blue moon (2)

Monday, October 20, 2008

Quiet Please ©

Remember last post where I said, “I think I’m going to try and take it easy for the weekend.
Maybe clean house.
Water the forest”.

Well that didn’t happen but I suspect most of you believed that crap wouldn’t happen anyway.
The plan away westerns on TV all day Saturday and work of a friend’s template Saturday night then football all day Sunday.

No friends, No women and no booze, just some tokes and my couch.
What happens……….

Saturday, phone rings, collect call from the farm.
A friend is in jail and calls almost every day and every day I don’t accept the call.
Fuck that it’s a long distance call and the guy is a little loopy and talks about shit from the past on a public line that’s probably monitored by the freaking guards.

Later that afternoon I dropped on the couch with my beloved remote and before I could even turn the TV on there doorbell went off.
It was a friend of mine stopping by on the way to her daughter’s house.
She wanted me to know that she wasn’t wearing any underwear.
Cool, or should I say cold because It was fucken cold out to be running around with out underwear.

She may have had something on her mind but unless she had a bridle and a saddle she wasn’t getting anything because like I said, it’s Saturday and it’s western day.
I smoked a joint with her and she grudgingly left with her feathers still unruffled.

After locking the door behind her I made myself a pot of tea and almost made it back to the couch when the doorbell rattled off again.
I got to get one of the doorbells you can program with your own personal message like, FUCKOFF.
I opened the door and man was that a mistake.
I took one look and tried to make a run for it but sadly I didn’t make it.

I came to hours later and found my captors incapacitated.
I moved through the bodies and around the empty scattered bottles of Retsina and Metaxa left out the kitchen then staggered home where I fell on the couch unconscious for another 8 hours.
It must have been 2 am when I woke up again and found a gazillion IMs on my computer then went back to the couch to die in peace.

Sometime in the middle of the night I must have made my way to the bedroom because that’s where I found myself in the morning when I woke up with the cat dancing on my head.
After cleaning up a bit in the morning I sat down to try and focus on the days tasks and how I could catch up on some work and watch football.
I ended up at the computer talking with a friend for about an hour before I got a call from Mike saying he was coming by to pick me up for lunch.
Lunch right.
We ended up at his place with Tom killing a bottle of Grand Marnier and a box of beer for lunch.
By 7pm I was once again passed out on my couch.
I didn’t see any westerns
I didn’t watch any football.
The house still needs cleaning and the forest will be becoming a desert soon if I don’t get out the hose.

I guess if you count passing out drunk the whole time you could say I had a quiet fucken weekend.
The problem is the loud drum beating in my head making for a noisy Monday.

Tom got a new cell phone actually it’s his first cell phone ever and he’s one of these technology challenged people.
He still has a TV with a dial.
I sat there with him and tried to show him how to make his phone work.
Then I added numbers to his contacts list.
When that was done I gave him back the phone and pulled mine out and asked him to tell me his number.
He told me his number and I dialed it on my cell phone and sat there waiting for his cell to ring but instead some woman answered.
I told her I was sorry and hung up.
Thinking I had hit the wrong numbers with my fat fingers I asked him again for the number and carefully this time I punched it in and hit send then waited for his phone to ring.
Again this woman answers and again I have to apologies to her then hung up.
Now I was getting a little pissed.
I told him to write down his fucken number and to double-check it.
He wrote down the number and said that was it.
I punched in the number and the same fucken lady answered the fucken phone.
This time I just hung up.
Fuck it.
I was mad.

As I was sitting there freaking out on Ton his cell phone rang.
He answers his cell phone and it’s his wife.
She is telling Tom about this guy that keeps calling the house and hanging up.

I would have killed him right there if I could have stopped laughing.

So that was my quiet weekend I hope you all had a quiet one yourselves.

OH before I go.
Some people have asked if I am going to do a Halloween post.
I wouldn’t mind but how about some of you helping me out by throwing some ideas for a story out here for me to think about.
There you go, come to Walkersville and leave with homework.

Have a nice day




thats just too fucking good, that he was giving you his home number...

*trys to walk off with out falling over laughing*

Megan said...

I've never tried retsina. But there's a Greek market around the corner that I should visit.

If you and IV ever got together, we might end up with an alcohol shortage. I mean planetary.

nachtwache said...

Gee, you or any of your drinking buddies in need of a new liver any time soon? Luckily you won't have to kill anyone for it, since livers recover and grow back, you can get a living donor.
I thought you'd cut down on your drinking?
Hey, I can totally relate to Tom, I don't know my cell phone # either; giving your home number makes a lot sense too, if your technically challenged. I drive my husband crazy. :)

Gypsy said...

Tom sounds like a crack up. Thanks for the chuckle.

Walker said...

INNER VOICES : don't you be stumbling off and blaming me for being late for work

Walker said...

Megan: well its a butt kicker because it reinforced with pine resin.

Walker said...

nachtwache : And here is where the problem is. I don;t drink much any more and when i get cornered I get drunk fast and hard.
I can still pound it back but would rather spared the head and smoke some pot

Walker said...

Gypsy : All the guys hae their moments and we do like having fun and pulling pranks

Susan said...

So much for best laid plans! you are just too darned popular to have a quiet weekend.

gab said...

Hummm well cause I dont care for gory stories and there isnt much you can do with sex & halloween I guess that leaves me outta the loop. Anyways my weekend was pretty quiet,daughter got someone else to babysit for both fri and sat night and even took the older boys for awhile so I had some great down to to recoup!
LOL on the cell phone and number. *(you do know you can look on the phone to get the number right?)*

Puss-in-Boots said...

You have some hilarious friends, Walker, but I'm glad I don't have friends like that. I don't think I'd survive a weekend like that at my age...

I hope you get your housework done and then would you like to come and do mine...?

Suzanne said...

Honey, you're the subject on my blog. Can you just come over and satisfy me!!!! You bet I'm laughing. Yummy, thanks. That felt good!!! What?

Suzanne said...

Yes, I almost erased.

Fire Byrd said...

Brilliant! love it when I read about people as technically challenged as me.... makes me feel less alone in the world in my particular madness.

Monogram Queen said...

Hmmm I think something witchy for Halloween would be cool and maybe involve a Vamp or two.

Suzanne said...

Hey. Thanks!!! Too funny.

How the hell am I going to deal with the DMV?

A.B. said...

This is why I turn off the phone and don't answer the door ... because it just takes one knock to change the entire course of some planned "time off" from life. Bwahah to your friend... did he truly not understand you wanted his CELL number, or was he fooling you?

celticgirl said...

LOL. My husband has no idea what our phone number is or how to use a cell phone...I mean, come on, he is 38 for jeebus sakes. Get with the program. He reminds me a lot of your friend.
Actually, your friend that is unfortunately incarcerated also reminds me of someone...lots of someones. actually.
Sorry your quiet weekend got blown outta the water...

Peter said...

Tom and I are probably related, not only do I hate my mobile (cell) and not turn it on unless I'm away from home but I've also perfected the art of forgetting to take it with me when I'm away from home... so I have a phone that although it is a couple of years old it is still essentially a virgin.

Walker said...

Susan: More like they have no other place to go and come here

Walker said...

gab: You would besurprised what i can do with sex and halloween LOL

Walker said...

Puss-in-Boots: I tried doing the carpets today and fried the vacuum. Maybe i should just party and forget housework LOL

Walker said...

Suzanne: I came over but you know, Walker doesn't wake up before 10 am eh

Walker said...

Fire Byrd: Some elctronics can be intimidating but not that hard when you sit down and give it a go. Its all in the repetition that gets it perfect

Walker said...

Monogram Queen: That sounds like i could have some fun with.

Walker said...

Suzanne: Walk in naked and tell them you are there for your new photo

Walker said...

A.B.: I wish but with parents in their 80s i have no chpoice but to answer the door and the phone. I will just have to learfn to drink and eat cookies

Walker said...

celticgirl: Some people are just useless with some things like that or cooking.
I like toys and anything that poses a challenge

Walker said...

Peter: I dont know how many times i have had to go back home to get my phone. I have it attached to my belt now just so i know its with me but i suspect one day it will end up in the washing machine with my pants ha ha ha

Michael Manning said...

Walker: Off subject here, but thank you for your supportive comments throughout Gunner's journey. He has passed. Peace, my friend.