blue moon (2)

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

sTUPID pUTER ©

It’s quiet in the neighborhood still and has been for two days now.
It’s been hell here with my SIL going off the deep end last week but it seems to have settled down a bit for now.
I’ll still keep from telling you the whole story for now because I’m still a little pissed and I don’t my anger and my bias to seep through so I’ll let myself cool down a bit to get a proper perspective of it for me and so I could write an un-bias post about it.

Along with that mayhem there has been other interesting shit stinking up my plate like my main computer, which has been nothing but source trouble for me in the last two weeks.
With my best interests in mind someone accepted something that popped up in the screen and I was fucked.
It something called Anti Virus 2009.
STAY AWAY FROM IT!!!!!
My first scan came up with over 400 infected files and they were replicating faster than echo lie on a dead pigs ass.

The first thing they did was wipe out all my restore points and changed the names of many of my files.
After days of deleting over and over as they were being replaced I caved in and bought myself a new software tool, something called PC Tune Up.
I had deleted most of the worms, Trojans, viruses and any other used fucken condoms I found on it but my system files were a mess.
The easy way would have been to reload fresh windows on the computer but I would have lost personal files and if I backed up, I may have saved the spawn of Satan (Bill Gate) along with it.

So I run the program and it goes off scanning everything for about an hour and when it’s done it starts searching for solutions to my problems on it’s own.
Sweet, it does the work for you.
I wonder if they have a program to fix my financial woes or maybe a virus that could make my money replicate for instead?

About fifteen minutes later is says three problems found.
To view said problems to press “ok

“OK”

How easy is that?
Then a screen comes up and it shows the three problems and then gives you three choices:

1. Repair all categories
2. Repair all problems
3. Repair the selected items

WTF?!
They all do the same fucken thing.
The first one repairs everything.
The second repairs all the problems and the third one does the problems it found.
Who’s the fucken genius that thought this shit up?

Ok Ok OK , I don’t have time to argue with myself so I hit 2, repair all problems.

This little wheel starts spinning around and around.
It’s real cool to watch if you’re stoned.
I miss magic mushrooms.
Just then it stops and a little thingamabob pops up saying DONE.

Cool

I press the little thingamabob and the screen went black like the void in my head after tequila night.
The light on the monitor is on as is the one on the puter.
Maybe it’s supposed to do that as it cleans up the files?

It’s been 2 hours……….now WTF do I do?

I shut the computer off and on but still nada, nuthun, fuck allllllllllllll baaaaby.
It was putting out as much as my ex was in the last year we were together; the only thing was she farted so I knew she was still alive.

Oh yeah they fixed the problem and the only thing done was my computer by the looks of it.
I mean it’s no great catastrophe because I do have four more I can use but I’m still paying for this little fucker and I was going to get it to work.

For days I took it apart and put in new parts trying to figure it all out and then a few days later I got it up and running but it’s a dog.
I mean an old bloodhound of a dog.
Like the one on the Beverly Hillbillies.
I got onto my blog and that’s about it.
Last Thursday I spent the afternoon running around leaving comments only to find out I wasn’t.
It was taking so long for my system they were lost when left the web page.
I hate loosing comments because for one I usually don’t remember what I wrote and if I don’t notice its lost I go back looking for it and can’t remember if I commented or day dreaming.
The post looks familiar…….

You know what I really hate?
You know how some of you have that option where the comment is checked by the Blogger first before it’s posted.
Censorship

Man do I hate that.
Especially when I’m stoned.
Usually when I leave a comment somewhere, a couple of hours later I may return to see if you answered my comment as some of you do and this is where the problem starts.
You may have not checked your comments yet and not posted my last comment.
Then I show up again wondering “Hmmmm did I comment on this post”?
So I comment again and leave.

Now the situation gets worse because you see, you have gone away for the weekend and haven’t checked your comments and I’m partying like a mad man and don't remember past the last second let along blog post so by Sunday night some of you have 87 comments from Walker on the same post.
So I want to say I hate that feature and I apologize to all those Bloggers affected and to those in the future when it happens.

Anyway where was I going with this post, OH yeah the FUCKEN COMPUTER!!!

While I am working on one computer I have a new HP computer I got from my ISP for not leaving them on so if I need drivers I can find them and I have my MSN and Yahoo on if anyone needs me for something to for a chat.
I enjoy a distraction now and again so I don’t smash the fuck out of the computer.

This one evening I was talking to a friend on the HP when my MSN went on, on the computer I was working on.
I have two MSN accounts.
One as Walker and my personal one where I talk to most my friends besides, it’s easier to manage that way.
Once last year I was having problems with my main computer again while I was talking to my niece who had gone to Banff to work at a ski resort for the winter.
I gave her my walker email account and told her to add that so I could talk to her on my other computer while I shut the one I was using down, so she did.
We only used it for that one night and that was it.

The other day while I was sitting here talking to my friend it came on and I immediately got an IM from my niece asking whom I was.
Actually it was more like, “Who the fuck are you”
She has a little potty mouth just like her MAMA.
I guess she forgot about adding this email address on her MSN and now doesn’t know who I am.

I was in a playful mood so I said, “Guess”.

WOOOO HOOOO BABY!!!!!!!!

I was telling my friend what she was saying as it was coming across the screen.
“Fuck you asshole”
“Just tell me who the fuck you are”


Yup, just like her mama.
"I’m not telling you".

“You ‘re being a fucken child”
“What are you 2 years old”.

God I wish.
I miss diapers.
I wouldn’t have to run to the washroom at the pub all the time and miss that all-important big play everyone is talking about when I get back.

I told her I wasn’t going to tell her who I was.
So she threatened to delete me from her list.
I told her to go ahead but if she did it would haunt her for the rest of her life.

“Please tell me please, please, I’m begging”.
“No”

“You’re a fucken asshole”.
“Yes I know and you love kissing it”.

She kisses me all the time when she sees me.

“Fine then I’m deleting you”
“Goodbye”

I closed the MSN chat window and went back to fixing the other computer and talking to my friend.
As we were talking a chat window opens up on the other computer.

“Frank, is that you”?
“No”

“Jack”?
“No”

“Paul”?
“No”

“John”?
“No”

You know she is sitting there throwing all these names of guys she has been seeing to her uncle.

“Tell me who you are”?
“No”

“You’re not very nice are you”?
“No”.

The whole time I am waiting for her to IM me on my other msn for help like she sometimes does.
I could see it now
Uncle Walker can you help me with this guy whose bugging me?
“No”
HA, HA, HA

After about ten minutes of begging and verbal abuse I told her I had to go and shut it off amidst a flurry of insults.
For the last few days I have been turning it on when I’m bored so she can abuse me a little more.
I know I’m mean but I don’t get out as much and a guy has to have some fun, right?

That’s not the only thing that popped up.
As I was waiting for another endless scan another MSN chat box opened and it was from my friend who is supposed to be in the nut house going through DETOX
I was surprised to see he IM me because she was to be kept in isolation for a month with no contact from the outside.
For the record, she is there because of a doctor’s fuck up and she volunteered for this but they treat you like any other junkie.
The doctor has since been committed himself.
Be scared.
Very scared.

So I asked her why she hadn’t booked in yet and she said she did.
I asked but how she was here online and she said after ten days she got bored and got out of her room and broke into an office and came on to say hi to me.

There you go folks.
They’re IMing me even from the nut house now.

Have a nice day.

Walker

35 comments:

BikerCandy said...

So, are you ever going to tell your niece who you are?

I have a friend that just got out of rehab and he wasn't allowed to be on the computer at all. I wonder if they think computers are just another addictive substance to be abused? Mmm...makes you wonder huh?

Monogram Queen said...

You know you've reached a new pinnacle when they are IM'ing you from the nuthouse! LOL
Thanks for your positive comments to me. I really appreciate it!

Wow i've heard Banff is gorgeous.

It amazes and dismays me how much of a potty mouth young kids have these days. Then I forget oh yea, I did too ;)

Bud said...

I can't think of anybody else who gets IMs from the nut house. But there can only be one Walker.

Peter said...

I think I know why you have disappeared from my blogroll now Walker, as you so succinctly put it fucken computers!!!

Romany Angel said...

Computers are great when they work but suck the big one when they don't. Stop teasing that poor kid Walker, she's probably having nightmares about some crazy stalking her.

Sally said...

Well, you get "comments" from the nut house every time you see me on here. hahahaha

What I've noticed with your place here, with that reader thing on my sidebar; if I click on to your latest post, inevitably it will go to your blog then to the "get your degree" site, back & forth, back & forth I go. Now, I've learned to just click on the "name" of your blog and no problem. However, I have seen that "popup" I think you were talking about. Hope your troubles with the computer are about over. Take care and thanks for being such a great friend, Walker.

Sally said...

P.S. But NO I didn't click on the popup. :)

Teresa said...

I can read that you are back to normal...back to your old self. :)

And, I will remember to never enable comment moderation so you will continue to visit me.

Leah said...

Yes, many's the slip 'twixt cup and lip where comment moderation is concerned. It's damned unnerving.

Megan said...

I am glad I am not your niece.

Michael Manning said...

My late Aunt used to say "Everyone's nuts but us". :D)!

mrhaney said...

go and tell her who you are? you asked me when i spoke with you last to make a post and i did. usually you comment soon after but you didn't and i figured some thing was wrong.i am always lucky enough most times to get at least two comments, one being yours.i myself hate when the computer does some thing crazy and i can not fix it.
if i had money i am not sure i would have more than one computer. then again if i had a lot of money i could actually have some one else fix it or buy a new one.
i guess i will go now. take it easy my friend. talk at you soon.

mrh.

itisi said...

You really like to torture people don't you?
When your niece figures it out, well, let's just say that paybacks are a bitch. LOL

Sometimes I think we are the crazy ones, and the people in the nuthouse are sane. :)

Anonymous said...

Computers? Oh man, when I checked myself into the nuthouse, they didn't even crayons, never mind computers...None, anywhere in the nut-wing.
I checked myself in and had to BEG to be let out.
You know, there is no reason to miss diapers. They have all kinds now, in all sizes. Just saying.
I did one of those fucken computer scans and mine died. The blue screen of death came on and that was it.
celtic girl

Scarlet said...

Your niece deserves it .... as you deserve being IM'd from the nuthouse.

Karma babe, she IS a bitch! :D

Walker said...

BikerCandy: I have no plans of telling her anything just driving her nuts LOL

Walker said...

Monogram Queen: Banff is beautiful with its high mountains and thousands of hectars of lush winderness.

Walker said...

Bud: There may be one Walker but i suspect they are trying to lure me to the nuthouse

Walker said...

Peter: Computers is my business and its all i have is trouble.
If trouble was money I would be rich

Walker said...

Romany Angel: I will not sdtop, its the only payback I can get for the years or her torturing me with endless questions

Walker said...

Sally: If everyone was as nuts as you are then provak ould go bankrupt due tio lack of sales.

Walker said...

Teresa: You know that wouldn;t stop me from stopping by to see you :)

Walker said...

Leah: I have left comments and comments on the same post because of it.
I understand why because people harreass nice people but I rather rip them a new one than to moderate my comments

Walker said...

Megan: Me to ;)

Walker said...

Michael Manning: You know that other saying. "It takes one to know one ". LOL

Walker said...

mrhaney: I'm just swamped with family trouble right now MrH and a little slow getting around

Walker said...

itisi: HA, I'm not sceered HA HA HA

Walker said...

celtic girl:I have never check into the Bates Motel but i have broken in to get a friend

Walker said...

Scarlet: Yeah well at least she's a cashew and not a peanut :p

Just telling it like it is said...

Wow I wouldn't know what to do if that happen to me...I would just have to loose everything...break up my mother board just in case my computer had something bad on it and buy a new one...
Hope it all works out for you...

Boxer said...

I've had similar problems with your blog.... when I click it takes me to a post from last summer? It takes a little work to get here, but it's ALWAYS worth it. This post is CLASSIC Walker. Hee.

Puss-in-Boots said...

I feel quite sorry for your niece, having a frustrating uncle like you, Walker. However, I probably couldn't resist the fun, either...

I've had enough with my computer almost getting fried without nasty viruses...God forbid I don't get one of those...it's cost me enough in lost income as it is.

Walker said...

Just telling it like it is: I am sure you could bat your eyes fast enough to get it fixed cheap ;)

Walker said...

Boxer: I have never had that problem and I don;t know why some of you are since i don;t have ads on my blog

Walker said...

Puss-in-Boots: I don;t feel sorry for her because for one she added me and second she was rude. iAf she wasn't it wouldnt have gotten this far but since it has, I am going to milk it big time LOL