nachtwache: What can I say other than I know how to find the big ones

Walker said...

itisi: I could have just drowned myself. The whole silicone thing was becoming more than and embarasment.
Yes I like my jugs too

Scarlet said...

Where's the red ones?

I know how much you love your big red jugs .... ;)

Walker said...

Teresa: Sometimes you got to put the bait out to real em in.
Yes they are nice.
I like that they can be used as tables

Walker said...

Just telling it like it is: Yes you have and a lovely set of twins they are at that. ;)

Walker said...

Scarlet: Maybe a nice big set in a lacey red bra maybe but if I ran across candy apple red tits I'd rush her to the hospital to get treated for that bad sunburn

Monogram Queen said...

Tease - you're nothing but a tease!

That is a BARGAIN and a half, my friend!

BikerCandy said...

Leave it to you Walker to have all the nice jugs you can get your hands on. I love the tall one by the way!

Fire Byrd said...

Brill, loved this post. I knew it was about vases, but you are just so clever with words. And loved the bit about the silcone blocking the shower....LOL
x

deni said...

Ok and what's wrong with little jugs, huh? HUH?

Remember that pic of me?

Yep, the new one I posted?

Yep, that's me pointing at you.

LOL

HUGS!!!

Tammi said...

HA! Leave it to booby-man to love him some "jugs"!
Hey,you made a really good point about silicone,ya know...cuz when you THINK of silicone,the first thing "I" think of is the hardware department! So that IS an odd name for what Pamela Anderson keeps enlarging and reducing!lol
Just for the record...not everyone that spends more than an hour in the bathroom is whacking off! That cracked me up!!Sheesh!Your daughters never have a dull moment,do they?LOL
Oh,btw,No wonder your having such a time w/ the silicone...quit useing your "whack-off-hand" to work with...try useing the OTHER hand.
(ROFLOL)

Tammi said...

Ohh wow! Did I really hit SEND?
love ya W.!! Your a blast!

Walker said...

Monogram Queen: Me tease, naw I would never do that now......would I :D

Yes it was a bragain and I LOVES ME a bargain

Walker said...

BikerCandy: I think i have great taste in jugs and the bigger t hey are the easier I can find them ;)

Walker said...

Fire Byrd: I didnt realize as I was washing my hands in the tub I was actually sealing the drain at the same time.

Walker said...

deni: There is no such thing as little jugs, those are called tea cups asnd there is nothing wrong with tea cups its just that I am older and blinder and could only see large items. LOL

Walker said...

Tammi: The kids think I'm nuts.
I think t hey're weid so we get along just fine :).
If i used my other hand who knows I may have sealed my A hole instead of the tub drain

Walker said...

Tammi: Yes you did you button pusher you :P

Megan said...

Am I the only one that is wondering why you have silicone implants?

Did I miss something?

Puss-in-Boots said...

Ahahahahaha! I loved your wrestle with the silicone...thanks for the warning.

As for your jugs...what a bargain and they are beautiful...even if they're not what I first thought you were referring to...naughty Walker...lol! Sorry, I was intrigued by the title of your post and knowing you, wondered exactly what you'd been up to. Glad it was relatively innocent for once! Heheh!

Peter said...

Those jugs aren't just big but bloody heavy too, if they strained your back imagine what a pair of them are like on a slim frame.

Tammi said...

You REALLY REALLY must post us whenever you accidently miss with that silicone and glue your A-hole!
OK-My bad!! But Hey!! He started it!LOL

Walker said...

Megan: Yes you did, this was part three of the two previous posts :)

Walker said...

Puss-in-Boots: I guy has to have some fun once in a while and why not drag his friends in for the ride.
I loved the vases when i first saw them and had already set it in my mind i would pay the asking price but when i said what would be your lowest she dropped them down by 20 each

Walker said...

Peter: I couldn't handle two torpedoes at my age now but 20 years ago I would have taken on a whole fucken fleet of them.
Today one can sink my battleship ha ha ha

Walker said...

Tammi: NO NO I like you Bad ;)
And you just KNOW I will post about it if I glue my A hole shut and you know.......just for you.....I'll take a picture of it and send it to you personal.
Hey I'll I'll even tattoo a nipple on each cheek to make you do a back flip LOL

INNER VOICES said...

excellent jugs man, i have to admit it did take me a third of your post to get it...

*hangs head and walks away in shame*

ssgreylord said...

you do have a talent for attracting the jugs, don't you? especially the beautiful ones.

nice taste, walker.

Walker said...

INNER VOICES: Bah I was trying to decieve you ;)

Walker said...

ssgreylord: I know, I'm a jugaholic.
I NEEEEEEEED JUGS.
The bigger the better but its hard finding big asian jugs around here