Still Hurtin 3 Days Later ©

So where do I start this post wedding post?
How about in 1957?
The year the bride’s parents met and the year the song playing was first released.
The year Chevy came out with a Classic.

I got to wear my new black suit again along with a burgundy shirt shoes and belt.
That was option B.
Option A was all black with a burgundy tie but my mother said I looked like a gangster so plan B it was.

The first wedding service was held in the Catholic Church, remember they were getting married twice in one day.
The wedding party, you better have a seat if you’re standing.
The wedding party consisted of twelve ushers, whom by the fucken way were wearing black suits, with black shirts and burgundy ties.
Fucken gangsters.

There were twelve bridesmaids in very nice gowns.
Very nice gowns.
But I remembered AB’s comment to be good and for the record, I kept my eyes glued to the floor.
You know, I never really noticed how sexy women’s feet were before, especially in heels……..

Two flower girls with escorts and a ring barer.
That’s not including the bride and groom of course.
There were thirty-one people in the wedding party for fucks sake.

Once everyone was in their places that’s when it all started.
The music came on and the bride made her way to the front escorted by a very happy father.
I have never seen a happier man in my fucken life.
I mean the smile on his face was stuck there the whole time and I don't think there was anything that could have removed it from his face.
I wonder what he was thinking?

The bride’s mother never smiled the whole freakin time.
In fact I have seen her on four occasions and have never seen her smile.
People say she is one of the nicest people you can meet and I believe them but she just never smiles.
Maybe dishing out 100 grand for a wedding where you’re not the one getting laid after does that to you, who knows?

It took about forty-five minutes for everything to finish and then we all had to meet up at the Greek Church for the second wedding.
Now, I think it’s foolish to have two weddings when you could have just had one or maybe two priests at one venue but hey, it’s their day to remember so what does it matter if 600 people get dragged around all over the city for a couple of hours.
It’s almost like a pub-crawl but a wedding crawl and let me tell you, a lot of people were crawling by the end of it.

It was after the first service I made a grave mistake.
I smoked a joint all by myself.
Hey I figure I’m dishing out two hundred bucks for this wedding so I might as well be smiling about it.

As luck would have it my father decides to go straight to the church making us the first people there besides the priest.
My friend, the priest.
We see each other once a year and we like it that way.
Problem is, that joint.

So Father J, what do you think about this double wedding business.

It’s different but others have done it before.

So, if they want a divorce one day do they have to do it twice too?

I don’t think so, it’s just a formality here they are already married.

So this doesn’t really count then?

It counts in the eyes of god.

Yeah but god just say them get married two miles from here, he must think they’re nuts to do it again in the same day.

It only shows their commitment to each other and the church.

I see.
But you said that this was still basically a formality and it makes no difference if you performed the ceremony or not.

Yes, that’s true.

Uh huh
So, say for instance that in the spirit of the day I go back there and throw on a robe and perform the ceremony myself.
You could wear my suit and sit next to my parents for me.
I could read Greek and I'm a damn good hummer.

I don’t think your cousin will be happy with that.

Oh it’ll be fun.
I can wear that gold two foot cross you have around your neck too.
Is there a knife in there for stabbing vampires and demons or something like that?
I bet you have strong neck muscles from wearing that all the time.

I don’t wear it all the time only for services.

Well you should.
All the young chicks like the BLING!!!!!!

You really think so?

Oh sure, let’s go in the back there and find me a XXL robe.

No No No I can’t do that I will only get into trouble.

No you won’t, wait look there is my uncle the grooms father.
Let’s go ask him and you’ll see he will agree with me on this joke.

He looks drunk.

No, he just got to many slaps in the back of the head from my father as a kid.
Hey Uncle V how you doing?

Huh.

Great!!!!!!!
Listen I was thinking that we have some fun and play a joke on the bride and groom.
I can dress up like a bishop and pretend to marry them.
What do you think?

Do you have a joint?

Yeah, just say yes.

Yes.

Great, did you get that father?

I don’t know Walker.
The bride’s mother looks mean.

Hmmm that’s true.
Have you seen her smile yet?

No

My neither, do you think she can?

She must smile, everyone smiles?

Is there a back door behind the alter by any chance just to be on the safe side?

Of course, we remember the dark ages even if people don’t.

After trying a little while longer I gave up when a lady came to get the priest.I’m telling you it was a good idea and I get I would have looked good in a bishops robe.

As I turned to walk away my uncle was still standing there looking at me.
I passed him a joint and he took off.
Ten minutes later my father came to me and asked if I saw my uncle, his brother.
It seems everyone was ready to start.

I told him he went back to the Catholic Church to give confession there because they didn’t believe him at this church.

To Be Continued.............

Have a nice day

Walker