blue moon (2)

Sunday, August 03, 2008

The Stepford Wives: Part Two ©

I thought about the 30 years she spent being married to her husband.
Her kids, grand kids and what would happen if I decided I wanted to be happy for the first time in years.
My decision would affect all these people.
I had nothing to loose and everything to gain where she was loosing everything and gaining what we had together.

I could see the frustration and desperation in her eyes as she waited for my answer with Christmas looming around the corner.
Finding the makings of true love is a rare thing, one that is to often confused with lust and a need to quell that hunger.
I don’t believe in love at first sight.
True love grows like everything else with care and affection not BOOM, and there is love.
That’s called growing weeds.

A couple of months ago I got a phone call from across the pond.
An ex lover called and said she was leaving her husband so she could be with me.
She said that she didn’t want to displace me but just wanted to be close because she loved me and loved the way I treated her when she was living here.

That set me back momentarily but I was busy to answer her because I had a customer sitting next to me and to be honest I have to absorb this new revelation.
This was on the tail of someone else asking me if she could run away from home to live with me here a couple of days earlier.

The friend from across the pond is a long time friend, lover who is in a loveless relationship.
It has evolved into a mother son relationship rather than I husband and wife one.
To say my head wasn’t in my work is an understatement and asked my customer to leave his computer and I would deal with it later that night and he could pick it up the next day.

After he had gone I sat down and thought about it and everything else I have seen and done.
Since the conception of this blog I have been approached by a number of women looking for what’s missing at home.
At first it was flattering and then it became distressing seeing how many women aren’t happy with their lives at home.
Many have confided many things to me from suicide attempts to end the torture or infidelities in search of the love that was lacking at home only to find themselves more confused and lost than before.

Their home lives become unbearable and thoughts of escape take form in their heads.
In fact, it becomes the obsession.
This is the illusion they create to wash away their angst off of their outer bodies to help them cope with the day to day life of the outside world.
They search out looking for how they want their lives to be in the lives of others and yearn for that for themselves but they can’t.

Fear engulfs their lives,
Fear of not being able to survive on their own.
Fear of not being loved again by anyone.
Fear of loosing everything they worked for, for so long
Fear of being alone
Fear keeps them where they are, living in this state of limbo.

All of this brought the past flooding back into my head and I found myself sitting in that snow covered parking lot two weeks from Christmas once more six years plus in the past.

I compared the lives of some of the women I have talked to with this same problem and looked for similarities.

Most have husbands that worked over 60 hours a week.

No one should have to work this many hours all the time and if you have to too pay the bills then you’ve over extended yourself and should get rid of what is forcing you to work so much and live your life not work it away.

This is a problem for both partners not just the one.
You have to tell the other person “I want you to work less”.
If a company has that much work then they could hire someone else and pay them with all that extra overtime money they are saving.
There are lineups of unemployed people looking for work.
If you don’t fight for this then you can’t complain about it.
If the company doesn’t agree them tell you partner to decide what is more important, work or your relationship.

All complained that they were being neglected

Well if your partner works from 9am to 9pm there isn’t anything left to do but eat, shit and sleep until they have a heart attack that is, then you can go out and spend the insurance money.
Putting pressure on someone who is dead tired to the world will only cause trouble.

All wanted to be told they are beautiful and desired.

Every woman deserves to be told she is beautiful and so do their husbands.
What you think men don’t have feelings?
They do they’re just not called feelings they are called egos.
It doesn’t kill anyone to kiss their partner and tell them goodbye when they head off to work or when t hey come home and I love you any chance you get not when you want something.

All complained about loud fighting and being taken for granted

Of course there is loud fighting.
You’re both frustrated and want change.
You both want to be treated with respect.
You both want things to be like they used to but that can’t.
You’re 30 years past the I DO stage and life is different today with more responsibilities and less time for each other and let me tell you a secret.
It doesn’t get easier.
You have to adapt not try and make the old work in a new world.
It's like sticking a record in the CD player, doesn't work.

All have had extramarital affairs

What is lacking at home can be easily found outside of it and it doesn’t take much.
“You look nice today”.
You’re heart starts racing because someone paid you a compliment.
You start dressing different, more put together and sexy.
“You look sexy today”.
Now you’re getting all excited because a someone thinks you hot and sexy something your partner never says to you any more.

One day you get into an argument at home and find yourself down the road getting planted by someone who paid you those compliments.
He’s the one for you, the one that treats you the way you want to be treated, the one who is always there when you need that shoulder to cry on.
He’s not off working a 16 hour shift to keep the bills paid and the lights on.

Now life becomes more confusing.
You see, you haven’t found the person of your dreams, all you have managed to do is fill that void missing from your life that you have been craving for, but in the process you compromised your whole life.
You want to be with the new person because they represent what has been missing but the old one IS your life.

We sat in the parking lot of the pub that snowy night and talked.
She told me what she wanted to do and why.
She said I made her feel good, loved and wanted.
I filled that void that had been haunting her for so long.

I asked her if she loved her husband and she said yes.
Her husband is not a bad person for the most part.
Cold, like his parents were, almost uncaring in his attitude towards her.
They are well off and will never need money, EVER.
She is a genius with money and they have banked enough in investments that they can’t ever loose.

He surprises her with expensive gifts and takes her on European vacations for months on end.
The only thing lacking is the sex and his stupid obsession with her being fat.
I asked her what her kids who are now both married with kids would say.
She was positive one would be hurt and the other would never speak to her again.
The snow was pouring through the open window as I thought of what to do.

To be continued………If I don’t end up in jail for somthing stupid



Anonymous Boxer said...

You're soooo much smarter than Dr.Phil.

....... next installment please.

Walker said...

I'm not smarter than anyone else.
It's all out there for all to see if you stop and look past the icing.

Robyn said...

First off go back to your last post and read what Suzanne(the last person) wrote! Touching...I just love her! And I see she loves you as well! (she found you through my blog)

This post made me feel very sad...very sad indeed! I want your friend to be happy and find her path. my friend must find a happy path as well! You are such a keeper as a man! You find almost (some exceptions *wink* you know who I mean)women beautiful souls and you are so-forth coming with your feelings. Which by the way is SO REFRESHING! That is why I am so driven to this blog daily...DAILY! It is like an addiction. I can't get enough of you and seems there are some in your 'hood that feel the same way. I must say it probably is a good thing that there are a few state lines between!
Love ya!

Scarlet said...

Sadly, far too many women look outside for what's missing inside.
I've been guilty in the past of doing the very same.
But, I learned.
My partner isn't responsible for my happiness ..... I AM.
Unless I tell him what I need, he has no way of knowing, and that isn't fair.

On the flip side, sometimes, no matter how hard you express yourself, or try to make a relationship work, it doesn't.
There's nothing worse than waking up one day and realizing that you're in a relationship with someone who is so wrapped up in themselves that any feelings you once had for them have all *poofed* into another dimension.
There's no love .... except for the mutual love of the children.


I suppose i'll be patient and wait for the next installment.

Monogram Queen said...

Well... she came to the right place for good advice. You've definitely got a good head on your shoulders! Wisher her (and you) the best!

Bud said...

This is quite griping, Walker. I'm impressed with your take on all this. Very insightful. I think you'll do the right thing.

Just telling it like it is said...

I really know what you mean...
The grass is not always greener on the other side...and yes women want to be loved but have to remember that relationships are a work in progress...We all go through times were we really could use a little loving from our friends...

Walker said...

Robyn: Life is not perfect. B orders are place before us to determine how far we are willing to travel

Walker said...

Scarlet: Life has gradually sped up without us noticing and we fall behind with everything.
Love becomes a casualty

Walker said...

Monogram Queen: I don't know if I have a good head. Its full of hair though.
I care for those i love, that's what I do know though

Walker said...

Bud: Its not so much a question of doing the right thing but to do somwething even if it's to just be there.
I have seen to many times people abandoned by those around them when the times get rough to fend for themselves.
I guess I love the underdog for a reason.

Walker said...

Just telling it like it is said: Life isn't perfect or a harlequin romance but there is hope with work and understanding from both parties not for just the one to carry the burden.

Just telling it like it is said...

I see why all the ladies loved ya walker...and it doesn't hurt that you give the lovin out too...

Walker said...

Just telling it like it is : All I see are friends who need someone to talk to at no cost or obligation.
I'm rich with time