blue moon (2)

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Last Night ©

The other day I got a phone call from this woman I had met a while back and she asked if I would like to meet up for dinner or coffee.
I’m not one to say no to an excuse to get out of the house and I said I would love too.
We arranged to meet at an intersection downtown.

Now it’s been awhile since I seen her and it was usually in dark spaces so I was struggling with my memory trying to picture her face so I would recognize her when we met.
I don’t want to end up like Mike did that time when he made a date with a chick while he was high on Valium so he didn’t remember a thing about it or her the next day.
He was fucken surprised when I mentioned that he had a date on that Friday night with her.
For the next three days he grilled me on what she looked like and what her name was.
I knew what she looked like because I saw him with her but I didn’t know her name.
When Friday rolled around he had me go with him to the bar and sit across the room so I can signal when she walked in.

Let me tell you something.
This was a fucken busy bar man.
Every chick that walked in, he would look at me first and I would nod, no.
This went on for HOURS because he didn’t remember what time they agreed to meet.
I mean we got there at six fucken pm and I almost got whiplash before I finally nodded yes to him at 9pm.
Then I left to find some ice while he tried to figure out her name.

You would think that my memory was enough of a hindrance but it’s not my only problem.
Over the decades Walker has been in a few scraps here and there.
Numerous accidents, I’m famous for my accident posts for those who are new here.
Some can’t really be called accidents like that time I drove that car into the wall to see if it would explode.
It didn’t.
And they didn’t have air bags back then unless you count the old windbag I stole the car from.

My head went through the dash of the car when a stolen van driven by a stripper hit us head-on once.
I was injured more in the ambulance ride on the way to the hospital when the gurney flipped over with me strapped to it.

Fell head first 20 feet onto concrete steps.
That hurt a bit.
Made me pay to fix the step I broke.

I have been hit in the head with more pucks than Patrick Roy.
Obviously he’s the better hockey goalie.
I think I lost half my eyesight when I zipped up my dick with my pants.
That was an eye popper.

So it’s safe to say both of my heads have taken a beating over the years and it has affected my eyesight a lot.
Hmmm, we may have to throw masturbating in there too.

For years, decades in fact I didn’t wear glasses because I figured my eyesight was fine, until I ran out of pot one day that is and woke up blind.
At least I thought I woke up blind when in fact I was so stoned for the previous five years, I didn’t notice I was blind until I ran out of pot.
May explain a lot of those accidents too.

So I REALLY needed to remember what she looked like.

I am sitting here trying to recall what she looked like and then the dirty part of my mind started trying to remember what her boobs looked like.
Well, if you can’t remember the face maybe I could remember what her boobs looked like and I want no lip from any of you ladies either.
Most of you recognize football players from their butts and not their faces so bite me.

So I’m sitting here trying to envision what her tits looked like until it was time to go.
I had a two mile walk ahead of me to the intersection and along the way I could try and remember what her face or boobs looked like.
As my feet knocked off the blocks I found myself into a bigger dilemma.
While I was walking down the street trying to remember what she looked like I noticed the other women walking around and started looking at their faces and boobs.
Now I was totally fucked up and I didn’t smoke a joint either.

While I am walking to the intersection where we are to meet I looked at my watch and saw I still had five minutes to get there and was getting a little nervous about recognizing her as I approached the corner.
When I got there, there was no one there yet, so my chances were looking good the way I saw it now.
All I had to do is stand there and she will come to me.
Sweet, I’m off the hook.

Ten minutes go by and she is still not there.
My cell phone rings and it her.
She says she is late but if I didn’t mind I could walk up and meet her while she walked towards me.

FUCK

I tell her sure but to walk on the west side of the street, this would increase my chances of recognizing her.
You see, I’m one of those people who thinks on their feet at the spur of the moment.
You know, when the going get tough the tough get going kinda crap.
Give me your best shot and I can take it mumbo jumbo.
No surprise is to big for me to handle malarkey.

Well as luck would have it.
Just as I’m walking up the street 1000 women walked around the corner towards me holding placards and chanting protests.
Fuck I hope they aren't some of my old dates and found out where I was.

Give me a fucken break.
It’s hard enough trying to spot one face in a crowd without adding another 1000 faces and 2000 extra boobs to recognize.

Did I mention I thought it would be a nice stress less evening going out to meet up with her?

So now I am wadding through all these women to get to the other side and clear of them then proceed back down the street looking for her.
I walked for another ten minutes and five blocks and was getting that feeling that says you fucked up and missed her.
That’s when the phone rang and it was her.
She asked me where I was and I told her and yes, she was now five blocks behind me and not in front of me.

STUPID FUCKEN EYES

So we stayed on the phones and started walking towards each other.
She said she could see me.
I stared off blankly down the street.
On the phone she was yelling at me and said she was waving.
I’m thinking she’s getting ready to jump on a stranger because I don’t see anyone waving in front of me.

I take about another twenty steps and then.......... I think I recognized a face in the crowd who was waving her a hand.
She must have been a good thirty feet away.

See, I recognized her face and I was all worried about not recognizing her.
As we got closer to each other it was obvious what had happened and why we missed each other. It was totally my fault.
You see, I can’t see anything under double Ds from twenty feet away.

So the moral of the story is always remember the face and let your fingers figure out the boobs when you’re up close and personal.

Have a nice day.

Walker

41 comments:

Peter said...

I didn't realize you could read???? braille Walker.

Puss-in-Boots said...

I love the way life happens to you, Walker. It's so hilarious...I'm glad it's not me though, I don't hink I could cope!

Bud said...

That once happened to me with a barrista who cut her hair. If it hadn't been for the boobs, there was no chance I'd know who she was. I can often do that with butts too. Does that make me a bad person?

Scarlet said...

"Most of you recognize football players from their butts and not their faces so bite me"

uh.... that's because they're wearing helmets.
What's your excuse?!

Now, where would you like me to start?! ;)
(Another helmet reference .... hmmmmm .... )

PBS said...

Ha ha, glad that all worked out (or did it?) it sounded quite exhausting just getting to the meeting up part of it!

Lindy said...

And thats how you should always meet up with them so you don't go through that dilemma again. Get their number & call them so you can talk to them as you're coming up on them. It has to be easier seeing someone on a phone than guessing about looks & BOOBS!!! Or just admit you don't see so well & maybe you'll need a little guidance?

shelaghayan said...

You got to look at a lot of wrack that day! Hooray for protesting women and their bouncing boobs.

I appreciate that gravity hates you.

Walker said...

Peter: Not with my hands I can't

Walker said...

Puss-in-Boots: Life is a box of chocolates
I just wish I could find some cherries once in a while instead of nuts LOL

Walker said...

Bud: No it doesn't, I'm the only bad person here and think that for punishment I should get all the bad girls

Walker said...

Scarlet: I get the impression you got a thing for helmets. How are you around hard hats and tool belts?

Walker said...

PBS: We had a laugh and a nice time drinking hot apple cider and scoffing down scones.

Fire Byrd said...

You do lead an extrodinary life Walker. Hope the boobs felt as good as you remembered!

Walker said...

Lindy: I always remember the face.
May even have few wet dreams with it in it but when you are out there for the first time meeting with someone you get nervous and the brain goes blank and dreamin don't helplol

Walker said...

shelaghayan: NO NO gravity LOVES me and I love gravity because that way things just drop into my hands ;)

Walker said...

Fire Byrd: No i didn't get to feel any boobs but we had a great time.
That's what its all about in the end. The time we spend together not how.

Lora_3 said...

Always the "Bad Boy"!

Be safe...

Sally said...

Walker, Walker. :)

3 Magpies said...

Scones!?! What flavor? I love scones, probably as much as you like boobs!

Scarlet said...

I ADORE hard hats and tool belts!
Gotta love a man who works with his hands and knows how to handle his tools.

Dotm said...

You remind me of when I worked at the Hospital. Years later if I ran into a former patient I would remember what room they were in and what was wrong with them, but not their names.
Today, I am still bad at remembering names to go with the familiar faces.

ssgreylord said...

what a creative way to remember us...

Just telling it like it is said...

First I woulike there to be something said about beer Googles just ask my sister...
Hot hit by a stripper and you didn't demand them to take off the gurnery for medical reaason
reasons she could of like provided mouth to mouth.
And I have the same problem peolple always remember my boos but never face...and if I am at a professional gathering I notice them quicky trying to look at my eyes but the the testostrone get s the best of them and they look anyway

Walker said...

Lora_3: It's fun being bad ;)

Walker said...

Sally:P I know I know but you still luvs me yeah? :D

Walker said...

3 Magpies: I always grab one of my favorites, cranberry or cherry :)

Walker said...

Scarlet: I bet you do ;)

Walker said...

Dotm: That's what this post is about. The little things we do to remember people or places.
Markers in our memory.

Walker said...

ssgreylord: I think that's how many of us thing.
We pick something that will associate a person or place to help us remember.
Like if someone own a red SUV.
We think, yeah the guy with the red SUV and associate the face with his wheels.
But it can be creative and fun at the same time.

Monogram Queen said...

and just whose to say we don't check out a guys basket instead of their butt Hmmmm???? *wink*

Walker said...

Just telling it like it is : I am sure they don't forget your beautiful face but if there is a nice set of boobs to help it doesn't hurt ;)

I know i would look but would then focus on the important part which is the person in front of me.

Walker said...

Monogram QueenL: I stand corrected LMAO!!!!!!!!!

Luka said...

Ah, Walker, you always cheer me up. Thanks!

Just telling it like it is said...

Awe walker you just being nice to me cause you know I am going though a hard time....
I would expect you to please...but thanks I hope you enjoy reading my crazy blogs...trouble I tell you my middle name....

nachtwache said...

Just your luck! Running into a whole bunch of women protesting..... what?
Now that could be scary.
old dates ...... :)
Have you gotten glasses or do you rather not see clearly?
Hahhhh, I just got the double Ds! One track....... :D HAHAHA!!!

Suzanne said...

Of course I'm here. What? I put up with enough of your crap over on IV's and now this? Double D's. Please. I'll stick with my B's and PETA because yes, I know you want me. Okay, I can't stop laughing! OH MY GOD, that's too funny. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit. That's just too funny. Yes, of course I know you're laughing.

XO

Walker said...

Luka : I aim to please ;)

Walker said...

nachtwache: I wear glasses all the time now unless I feel adventurous.
The woem were out there marching for women to take back the night.
They want the streets safer again

Walker said...

Just telling it like it is : I was not just being nice i was stating fact and i like reading your blog because you're funny.

Walker said...

Suzanne : I have nothing against activists until they start attacking people on the street.
Then i get into the paint slinging mode myself.

I have nothing against Bs. I just see DDs better with my poor eyesight.
That's my story and I'm sticking to it LOL

Gypsy said...

Well I hope you always remember my face because if you had to rely on my boobs for recognition you would probably trip over me as you walked on by.