blue moon (2)

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Gravity ©

Sigh
I write a post two day ago talking about how shit happens and wouldn’t you know it.
Shit happened.

On a typical day here I am usually running around like a chicken with its head cut off doing other peoples bidding along with what ever is on my menu.
This year I have decided to get my place looking a little different and not as dated.
That’s why I painted for a fresh look and am now thinking what I could do with the kitchen besides a new working dishwasher.
I am also clearing up the basement to build a laundry room for the washer dryer I am getting in September.
Yes, I have a time line otherwise I will procrastinate until the year 2050.

At the same time I am trying to decorate while incorporating my love for plants through out the house.
The idea is to find a way make 50 pots into 30 pots without getting rid of any plants.
So I was thinking creating community pots with different plants in each for variety and put them around the house.
They would take up less space and less fucken watering for me; I go through 30 gallons of it every Friday.

So Friday afternoon I was cooking in the kitchen and gardening in the basement.
I picked up this heavy clay 14-inch pot at the store the other day and was now in the basement filling it with soil.
After filling it to where I needed it to be, I put in a large aloe Vera plant that I have.
It was just then that the phone rang so I held the pot with one hand and answered the phone with the other.
It was my mother, as usual.
She calls at least 5 times a day for reasons that aren’t even reasons.

I tell her I was busy and hang up the phone.
The whole time I was on the phone I was holding the pot with my messed up arm but most of the weight was still on the worktable.
I was basically just balancing it there.
What I should have done was push the pot farther and completely on the table but that’s too easy to do.

As soon as I had both hands free again I made sure the plant was in the pot properly then stepped back to look at it to make sure it was straight.
The problem was that it was still teetering on the edge and it slipped off of the table.
Plant, soil and pot were about forty pounds and heading to the ground.

Don’t you love when there are some things that seem to go by in a blur and some seem to take forever to finish?
Like if you are having a good time and all of a sudden you notice you have to go.
It didn’t seem like its been 4, 5 or six hours but it has and now you have to stop.

Then there are those times when you’re doing something you don’t really want to do, like work and it seems like the day will never end.
Or say something dramatic happens that seems so slow down to time to almost a crawl but in actual fact time always travels at the same speed, it’s our minds that process things according urgency.

For example, say you’re in bed masturbating and are about ready to cum but the phone rings, your brain processes that and says fuck the phone.
Say the house is on fire all around you, well now your brain has a sense of urgency and just can’t say “Fuck it” so the hand has to move faster to cum before you go.

It’s the same with everything else.
I remember one time when I was at the pub and someone bumped the waitress and a full beer bottle fell off her tray.
My eyes saw it all happen and sent the message to my brain.
My brain processed the information quickly and ordered my hand to shoot out in an attempted to grab the beer before it hit the floor but I had already had a few and was off target a bit and grabbed her boob instead.

Undaunted by the failure of the first attempt my brain in a split millisecond sent up the knee trying to deflect the bottle up so the hand could take another stab at it but again I missed, kneeing the bouncer in the balls who was coming to the aid of the waitress instead.
Still not deterred, the knee straightened out then kicking up the foot.
This time the foot connected with the bottom of the bottle sending it up where my hand grabbed it by the neck saving it by the neck.
I passed it to the suprised wai5tress who was still in shock; probably at the speed of my reactions

The brain determines how fast your reflexes will be and what body part is assigned to the task.
Now as fast as the brain is to react and commit the body to what it must do, the body can only go as fast as it can.
As we get older the muscles get kind of stretched out and not as flexible as they used to be.
Sure they may be able to move as fast but the break pads are a little worn out so stopping becomes a problem even when the brain screams out in your head to STOP!!!!!!!

To make matters more complicated your brain is in control of the rest of the limbs to your body.
The more urgent the situation, the faster your brain acts.
The less urgency, well, who cares if I move at all?

So when I stepped back from the table the pot was thinking if it should stay on the table or fall off and my eyes told my brain that it was ok so it didn’t give the command to the hands to push it a little more on the table.
As the brain was receiving this information the ears picked up the sound of phone rang again and the head began turning towards the sound but not before the eyes saw the shift of the pot as it began to topple off of the table.
The eyes went to send the message to the brain but the ears managed to get theirs off first so when the brain finally got the eyes message, the pot was clearly falling to the ground.

The brain not being one to give up sent out the order to the hands but they were to slow to react because they had already committed to picking up the phone.
Just then, history provided a proven solution to the problem and the brain sent out the command.
Without hesitation the foot went out to kick up the pot.




What the fuck was my brain thinking.
It’s not like it was a marshmallow floating to the floor I could play Hacky Sac with but a forty-pound pile driver that planted my foot to the cement floor.
Did I mention I was wearing my sandals?
Yes, it’s summer so I was compelled to wear my open toe footwear to that I could wiggle my toes freely.
They aren’t doing much wiggling any more but the dangling there freely is a success.

There was no force in the world that could have stopped what happened next.

Fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Everyone heard it for blocks around.
My phone started ringing again, it’s smashed somewhere in the basement.
I know what pain is as I have been in all sorts of it.
I won’t say this was the worse I have ever felt because it wasn’t but it was the second worse.
My toes are not broken; they’re crushed.

WHY?

Because I stuck my foot under the pot when my stupid fucken brain told me too.
If you were to say “stick your foot out to I could whack it with a sledgehammer”, I’d tell you to fuck off.
Let the fucken sledgehammer slip off of the table and sure as hell I’ll stick my foot under it to stop it from hitting the ground and breaking.
Imagine; I was worried the pot would break; the foot's unbreakable.
NOT!!!!!!!!
Fuck I hope a plane doesn’t fall near me, I may run under to catch it.

The doctor said that the toes are broken.
I have a smart doctor; I would never have figured that out on my own.
Not even when I heard the bones snap, I thought it was a brain fart not my toes shattering and the sharp pain the slammed so hard into my brain to knock out a chunk of hair from the hemisphere of my brain tipped me off to his professional summation of my condition.

So what happens when you got broken toes?
Nothing it seems.
You just let them hang there like two little snots on your foot until they heal.
I guess they don’t have tiny casts.

So there is nothing left for me to do this weekend but lay on my back with my leg up but one of the guys did stop by.
I told him what happened and we laughed about it.
Nothing else you can do but laugh now.

This morning the phone woke me up; it was my mother telling me there was something at my door.
I hop down the stairs to the front door and opened it; just then a piles of crutches and canes fell into the house.
My parents were on the porch laughing
Hmmmm

It seems my friends thought it was funny because they were talking about me breaking my foot while getting drunk and for a joke they went out and found every cane and crutches they could find and piled them at my door then ran off.
My parents were there when they were dropped off and my uncle was one of the smart Asses in on it.
I don’t need a damn cane or crutch let alone ten of them.
If they wanted me to feel better they could have sent something a little softer for me to lean on.



So what is the lesson that I have learned this weekend?
That if I invented steel toe sandals, I could get rich LOL
Now I got to find the KY jelly to grease the rubber ends on these crutches and canes so I could return them.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend

Have a nice day

Walker

34 comments:

Luka said...

Ouch! I feel for you - if you break your toes or ribs you just have to move carefully for a while because they can't strap them up.

And I thought Aloe Vera was soothing on the skin....

Walker said...

Luka: I deserve what I got for trying to save the stupid pot.
Hey I got to finally use the Aloe Vera LOL

The branches that broke off I have been using them on my foot and the skin is soft now.
Still hurts like hell but I got a soft ugly foot now

Scarlet said...

I know it's not funny ....
and I know it's TOTALLY inappropriate to be sitting here laughing .....
butt ...

BUWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
ROFLMAO!!!

*hangs head in shame* I'm sorry ...

BUWAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I can sympathize.
When I was pregnant with The Boy, I broke all 10 toes.

Walker said...

Scarlet: Oh I know its funny just sitting here and thionging how I willingly put my foot under a 40 pound pot on purpose is enough to make anyone shit from laughter.

TEN TOES!!!!!
Ummmmm the doctors say PUSH not dig in with your feet and don't let him go lol

Its always the small bits that hurt the most when you bang them up.
Why?

Robyn said...

Holy SHIT! god do I know that pain! Yes brain...told me to slide foot under car backing up off drive way! Yes...crushed is a the 'term' I would have used too!

*holding up a cold one* Here's to you friend...may you be on your way to getting better, and getting on those steel toed sandal.!

Cheers!
Robyn

Walker said...

Robyn: Its amazing how we let our istincts get us in trouble.
I jumped in the street to grab a kid before bus hit him.
I didnt; even look foirst to see if a car was coming and when I did grab the kid then looked up there was a bus coming at us.
I never thought if I should or shouldn't, just reacted.
I think that would have hurt more than my foot if it hit me LOL

Thanks for stopping by

Michael Manning said...

OUCH! From a green thumb to broken parts of your foot! On a more positive note, I like your organization skills with the plant groupings. But let the phone go to caller ID and have everyone leave a message!!! Hope the pain is subsiding!!!!!!

Selma said...

YOW. Broken toes hurt. Sending you lots of get well vibes. Take it easy.

Walker said...

Michael Manning: I know I should leave the phone ring but having old parents I am compeled to pick it up so I can hear my mother ask me if I am busy LOL

Yes from green to purple in a split second

Walker said...

Selma: Yes they do now can someone tell me cat so he could stop playing search and destroy with it ha ha ha

Thank you for the possitive vibs, I'll mix them up with some pain killers ;)

Susan said...

Poor Walker! That looks sooo painful.
You must be the most accident guy on the blogisphere. So how did the plant pot fare?
Your friends and family have such a great sence of humor! They are so used to hearing that you got hurt again that now they dont fuss about it anymore!

Robyn said...

Come by and say hello and see me! I have posted some pics! Did something very new to me...eeekkk! Had some fun but thought I would give it a try!
Hugs,
Robyn

Gypsy said...

Walker, Walker, Walker...what are we gonna do with you? Was the pot ok? Did you maange to save it? Err I mean, sorry you got hurt darl. That does look very painful.

Keep your foot up and try not to get into any more trouble. Surely nothing can happen just sitting on the couch...

Puss-in-Boots said...

Sooooo, did the pot survive the impact with your foot, or was it, too, crushed??

Ow...I do feel for you, but it will heal (small comfort, I know), but I am one for cliches...or so I've been told.

having my cake said...

OUCH! Hope you're feeling better soon x

BikerCandy said...

Ouch, toe owies are the worst! I keep breaking mine too so I know from what I speak. I hope they feel better soon.

And as for that other picture, well..ah hem...not much to say about that one except "That's just not right!"

Monogram Queen said...

Ouch I can sympathize on the broken toes. Been there! They do HURT!

Walker said...

Susan: It does look like I get banged up alot doesn't it?
If its not a crzy driving trying to run me over, its me trying to decapitate myself LOL
The plnat is ok and so is the pot. It landed on something soft to break its fall and my toes LOL

Walker said...

Robyn: I'll right over to see how much fun you had :)

Walker said...

Gypsy: The pot and plant are ok and I now have some broken off aloe vera leaves that I slice and rub on my foot.
I still laugh when I think how I tried to save a plant while sacrificing my foot.

Walker said...

Puss-in-Boots: Yes the plant and pot are still around and look a hell of a lot better than my foot

Walker said...

having my cake: I hope so to and it doesnl;t hurt as much as it did innicially but man does it ever look uglier today LOL

Walker said...

BikerCandy: This is the first time i have actually broken toes.
Legs and arms I have and a couple of ribs.
Hip knee and wrinst.
A couple of fingers to.
Hmmmm, whats left HA HA HA

Thet look good to me.
One of my Exs had a pair that looked like those HHH.
They were something else but they did give her major back problems not to mention I almost suffocated once when she rolled over in bed and her left tit almost smothered me to death.
Needed snorkling gear to sleep at night

Walker said...

Monogram Queen: They do don;t they and I am scared to walk around just in case I bump the foot on something

nachtwache said...

Everything Scarlet said. Me too.
I felt bad for you but couldn't stop laughing.
Told you hubby and you have lots in common. He's hobbling around right now as well, he has cellulitis in his right leg. Got it this weekend.
Give some crutches to that poor girl before she falls over.
Have you returned any yet? :)

nachtwache said...

OK, not everything, I never broke my toes.
BIG boy?!

Walker said...

nachtwache: Don't worry aboput it I was laughing with the guys at me the other day too.
They stopped by to harass me.
No I havent but they took some yesterday when thye were here.
Today I will bring back the set Archie sent me.

Walker said...

nachtwache: When did you sneak this comment in LOL
You must have been hiding in the bushes while I answered the first one.
Oddly I have never broken my nose dispite being hit in the face more times than I care to think about.

What ever you do, protect the toes.
Just trust me on this. LOL

Bollinger Byrd said...

I know it's mean to laugh when your hurting .... but!!!
love the music, sounds like John Mayer.
That woman must be a lt of pain too, someone's blown her tits up like balloons. So if you stick a pin in her she'll whizz round the room.
x

Walker said...

Bollinger Byrd: HA HA HA if she springs a leak I will find a way to plug it up.
Go ahead and laugh. I did as soon as I stopped swearing LOL

Yes it is John Mayer's "Gravity"

Anonymous Boxer said...

Whenever something falls in the shop, I do the same thing.. put my foot out to cushen the fall, hoping to save a product that I can ship to a customer. Today, however, I'm wearing sandels in the shop and I doubt my brain will know that if I were to drop something.

Sooo... after reading this post I'm going to change into my real shoes.

BTW, cute toes. They'd look even cuter with little tiny casts.

And, I like the idea of consolidating your pots.

Robyn said...

Ok...can I just say...I humbly thank you for one of the sweetest comments! *sending a big smooch*
WOW! it floored me! Thanks again my new friend! It meant alot to hear!
Hugs,
Robyn

How are the toes?

Walker said...

Anonymous Boxer: ACK they are ugly toes right now.
They look horrible, kinds flat to.
I always stick my stupid foot out to save something all the time. Its a painful habit but someone has to do it. lol

Walker said...

Robyn: You're welcome but I was only stating a fact :)

The toes don;t hurt as much but don't wiggle either LOL