blue moon (2)

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Still Hurtin 3 Days Later ©

So where do I start this post wedding post?
How about in 1957?
The year the bride’s parents met and the year the song playing was first released.
The year Chevy came out with a Classic.

I got to wear my new black suit again along with a burgundy shirt shoes and belt.
That was option B.
Option A was all black with a burgundy tie but my mother said I looked like a gangster so plan B it was.

The first wedding service was held in the Catholic Church, remember they were getting married twice in one day.
The wedding party, you better have a seat if you’re standing.
The wedding party consisted of twelve ushers, whom by the fucken way were wearing black suits, with black shirts and burgundy ties.
Fucken gangsters.

There were twelve bridesmaids in very nice gowns.
Very nice gowns.
But I remembered AB’s comment to be good and for the record, I kept my eyes glued to the floor.
You know, I never really noticed how sexy women’s feet were before, especially in heels……..

Two flower girls with escorts and a ring barer.
That’s not including the bride and groom of course.
There were thirty-one people in the wedding party for fucks sake.

Once everyone was in their places that’s when it all started.
The music came on and the bride made her way to the front escorted by a very happy father.
I have never seen a happier man in my fucken life.
I mean the smile on his face was stuck there the whole time and I don't think there was anything that could have removed it from his face.
I wonder what he was thinking?

The bride’s mother never smiled the whole freakin time.
In fact I have seen her on four occasions and have never seen her smile.
People say she is one of the nicest people you can meet and I believe them but she just never smiles.
Maybe dishing out 100 grand for a wedding where you’re not the one getting laid after does that to you, who knows?

It took about forty-five minutes for everything to finish and then we all had to meet up at the Greek Church for the second wedding.
Now, I think it’s foolish to have two weddings when you could have just had one or maybe two priests at one venue but hey, it’s their day to remember so what does it matter if 600 people get dragged around all over the city for a couple of hours.
It’s almost like a pub-crawl but a wedding crawl and let me tell you, a lot of people were crawling by the end of it.

It was after the first service I made a grave mistake.
I smoked a joint all by myself.
Hey I figure I’m dishing out two hundred bucks for this wedding so I might as well be smiling about it.

As luck would have it my father decides to go straight to the church making us the first people there besides the priest.
My friend, the priest.
We see each other once a year and we like it that way.
Problem is, that joint.

So Father J, what do you think about this double wedding business.

It’s different but others have done it before.

So, if they want a divorce one day do they have to do it twice too?

I don’t think so, it’s just a formality here they are already married.

So this doesn’t really count then?

It counts in the eyes of god.

Yeah but god just say them get married two miles from here, he must think they’re nuts to do it again in the same day.

It only shows their commitment to each other and the church.

I see.
But you said that this was still basically a formality and it makes no difference if you performed the ceremony or not.

Yes, that’s true.

Uh huh
So, say for instance that in the spirit of the day I go back there and throw on a robe and perform the ceremony myself.
You could wear my suit and sit next to my parents for me.
I could read Greek and I'm a damn good hummer.

I don’t think your cousin will be happy with that.

Oh it’ll be fun.
I can wear that gold two foot cross you have around your neck too.
Is there a knife in there for stabbing vampires and demons or something like that?
I bet you have strong neck muscles from wearing that all the time.

I don’t wear it all the time only for services.

Well you should.
All the young chicks like the BLING!!!!!!

You really think so?

Oh sure, let’s go in the back there and find me a XXL robe.

No No No I can’t do that I will only get into trouble.

No you won’t, wait look there is my uncle the grooms father.
Let’s go ask him and you’ll see he will agree with me on this joke.

He looks drunk.

No, he just got to many slaps in the back of the head from my father as a kid.
Hey Uncle V how you doing?


Listen I was thinking that we have some fun and play a joke on the bride and groom.
I can dress up like a bishop and pretend to marry them.
What do you think?

Do you have a joint?

Yeah, just say yes.


Great, did you get that father?

I don’t know Walker.
The bride’s mother looks mean.

Hmmm that’s true.
Have you seen her smile yet?


My neither, do you think she can?

She must smile, everyone smiles?

Is there a back door behind the alter by any chance just to be on the safe side?

Of course, we remember the dark ages even if people don’t.

After trying a little while longer I gave up when a lady came to get the priest.I’m telling you it was a good idea and I get I would have looked good in a bishops robe.

As I turned to walk away my uncle was still standing there looking at me.
I passed him a joint and he took off.
Ten minutes later my father came to me and asked if I saw my uncle, his brother.
It seems everyone was ready to start.

I told him he went back to the Catholic Church to give confession there because they didn’t believe him at this church.

To Be Continued.............

Have a nice day



Monogram Queen said...

Ha haaaa that's funny! I totally think they should have let you play the joke!!!!

Teresa said...

After a wedding that took that long, they should have had a pub crawl to celebrate. I don't know about Greek weddings, but Catholic weddings are LONG.

Scarlet said...

I hope you're prepared to smoke a nice big fattie!!!!

In hell ...


(by the way, you can come sit next to ME when you get there!)

Walker said...

Monogram Queen: I think it would have been a blast when they saw me come out the back dressed like that.

We could have played some Black Sabbath in the background

Walker said...

Teresa: In total it took 3 hour including 20 minutes to get from one church to the other.
Alot of people only went to one especially the seniors of the group.
To many stairs.

Walker said...

Scarlet: We could take turns whipping each other ;)

ssgreylord said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ssgreylord said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
ssgreylord said...

p.s. i hate it when i do that. tried to delete one of the comments but probably deleted both (or none at all). bare with me, i'm still technically impaired.

PBS said...

Black Sabbath would have been so appropriate! And how weird for her to never smile?

My parents had a black and white '57 Chevy. Not a convertible, though. They traded it in for a boring station wagon in the '60s.

ssgreylord said...

o god, i did delete both. and it was damn funny. something about lookin hot in a bishop's robe, or a gangster's outfit.

and something about a foot fetish...

you're bad walker, very, very bad...


i love wedding pranks! good on you for trying...

*taps fingers waiting for sequel*

Megan said...

Most excellent! I wish I had been there for that conversation...

Tammi said...

Oh W.!!
I always love your tunes..but I must say,I had my speaker up too loud and got assaulted by the beginning of that song!lol
You could write a great book on the things you share with us!!
Oh,I get personal emails on my cell now.So if ya get a sec...E- me.
toodles cutie

Walker said...

ssgreylord: LOL Don't worry I do it myself more times than I could count.
I got to read the ones you deleted to I get emails of all my comments sent to me instanly.
Feet proved to be interesting and I will be paying them a little more attention than I used to thats for sure but I'm a boob and eyes guy and always will be.

Boobs first eyes second to see if she is watching staring at her boobs ;)

Walker said...

PBS: I guess its her thing.
Alot of people say she is a fun person to be around so I guess a frown is a smile to some people.

I get her a male stripper next time to see if i can reverse it ;)

Walker said...

INNER VOICES: In the name of fun is one of the best days to create pleasant memories

Walker said...

Megan: My mother wishes she wasn't LOL
She ws a couple of feet away with her moputh open.
Can everyone say "PINCHED"
Ah well she always knew i was a potential trouble maker.

Walker said...

Tammi: Only if you put the cell on vibrate and in your back pocket that way I can wiggle your butt cheek all the way from Canada.

Can you imagine what the people walking behind you would think as they checked out your butt as you walk down the hallway at work with one cheek wiggling and the other vibrating?

wiggle(_/_) Vibrate(_\_))) wiggle(_/_) Vibrate(_\_))) wiggle(_/_) Vibrate(_\_)))...........

Peter said...

You would have been my choice to perform the wedding ceremony Walker, dressed in black with the robe and the big cross, reading Greek and hummin' away... Amen.

Michael Manning said...

No wonder the brides Mom isn't smiling! Geez!

Gypsy said...

Personally I think you would have made a very entertaining Bishop. Do Bishop's listen to confessions because I have a few things on my mind you might be able to help me off load ;)

Scarlet said...

"Walker said...
Scarlet: We could take turns whipping each other ;)"

You'd like that wouldn't you?!
Sting of the leather ....

Besides, don't you know, if you whip a man who loves the whip, all you're doing is tiring yourself out! ;D

Anonymous Boxer said...

you said you'd behave.


Just telling it like it is said...

Nice song...

Fire Byrd said...

mustn't look up and now their feet are are such a joy Walker. Even if you just tried to kill me with heart failure with the volume on that song... I need a lie down now to recover.

Just telling it like it is said...

Your so sweet walker..
Just remember Cathloic girl code of conduct...
if you don't remember it never happen..

nachtwache said...

You're such a troublemaker!
Some of the comments are just as entertaining as your post!
Scarlet could be right, you know, but I doubt that they let you have fun in hell, no air conditioning either.
I'm wondering, does the bride's family have lots of money or does your cousin like big girls?
I think I get why the dad couldn't stop smiling.
Me, cynical? I wish them happiness and hope it's really love.

Dot`sThoughts said...

Maybe the fathers smile came from thinking like my Dad did- As Dad always said- In my family they marry off, not on.
I remember the time my parents came home to find my sister and her Husband living in their house waiting for them to come home. Never was sure how they managed to get into the locked up house.
So, who knows. maybe her father`s smile will also backfire a few years from now. LOL.
You sure are good at daydreams and it might have woke everyone up if you had taken over.