blue moon (2)

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Shout ©

Life is moving like fucken crazy warped Indian rubber ball.
I don’t know which direction it’s going to bounce next.
Some would say that’s the way I like it.
I would say they’re fucken nuts.

You know, life would be fucken easier if people would just stay in their own little cubicles and stop messing with my shit, especially when I’m still trying to push it out.
What do they think, I don’t know how to take care of my kids?
Who the fuck do they think has been taking care of them for the last fucken 20 years?
It’s my fault for letting them think they were in control and making the right decisions.
Every time one of them did I ended up having to repair something.

Every day at 6:45 am the radio bursts on blaring out at almost full volume my favorite radio station.
One of the perks of sleeping in a king size bed is the clock is to far and I am just not ready to get up at that time of the morning to smash the mother-fucker into old vinyl records pieces.

What’s the first thing I hear coming out of it the other day, Summertime by Sublime.
Right after it’s the woman saying that while I was sleeping we got ten centimeters.
Three out of five days I have been out there at 7am freezing my nuts off shoveling a path so the outside world.
7 fucken A.M.

You want to play Summer time by Sublime at 6:45am in the morning then the weather girl should be at my place blowing the hot air out of my ass to melt that fucken snow I have to get rid of.
I mean it fucken cold out; wake me up to something appropriate.
What, don’t we have any fucken gangsta rappahs here?
Instead of singing about shooting cops and each other they can sing about freezing their balls off.

“Spit, spit”

My mamma banged my head

“Spit, spit”

With the shovel

“Spit, spit”

While i was stroking my bitty head

“Spit, spit”

In bed

“Spit, spit, spit”

She told to go outside

“Spit, spit”

To shovel the snow

“Spit, spit”

And stop playing with my little head

“Spit, spit, spit”

Now I can wake up to that shit instead of the words, Summer Time while it’s colder than a naked iceberg outside and I hate fucken rap.
The gangster part I can relate too.
I can go ballistic like that every now and then.
Usually when I hear rap on the radio I want to drive by the radio station and shoot it up but you know what’s worse than rap?

It some of the music my kid listens to.
I sat there listening to some of it and you know, even stoned they words make no sense and how old are these female singers, 12?
They got these squeaky little voices that make dogs roll over and beg for mercy.
Then the other day while watching TV the kid jumps up and points at this 30-year-old anorexic woman on some music show and says that was the one singing the song she was listening too.

Wow, She was definitely not 12.
Maybe someone was fucking her up the ass and his dick broke off in there and now she squeals like a pig every time she sings.

Don’t get me wrong, I love music and try my best to be open minded to lots of it, even country (Runs to puke) ok the new country, not the “ my dog died and I and single again” music.
Did you know they did a study and found that there are more people who listen to country music committing suicide than any other kind of music?
I guess you can only hear so many songs about dieing dogs before going crazy then running off to kill yourself.
Probably by listening to Rap, “Spit, spit”.

After I dig myself out the kids run out to the nice warm clear of snow car for me to drive them to their destinations, work and school.
Later when I picked up the youngest she said she wanted to talk to her school friends on MSN but couldn’t because her computer wouldn’t work without a certain update so I told her I would look at it at home.

When I got here I went up to look and saw that she had bootleg copy of windows on her computer and I didn’t need to ask what idiot put that there.
You know I keep telling my brother to stop using his fucken CD because all he is doing is giving me more fucken grief fixing it on every ones computer he puts it on.
I have a legal copy, which I don’t give him the number too because he would use it to death in a day.

So I told her I would fix windows for her and she would be fine once more.
To be on the safe side I went to the D partition to see if the drivers were stored there and there it was, Compaq 51c drivers under a folder so I go back and reboot with my CD in it and I start loading a fresh windows on but before formatted the drive I asked her where her files were and she said her uncle set everything up on the D drive so I hit the button and off to the races we went.

Forty minutes later I am staring at the ugliest four color background you ever saw.
No problem, all I had to do it load the Compaq drivers and everything will be as it was before.
I go to the D drive and click on the folder and it opens up.
And it’s empty.
Not even cyber dust.

I look all over the drive and open all the folders and they were all empty.
Taking the phone I call my brother and said he forgot to do it.
He forgot?
It takes a whole sixty fucken seconds to do it what is there to forget?
What, there was a sale of TVs somewhere?

OK, I figure all I had to do is go to my computer and look for the drivers on the Compaq site, easy as pie right but before I go I had to go get my other daughter from work?
I get there and meet her at the door and we both start walking back to the car and when I turned to get in she was gone.


I look around and I don’t see her.
Just then the door to the car next to me opened up and she got out laughing.
The car was the same color as mine and she hopped in with that guy.
I don’t know who was more shocked her or him.
I was rolling around in a puddle laughing.

She made me promise not to tell anyone one at home and I haven’t yet but every time we walk to the car I point it at her first HA HA HA

Back at the house I asked my youngest if she had the CD for her computer before I went hunting for new ones and she said she did but forgot it at her mothers.
So I was back on my computer and into the Compaq site looking for the model number but it didn’t exist.
I looked down at the case and that was no help because my brother put the innards in a new case.

I spent the next two hours looking for drivers for a Compaq 51c with not even a nibble of it ever existing.
As I scanned the gazillion models on the Compaq sight hoping to score a clue, something called a Compaq 510 caught my eyes.
I’m thinking can it be.
Could he had wrote it down wrong:?
I download the drivers for the video card first and low and behold we have lift off.
Stupid bastard can’t write either.
One after the other I downloaded the rest of the drivers and put them on the computer and had it running in half an hour as it was before except for one thing, the wireless network card.
How hard can it be to get the drivers, they have to be on line?

I look high and low.
I goggle everything and joined every fucken driver site there was an NOTHING.
I have the make and the model number but because it was discontinued they didn’t have the drivers any more.
How fucken stupid is that?
What just because you don’t want to sell it you can’t just leave the drivers out there for us poor bastards that can’t afford to buy a new computer every thirty minutes.

TWO hour later I lucked out and found them in some junk pile on the Microsoft site and got them on and working.
After all of that I downloaded 36 updates for XP including what she needed to get yahoo and MSN working on her computer.
Six hours it took me just because of one bootleg CD.

As I sat there pleased with myself, the kid on her computer talking to her friends the phone rang.
It was my EX.
She said she had computer problems and ran a disk in her computer and the computer went dead.
She said it was the kid's CD and though it would fix hers.
She has a Dell.

Tomorrows another day I guess

Have a nice one today

Oh, Puss N Boots, THIS was a long sentence not the last one LOL



BikerCandy said...

Oh wow...I'm the first!

You are a very nice man Walker. After the first run at the Compaq site I would have given up and told her it's toast.

Anonymous said...

I wish I had a Walker around here to fix my computer problems. Not to worry, I am getting a new laptop on Saturday (hopefully) so all is not lost.

Getting into the wrong car...LOL. I've done that more than once so tell your daughter not to feel too bad.

Puss-in-Boots said...

Hahaha...yes, that's a long sentence, Walker.

Geez, you lead a very busy life...where do you find the time to blog? Your brother sounds like one of those people I run from...they know everything, but when they try to "fix" something it costs you ten times more than if you went to a professional in the first place. Get rid of him, I

Suzanne said...

I just wrote to Puss-in-Boots. She has kitties!!!

You're a hoot. The next time I have a computer problem can you come down to Northern CA and fix it?

You're daughter getting in the wrong car is a hoot. I have to tell my entire family about that one because it's just too funny to keep to myself. My Dad's like you, laughs when we make boo-boos. Still. You're daughter's a gem. Tell her her secret is safe with me!!!

Love you dear,

Tammi said...

I guess asking you to fix my puter is outa-line?lol(nevermind) I can deal with this slowa*** thing a bit longer..till I chunk it out the freakin back door!!:-(
Heyyy! I can't say anything about your daughter getting in another car,cuz I've almost done that a time or 2 myself.Just recently I was pullig the heck out of someones door handle...then I noticed the rearview mirror was missing my Hawaii-smell good thingy.Then I try to walk away like as if NOBODY seen that dumba**

Megan said...

Compaq still exists?

Suzanne said...

Well, I gave it some thought and had to come back and fess up. Please tell your daughter she isn't alone.

About a month and a half ago I walked out of PetSmart and went to the car with my cart of goodies. My key wouldn't work. I pulled on the door handle and said "WTF?" I'd just had a new key made that came from Mercedes and it didn't always work in the passenger door. I pulled again. Then went to the back door. Nothing. I went to the trunk because a Mercedes has a wonderful feature, it has an air lock. Unlock one thing and everything unlocks, so I had hope for the trunk. Nothing. I stood there and thought about what I was going to do. Call AAA of course and have them unlock my door. But as I was standing there noticed something perculiar...the Mercedes was a 3 Series. Hummmmmmmmmmmmm...mine isn't!!!! Obviously it wasn't my f&^#*%g car!!! Turned out to be the same color and mine was just two cars away.

Everyone makes mistakes. Please let your daughter in on the secret! I think I should lift this and make it my next blog!!!!

Love you,

Peter said...

Country music works well if you play it backwards Walker, your horse and dog both come back to life and your girlfriend comes back to you!!!!

Live and Learn the Hard Way said...

Stopped by and really enjoyed your writing today. Keep up the great work.

itisi said...

You really need to buy that bootleg CD off your brother. Only use money made with disappearing ink!!!! :)

Walker said...

BikerCandy : no no no, then i would have to buy a new one and this is a new one LOL

Walker said...

Romany Angel: I have done it once to. The brain gets preoccupied and next hing you know you have a new grandmother

Walker said...

Puss-in-Boots: I do and I don't. I post one day and spend two days catching up on your blogs. Thats one of the reason I have long posts. To slow you all down LOL

Walker said...

Suzanne: If I;m in the neighbourhood, no problem and if it keeps snowing here it might be a possibility

Walker said...

Tammi: LOL i can see you doing that.
If you were close i would drive over and fix it for you before you chucked it out.

Walker said...

Megan: Yes its now called HP but still compaq. Don;t ask me ask them LOL

Walker said...

Suzanne: HA HA HA
I'm glad you came back to fess up and give me a laugh

Rainbow dreams said...

Amazing how the first thing you wake up to can effect how you feel for the rest of the day!
Was the guy in the car cute? Could be a good tactic... or not!!

and you're a handy man to know by the sounds of things...anyone who can fix a computer is, but it's ok, you're safe... we live too far apart! :)

Walker said...

Peter: WHOOOOOOOOW can we stop it before the EX comes back?!!!!!!

Walker said...

Live and Learn the Hard Way: I can keep it up it the body and the time that slows me down.

Walker said...

itisi: He has copies of the damn thing all over the place.
Youd think with the money he masde off of it he could at lease bought a legit copy to use

Walker said...

Rainbow dreams: I have to be handy I can't afford handy man prices and besides i might as well put that expensive education to work for me LOL

Kathryn Magendie said...

First I'm laughing at the comments you left on my TG blog ..HAW!

then I come here and...oh Walker you are one of a kind *laughing*

Michael Manning said...

This just came to me: We would schedule your TV show "Walker" after "Dog: The Bounty Hunter".I haven't decided on the music we should use to open the show. Maybe some Greek Oro! During the closing credits, we'll have OPA PRODUCTIONS appear on the credits! See? Sheer vision! ;D)

Monogram Queen said...

Man I sure wish you lived closer, My brand new bought-in-Sept Dell Laptop won't boot up. I let the security run out and think I got a virus. I just don't know what to do, who to take it too :(
It sucks!
I need Walker!!!!

Scarlet said...

A Compaq disk in a Dell computer.
Isn't that sorta bigoted that they couldn't work together?!
Or is it more racist???

Can't we all just get along?!

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Anonymous said...

Hiya Walker
About the music..the "spit...spit" and "my dog died and i'm sad" stuff...both very bad...bad... makes ME want to shoot myself! LOL

Walker said...

Kathryn Magendie: I know they ran out of spare parts for me so how could they have built another one HA HA HA

Walker said...

Michael Manning: Ok but I want a wife with HUGE tits to LOL

Walker said...

Monogram Queen: Just put in the revovery disk you g et with the computer and it will fix it back up.

Walker said...

Scarlet : The problem with m ost people and their computer is they never bother to learn the basics and are scard to fix it on their own.
Its now all that hard to do.
Like changing the tire on your car without the jack :)

Walker said...

Hapi: Yes I do, not that i ever needed to but playing with HTML is one of my favorite passtimes and main cause of hair loss

Walker said...

jyankee: LOL yes it would especially if you dog died in you car a week earleir and your GF left with the keys to it

gab said...

I truely know how you feel. We bought our disc and made the mistake of letting our oldest son "borrow" it. Within 1 hour he had given the code to everyone he knows and their dog too! Thats why when mine finally crashed Mr Gab bought me this new one. I wont let anyone (sometime even Mr Gab) come near it. That means if something happens to it it will be all my fault! (wait maybe I should let someone else use it once in awhile so I can blame someone else! lol)

Boxer said...

:-) xoxox.

Just telling it like it is said...

I'm just saying that a penis can break but I am not sure it can break off up someones Anus....
I likey saying the word Anus makes people all uncomfortable and stuff...
I'm just saying ;)

Leah said...

Just dropping in to say hi--at least it's toasty warm with no snow in the blogosphere--I always like to read about your life, Walker, you certainly have a way with narrative--

Walker said...

gab: Save the key numbner in a safety deposit box. I had enough of the bs so went and invest the money and now we are all happy once more .

Walker said...

Boxer: Thank you XXX

Walker said...

Just telling it like it is: Wouldn't it depend on how tight that Anus is.
Maybe she drank wine that tasted like razer blade the night before and he farts her sharper in the morning.
No that would only blow his balls up.

Walker said...

Leah: Its alot warmer here with all my blog buddies than outside shoveling snow.
Thank you and I like listening to you aswell

Just telling it like it is said...


Leah said...

Oh my God, Walker, I'm now completely obsessed with that Madrugada song. It's dug its claws into my brain and won't let go!

At least it's now on my itunes playlist, so I won't have to keep skulking over here to listen...

nachtwache said...

It's been awhile and I'm reading backwards, post wise. Looks like fixing your daughter's computer brought on more troubles for you.
Hubby works with Macs and he won't touch any PCs any more.

Walker said...

Just telling it like it is: :)

Walker said...

Leah : I know how you feel. Its one hell of a band and there are few songs I will be posting that will do that to you

Walker said...

nachtwache: I have no choice. Cant afford a Mac and its easier to find parts for a PC