blue moon (2)

Saturday, August 09, 2008

Knuckle Dragging ©

5:50am and I’m still pretty hammered.
I don’t know where Archie got that case or Retsina but he doesn’t have it any more HA HA HA

Oh, hold for a second the microwave just went off………

OK I’m back.

It’s been really busy around here getting ready for the BBQ next week.
In fact it’s been busier than I expected thanks to my mother.
My mother’s a clean freak and wants everything to look perfect because there are people coming over.
For instance, I’m having a BBQ in the back yard so she makes me paint the front porch.
That includes sanding, grinding, banging, straightening and scraping the rot iron hand railing into its pre fucked up condition before I could prime and paint it.

You see the railing is how it started, the trap.
You get conned to paint the railing and after that the railing looks so good it makes the floor look bad, then with the floor looking spiffy you just can’t leave the pillars looking like shit now can you?

I woke up that morning with the intent to clean the house and what happens, I get sucked in to paint the front porch by an 80-year-old half pint.
By 8pm and four trips to home depot, the front porch was painted and dry before the sky opened up and pissed all over the place.
As the rain was pouring down a shadow fell across the front door of my house and my mother stared in.
My parents aren’t allowed in my house or I’ll shoot them, so they stare in from the window instead.

They watched my house when I went away for a month and a half and when I came home from the airport I didn’t recognize my house.
They moved everything around they way they like it and my basement had brand new wooded racks built.
Really nice wood to that must have cost a couple of bucks.

I asked him where he got the wood for the shelving and he said it was in the basement.
I was pretty sure I didn’t have nice wood like that down there.
There is wood that I keep in case I need to build something small quick but this was nice stuff you use to build furniture.
It took me a month to figure out where the wood came from when I went to set up the futon in one of the rooms.
The wood he used was the frame to the futon.
I flipped, went next door to kill my father but I only found my brother there.
He started laughing and I told him to shut his trap but he just kept on laughing and directed me to follow him to the basement.
Downstairs we stood facing a wall and he pointed at a metal wall rack my father was using to hang cables and rope.
My brother said that was his weight bench and we both started laughing.
The red leather seat was still on it.

She stared through the window and I hear her say, “Your house is a mess; you sit around all day at the computer doing nothing”.
Where’s my gun?
Ah, spray bottle is just as good.

Today I wake up determined to CLEAN the fucken house and head down to get started when my mother phoned and asked me to come next door for a second.
I walk through the back door and my mother tells me my father wants me at the front door.
I go to the front and my father is there with tools.
Now for those of you who have been reading here for awhile know that my father and tools is a BAD thing, pots and pans, good but tools, bad.

I ask him what he is up to and he says my mother made him go get wood to rebuild the front door frame.
Last year my brother in his infinite window cut it in half to pull a wire through.
It was easier to do that than to carefully remove the frame and then hammer it back in again.
He’s another one to fear with tools.
He has started many a job and finished none.

I wished my father luck and turned to go back to my cleaning but passing through the kitchen my mother asked me where I was going and I told her I had things to do like “CLEAN MY MESSY HOUSE”.
She tells me I have to fix the front door because if my father does it he will only screw it up and she will be embarrassed when the people from the BBQ see it.
My mother should have been a politician.

Sixty people will be using my house for anything thing they may need but my mother has me rebuild the inside of her front door frame and then she wants me to paint it so it looks good for my guests who won’t be going to her place.

I was done by 3pm and was walking out the door when my mother squawked about having to vacuum again now.
Like she doesn’t every day anyway.

My mother wanted a central vacuum so she wouldn’t have to carry when vacuum up and down.
When my father found out how much it would cost to buy and install he bought another vacuum and leaves it upstairs instead.

As soon as I got home, Archie was calling me on the phone saying he needed to see my and that I had to get up to his place right now.
I’m never going to get the house clean I thought.

I made my way up to his place and walked in through the kitchen and asked him what the problem was.
He said he needed help cleaning out the fridge and asked me to look inside.
I opened the door and it was filled with bottles of retsina.
It’s a white wine that has a pine resin flavor infused into it and it’s drank best cold.
This was the last thing I needed now but as you read in the second line, I helped him clean out the fridge.

I don’t remember much after the forth or fifth bottle but found $36.23 worth of Chinese food when I woke up on the couch, Bbbq honey pork, beef and broccoli, 8 spring rolls and white rice.
I must have been really hungry and stopped by the restaurant on the way home.
There is also a DVD from the rental place called Star Ship Trooper 3, I wonder if I saw it last night?

I guess I will just have to lay back on the couch and find out while I wash Chinese breakfast down with a cold beer.
Fuck, It's 6:30am already, time flies when you're cleaning the house HA HA HA!!!!

Iam busy but I will get around to visit everyone over the weekend so don't wait up for me, I'll sneak in and say hi or give you a pinch.Free Smileys & Emoticons at Clipart of.com

Have a nice weekend

Walker

23 comments:

Bollinger Byrd said...

Cor makes my two Amaretto on the rocks seem very tame by comparision.
But hey I've written the shopping list for my party next week,and thought a lot about where to put the candles..... and whether the bloody English weather will stay dry to eat in the garden.
And in a complete fit of madness made new covers for my swing seat. well it was raining and I was bored...
x

Monogram Queen said...

That retsina does not sound very tasty to me LOL
Mothers.... what would we do without them?!!!

gab said...

Damn another BBQ at your place Im gonna miss. lolololol
I hope at some point here in time you actually get the cleaning done. Parents! Do we really need them?



Of course we do silly!

Puss-in-Boots said...

Heheh...my mother lives in another country...good thinking, no? I'm going to visit her in November and already she's running around like a headless chook organising things for me to do...I was born there for God's sake...I know what to do!

Aaaah...forgettit! I hope your BBQ goes well...I'd clean the house after the BBQ and 60 odd people have been...then, it's really going to need cleaning, believe me.

Have a good one.

Robyn said...

Walker are you serious?! That sounds like stuff that will take paint off walls friend! And about that kick ass BBQ...I mean it I so want to come! How long do you think it would take me to get there? *turning map over and over and wondering if one should just spend the cash and get plane ticket...lmao*
So what is the intent of the BBQ...or is it just an annual thing! *marking calendar for next year*
Thanks for stopping by...but not the same Walker! OH! Right the hang over! See...when it starts to effect your blogger friends...you know instead of drinking 15 bottles of paint thinner...you must cut back to 10 bottles!
Just missing ya!
love ya
Robyn

Suzanne said...

You missed my birthday, but I'll forgive you because this is hilarious and also because I didn't have a link to it!!!! I'm a vegetarian, so throw some veggies on the BBQ honey. I'll yank Robyn from the hospital (she's nearby) and we'll drive to Canada for the day. Maybe your Mom and Dad can put us up for the night. It appears they have room and we're really very pleasant.

XO

Walker said...

Bollinger Byrd : I am hoping the weather behaves itself here or the bbq will have to move inside.
I am sure you just loved making new covers ;)

Two amerattos sound alot better than what I drank, sweeter to

Walker said...

Monogram Queen : Its not tasty but after a couple your taste buds are dead dead dead.

Yes what can we do without our mothers :)

Walker said...

gab : Of course we do, we have to blame our insanity on someone LMAO!!!!!!

Yup another BBQ which means another year gone by

Walker said...

Puss-in-Boots: I am sure she is only that way because she misses you so much and I know you will have a blast going back to revisit your old stomping ground :)

Walker said...

Robyn : Lets see. the last guest i had from California, San Diego said it took 8 hours :)

There is no real intent.
I throw a BBQ every year on or about the 15of August when all Greeks celebrate St Peters Day.
There will be over 300,000 attending the party at the Greek Community center which lasts about ten days.

Walker said...

Suzanne : I stopped by for your birthday but I had to crash the party no one invited me :P

I cater to all my guests needs from kosher foods to veggie kebabs :)

Nan said...

Pine resin flavoured wine. Yuck!
Remind me not to offer that at my wedding. lol
Sounds like all is well in your world.

Walker said...

Nan: Hey, iyt puts hair on your chest not that I think the OIl man would want his future wife to have hair on her chest unless it was him laying on top of her ;)

Anonymous Boxer said...

I'm having a BBQ next weekend I just put together a HUGE list - I'm your just like your Mother! Do you know why I agreed to have the neighborhood BBQ at my house? To get my house/yard in shape! I think yours is going to be MUCH more fun.

having my cake said...

I love reading your rambles. I literally squawked with laughter at your brother's weight bench being given an alternative use. Your parents are brilliant... x

Blogget Jones said...

Okay, the thing about the futon and the weight bench is just too hysterical! Irritating as hell, I'm sure, but dang! What a resourceful guy :o) LOL

So, how clean is the house now?

Take care!
:o) BJ

Fire Byrd said...

walker hon,
i've got a new addy I'm no longer bollingerbyrd, I'm now byrdonfire.blogspot.com/

Walker said...

Anonymous Boxer: I am sure yours will be just as fun as mine and you get to fix up the place then throw them out and enjoy it by yourself when they are gone ;)

Walker said...

having my cake: My father means well and he is thrifty so he will use anything and does to make something he can use which leaves us with a few laughs and me alot fo work after.

Walker said...

Blogget Jones : My father is resourful and uses other peole resoures for it LOL
Thehouse is almost clean enough for me but not my mother ha ha ha

Walker said...

Fire Byrd: Thanks I will change it on my blogroll :)

Peter said...

I'm not familiar with Retsina
Walker, but it seems the quantity not the quality was the problem.