Tel A Ding A Ling ©

Hello

Good morning sir
I am calling from Acme Windows.
We are working in your area installing windows at your neighbor’s house and noticed that your house looked like it could use some new windows and were wondering if you’d like a free quote.

Really and was my phone number written on my door?

Well no, I don’t think it was.

So how did you get my number?

We looked it up in the phone book.

I see.
So you opened the phone book and look for 123 Sucker Dr. to find out whom lives there.
That must have taken you at least a week seeing as I am somewhere in the middle of the book.

Actually sir we got your number from a list of names and addresses.

So you lied to me and probably don’t have someone installing windows at one of my neighbor’s houses.

Oh yes sir we do.
We are installing windows at the Anderson’s house on Blair Rd.

Blair Rd?
That’s ten miles from where I live.
That’s not a neighbor, that’s a fellow countryman.

Oh, I didn’t know that.

Where do you live?

Edmonton

Edmonton?!
That’s 2000 miles from here and you are calling me from all the fuck out there to sell me windows?
Your guys must be desperate.
How come you aren’t selling windows there instead?
I know there is a building boom happening out there or do they know of you out there and know NOT to buy your windows.
What’s wrong with your windows?

I am sure there is nothing wrong with the windows sir.

What do you mean that you are sure there is nothing wrong with the window?
Do you have these windows installed at your place?

No, I don’t own the place where I live.

Why haven’t you sold your landlord these windows then?

I don’t really have a landlord; I live with my parents.

How old are you?

28

28 and your still living at home?
What you can’t find a girlfriend or boyfriend if you’re gay.

I’m not gay.

You should be bi-sexual, double your chances of getting laid.

I’m not bi-sexual and it’s none of your business if I am.

So you are gay?
Denial is a bad thing, step out and get rid of the mothballs.

NO I AM NOT GAY!!!!!!
And stop saying that.

HEY, don’t be yelling at me.
You’re the one calling strange men early in morning about looking through their windows.

I didn’t call about looking into your windows I called about selling you windows.

Same thing, different words.
You want to sell me windows when you can’t even sell your parents some.
Think of the commission you’d make.
You could move out of their house with it.
HELL, tell them that and they’d buy the fucken windows just to get their gay son out of the house.

Listen Mr. Brooks I just called about the windows.

Oh…………
I’m not Mr. Brooks.
I think you have the wrong number.

“Click”

I’m going fucken crazy with all of these telephone commercials.
I get about 4 a day from people trying to sell me windows, vacuums, furniture and the list goes on.

I throw my flyers in the garbage.
I flip channels to get away from commercials on the TV
The only ads I look at are the ones the hookers flash at me when I walk by.

How the fuck can you deal with the phone commercials?
It used to be I would look at the call display and knew when not to answer but no with all the over seas friends I have who use phone companies that piggy back local companies I am forced to pick up even for 1 800 numbers.

You know whose fault this is eh?
The phone companies fault.
They’re smart bastards.
They have farmed out all their work to India who were brilliant in see an opportunity to create jobs and all the people here that worked the phone centers have nothing left to do but try and sell me windows.

That damn phone company is more powerful than the government.
If the police go out there looking for a specific criminal they spend millions of dollars and resources and in most cases don’t get their man for a long time.
Just call the phone company and they can tell you exactly where he is by the GPS chip in their cell phones.

See what I mean?
The phone company is following you around and you don’t even know it.
Just give them time and they will have a tiny C4 explosive chip made and installed in all cell phones and when you don’t pay your bill they’ll call you and when you answer blow your brains up.
They’re EVIL I tell you.

After finishing with the gay window salesman I sat down in the lounge to watch some TV and the phone rang again.
I looked and it was another 1 800 number.
I debated answering it a bit then gave in.
I was hoping it would stop ringing by the time I decided but the bastards let the fucken phone ring 20 tines before they give up.

I pick up the phone and its some guy trying to sell me on a cell phone from guess whom,
The “PHONE” company.

Hello

Good day sir
I am calling today to offer you a great deal on a cell phone from the Phone Company

I don’t want a cell phone.

Do you have a cell phone sir?

No I don’t and I don’t want one.

This is a once in a lifetime deal sir.

Dieing is a one in a lifetime deal and there aren’t any refunds either.

That’s true but while you’re alive you can use this cell phone to call your loved ones.

Nope I don’t want a phone from your company.
I’ve had my nightmares with you in the past.
Your service sucks and support has a thicker accent than ex with my dick in her mouth.
So don’t call me again about this phone.

Goodbye.

Damn phone company.
They make more than enough money and they try to milk the rest out of your wallet.

“RING RING”

Fucken phone.

Hello

Sir, I didn’t tell you what the deal was.

Listen bud, I don’t want a fucken cell phone no matter what the deal is.

But for 30 a month you get a $400 cell phone with camera and video camera.
700 minutes a month with free evening and weekends.

I wouldn’t take a cell phone from you even if the president of the company called and gave it to me for ten bucks a month and threw in Halle Berry as a bonus.

BYE

Persistent little fucker isn’t he?
They call over and over pestering you until you cave in.
I have all these different Capital one card people calling at least once a week but usually twice.
How much money do they think people have and if you don’t watch out they get all the money you will be making until the day you die, which will probably be when the cell phone rings about your unpaid phone bill.

“RING RING”

What now?

Hello

Good evening sir.

Same to you, who’s this?

I am the regional sales manager for the Phone Company.

Yeah right
So what can I do for you.

I understand that you have some reservations about our service and company policy.

More like the company Police

What’s that?

Nothing, yes policy, your's sucks and I want nothing to do with you.

Well I am calling to change your mind.
I am willing to offer you a new cell phone of your choosing and throw in the gold package, which is a leather phone case and a blue tooth ear piece.
I will wave the $400 deposit and the office fee.
I will give you 700 minutes a month and free evenings and weekend and for the first three months you can call all you want and surf the net all you want.
I will give you all that for $8.95 a month for one year and then two more years at $19.95 a month.
How’s that sound?

Sooooooo, ummmmmm …………………what about Halle Berry?

Here's my brand new GOLD metal phone



My mother keeps asking who the naked black woman in the background is.

Have a nice day

Walker