blue moon (2)

Friday, November 21, 2008

Out Of Control ©

I will be taking a few days off, not that I want to but I don’t really have a choice.
It seems I have some sort of infection in my head, not that we all didn’t know that already.
It’s probably an inner ear infection that’s fucking up my equilibrium so I’m staggering around like a drunk without the happy, happy part.
I wonder if I get drunk and stagger in the opposite direction if I would look normal.
Me and normal, now there’s two words that don’t go together in reference with me.

I tried to explain to the doctor it was probably just me needing a good fucking but to be on the safe side he is running some tests on me next week and we will go from there but until then I have to take some nausea pills.
Ever time I stand up or move to fast my whole world starts spinning out of control and I want to puke.
If I stare at the monitor for to long I want to puke too and the only way I can watch TV is with my head under the blanket with the volume up so I can hear it.
The cat thinks we are playing hide and seek and tries to get under the blanket to when he is not poking at it to find my head.

The doctor says it’s probably stress contributing to it to and that I should get some rest.
HUH, I live next door to my parents; there is no rest for me.
Throw in my friends and there you go, spiraling out of control.

My parents spent the day yesterday yelling at me because I’m still going through with the Grey Cup party on Sunday night.
They don’t understand that I have never backed out of anything I agree too, even when I knew it was wrong.
It’s not my way to back out on my word.
They don’t understand that and rather argue with me causing more stress.
I figure that I have three days to get ready and that’s more than enough time for me to muddle everything together.
I’m just going to make two big load sandwiches.
A loaf sandwich is a load of French bread stuffed with five kinds of meat and sliced cucumbers, red and green peppers, tomatoes, lettuce, parsley, banana peppers, Swiss cheese, roasted garlic mayo, salt and pepper, wrapped up in plastic wrap and then squashed with a 25-pound weight for half 3-4 hours before I stuff it back in the fridge for the next day.
That presses the sandwich to make it easier to handle it and the different flavors mix together.
You’re just going to have to take my word for it that it’s good and even healthy.
Just don’t tell my friends it’s healthy.
Making the Spanakopites might be a challenge with the dizzy spells but I will figure that out too.

I just got to remember to drop the knife when the world starts spinning and the floor starts rushing up at my face again so I don’t fall on the fucker.
That’s all I need, more work mopping up blood.
Yeah, yeah I smacked the fucken floor yesterday.
I thought the freakin wall was closer than it actually was when I got dizzy and reached out for it.
That’s when your brain has a life of it’s own.
Your eyes tell the brain your falling but your brain is in a state of shock screaming, “FUCK!!!!!!!!” and to busy to tell the rest of your body to brace for the impact until after your head is going bouncy, bouncy on the hardwood, floor which only makes me wish I had softwood floors and I swept more often.
I swear my head hit the floor so hard it knocked my consciousness all the way to the couch where it sat laughing at me.

Now I just bend my knees when it hits me and crumble to the floor.
That way the worse that could happen is I sit on the cat who’s constantly at me feet but having some pussy under me is a lot better than splinters between the eyes.

I was planning to sleep in today but the phone rang at 7:30am.
7:30 am, I don’t wake up at 7:30 am and anyone who knows me, knows NOT to even think of waking me up at that time if they value their lives.
Even the cops never raided before noon, they knew how mean I was when I didn’t get enough sleep.

It was the guy picking up our old freezers that I called for the other day.
There is a program here put on by the electric company where they pick up people’s old fridges and freezers for free to dispose them so my father and I decided to get rid of two of ours.
They are old and not energy efficient like the other three that we have so we decided since its free to have them picked up that we would go that route.
I called them a few days ago and they said that he would be here on Friday at 10am.
That was cool with me but the fucken clock said 7:30am today and he was calling to tell me he was on his way and he wasn’t kidding either because five minutes later the doorbell was going off.

I wobbled out of bed using the walls banister floor and anything solid I could get my hands on to makes sure I didn’t fall out a window or something locking myself out of the house too.
I open the door and there is this mountain of a man standing there and he looks and me and asks if I am Walker.

I told him it was and he tells me I look like shit.
I asked him if he was married and he said no.
Then I ask if he would like me to tell him why?
He started laughing.

I showed him to the basement and the freezer which I had ready at the bottom of the steps all plugged in and running like they asked me too.
After descending down there I asked him what they were going to do with them and he said they were being sent to Toronto to be crushed.
Then why did they want me to run the fucken freezer all night to see if it works?
He just shrugged.
Then it came to me, the electric company is fucken smart.
They said it’s for free but made me run it for 48 more hours more to suck any last penny they could out of it one last time.
Just think how much money they would make if they did that for a million fridges and freezers?
Even at a buck a day it’s a lottery win.

Then the big guy pulls out his measuring tape and measures the door.
What the fuck are you measuring the door for?
He says it was to make sure the freezer fit through.
Well how the fuck do you think it got down there.
OH, we built the house around it.

I told him I brought the think home from a block away on my own and carried it down there five years ago so I know it fits.
So the big guy gets on the front and the little guy, his partner gets on t he other end and I’m thinking that the big guy should be on the back and the little one on the front to make it easier but hey, WTF do I know.
My basement stairs are kind of steep but it didn’t seem to mind the big guy but the little guy did when the freezer slid back on him and he found himself laying on the floor with the freezer on him.
The big guy laughed but I don’t think the little helper was laughing, more like cursing muffled cries of help.

We both went down there and got the freezer off of him and I suggested they switch places to make it easier or to go upstairs and they could watch me get it up on my own.
All I had to do is drop two planks on the steps and push t he thing up but no they said they could handle it.
I told the big guy it was to late and pointed to the broken lid handle on the floor.

They did finally get it up and outside.
The left it on the sidewalk and followed me to my parents place to get the other freezer and when they saw in they both got a hernia because it was twice the size of the one I had. HA HA HA

My father stood there telling my mother in Greek the fat guy’s face looked like a tomato as he was trying to get the freezer up from the basement.
At the top of the stairs they ran into a problem with my parents bar so the big guy huffed and puffed as he moved it aside then brought up the freezer then carried it outside to the other one.
He then came back in for my father to sign a piece of paper then turned to move the bar back but my father stopped him.
My father then walked up to the bar and picked it up in the air and placed it where it had been while the big guy stood there staring.
My old man may be 79 but I bet he can ring out the big guy if he wanted too.

After they left I wander back here and sat down to see if I could write a two, three sentence post, four at the most, maybe five, possibly 200 to tell you I may be taking a short break for a couple of days to give my head some rest to see if the world and my head can synchronize to spin in the same direction.

Have a nice weekend.



Megan said...

"I swear my head the floor so hard it knocked my consciousness all the way to the couch where it sat laughing at me" - BRILLIANT!

Feel better, Walker-san. Don't sit on any pussy, that'll make you even dizzier, you know.

Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear you're not feeling so hot at the moment Walker. I hope all the tests provide positive results and hopefully you will feel up to keeping us posted on that.

Take the phone off the hook, disable the door bell and then take good care of yourself. :)

Fire Byrd said...

Get better soon hon

jiggins said...

Drink some water.. eat some food.. and stop watching television.. I don't agree with the non-sex.. it seems to sort me out every time i get some. So i would recommend it unless you think you are contagious. Even then, it's a toss up - if vag becomes available. Be well man. Do what you gotta do to get through these days and take care of yourself. See ya on the next post!

Luka said...

Hope you feel better after a day or two of taking it easy x

Anonymous said...

Just rest and run a humidifier, drink lots of water. I had something similar a few weeks ago, so I know how you feel. Get well soon!

PBS said...

Oh, hope you are feeling better soon! Feeling dizzy is one of the worst sorts of illness. A couple of people already mentioned the benefits of drinking lots of water--if you can hold it down.

itisi said...

I really feel bad for you, Walker, my friend, as I am just starting to get over what it sounds like you have.
Dizzy, nausea, etc., etc.
Seems I have a sinus infection which made my head feel like it was spinning every time I moved it.
I do hope that you take care of yourself and hope whoever you are rooting for in the Grey Cup wins!

Megan said...

I just went to the Grey Cup website and I kid you not it says "Nov. 22 - Porn Flakes."

What? What??

R2K said...

: )

A.B. said...

Rest, rest, rest.

Sally said...

Goodness gracious, Walker, do be careful with that dizziness. I hope the tests come back negative for anything serious. I was scheduled for a tilt table test for dizziness but have put it off for now. Take care.

Peter said...

I've had that same feeling Walker, its great fun isn't it??
I did a waltz with a fairly heavy chair once that I thought would offer me some support only to find that it preferred to dance.. dumb bloody chair.

Bud said...

I guess it's pointless to tell you to take it easy. How about just be fucking careful and have fun.

Just telling it like it is said...

Walker you poor thing I hate being nauseated ..If it will ease your worry I have seen this many times in the ER...Now I know that sex might be the cure but I am no doctor. It is called vertigo I am sure you already know that but the way I used to explain it to my patients is you have rocks in your ears they move up and down sometimes they get caught and therefore mess up your equalibium..I hope that your feeling better soon and keep us updated...take care suga

Tammi said...

I feel ya W.
I'm sorta going through simialar crap-ola.I'm like the commercial...Coughing,acheing,stuffy head,no fever though,and no rest.
Awwww,all I can think about is poor kitty kitty being there to break your fall.Poor baby!! The kitty,that
You too of course. :-}
Your freakin hilarious,even when your sick-ola hun.
I got one word for you
Hope your feeling better soon funny man.
Funny as in "HA HA",of course.

BikerCandy said...

Take care of yourself man! Maybe you should just crawl everywhere until this dizziness thing goes away. At least it will be a lot shorter of a fall if you pass out!

Monogram Queen said...

I am sorry you are feeling bad Walker, I had this sort of thing three times in my life, the first being the worst. I had to crawl on my hands and knees. Awful.

You are a wonderful man to keep your word and that sandwich sounds DELISH!

Feel better soon my friend! Hugs!

gab said...

Wow hun hope your feeling better soon! HUGS!!!!
or and Im getting closer to home it now says Im in Colo springs...Hey thats where my brother lives! Happy turkey day