Why Me? ©

Sigh

Most of my life, things happen.

I never win the lottery but I can get run over in an empty parking lot.
I can’t get a date with Angelina Jolie but I can wake up to a psycho blonde trying to drive a knife into my chest.
I can’t climb a mountain but I know how to fall off a 50-foot cliff with my bike.

People come to me for advice and help with personal problems.

Hello, I’m the biggest fuck up there is.
Ex drug dealer/enforcer/bouncer/truck driver
I’m not a councillor or a shrink but I may need one or both all wrapped up in a straight jacket.

But still people seek me out for help or shit just lands on my doorstep for me to just stomp on when I walk out the door.

A couple of months ago one of my cousins came over for a chat.
He told me his mother was dieing.
The doctor said she had two years at the most providing they kept up with the chemo.
My heart just sank.
I have known her all my life and at one point we all lived together.

For a year now she has been battling cancer by any means the hospital could come up with and they are at a stalemate.
It’s not worse or better but in the large picture, a stalemate means it’s a done deal and so are you.
When the doctor told him that his mother had two years left she was sitting right next to him but she doesn’t understand what was said and he chose not to tell her so she wouldn’t be worried.
After telling me this he makes me promise not to tell my parents or anyone else in the family so that they don’t tell his mother how much of a bad way she is in.
He says he doesn’t want to worry her more.
I gave him my word and have kept this inside me for a couple of months now.

I went through something similar to this eight years ago with my mother when she was diagnosed with colon cancer that had spread into her bladder.
I was with my mother when she was told about this and like my aunt she didn’t understand what she was told.
I had a choice, I could invent some elaborate story and tell her she needed an operation to have a cyst removed but instead I told her the truth, the whole truth and watched her slump in her chair like she was made of Jello, shaking with fear.
I told her we would deal with this together.
My cousin didn’t tell his mother because he didn’t want her to worry any more than she is now.
I told my mother because I wanted her support and help to fight this.
I believe half the battle is attitude and how you approach your problems.
Know the enemy and fight to the end even if it looks like a lost cause when you start because you never know what could happen in the end.
Even underdogs win.

My mother first operation was in November and 3 hours into it the surgeon came in and told us they had made a miscalculation.
They had initially thought the tumour was in the bladder and was the size of a peach but it turned out to be the size of a football and was growing from the colon and they would have to have one more operation to get rid of it totally.

My brother, father aunt and uncle, my mother's brother said that I should tell my mother that they got it all for now until she gets better.
In essence, lie to her but the problem with that; is that in a month she will be going back for another operation to remove cancer yet again.
To her it would be like another outbreak of cancer and I believed then as I still do now it would have been the worse thing to do.
It’s like saying the cancer has returned.
I told them no and they said that I was on my own.

LOL

I have always been on my own, on the street and at home.
Maybe I’m to domineering I don’t know but what I do know is I have no time to fuck around; life’s to short for bullshit and our biggest enemy in life is TIME.
The main operation was on Christmas Eve, the same day her father died 30 years earlier from the same ailment.
I told her that Christmas was postponed until she was released from hospital and we threw her a big party after.

For the next five years I had been there with my mother.
When she went to appointments I was there.
When she shit the bed out of fear and my father and brother ran out of the room gagging, I stayed right there even when they stripped her naked to clean her up.
It’s been 7 years since that day and my mother went for endoscopy today, since the one she last had was two years ago.

Last night the phone rang and my mother wanted me to go next door so that she could talk to me.
I go next door and both my parents were in frenzy, both were freaking out because of my cousin.
It seems he went to my aunt’s and told her that she was to stop doing any more treatments and that he was going to order drug that he read about online that will do more for her than the treatment she was getting at one of the best hospitals in the world.
When she said she wouldn’t an argument ensued and out of the blue he blurts out that she is dieing and it’s the only way she would live.
The shock drove my aunt to fly out of the balcony door and flung herself at the railing.

She didn’t go over but the damage was done.
The rest of the night was a flurry of phone calls and family members gathered to console her.
My cousin recanted what he said but it’s to late for that but as it stands she still doesn’t know she has two years to live.
My mother asked me how he could say something like that?
Easy, he knows the truth and so do I but I can’t tell anyone.

I can understand my cousin and why he wants to do that., he wants his mother to get better even if it means desperate measures.
Worry and fear makes you do stupid things.
Hiding things doesn’t help in my book especially in this situation.
It’s a lot for one person to carry on their own but with more people for support the better, I think any way.

So my parents called me over so they could tell me what happened and what I thought about it.
What do I tell them?
I can’t say anything other than I am sure my cousin was thinking of his mother best interests, it just doesn’t sound like using experimental drugs on her at this stage of the game especially when they are from an online source is the smartest thing.
I ended it there and left because we had to go to the hospital in the morning for her to have some tests done.

6:30am the phone rings.

To be continued ………………..

Have a nice day

Walker