blue moon (2)

Monday, November 17, 2008

I Don't Think So ©

You know, some things just don’t fucken change no matter how many damn years go by.
I’m closing in on fifty and I still love smoking my pot and chewing pussy as much as I used to, maybe more so.
Going out to party and meeting new people.
I wonder if I will still that way in my fifties so I look at those around me who are a couple of years if not more, older than me to see if they have changed much now that they are in their fifties from when I knew them when we were younger.
Actually I don’t have to look far.
I had my friend from Montreal stop over on Saturday to crash.

This is the same one that got me all riled up last time he was here and this time it was no different.
He kept bugging me to go out with him and I didn’t want to.
I don’t mind going out but truth be told I’m more of a loner and like going out on my own or with one of my brothers, the guys I grew up with.
We’re kind of different, probably because of the way we grew up.
We’re all loners but we fit in together if you get my drift.
If there is any problem I don’t have to guess what he is doing because I already know what I would do

Buddy here came into the group years later and didn’t go through what some of us did growing up and that connection isn’t there.
His brother in law was one of us and he brought him into the group but he’s dead now and we inherited buddy.
He’s a nice guy but man he’s missing the cool gene and sticks out like a sore thumb when he drinks.
I don’t mean cool like the Fonz because, AYE, no one’s cooler than the Fonz.
I mean you go out have a good time make people happy, drink, laugh but still keeping a cool exterior and not making a fucken monkey out of yourself.

He always wanted to tag along when we went out because as he says it “I have the gift of the gab” and attract people.
If that means I like to talk then yes I like to talk.
I am a firm believer that if you go out to meet people you should not be wallpaper other wise you might as well pick up a bottle at the liquor store then go home to get drunk before you jerk off for some passionate love making, unless you’re a woman of course then you still have Fred, the empty bottle to hum sweet nothings to you for the rest of the night.

A couple of years ago he wanted me to take him to a club with me and I said yes.
Why did I say yes, I don’t know?
Especially after the previous week when he showed up where I normally drink and then got knocked out by someone who was built like Governor of California.
Did I mention buddy has Don Knotts build?
He did say to the guy,” You take the first swing”.
He did.
It was like watching Ax Men on TV.
Not the guys with the axes part, the tree falling part.
I made the guy who knocked him out carry him to the car and dump him there out cold then went back in for another beer.
At least I made sure he was safe sound in his car, beside people were tripping over him on the way to the washroom.

Maybe I’m too nice or just stupid but I said yes anyway then jumped into his car and headed for the border to the land of the French and cheap booze.
The booze was so cheap you didn’t need to look for a cheap hooker back then just show up for happy hour and at three for the price of one by the end of the night that’s how the women were coming home with you.
No one remember anyone’s name in the morning.
Everyone was usually just pissed from the ridiculous amounts of booze and dancing until 4 am and incapable of any memory retention.
Buddy always wanted to come along because he could sort of blend in with the rest of us and pick up some action by just following around.

We went to this one particular club that was just hoping off of its foundation.
I knew the owner and walked up to the doorman and he let me in and came face to face with the bouncer there whom I was not on good terms with.

You know, fate and her winding paths is a real strange little bitch.
Me and the bouncer, the bouncer and I at one point went to school together and in fact were in the same course.
We sat next to each other.
He hated me and I felt the same way about him.
Why, I don’t know.
It’s like we were born to hate each other.
He had never done anything wrong to me and I to him but our futures crossed many paths over the years and it was like two titans meeting on the top of the hill every time.
He got into my face as I did his but we never drew on each other.
It was like a battle of egos and the first one to back down lost.

I once dated his EX, he was pissed when he found out.
It’s not like I knew she was his ex I just met her at a party.
I hadn’t seen him in over ten years so how was I supposed to know who she was and frankly, it wouldn’t have made a fucken difference to me anyway.

Then he met this little blond he fell in love with that drove him crazy with jealousy and then one day he found out I was playing with her.
I heard he destroyed the place when he found out.
It was totally coincidence and I knew her before she even met him and here he was, working in this club as the bouncer.

I could see the hate in his eyes when I pushed past him.

So buddy and I walked up to the bar where I order a beer and a shooter.
Buddy does the same.
The bartender drops three beers and three shooters for each of us.
Back then I was an empty barrel and drank until I filled it, buddy on the other hand wasn’t used to the amount of booze I drank but he still went beer for beer, shooter for shooter with me.
Have I mentioned I drank 76 eight-ounce drafts in a beer-drinking contest once or was it 78?
I don’t remember I was drunk.

During the course of the night I was being sent drinks by some of the girls I knew from the brothel I worked in and I got a round from the owner of the bar.
Amongst all the drinking I asked this cute little number for a dance so we went out there and whirled around the floor for twenty minutes before we made it back to the bar and she went off to get her purse and a friend she had with her.
Buddy was smiling already, probably from the booze but the prospect that he might get lucky got him all excited too.
When the women walked over he ordered a round for everyone, which means everyone got three of everything.
That’s a lot of booze and the more he drank the more he talked and the more he talked the more he drank.
I told him to slow down but he said he can handle it as much as I could, so I let it go.

It took about thirty minutes for things to change.
I saw he was like the walking dead and suggested the four of us go get something to eat but buddy wanted nothing of it and slammed back another shooter and I think that was the one, the blasting cap that ignited the stick of dynamite.

He erupted like a volcano and puked down the girl’s top next to him and on the feet of the one was busy with.
If screwing up my chances for getting laid wasn’t enough we might get killed too because it turns out that he is a spinner when he pukes and blows all over the bar, into the ice machine, all over the glasses and on anyone within a six foot radius of him.

Well, my old school buddy wasn’t any pleased actually he didn’t really care as long as the trouble involved me and he had an excuse.
Besides he didn’t need to come after me so he wouldn’t have problems with the boss, he just had to go for buddy and I’d step in.
Not wanting any trouble I pushed my friend through the patio doors and out to the deck where I helped him over a small wall they had there and onto the sidewalk.

Oh of course the whole time he was saying he was sorry and when he saw I was leading him to the car he balked then begged me not to lock him up in the car again.
I wanted to kill him, what lock him up.

So we went to get something to eat so there would be more fucken stuff in his belly to use as a projectile vomit.
About half an hour later he looked a little less green and more yellow.
He started begging me to take him to the Ambassador so being the idiot that I am off we went but I told him NO MORE SHOOTERS for him.

Buddy was still a little wobbly but looking better.
He had puked out most of the fucken shooters before they got into his blood stream I guess or a least the sticky rainbow he left behind looked that he had.
At the Ambassador I dropped him on a stool up at the bar and got him ONE beer for him to drink so I wouldn’t have to smell his puke breath when he talked to me.
As we sat there a lady asked me if I would dance with her and I told buddy NOT to move or get into any trouble while I was dancing.

They played a good string of dance music for about twenty minutes and between smiling talking, dancing I was peeking over at buddy to make sure he was still there being good.
Around the third song I saw him talking to some guy and a second joined them.
I was about to leave the dance floor when I saw them laughing about something and the bartender dropped another beer in front of him.
So I figure he was having fun and there wasn’t any trouble and stayed on the dance floor for a couple of more songs before we both decided to take a break.
She invited me over to her table and I told her I’d stop over as soon as I check up with my friend.

I walked over and buddy introduced me to Tim and Fred or what ever their names were.
I ordered myself a beer and asked buddy how he was doing and he said he was just making friends with these two guys where were in town from Quebec City visiting.
That’s fine but I told him not to drink to much and we would be heading out in an hour or so but I was going to sit in the corner and showed him where and told him if he needed me I would be there.

I managed to dance one more time before I got her number and she left for home.
It was a workday and she worked in the morning.
Going back top the bar buddy and his friends were having one hell of a bang up time sloshing beer down their throats and h e wasn’t drunk but he wasn’t feeling any pain that’s for bloody sure.
They were sitting there hugging each other and laughing like old bum buddies.
Hmmmm……….

That’s when buddy says that his friends had a room at this expensive hotel across the street and we were invited to go over there with them and party.
Then one of the guys pulled out a roll of hundred dollar bills out of his pocket that could have chocked an elephant.
They said we could get an ounce of cocaine then go to the hotel and do it together.
Don’t get me wrong, I love to party as much as the next freak but I’m not stupid and am extremely street smart.

I told them I wasn’t interested and one of them put his arm around me then told me it would be fun.
Oh yeah, it would be, especially the part where I hang you upside down from the balcony and see if I could drop him on his head with making as little of a splash as possible.
I told buddy that these guys were gay and looking for either an ass to fuck or to get theirs’ fucked.

He didn’t believe me.
Yeah ok, he’s a big boy so what do I care.
I got up and went to the other side of the bar where I saw something tasty I hadn’t seen yet.
About thirty minutes later buddy was next to me with his eyes almost popping out of his head.
He said the one who was really friendly to him asked if he wanted a blowjob with a big smile on his face.
Uh huh, what do I know?

So when buddy asked me the other night to go out with him all I see is him, being exactly the way he was twenty years ago and I said no.
He got pissed off and went out on his own then showed up back here at 3:30 am.
He said there were lots of chicks at the pub and they were friendly.
I asked him why he didn’t pick one up and he said because I wasn’t there.
“Sigh”, my fault again.

I guess that’s enough gabbing from me today.

Have a nice day.

Walker

25 comments:

A.B. said...

You and I are fairly close in age and the last time I saw 3:30 a.m. it was when I got up early for a flight. I have nooooo idea what kind of vitamins you take (or smoke ;-) but..... a m a z i n g.

Puss-in-Boots said...

Sounds like a bit of loser, does buddy. You're a nice guy, Walker, I'd be hiding from him all the time and inventing reasons and excuses not to have him stay, or go out with him or whatever...

But then, I can be a bitch at times...

ssgreylord said...

buddy sounds like a real riot. the kind of riot you need like you need another hole in your head. good luck dodging him in future...

Megan said...

A "round" is three drinks? I'm living in the wrong part of the world...

itisi said...

Good for you, telling him no this time! It is awful when you go out and are stuck with a drunken, puking, moron!

itisi said...

Oh, and I love the new look! It's cool!!

Monogram Queen said...

I would definitely be avoiding him like the plague.
Seriously though you sound like alot of fun to party with! Canada is on my "bucket list"

Fire Byrd said...

Hey even when you get past 50 the desire and ability to party and have sex don't disapear! Well at least I haven't lost them!!!
x
How come your following your own blog? Don't you know what you've written???

Walker said...

A.B.: I go to bed around 3-4 am every day and the only vitamine i take is Coke Classic :)

Walker said...

Puss-in-Boots: I think he is more lost than anything.
Most people who try to be what they are not get that way and now is getting bitter.

Walker said...

ssgreylord: I have manage to keep them in their place for the last 20 years so I guess I know how to swerve by now lol

Walker said...

Megan: LOL !!!!!!

Maybe not if you factor in the hangovers

Walker said...

itisi: Sometimes you have to accept the crap along with the rest when you have friends.
I try and duck out alot but when i can't i grun qand bear it.
Thanks. yes i like the new look to.

Walker said...

Monogram Queen:I like having fun just like the next person and can adapt myself to any type of party with pretty much with anyone as many of my friends can but some are just sticks in the mud

Walker said...

Fire Byrd : WOOO HOOOO

I don;t plan on changing who i am or living how i do.
Maybe a partner down the road.

I am not actually following this blog LOL
That's my other blog that's why Walker has a red face lol

Just telling it like it is said...

Awe Walker he just wanted a cool wing man...
Some times you just got to tak one for the team..but I guess since you inherited him inot the gang I am sure you have taken one for his team one to many times...

Fire Byrd said...

I'm impressed at all those blogs, I thought I was doing well with three!! But which ones are active?
x

Walker said...

Just telling it like it is: He doesn't need a wing man he need the whole plane LOL
I don;t mind hanging out with people but some of them just go against the grain in certain groups.

Walker said...

Fire Byrd: Only Last Soul is mine, the rest are templates I make for others.
It's easier to work on oneof my blogs and then transfer everything over when I know it works instead of mucking up someones blog testing it

Anonymous said...

I don't even know where start here.
I had a wanna be wingnman, too. (Wingwoman?)
Thankfully, I moved out of province and I only talk to her on facebook.
The distance makes me like her more.

celtic girl

Bud said...

The whorin' and tokin sounds great. I never could handle booze, however. I'd have a great time in Amsterdam, though, I bet.

Peter said...

Buddy sure sounds like someone to avoid walker, specially if he's been drinking shooters.

Romany Angel said...

We need to get Buddy a woman so Walker can get his quiet life back. LMAO......Seriously Walker, I feel for you because as they say in the classics "a friend in need is a pain in the ass"...well it seems to fit in this case ;)

Just telling it like it is said...

I hear ya;) needs a whole plane..you crack me up!

PBS said...

Just don't mix up the smoking and chewing! That buddy sounds like too much trouble, good thing you've got a lot of patience.