blue moon (2)

Monday, March 23, 2009

Busy As Hell ©

So much to write, so little time to do anything.
To say my life is full would be a joke.
It’s fucken overflowing and I’m drowning in the shit spilling over the top.
Everyone and their dead pets are calling me for help.

My Ex, I don’t know.
Here is a woman who stabbed me twice.
Bludgeoned me in my sleep.
Stomped on a guy’s balls with spikes on while I held him down and bashing his head in for beating his mistress like a dog.
She cracked a guy’s skull open while we were in the middle of a gunfight in the living room.

Now she is a whimpering mess who creates so much drama and despair I want to stab myself in the eye then bludgeon myself to sleep.
I did my best to give her a pep talk and maybe enough shit to grow some stones and tell some of these people who need her money as much as she needs a new place to live to fuck off.

My ex is one of those people who mimics the people she is around.
When she was with me life was full of action all the time but she has been living with a dweeb for the last 17 years.
She even lost all her teeth she they would match when they smiled.

It’s not only her, I have the pleasure of living close to my EX SIL and she pops in once and a while.
OH, she called me at 8 am the other day.
She isn’t going to again.

The she came by and stood in front of D1’s aquarium.
Remember that thing?
Yes, I have an aquarium now which doesn’t belong to me but has cost me 70 bucks so far and whatever electricity it uses.

She had three fish in it and gravel.
That’s it.
Now there are 11 fish in there and plants and next month a log for some of the fish to hide in that don’t like light.
I know my way around an aquarium and know how much work it is and what it costs so yeah one more expense I didn’t need but it’s a pleasant way to spend my time.

Anyway, the Ex gave her sister one of her smaller tanks she couldn’t take with her and she has been buying fish and snails to populate her tank but she has been having problems.

Walker, do your fish die to.

FUCK NO!!!!!!
They fucken cost more than fish at the fucken fish market.
See that one there.
That cocksuckers cost more than a 2 pound red snapper and if that little fucker dies by the time I cut the tail and head off to fillet there wouldn’t be enough left for a cockroach to eat.
So no, they are not allowed to die.

Well, I had to get rid of my snails

Why?

They were killing my fishies.

Say what?

They were killing my fishies.

Get the fuck out of here.
What snail can catch a fish?
What do you got, bionic snails or paraplegic fish?


I am telling you I went out one day and when I came back the snail was on top of the fish eating it.

I think it’s more than likely the fish died and the snail went over to give it mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.

Well it doesn’t matter I gave the snails away and I had to take out the clam too.

What clam?

I bought this clam you hook up to the air pump and when the inside fills with air it open and then closes when the air escapes.

Sounds cool but um why did you take it out.

Well, it was killing my fishies.

What the fuck are you talking about?
It’s a freaking plastic clam.


I was sitting at my aquarium watch my fishies swim around and one was near the clam and when it opened it swum close to it and the clam shut down and killed the fish.

Are you sure you’re buying live fish?
What do you do, you go to the pet store and ask them for the slowest stupidest fish they have and buy it?
Maybe you should just go to the bate store and get a couple of lures to throw in instead of fish.


My kids, oh, I could kill them sometimes.
The other day I took them to their mother’s to help move some things to the garbage room and to pick up some stuff they wanted to keep.

We get in the elevator and D1 hits the floor.
When the elevator stops she gets out, followed by D2 and me in tow.
I let them go in first to run interference with the ankle humping Pomeranian the Ex owns.
D1 one gets in front of the door and starts banging then check the door handle but it’s locked.
Me, I’m still walking down the hallway toward them
Again she whacks the door just in case her mother fell asleep or is lost in an egg hunting expedition.

Just as I get there D1 said something g to D2 and both of them run through the exit door next to their mother's apartment.
I look at them and hold the exit door open then yell down asking WFT they are running down the stairs for and D2 yells up, “It’s the wrong floor”.

What?
I look over at the door and we were two floors up and I could hear the bitching on the other side of the door getting louder.
I think I passed D2 around the seventh floor.

I’m to fucken old for this shit.
They didn’t even bother telling me anything.
They just took off like jackrabbits down a hole and left the old man standing there to take the fall and they were laughing about it later.
Mostly about how I can still run at my age.
Who the fuck was running?
I was falling the whole way down, my legs were just trying to keep up with the rest of my body.
Fucken kids………

I have more to write just not the time.
I don’t have time to shit any more.
I had two birthday parties this week and my mother wanted me to bbq Sunday.

Took D2 shopping, there’s a post and I have a couple I need to write.
Where has all that time I used to have gone?
Oh yeah, racing down stairwells.

Have a nice day

Walker

14 comments:

nachtwache said...

Great for some good belly laughs! 'the legs were just trying to keep up with the body'
I can totally identify with not having enough time. Specially now that I'm back at work.
Soon enough the kids are going to be all grown up and they'll move out.
Gotta love kids :)

Sally said...

Your time is gone with the wind, but you now have two angels to look after you~well, when they're not running down the stairs. You enjoy it; I can tell!

Hey, I guess you were too busy to show up at HD, I waited a long time. hahahaha

Michael Manning said...

Walker: I keep expecting a short film of "Dog" The Bounty Hunter on your Blog to arrest some of these people who create the drama. Don't any of them have a warrant out? LOL! You live an interesting life! :)

itisi said...

You know what they say, Walker, No rest for the wicked!! :)
I know you are way beyond busy, but hopefully things will settle down soon.
I know what you are thinking: Not soon enough!
When I read this all I could think of was: and I have miles to go before I sleep..

Megan said...

Walker, run.

Tammi said...

EEK!
No time to finish reading....be back after I go roll this dude!lol
4-real

Peter said...

Nice to hear that you can still run/fall down stairs quickly if need be.

Monogram Queen said...

This post had me laughing! Funny girls!

CHEF TROLL said...

I'd suggest heavy drug-use but I suspect you're way ahead of me on taking that advice.

Heff said...

I don't take calls from my ex's.

I'm just sayin'.

Scarlet said...

Fish killing snails .....

OMFG

Fire Byrd said...

Round here we call that knock'a'door'run, but most people stop playing about 12.... Brilliant post as ever Walker

celticgirl said...

I don't take calls from my ex's either..Mind you, they never call.
Screw the blog, write a book!

ssgreylord said...

D1 and D2 must have been laughing so hard at the image of you abandoned up there and some raving bitch about to beat you over the head with a broom. thank god you made that get-away...