blue moon (2)

Friday, July 11, 2008

Shit Happens ©

So, which story wasn’t true from the last post?
Oh if you haven’t read the previous post then this one will confuse you, or not.
I wish I could say they were all not true because they all so stupid or are they?
You’re in the woods hunting with your friend.
It’s quiet as your ears are straining to catch the betraying sound put out by the prey.

Your friend 30 minutes earlier was 20 feet next to you but some how you got ahead and turned slightly inward towards your friend’s firing line without knowing.
A bird comes up slightly behind you, so you adjust your step for a better shot.
You’re focused on the job at hand.
In your mind your friend has mirrored your every step and is safe behind you and out of the line of fire.
You take aim.
Your heart stops as you hold your breath.
A smile creeps into your face as you realize you have him and squeeze the trigger one last time.

True story.

Sometimes we get to focused on the task at hand and forget everything going on around us.
As tragic, stupid and or funny this story is, it could happen to any of us at any time in another shape or form.

There comes a time in a person’s life when he finds a freedom you can only reach when there is a realization that there is no hope left, only acceptance.
I don’t believe there is anyone out there in the world who wouldn’t fight to stay alive.
Even those people who commit suicide change their minds when it’s to late.
Some get lucky, that’s how I know.

My parents friend came to that realization as he lay in that hospital bed and the prospect of having one last moment of being who he used to be made up for the ten years he spent fighting to stay alive.
In fact those ten years of him fighting to stay ahead of the grim reaper was the cost of this little party.

True story

My parents went to the funeral the other day to pay their respects and the story of the night was him sneaking out of the hospital to have that feast before he died.

As someone who has moved many times and enjoyed smoking bags of pot and drinking cases of suds most of his youth I learned quickly that if you want to move, you don’t give your friends beer or pot until after you move or you might find your friend Andy walking up to you with the bathroom sink from the place you rented wanting to know where you want it.
Then when you rush in to see the washroom, two pillars of water are shooting out of the floor and bouncing off of the ceiling.

The guy got stoned with his buds before he tied the rope to the couch and the other end to himself before lowering it.
Drunk or stoned people should just sit back and enjoy the buzz and give us a laugh at their antics not stupidity.

True story

That leaves the three guys tied to the railing.
Yeah I made that one up, most apartments I have lived in come with a stove and a fridge so that way no one would need one of their own to try and bring in but where I did get the idea was from a story I heard along time ago about a guy hanging Christmas lights from his balcony in an apartment building.

It seems that he needed to use a ladder out on the balcony and was scared of slipping and falling over.
Now personally, I’d get a little worried about getting on a 6-foot ladder next to the railing on the tenth floor of an apartment building too.

So he used a rope to tie around his waist and the other end to the balconies railing.
As life would have it, “Numbnuts” had to get on the ladder and stretch.
The ladder slipped on the ice and snow and off he went.

If I were a religious person, this is where I would say that god and the devil were playing chess.
God saved his ass because of the rope.
The devil broke the side mounds of the railing and they bent forward with the man tied to them but they were anchored in the bottom of the cement balcony.
God’s back up plan; maybe but Devil made the metal anchors rusty and bound to break.

He was dangling 90 feet above the ground, ten feet from the building and safety.
The firemen managed to reach him from another apartment and pull his Christmas light ass to safety.
They should have plugged him in first to see how he looked like lit up first.
I remember laughing at that story back then as I did remembering it now.
I think what we all have to keep in mind always is that shit happens, so don’t be surprised when it does, just roll with it.

Have a nice weekend



Monogram Queen said...

Dammit I was wrong but I am still sad that they all had to die. I would like to be like your parent's friend, eat drink & be merry before I pass on.

Walker said...

Monogram Queen: Its always sad when someone passes away but its good to remember them on a positive note :)

nachtwache said...

I got it right! Whoohoo! I also find stories where people die , sad, even if they're funny, that's why I liked the Darwin Award story of the RCMP officer jogging beside the drunk's car, that the drunk thought was moving; nobody died. :)

Peter said...

More wisdom from your storehouse Walker.

Bollinger Byrd said...

Only two certainties of life, one we will die and two we will have pain in our lives. We get to do something 'bout the second if we so chose. Well it keeps me in buisness anyway.

Anonymous Boxer said...

when can your life become a new Reality Television Show?

'cuz I'd be watching.

Scarlet said...

"I think what we all have to keep in mind always is that shit happens, so don’t be surprised when it does, just roll with it."

I thought that was what 'self-medication' was for.


Better living through pharmaceuticals!

Gypsy said...

Sometimes it's the most out there stories that are the truth.

What's that saying? Something like....

"It's so ridiculous it could be true".

Walker said...

nachtwache: The dieing part is sad but we don;t laugh at that, we laugh at how it happened. We would laugh just as much if they didn't die and survived.

Walker said...

Peter: I don;t know if its wisdom or just shit happening to me alot LOL

Walker said...

Bollinger Byrd: The only thing we can be sure of is dieing the rest is gravy

Walker said...

Anonymous Boxer: This is it and you are a regular viewer :)

Walker said...

Scarlet: Naw the phamacies just screw it up. Grow your own HA HA HA

Walker said...

Gypsy: The wilder the story the more chances it could be right. I have heard so many that would be considered unbelivable only to be true.
Its what legends and urban myths are made from :)