blue moon (2)

Friday, September 19, 2008

Another Day ©

I would like to take this moment to send my condolences to our friend Sally and her family, who’s grandson was killed last night while practicing on his Moto Cross bike at the track.
At seventeen he was to young to go but he was also doing what he loved and pursuing a dream.
I know he will be missed by all those who loved him.


***************************************************************

It’s fast times when Walker’s high.
Not the high I really want like smoking a spliff of some primo bud or sniffing a steaming pussy ready for some action.
No, the only high I’m getting is from NyQuil and the only steamy pussy I smell is Frick walking back from the litter box.

Is a cold enough to keep Walker in bed on his back?
Not unless it comes with a buxom beauty to hold me down.
I’m no hero but it’s just to fucken boring to lay in bed sick so I crawled out of bed stumbled down the stairs and sat down to do something.

I checked my comments then went back to bed.
It’s a good thing I did to because my mother called to wake me up as soon as i got there.
She wanted to tell me that the hydro inspector was next door checking over the electrical that was done a few months ago and she wanted to speak to me.
Fine, I crawled back out of bed and through on my joggies and walked next door to see what this inspector wanted.

I walked through the door and there is this short woman with my parents waiting for me to arrive.
They stood there staring at me for a bit before I broke the silence and said hello.
My mother gave me this dirty look and said in Greek that I could have put myself together a bit and put on some pants to hide my ding a lings.

Well I’m sorry it’s not my fault I wake up with a hard on for fucks sake.
She did say come now not CUM now then come over.
They inspector took me to the washroom to show me the plug on the wall and said that the breaker in the plug wasn’t working so she wanted it changed before she wrote off the inspection and I had to do it that day then call her.
I told her I would get it done that morning and phone it in after before she left.

All the way out the back door my mother lectured me about my appearance and I told her that I was showing up naked the next time before she shut up.
She knows me well enough to do it.
Back home I went to my washroom to clean up and find a piece of me through the snot and red eyes.

Going back downstairs I stood there looking at my living room while thinking about what I needed to fix the plug and decided then and there I needed a new coffee table so I went downstairs and got a rot iron type frame I dragged home one night from the side of the road.

I drag alot of stuff home on my way back from the pub in the middle of the night, like the other day I scooped up a solid wood tabletop from a kitchenette which is a good thing because it was to become the top of my new coffee table.
The thing looked like it had been in a war and scared everywhere.
My idea was to sand off the general surface but not go to far down and erase the scares.
I wanted it to have a distressed look to it.
Originally I was planning for a glass top but they wanted $120 for it and with my drunken friends one would drop a beer through it in no time so wood sounded better.

So for he next three hours I was in the basement measuring, sawing, sanding and creating one hell of a dust bowl until it was the way I wanted.
After washing it down with some mineral water I proceeded in staining it with a red oak stain I had used on the small park bench I built for the living room.

After finishing the staining I went upstairs to drill some holes in the base so I could screw in the top when it was dry.
When I got upstairs, I got a good rush, must have been high from the fumes of the stain.
After making the holes, all that was left was the actual installation of the top so I dropped on the couch and envisioned what it would look like with the coffee table there and noticed that rug needed cleaning.
So did the one in the TV room for that matter and if I did it now it would be a lot easier than it would be with the coffee table I figured so I went next door to the my parents place where we store the cleaning machines we kept after we closed the cleaning company and dragged out the steam cleaner and went next door to do the rug.

Well, you just can’t do a rug only.
I had the fucken machine there so I did all the rugs on the first floor.
I have hardwood floors but I put area rugs on them to save the floors and trust me, it was a good idea because if you look at what the floor around my desk looks like compared to the rest you wouldn’t know they were once the same.

After finishing the carpets I packed everything up and put it aside for now then went and brought up the table top to screw it to the base and I must say, that it looks great.
I’d take a picture but my digital camera died and it only takes drunk fuzzy pictures now but I am getting a new one so I will pop it up here when I do.

Having finished two jobs I wasn’t planning on doing today or any time soon I decided to go back to doing what I was to do in the first place and that was the plug in my mother’s washroom.
My mother has a small light she plugs in to that plug because she doesn’t like using the new one my brother installed because it has three of those bright lights on it and she says when she is on the toilet with the light on she feels like she is on stage with the spotlight on her while people are waiting to see a performance.

As I walked out the back I heard a commotion coming from my parent’s place so I quietly walked in through the back door and my parents were in the kitchen banging at each other with pots, pans, lids, strainers…
This is what happens when you get old and the hand pump goes limp and the well dries up, you beat each other with cookware to get off.

I asked them what the hell was going on and my mother runs up to me first, like she always does, to present her case.
My father protests of course.

My father decided that he was going to put in his wine today so he went to get some grape juice to bring home.
You go to the supplier and they sell you the grapes and squash them for a price then you bring it home.
My mother wanted some juice to make some biscuits she likes so she gave my father twenty bucks so he can’t throw in another box of grapes for some juice for her.

Well it seems that my mother thought my father short changed her on the juice so when he was having her strain the juice in the kitchen my mother was skimming off the top and hiding it in the fridge.
You’d think we were in the Mafia with all the skimming going on.
Well somewhere along the way my father opened the fridge and caught my mother skimming so they got into a fight and that’s when I walked in to find two eighty year olds sword fighting with pot lids for shields.

I just walked by them and went upstairs to fix the light and let them duke it out but I’d put my money on my mother, she usually wins.
It took me all of ten minutes to fix the plug and to call it in to the inspector then walked downstairs and found my mother making cookies.
See, I told you.

Have a nice weekend

Walker

35 comments:

Leila said...

"My mother gave me this dirty look and said in Greek that I could have put myself together and bit and put on some pants to hide my ding a lings"

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
that just made my morning, just because it's so typical!

Suzanne said...

I'm moving to Canada. Oh, I'm also moving to Canada to live with you and your family. Sorry, forgot to mention that. We're perfect for one another. Well...you're really good in bed. That helps!!! Of course I'm kidding, but knew you'd get a good laugh. Great post. Learned alot and will do more to protect the world. Love you darlin'. Keep up the good work. And no, the good in bed part wasn't a joke. You are. Good luck with that!!!

Doo Dah said...

are ya sick too? I sorry Walker, I shouldnt have breathed on ya.

Get well man :-)

Bud said...

You are a living, breathing, walking fucking sit-com, man!

Blogget Jones said...

Good Lord, that's hilarious! Love the parent fight, and that you predicted the outcome so beautifully!

I can't believe you got all that done AND you're sick. I'm sick today, too, so I know just how you feel. But I'm not nearly as motivated. And I don't have a hard on. Can't pull that one off...but I can sure appreciate waking up to that in my bed! LOL

:o) BJ

Monogram Queen said...

If I could I would join a Fan Club for your parents. Heck i'd be the President! Love them!

PBS said...

Ha ha, I hope you are writing an autobiography with all of this! What an interesting life you have.

INNER VOICES said...

hahahaaaa... got to give them some foam swords and over sized gloves for christmas!!

Anonymous Boxer said...

your mom and dad need their own reality tv show.

I'd watch.

Peter said...

I walked in to find two eighty year olds sword fighting with pot lids for shields.

That's a line that would fit into an episode of Seinfeld beautifully Walker, you missed your calling when you decided not to become a comedy writer professionally.

Lindy said...

Its always a treat to stop by & read you. Sorry you're sick dude. Hope you feel better soon. Even sick you make me giggle.

hillgrandmom said...

And the cookies with grape juice in them sound amazing.

Nan said...

I'm sorry Walker, I don't mean to be rude but your family is hilarious!
Sorry that you don't feel well though.

Puss-in-Boots said...

I love your parents, Walker. I hope I'm like that when I'm 80! Only I have to find a sparring partner first...

Hope you're feeling better. I think a cold is worse than the flu. At least with the flu you are bloody sick, with a cold you're sick enough to feel miserable but can still do stuff...as you did.

Have a hot whisky and lemon...

Scarlet said...

WTF????

I left a comment yesterday and now it has *POOFED* into another freakin dimension!

mother f'n blogger .... AAAAAGGHHHH!!!!!!

Anywhoodle ....
once again, you had me snorting (NOT the good stuff)coffee out my nose, and damn near falling out of my chair.
I a so coming up to visit you! lol
I have GOT to meet your parents! lol :D

Fire Byrd said...

As all the above.
And a thought for Sally, life must be very tough in her family right now.

ssgreylord said...

so, i'm a walker virgin and what a way to get to know you and your blog. you're sick as hell (though very productive regardless). and parents sword-fighting with pot lids as shields.

i think i'm gonna like coming back here...:)

Walker said...

Leila: All mothers are the same no matter where you live.
They have to make sure you rare the way they like you to be

Walker said...

Suzanne: I'm getting alot of bed time this weekend that's for sure.
Not the bed time I would like but I'm on my back.

Walker said...

Doo Dah: Aw, it wasn't your fault but if you feel really guilty about it you can send me that stove of yours ;)

Walker said...

Bud: There are two ways to look at life.
Miserable or just laugh it off.
I rather laugh most of it off and lick the good parts.

Walker said...

Blogget Jones: You don't need to have one just one close by to pull like a dinner bell.
Life is funny when you stop and look at it.
It has many facets and i like to explore the one that makes you laugh.

Walker said...

Monogram Queen: I am sure you would be presideent if there was one lol

Walker said...

PBS: It's just as intereating as yours is to me.
It's great being able to peek in someone's life and feel them through their words

Walker said...

INNER VOICES: You know, I just may do that and post a picture too lol

Walker said...

Anonymous Boxer: Gezz now that would d5rive me crazy especially if they go into reruns and i find them on every channel

Walker said...

Peter
: Maybe but then again maybe not. I get to share all of this with you instead.
Think of it as my private channel and show.

Walker said...

Lindy: Colds suck but I think I'm getting better.
Laughter need not be sick to though ;)

Walker said...

hillgrandmom: They are. She boils the juice first to make it more potent then uses it for make the cookies. They only make them once a year after the harvest of grapes.

Walker said...

Nan: ah that's cool I laugh at them all the time too LOL

Walker said...

Puss-in-Boots:I am sure you will be a hottie on fire at 80

Walker said...

Scarlet: Bad blogger. It does it to me all the time to.
You are welcome here any time. You should be climatized soon enough where you are now

Walker said...

Fire Byrd: Yes is must be hell on earth for her and the boys parents.
A parent should never have to outlive their children

Walker said...

ssgreylord: Hello and Welcome.
Wow a Walker virgin, I hope you didn't run away screaming for the police.
If you did I would like to point out that I have an alibi.

I hope to see you again when you stop running ;)

nachtwache said...

Hope you'll feel better soon! My condolences to your friend Sally and her family. That's terrible.