blue moon (2)

Monday, July 07, 2008

OI OI OI Man ©

It was a never-ending train of food that assaulted us, and this after stuffing ourselves on jumbo shrimp, BBQ octopus, caviar, smoked salmon and other delicacies.
We first got a plate of anti pasta each that had a pickled egg, 3 slices of various hams and salamis.
Then they brought us each a plate of rigatoni smothered in tomato sauce and cheese.
While eating I was washing it down with wine that never seemed to run dry because of the waiter who would bring a new one every time I finished the one in front of me.
I wasn’t drinking all of it myself; in fact I made sure everyone glass was always full.
We drank 5 bottles between four of us just during dinner and that’s not including all the booze we had before we entered the dinning room.
I wasn’t driving so I didn’t care and my driver wasn’t so the PARTY was ON baby.

After the rigatoni was done they brought each table a pikilia.
It’s a platter filled with feta cheese, olive, caviar, spanakopites (spinach tarts), tiropites (cheese tarts) and deep fried calamari.
This was to keep us busy while they got the main course ready.
Most of us were full right about then without the main course especially my nephew who you have to force to eat most of the time.

One of the Twins was having a small food fight with the two year old.
Did I mention the Twins are 48?
They look like thirty.
Act like 3 sometimes.
Never been married or lived away from home I think.

Just then we could hear groans coming from the other end of the room.
You know those groans that emit when you don’t want to have sex but know you are going to because you think you have no choice kind of groans.
As the groans grew louder, the waiters came nearer until they placed a plate with a one pound lobster tail and a 20-ounce prime rib roast garnished with half a whole broccoli.
I think my nephew fainted when he saw his plate.

This wasn’t dinner, this was the whole fucken cow and they brought the pasture with it too, and the lobster tail…………the only place that would fit is in my fucken pocket after you eat the meat, IF you can eat the meat.
The funniest part of the whole plate was these tiny potatoes.
I remember 30 years ago the potato was larger that the portion of meat and =vegetables were canned carrots and tomatoes not Sherwood Forrest.

My nephew asked if we could change plates because his was larger than mine.
His wasn’t only bigger than my meal but maybe bigger than him.
We swapped plates and began to eat.
The lobster tail was perfectly smothered with garlic butter and roasted.
The roast beef melted in your mouth.
The potatoes were perfect.
The broccoli was still broccoli.
Don’t get me wrong, I like broccoli, I just can’t digest it any more and when I eat it I have to make sure I cut it into small pieces or I’ll be pulling little bonsai trees out of my butt in the morning.

I was using the white wine to lubricate my throat so I could get more down, my nephew wasn’t so lucky.
He was already turning green like his broccoli and pushed his plate away.
The waiter came over and he passed the plate to him.
The waiter asked him to try and eat a little more.
The kid cracked just then and asked the waiter if “he was fucken crazy”.
His mother looked at him and then me and the Twins.
What, we didn’t do anything.

I managed to eat me meal.
ALL of it, even the fucken broccoli.
I know that’s going to come back to haunt me.
I hope the pieces were small enough or the toilet might look like it was at the St. Valentines Day massacre.

To say I was full and uncomfortable was an understatement.
I got out of my chair and went out to the bartender.
There is only one thing that helps when you eat too much, Crème de Menthe on ice.
It’s also a good excuse to drink.

While I was at the bar inside the dinning hall the music picked up and all of a sudden a dozen dancers dressed in traditional dressed ran past me and through the doors.
Yup, that means another crème de Menthe for me.
I’m not to big on that kind of stuff ever since my father tried to get me in that dress Greek soldiers wear.

I don’t know what was worse, the dress, pompom shoes or the leotards.
Yes Scarlet, I know you want to check up his skirt and I bet he wouldn’t give a damn if you did either.

After drinking the crème de menthe I ordered a scotch while the troop was doing their thing in the dinning room.
As I was sipping my scotch I could hear some heavy beat coming from the other wedding next door so I drifted on in and try to blend with the other guests.
It was a Jamaican wedding, 150 black people and maybe 5 white people.
I might get away with it.

The music was great and people were cutting up the dance floor and others were drinking and having a great time.
Either the women wore smaller dresses in this room or they had a lot more to cover because let me tell you I was ready to ask to be adopted.
Some how I got into a conversation with a guy at the back and he asked if I was with the wedding and I said now and that I was with the Greek wedding next door but wanted to see what a Jamaican wedding was like as I have never been to one before.
He said I was welcome to stay as he was the brother of the bride and I thanked him and told him he was welcome to drink as much of the booze from our wedding as he pleased, as I wasn’t the one paying for it.
He laughed and said he had never been to a Greek wedding so I took him and we walked over to check it out together.
First we stopped to get a couple of Captain Morgan’s from the bar.

The dancers were still dancing around but now they had dragged people from the audience and had them up and dancing to.
We stood around for a couple of songs and he had to get back so I walked out with him to the reception area where he headed off to his wedding and I wandered back to the bar.
I asked the bartender to fetch me another double scotch and turned to watch who was coming up the stairs.

Inside the banquet hall my cousin told me later that the dancers regrouped once more and did a crowd favourite before they all ran out the door and disappeared.
The MC got on the microphone and said that the father of the bride had a surprise for the wedding couple and asked them to walk down to center of the dance floor.
When the couple were standing in the center of the dance floor the MC told the ushers standing at the door to open them up and they both swung the doors open at the same time.
Everyone waited but there was nothing.
Nothing or anyone walked it.
The aunt of the bride went running up the aisle to the doors followed by the wedding planner.

I didn’t even see the bartender bring my drink.

This is all I saw
Hell I didn't need booze to get drunk now.
I got good taste in boobs and they looked tastey.

Besides the silver cape that was wrapped around the rest of her body there wasn’t much else covering her under the cape.
I said hi to her and asked if she was here for the wedding.
She said yes and being the good Samaritan that I am I told her that they weren’t ready for her yet and we could sit together on the couch on the side to wait until the dancers were done.
I wouldn’t want her to catch a chill standing up by the door you understand.

We were having a nice chat until my cousin stepped round the corner and had this look on her face that would melt an iceberg.
See, I try to help and I get into trouble, makes me wonder why I try.
I managed to get into the hall before the Belly dancer did.
Everyone at the table asked me where I was, I didn’t tell them anything but when the Dancer came in she smiled at me and the Twins both started in on me and swore they weren’t leaving my side again.

The belly Dancer swirled around the dance floor with her veils sailing around the couple and she wiggled her as and tits.
Her skimpy attire was covered in various rhinestones, sequences and tiny bells that rang and he ass vibrated.
The crowd went nuts and the bride jutted out her breast and started shaking them around.
Each other wedding party was on the dance floor belly dancing with her. Then she went out into the crowd and grabbing people and pulling them out on the dance floor.
My nephew being the smart ass that he was quickly becoming was pointing at me from behind but I caught him and know knows it’s not polite to point.

Who she did grab was one of the Twins.
Bad mistake.
The Twins were in a dance troop for ten years and they both know how to do ANY dance and they are definitely not shy especially if they are drunk and they were well past drink at this point.
She took him to the dance floor and stepped back.
The trick is you have to do what she does so when she wiggles her hips so do you.
She raises her arms and starts snapping her fingers with the music.
He raised his hands and snaps his fingers with the beat.
Then she starts swaying her hips.
He starts swaying his hips.
The whole time the music is picking up and the crowd is hooting.
Then she gets the top of her body going in one direction while the bottom jutted off in another.
If it was me I would be on my way to a body cast by now but the Twin was doing the wiggly Jello thingy right along with her.
Then she moved her tits from side to side and he did the same.
Not that he had anything to sway.
Just then in the heat of the music she grabbed her huge boobs in her tiny hands and pushed them up and down.
The Twin looked at her for a second then reached over and grabbed her boobs and pushed them up and down like she did.
The crowd just exploded in laughter, young and old alike were cracking up.
My cousin looked at me and said it was my fault.
What did I do now?

The dancer was laughing as much as the rest of us and the show went on for a couple more songs and the dancer left the floor and room to go change.
When the Twin sat down his brother and I poked at him about the dancer, as did the rest of the table for the rest of the night.
Well they told me they did the next because I had to leave.

All hell broke loose when people found out that we were leaving at 10 pm to drive back home.
The Twins freaked out the most, they wanted me to stay for a couple of weeks as did someone else but I had made a promise and I needed to get back.
It was Archie’s birthday on July first, same day as Canada Day and I was going to make spanakopites for him.
Besides, it was his birthday.

I told them I would be back and next month was my BBQ and they were all invited to attend then head off to the Greek Festival but in the mean time we still had an hour left to party and enjoy life together.
I went out to get myself another drink and talked to the Belly Dancer for a bit before she had to take off home to her kids.
She was a very nice lady with knockout knockers that’s for sure.

Picking up a round of drinks and a crème to menthe for one of the Twins.
It seems that his mother made him eat her portion too HA HA HA
I sat at the table and they started playing music for the dance portion of the wedding.

First they started off with some really old Greek music that was traditional but well, lets say the person who picked this music was didn’t really pay attention to the words.
I guess they figured because there were old people, people in their 70s and 80 that they should play some of that music but the music was like, it described a time when there was a lot of suffering a death.
Not really what you want at a wedding and especially not for a bunch of people in the fucken 80s.
It’s like their death march for fuck sake.

Then they played some stuff for people in their fifties and forties like “It’s Raining Men”.
Every time I hear that song I think of four fat gay men dressed as women singing it on stage for some reason.
Then they started playing some of the new stuff out on the charts today.
While the music was playing guests were on the floor grinding it out on the dance floor when Kidd Rock started pounding out of the speakers, MY KIND OF MUSIC!!!!!

The old couple in their late 70s sitting at our table asked why they play this kind of music?
I told them it was because the young people don’t think old people could dance to it and could hog the dance floor for themselves.
Then they asked me how you dance to this kind of music so I told them the get on the dance floor and stomp your foot then shake your fist at the floor because you can’t pound your way to China.
Just then my cousin said it was time to go.

I got up and said my goodbyes to the people sitting at our table then went to find the Twins and wedding party.
Hell, I said goodbye to about 40 people and the fucken Twins had to go and cry the bastards.

I held the door open for my cousin, her son and BF walked out.
I took one more look across the room to the dance floor and the old couple looking serious about stomping their way to China.

You're never to old to PARTY!!!!!!!

Have a nice day



Anonymous Boxer said...

You know it's a great wedding when it takes 3 posts to explain it. I love your music today.

BBQ Ocotopus?

Scarlet said...

First of all ...
Ditto what AB said.
Secondly ....
"or I’ll be pulling little bonsai trees out of my butt in the morning."
I soooooo did NOT need THAT image burned into my brain!
Thirdly ......
"I was using the white wine to lubricate my throat so I could get more down,"
Do I even NEED to elaborate on this??????
Lastly .....
If you ever, and I mean EVER need or want a date to one of your family's functions, I will be more than THRILLED to accompany you!
My passport is still good.

Oh, one more thing ... you're such a slut! :D

Selma said...

I want to go to a wedding like that. It's got something for everyone. I loved reading about it. Hahaha.

Monogram Queen said...

No you are never too old to party and I LOVE a good wedding!
Whoo hoo the food makes me feel slightly queasy though i'd take the lobster tail. I lo-o-o-ove lobster!

Luka said...

You had me laughing throughout your wedding posts. You know how to party, that's for sure!

Walker said...

Anonymous Boxer: Yes, they clean it then bleach it in the sun for awhile then soak it in oil and lemon over night.
After when you are ready you through it on the bbq for about 15 minutes and back into a bath of oil lemon and origano before being chopped and served.

Walker said...

Scarlet: You can come with me any time you want :)

Walker said...

Selma: Its the people who create the atmospher and the Twins are great at doing that.

Walker said...

Monogram Queen: The food was fantastic just to much. I think less food would have been better for everyone.

Walker said...

Luka: I like having a good time and love making people laugh when i can. I think its what sets the mood otherwise people get to be to stiff and boring.

BikerCandy said...

Sounds like a great time! I wonder why everyone looks at you when inappropriate things happen? hmm? Coincidence?

I love your song choice's one of my favorite songs!

nachtwache said...

Too bad you can't ask for 'doggie bags' at a wedding. They should provide containers to take, what you can't eat, with you. It's paid for, after all;, then you won't have to stuff yourself, risking a heart attack and post mortum farts.
Yes, I've read the next post already. :)
Sounds like lots of fun, at both weddings.

Gypsy said...

OMG...if I'd consumed even one third of the amount of alcohol you did I would be comatose in the ER and hopefully George Clooney would be giving me CPR. Yes I'm a lightweight and can't booze it up like I used to.

You've given me a bright idea for a new job. I think Scarlet and I should hire ourselves out as the belly dancing entertainment at Greek weddings. Scarlet will have to do the breast shaking thing as she has something to shake and I'll do the ass. Beats the hell out of being an Avon lady. What do you think? Could we pull it off?

Walker said...

BikerCandy: I have been known to get in a little trouble, just a little LOL

Walker said...

Gypsy : Sounds like a good idea and I will get a good camera with a flash that recharges fast so I can get some good pix for our rewaders ;)

Walker said...

nachtwache: I am sure you could have fed another 50 people which what was evewntually thrown out or at least bring it home for people pets.

Peter said...

And the magazines pay big money to cover the celebrity weddings, they should concentrate their efforts on your family!!!!!