blue moon (2)

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Working Out ©

Before I wade into today’s post I would like to take a moment and say that, I remember those who perished on Sept 11 and their families along with those who are still perishing due to events sparked by those who don’t love peace or value life.

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Next arm.

Hey, I’m just working out.

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I have a wedding to go to in two weeks and I want to be in shape.
I remember when I first started working out way back in junior high when I played hockey.
Before that in elementary sports we played intramural sports for fun and never practiced.
Just show up for the game and you were on the team.
Bodies were more important than skills.

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But in junior high, sports got serious.
For the next six years I ate slept, crapped and breathed hockey pucks and basketballs.
Then during the summer breaks I hammered baseballs out of ballparks.
I was built for baseball but back then there weren’t leagues for it.
My brother was built for hockey lean and mean.

I know I don’t take the time to say some of the nice things about him because most of the time he’s selfish little bossy fucker but he has his good points to.
He was born with a sculpted body and the good looks associated with the term “Adonis”. Along with it comes arrogance and a lust to batter people to the ground.
He skated past and empty net with the puck to cream a defense man because the guy had his head down looking at the puck and not my brother.

Just plain ruthless when it came to anything competitive, oh and he cheats.
Yeah, he says it’s not cheating but part of the game.
It’s only cheating if you get caught.

He loves money because he lives for gadgets.
The guy has more toys than anyone I know.
He has shit I never heard of.
Like when I took his van to pick up my niece from the day care.
I got the kid in the van and we are going down the street and a phone starts ringing.
I look around for it but I can’t see anything.

The phone continues to ring and my ears follow the sound up to the rear view mirror and I see a little button on it so I push it.
My brother starts talking through the car speakers and typing it across the rear view mirror at the same time.
WTF!!!!!

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He’s not all asshole and does have a kind heart but you have to be at your wits end before he helps you.
You know, you’re hanging off a cliff by a rope and the strands are snapping off one at a time and your death is imminent.
He’d sit there and wait.
He’s going to help you but not until there is one last strand left that way he’s the hero.
My brother loves being the hero and the attention that comes with it and we love it when he is the hero, my parents and I.
It’s about the only way we could manipulate him.

It took me years to figure it out and a day to teach my parents.
Say you need help for something or someone needs help and my brother is the only one that could help.
If you ask him, he will either say No or he will say yes and never do it.

BUT

If you ask him in public and throw in a testimonial of a past deed you own him.
My mother though has pushed it a bit to far I think.
So far she has milked him out of a 32 in plasma, a side-by-side fridge, new fans and light fixture throughout the house and I now here there may be a 42 inch plasma for the kitchen coming but he threatens to kill then if one of his socks goes missing.

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Sports were good for him to release his frustrations I guess and he played up until a few years ago but he never had to work out.
Maybe all the built in anger was enough.

I on the other hand had to work my fucken ass off.
It felt all I did was run all over the place like Forrest Gump.
I hated the people that didn’t have to work out as much as I did to be as fit but it also drove me to work harder.

Over the years since high school I let the body fall to pieces and only recently started to find some remnant inside me of part of that body but I have to go slow so that I don’t hurt myself.
I’m already a pro at that.

The idea of working out is to loose some weight to make it easier to get to the store to buy more Twinkies.
So for the last week I have been lifting weights, not large amounts.
I don’t want to bulk up just loose a little weight and get a little sculpted so to do that I use light weights and do many reps and with each set of reps I drop the weight down a little bit.

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To do this though you need a fare number of small dumbbells and that could get a little expensive on the pocket book.
Have you seen some of the gym equipment they have now?
They have contraptions that do a million different exercises and when you’re done it folds up into a suitcase size box that you slide under the bed next to the thigh master.
I’d be scared to use one in case something happened and folded itself into that box while I was on it.

Even the dumbbells are space age today.
All chromed up like the bumper of a 57 Chevy.
Most people who own those don’t really need to work out with them.
They get their workout lifting the fuckers to polish them so they look good for when the friends stop by.

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No, I can’t afford fancy equipment like that and in fact I’d be hard pressed to find the money for it and would have to go without from someplace else do to that so I had to use what I had available to me.
You know what they say, necessity is the mother of invention.
So after sitting down on the couch polishing off an Oh Henry an a Coke I figured out how to gets some curls in and at the same time have the weight change automatically with each repetition.

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It was sitting here in front of me the whole time and I didn’t even see it until I burped.
The perfect dumbbell.

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Damn, the bottle’s empty.
Catch you guys later; I need another quart to do some more curls.

Have a nice day

At least walking to the fridge is exercise too.

Walker

45 comments:

Gypsy said...

Keep that up Walker and you'll be able to take on Rambo with those muscly arms tied behind your back. I for one am looking forward to hearing about another wedding where Walker is a guest. I can only sit here in excited anticipation of what will happen this time ;)

Anonymous Boxer said...

I believe you burned about 30 calories typing this post. .

But...I actually think your current sex life will provide all of the physical excercise you need.

;-)

Suzanne said...

I wrote, what I think is a really great comment, and came back to get your response. Hummmmmmmmmmmm. Where is my comment? It isn't here. Nor there. Nor anywhere. Hummmmmmmmmm. Did you delete it? Damn! That took me something like 20 minutes! Damn! No, I'm not going to rewrite it.

Walker said...

Gypsy: Screw that noise, I'll just hit him over the head with the empty bear bottle.
Yeah I bet you are.
It's gonna take me months to loose that food. LOL

Walker said...

Anonymous Boxer: Nope, Walker has parked his sex life for now unless a certain witch calls and its on MY turf next time.

All that going out on those dates managed to do was confuse me more and sweat ten pounds off.

Walker said...

Suzanne: You're right, it isn't here.
You posted it on the post below LOL

Scarlet said...

A certain witch???

Hmmmm ....

I'd LOVE to accompany you to a wedding sometime Walker ... just for the sheer entertainment value you and your family provide!
I have a feeling that all of y'all are the type that need to be 'experienced' in person to get the full effect! lol
Reading about it doesn't do y'all justice.

Doo Dah said...

you make working out interesting!
have a great weekend

The Troll said...

I know somebody who did have one of those fold-up workout machines collapse on him. Fucking thing came with a list of warnings 12 pages long in fine print.
And you have to pay extra to get what you see on TV. The non-collapse version.

PBS said...

That's a great way to work out, think I'll try that (much needed...) Your brother sounds a lot like my younger brother. Perhaps thinking about him could put a little more oomph into my workout!

catscratch said...

Tripped in here from Inner Voices place.

Apparently I did it on the right day too. You're a hoot.

Just telling it like it is said...

You know walker I had some Canadian friends once they talked about playing hockey on the weekends but all we ever did was drink beer, I never saw one skate but they sure did teach me how to drink beer. Bibi used to drink like a pro but sometimes he would drink to much and vomit on the floor...and then and then and only then did I see a hockey stick to swipe it away. They would turn him to his side and then say he always does that just part of his MO...
and and I like your idea of working out..went to my trainer yesterday and let me tell you he kicked my ass and then I didn't even wear my short shorts so he could see my panties while he stretched me..turns out they changed trainers on me and I got the really hot young one...
p.s. I'm sure your way hotter than your brother...trust me I'm a nurse

Suzanne said...

Oh, shut up.

Suzanne said...

I didn't post it below. I posted it here. I lost it. Oh well.

Peter said...

Are you sure you're just lifting weights with all that change arms business Walker?

jyankee said...

So...did you get a good workout??? Family.....love em and hate em!

Walker said...

Scarlet: There would be lots of food all the booze you can drink and dancing til you drop.
I may have to carry you home lol

Walker said...

Doo Dah: Working out is to much like work so might as well make in entertainment ;)

Walker said...

The Troll: I am not surprised.
My football couch decided one day to invent and back stretcher and we all watched him kill himslef testing it one day.
Free weights are the best

Walker said...

PBS: If it motivates you then go for it.
I workout at the YMCA and always do my treadmill over looking tha aerobics class ;)

Walker said...

catscratch: Well thank you and welcome :)

Walker said...

Just telling it like it is : Drinking beer is a national sport here and is the second most popular sport behind hockey and one ahead of writing your name in the snow after drinking lots of beer

Walker said...

Suzanne: I looked and looked and looked but all I found were a pair of black panties.
They're silky and smell nice

Walker said...

Peter: Just weights I swear, one two three four five ..... next arm

Walker said...

jyankee: I worked out so much I was dizzy

Suzanne said...

Not funny. And I'll tell you why. I don't wear panties!!! I hate undergarments! I don't know who's underpants you're smellin' honey, but they aren't mine!!! Good luck with that! But sexy. Thanks!

Suzanne said...

Oh Christ. Catscratch is here!!! Good luck with her!

Jessica said...

Yum to muscular arms, and hockey player masculinity!

Monogram Queen said...

Now that is Stacy's kind of work-out! LOL
Lean and mean is so-o-o-o over-rated, give me a manly man with something I can hang onto any day!

Anonymous Boxer said...

Have you been to MJ's blog today?

http://theinfomaniac.blogspot.com/

:-)

Walker said...

Suzanne: Hmmmm I may bee DNA testing done.
Yup and I stopped by over at Catscratch's to. :)

Walker said...

Jessica: You just know how you like to be wrapped for Christmas ;)

Walker said...

Monogram Queen: Never know when you need to chew some fat eh ;)

Walker said...

Anonymous Boxer: No but I will head on over ASAP ;)

Just telling it like it is said...

Walker I once tried to write my name in the snow just I fell over with my pants down..I guess not enough practice//

Walker said...

Just telling it like it is: That's just a Rookie mistake, girls are supposed to use a stencle LOL

Suzanne said...

DNA all you want. It ain't gonna create a pair of panties! Trust me! Oh, and Catscratch. GOOD LORD!!! Luv ya baby. Good luck!

XO

Suzanne said...

Wow. Do you realize you have a lot of ladies Mr. Poopular? I hear ya sista. Whoops, Brotha.

;)

Walker said...

Suzanne: Not trying to create panties just collection DNA ;)

Yes, I have alot of lovely intelegent female friends who are not afraid to slap me silly when i have it coming.
Some i think take pleasure in it ;)

Leila said...

Hahaha, apparently everyones siblings are a pain in the butt :/

Speaking of pain in the butts, working out is a pain in the butt too! Plus it never seems to do the job....

Walker said...

Leila: Yes we all have at least one thats a pain in the butt. Mine puts me to my wits end most times.

Tell me about it.
I have ran more miles than an olympic athlete and they still look better than me.
Most times I just run to keep up with my belly that should be enough LOL

Just telling it like it is said...

Now that was funny!!!tehehehe

Walker said...

Just telling it like it is: ;)

Dotm said...

Hi Walker, If only exercise was that easy we might have a lot more people joining us. LOL

Walker said...

Dotm: Shhhhhhh its crowded already