blue moon (2)

Monday, January 05, 2009

Day One ©

Today is day one of unplanned parenthood.
I had to get up at 6:45am.
Before, it was the time I went to bed.

On Friday night my eldest decided and made the leap and is now living at my parent’s place.
Saturday she ran to my youngest to tell her grandfather had made her sandwiches to take to work with her.
No one had made her lunch before.

While she was at work I drove over to my Ex’s my youngest to pick up the rest of her stuff and sat there listening to my Ex wish me luck while my daughter was digging through the place for her things.
She told me she was a smart girl but lazy.

I’m thinking; this is the woman I spent the better part of twenty years supporting while she sat on the couch getting drunk and stoned.
As I scan through my mind I see in all that time that she worked a total of six months while I worked twelve hours and then another eight wheeling and dealing to keep our habits fed to a tune of a thousand bucks a day.
Even before the drugs she was this way so I can’t blame them.
After loading the car to the rim we came home with her mother last words echoing in my head.
“You might be able to straighten her out but if she doesn’t like living with you she could come back if she promises to go to school so I can get my money back”.
What do I say or did I say to that?
My daughter was right there and it was self-explanatory what her mother said.
If she can’t deduce and process this properly in her head then I can’t help her.
I am not the one to make up her mind.
It’s time she learned how to deal with the hard facts of life.
I did and still am.

On the way home cramped like sardines in a can we argued music and even though she is into some of the hard rock I am known to have pounding through my speakers I have to concede listening to some of her music, which isn’t so bad once you tune a deaf ear to it.

I unloaded the car actually I loaded the car because she wasn’t feeling well.
It started that morning when I saw her.

“You don’t look so good”.
“No I don’t”.
“What’s the matter”?
“I got a stomachache”.
“Why, what did YiaYia make you eat”?
“You didn’t try her stewed lamb guts did you”?
Her face twisted and started turning green, “No she didn’t”.
“I was just asking because that stuff makes my stomach turn just thinking of it swirling around your plate in tomato sauce”.
I could see the disgust in her eyes and she begged me to stop.

“So what’s the problem”, she mumbles and stares at her feet
She’s kid of shy and really hasn’t seen me more than a dozen times in the last nine years.
“You know, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s wrong”, like I didn’t already know.

There was more mumbling and foot staring.
She stares at her feet you’d think she was scared to loose them.
I decided to stop playing cat and mouse with her and bring the subject to light as gently as I could.
“So…………………you on the rag”?

Her body snapped together like someone just plugged her ass into a wall socket.
Her eyes were bulging as she stared at me.
I know I could have said, “Are you on your period honey” but it’s not my style.
Besides I need to jolt these kids a little hoping that they will crawl out of their shells.
I don’t want them to swear like old drunk hooker but hiding behind a wall of hair in no way to live either.

It’s what kids do now a days when they are to shy.
You walk up to an old friend the kid doesn’t know and all of a sudden you turn around and cousin IT from the Addam’s family is standing next to you.

After she thawed her hair nodded to me that yes she was and needed to go to the store.
As I drove there I explained to her that if she needed something she was to tell me what ever it was and to not worry that I would probably shock her more than she could shock me.

Saturday night we watched a movie and talked so I could get a little more perspective about her life and why her mother said what she did.
From what I gathered the Ex was right but I listened to my daughter to and I see a lack of enthusiasm on my Ex’s part for the daughter’s problems.
It’s hard for a kid to go to school when she doesn’t have her homework done.
It’s embarrassing to be the only one constantly failing because you don’t have the supplies to do your work.

She has a cooking course she has to make ten different items and bring to class to be graded to get that credit and she hasn’t done any of it yet because no one will buy her the ingredients.
Actually, in one of her bags she had a few of the items she needed that she had bought with her own money.
It’s a three-month course with a different recipe for ten weeks and she hasn’t done any yet and there is 2 weeks left.
To me this looks like a kid that’s trying not one that’s lazy.

Her mother was being given 600 a month for her keep and she didn’t or wouldn’t dish out twenty bucks a month.
I have been keeping my cool through all of this and have not said anything in anger about my Ex to anyone and I have tried to do that here as well because what will it accomplish right now.
I already got a head full of new items to juggle than to add more drama to the mix.

Sunday I asked her to write me down a list of what she needed for all ten recipes then we took the list to my kitchen and we hunted down what I might have and armed with what was left I headed off to the grocery store and spent sixty-five bucks and got what she needed.
When I got home I gave her a shelf in the fridge and a shelf in the cupboard then told her for the next ten days I wasn’t cooking fuck all.
She was to feed us with what those recipes she had to cook for school.
It’s that fucken simple people.

Later that day I was helping her unpack the stuff we brought home and she pulled out a dvd and snickered then said it was the Ex’s boyfriend’s
She said she packed it with her stuff.
I told her to put it on the side and she was to give it back to him next time we see her mother.
I don’t care for the man, if you want to call him that but it’s not my place here today to get into him and we have a 30 year history between us.

She asked me why that he won’t know.
I told her that in life you want nothing from those that despise you and never to leave yourself indebted to one of them in any way or form.

I’ve lived my life a certain way for a certain reason.
I believe you take care of number one first then those under you.
In your life, you are the foundation and if you crumble what use are you to anyone.
After you have helped yourself and then your family if you have anything left and are in the mood to help someone who needs it then do it but never, EVER, ask for that favor back if you find yourself in need.
It doesn’t matter if the bank is at the door ripping your house keys from your hands, you ask for nothing just move on because you would loose more than you know.
If you are loosing it, it means you couldn’t afford it to begin with so why bother rescuing what you could never hold on to anyway and that goes for everything in life.

Life is simple if you cut the bull and go straight to the difficult part first.
It makes life so much easier without the fog.

Today I got up and drove one kid to school and the other to work because there is a bus strike on.
It felt good for some strange reason even though my body is dead to the world.
Maybe I’m still asleep and this is a dream.

Have a nice day



Leah said...

God, Walker, I know it must be hard, but you're an incredible guy. Your kids are lucky. You can keep your style and be a great dad too. I'm keeping a thought for you and your girl.

You're already listening, helping, being there, no bullshit. You rock.

Leah said...

p.s. please excuse the creepy avatar. I'm just experimenting with life as Shane McGowan for the day, but it's still me.

Fire Byrd said...

I hope the two of you work out together. Sounds like she needs your approach to life after the chaos of her mother.
And it will make your life different for sure.
Happy new Year

PBS said...

Wow, lots more to think about and consider in "unplanned parenthood" but you are doing a SUPER job and I bet those girls barely know how to handle the huge (and positive) difference in their lives!

Monogram Queen said...

Really Walker I think this may end up being a good thing for both of you. Hey if I can parent a 4 year old at 42 you can wrangle a teen and a twenty-something *wink*

Sally said...

No one ever said life would be easy, and those girls sure haven't had it that way. But, now that you're in the picture things will change in a very good way for all of you.

I commend you, Walker, not everyone would have stepped up to the plate like you've done. My granddaughter's dad never did except to give her money from time to time as if that made everything A-Okay. Not!

deni said...

You are doin a good thing Walker, things will be different for you but it will be so worth it.

Megan said...

I'm trying to figure out why they stayed with their mother so long.

itisi said...

You know, Walker, I have been reading your blog forever. And I remember a Father's Day post you wrote about your daughters and it brought tears of sadness. The post you wrote today, brought tears of joy!
I am so happy that you and your daughters are together again!

Rainbow dreams said...

This made me happy're a good man, and straight talking, here's to sleep and another day!! Kids are seen to 'fail' (although I doubt they actually do!) for so many reasons, often beyond their control.
Enjoy her cooking :)

Lindy said...

You know Walker, I don't care what anyone says 'blood is thicker than water'. Those girls love you, they just don't know it yet. But I forsee 2009 as being their time to shine with the great DAD that they've never had a chance to know.

Robyn said...

WALKER! Hey doll! happy new year to you! All is well with you...? Of course it is! I have missed you terribly! Hugs and a big wet kiss! toodles!

Puss-in-Boots said...

Walker, you have my utmost respect and admiration. Your daughter at last has a chance and she made the best choice of her young life when she decided to live with you.

I wish you both all the very best, Walker. It won't be easy but I'm sure you'll cope and it will be the best thing that poor girl has ever had.


3 Magpies said...

Hey Daddy-o:
Well, I am raising two daughters, and have had them in my home all of their lives. I'll tell you this: I need help, prayers, luck, more patience than Job, and some days prescription meds, just to get through the day... BUT I would not trade my life for anyone else's and being THE mom is my favorite and most rewarding role. Good Luck! (':

Suzanne said...

I love you.

Anonymous said...

This will be the making of all of you and the less influence their mother has on those girls the better. Thinking of you Walker and all the fun you have ahead of you. If anyone can handle it you can :)

Peter said...

Congratulations Walker, I think you've found your niche in life my friend!!

BikerCandy said...

I agree with all the comments above. I really think this year will be a great one for you and the girls. They have needed you in their lives and they are obviously in the very best place they can be now. As for the ex...I have no words. $65 is all it cost for the groceries and her "mother...and I use that term loosely" wouldn't spring that much...but she manages to drink and smoke. Ugh...what a bitch!

Bud said...

Sorry I'm so late in getting here. This is the one I really wanted to read. You're doing it perfectly right, Walker. Keep it going.

nachtwache said...

I finally found your post about becoming a full time dad.
The girls are certainly better off with you. You were patient and it worked out. Great!!