Quiet Please ©

Remember last post where I said, “I think I’m going to try and take it easy for the weekend.
Maybe clean house.
Water the forest”.

Well that didn’t happen but I suspect most of you believed that crap wouldn’t happen anyway.
The plan away westerns on TV all day Saturday and work of a friend’s template Saturday night then football all day Sunday.

No friends, No women and no booze, just some tokes and my couch.
What happens……….

Saturday, phone rings, collect call from the farm.
A friend is in jail and calls almost every day and every day I don’t accept the call.
Fuck that it’s a long distance call and the guy is a little loopy and talks about shit from the past on a public line that’s probably monitored by the freaking guards.

Later that afternoon I dropped on the couch with my beloved remote and before I could even turn the TV on there doorbell went off.
It was a friend of mine stopping by on the way to her daughter’s house.
She wanted me to know that she wasn’t wearing any underwear.
Cool, or should I say cold because It was fucken cold out to be running around with out underwear.

She may have had something on her mind but unless she had a bridle and a saddle she wasn’t getting anything because like I said, it’s Saturday and it’s western day.
I smoked a joint with her and she grudgingly left with her feathers still unruffled.

After locking the door behind her I made myself a pot of tea and almost made it back to the couch when the doorbell rattled off again.
I got to get one of the doorbells you can program with your own personal message like, FUCKOFF.
I opened the door and man was that a mistake.
I took one look and tried to make a run for it but sadly I didn’t make it.

I came to hours later and found my captors incapacitated.
I moved through the bodies and around the empty scattered bottles of Retsina and Metaxa left out the kitchen then staggered home where I fell on the couch unconscious for another 8 hours.
It must have been 2 am when I woke up again and found a gazillion IMs on my computer then went back to the couch to die in peace.

Sometime in the middle of the night I must have made my way to the bedroom because that’s where I found myself in the morning when I woke up with the cat dancing on my head.
After cleaning up a bit in the morning I sat down to try and focus on the days tasks and how I could catch up on some work and watch football.
I ended up at the computer talking with a friend for about an hour before I got a call from Mike saying he was coming by to pick me up for lunch.
Lunch right.
We ended up at his place with Tom killing a bottle of Grand Marnier and a box of beer for lunch.
By 7pm I was once again passed out on my couch.
I didn’t see any westerns
I didn’t watch any football.
The house still needs cleaning and the forest will be becoming a desert soon if I don’t get out the hose.

I guess if you count passing out drunk the whole time you could say I had a quiet fucken weekend.
The problem is the loud drum beating in my head making for a noisy Monday.

Tom got a new cell phone actually it’s his first cell phone ever and he’s one of these technology challenged people.
He still has a TV with a dial.
I sat there with him and tried to show him how to make his phone work.
Then I added numbers to his contacts list.
When that was done I gave him back the phone and pulled mine out and asked him to tell me his number.
He told me his number and I dialed it on my cell phone and sat there waiting for his cell to ring but instead some woman answered.
I told her I was sorry and hung up.
Thinking I had hit the wrong numbers with my fat fingers I asked him again for the number and carefully this time I punched it in and hit send then waited for his phone to ring.
Again this woman answers and again I have to apologies to her then hung up.
Now I was getting a little pissed.
I told him to write down his fucken number and to double-check it.
He wrote down the number and said that was it.
I punched in the number and the same fucken lady answered the fucken phone.
This time I just hung up.
Fuck it.
I was mad.

As I was sitting there freaking out on Ton his cell phone rang.
WTF!!!!!!!
He answers his cell phone and it’s his wife.
She is telling Tom about this guy that keeps calling the house and hanging up.

I would have killed him right there if I could have stopped laughing.

So that was my quiet weekend I hope you all had a quiet one yourselves.

OH before I go.
Some people have asked if I am going to do a Halloween post.
I wouldn’t mind but how about some of you helping me out by throwing some ideas for a story out here for me to think about.
There you go, come to Walkersville and leave with homework.

Have a nice day

Walker